• Member Since 17th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Nov 26th, 2016

Prism Shine


Guess who joined the Undertale Trash Can?

E
Source

Rainbow Dash has a secret. One day, a severe rainstorm hit Ponyville. Rainbow Dash managed to get rid of all the rainclouds. But because of that, it looks like everyone will know about her secret! Will she be able to calm down? Or will she be hiding? Find out in this story.

[This is my first fanfic. Don't judge me! I just had a burst of imagination, so I wrote this.)

[Credit to kibbiethegreat on DeviantArt!]

[THANK YOU OH SO VERY MUCH TO Those Kids In The Corner FOR PRE-READING AND MAKING IT SOUND COOL AS HECK]

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 77 )

Interesting...

Well done, but you rushed. Don't worry. Just try to describe more. I was rusher too. I've gotten better. You will too.

And you need more support. You seemed to be building a house made of stome on air!

Also, you may want to add more description, like maybe...

Suddenly, Twilight was interrupted by a loud, resounding crack from outside. Her face immediately twisted into a worried one. Then, all of Ponyville was covered by a pall of flashing, black clouds.

That's only an example.

I hope this helped!:applecry:

Nice setup, and great idea. Just slow down a little. A story develops wonderfully if you don't rush. There might even have to be a few boring parts as well. Please continue, I would love to see how this develops. Love the beginning.

Interesting. This is going on my Favorites list.

Interesting concept; Rainbow as an alicorn, and a princess. I shall be keeping track of this one.

Excellent start for your first story, btw. This is definitely going in my Favorites.

6107874 +1
Good idea. Decent execution.
Like Discord said, the flow could use a little work, but overall pretty good.

Keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

6107363
Thanks! I don't really have any specialty in storylines and good paragraphs.

First welcome to the site :twilightsmile:

Next I think this will be a very good story, can't wait to see where it goes

OK first story...terrible but good concept. Just try to get a better.

6109551

Don't worry. It gets soooo much easier. Or at least, it feels easier as you learn your mistakes and such.

I love this story. I can tell that this is most likely going to be a good story. I am so going to put this in my favourites! :pinkiehappy:

Is Twilight at her castle or the old library?

Not bad at all for a first try.

Seems a bit unlikely that RD's horn would be discovered thanks to a glance from the wrong angle instead of while she was unconscious, but that's rather tiny.

Since Twilight was the only one that noticed I guess it could be that the only spell Dash has ever learned is a illusion to cover her horn Twilight saw right through, but again, that's quite the tiny complaint.

The only big thing I'd recommend is avoiding Lavender Unicorn syndrome. AKA 'the color race mare did something, something.'

It's not bad by itself, but it's something of an overused cliche. Personally I only notice it due to my own writing, but I know that some have it as an outright rage button.

This can be bad or good.

Sin counter: 15
Biggest sin: the mentationing of the mmmystery of friendship express episode sugests Rainbow knew that and knowingly broke the 4th wall. It can vary from an error to and out-of-character situation.

6118970

It was an error :derpytongue2:

Yeah, I'm not really good at writing.

(In fact, I'm reading a SoarinDash fanfiction right now for entertainment to get some tips. ^^)

Looks like Dash's secret it out

6159367

Ha, yep!

This isn't the end of the sotry though.. There will be a heck lot of chapters more :moustache:

Wow, dick move on Twilight's part there. :facehoof:

RD is kinda clearly not abusing her powers —with the whole Elements business and world saving and all that, so why would she go not even a full day before spilling the beans like that?

RD is technically dodging duties she should have had, yeah, but confronting her in private about that first really seems like it should have been the next step. Not forcing RD to come clean to all her friends about a secret that could utterly destroy her entire life if it gets out.

Interesting, REALLY interesting! Could you tell me when will you update the next chapter?

6159829

I have no idea if this should be counted as constructive criticism or something else. :trixieshiftright:

But uh, thanks for the feedback on the chapter. :twilightsheepish:

6162438

Well, meant it that way, at least.

Don't get me wrong, half-cooked plans while in a panic is perfectly in-character for Twilight. I just thought it rather... well, not nice to be blunt to put RD on the spot like that when the alicorn thing is quite clearly her deepest, darkest secret.

6159829
Plus we don't know if the pegasi that stormed the Cloudsdale Palace and killed her mother were ever caught or are still out there reveling in their victory over bringing down the Cloudsdale Royalty. You'd think Twilight Sparkle would know better than to willingly place a best friend's life in danger without knowing all that just cause she sees RD avoiding her royal duties.

6179488

I think the implication was that that was ancient history by now, with RD 'simply' having seen no reason to come out of hiding due to a mix of not wanting a royal life and the anonymity making her feel safe.

But yeah, if so, good point.

6183560

It would start an endless pursuit.

Anyway, the room was too small for Dash to fly in? idk :derpytongue2:

Okay, truth is I kinda got this thing rushed.

6184379 if she knew why twilight called the meeting, why didn't she just not go?

6184875

I told you, it was rushed. :rainbowderp:

And I have no experience writing stories at all, so..

I just thought of the first thing that came into my mind. :pinkiesad2:

Besides, I'm thinking of a Pinkie moment at the start of Ch. 3.
If they were in hot pursuit after Dash, there wouldn't be any Pinkie gibberish anymore (Well, at least, if I try to think of that idea in my mind :rainbowwild:)

If you were born with it, you should have been a member of royalty since the beginning.

That always bothered me, just because one is born of royal blood or something like that, doesn't mean they absolutely should be a member of royalty. For example, if I was born into royalty, I wouldn't want to be a royal, (if I was still me that is) regardless I wouldn't want to be forced into it.

Read this far, and I have to say... I am very interested in this.
Rainbow an Alicorn, haven't seen many of those... like, at all, this is the first.
I like the idea, a lot.

WELL, GUESS WHAT? THOSE FANFICS MADE ME ALMOST MAKE THIS A SOARINDASH FIC. :pinkiesad2:

Oh gawd please no, I don't hate Soarin, but i just don't like that ship.

Nice job on this, I'll be following this.
Keep it up!

6190298

Everyone has their own opinions to a ship. I won't bash you for that. :scootangel:

I hope you'll enjoy this till the end! :eeyup:

6191187
Whew, glad I didn't make ya angry ;v; awesomesaucy.

I have a feeling I will my friend ^v^

Hmmm... This intruiges me. I hope you continue this. :twilightsmile:
AKA

MORE!!!... Please?

6190298

Read this far, and I have to say... I am very interested in this.
Rainbow an Alicorn, haven't seen many of those... like, at all, this is the first.
I like the idea, a lot.

Then let me introduce you to this group. :pinkiehappy:

6196468 What he flipping ass, I tried looking for a group! Dx I actually typed that in, and nothing happened!
//cries// Good thing I didn't try making a group, I was actually planning to XD

Thanks for pointing this out!
You are now an awesome person, I HEREBY DECREE IT!
//hugs you//

Twilight Asshole is best princess!

I'm expecting Rainbow Dash to give Twilight a serious verbal lashing for telling all of Ponyville her secret. But I think it's rather out of character for Twilight to tell such a big secret to the entire town when she promised she wouldn't. Pinkie Pie and Applejack might be on her tail, too.

WELL, GUESS WHAT? THOSE FANFICS MADE ME ALMOST MAKE THIS A SOARINDASH FIC.

Please don't. I hate that ship with a passion. If you do it won't make me stop reading, but it will make it a lot less enjoyable.

6196870 There's this Assassin's Creed crossover fic with SoarinDash. That... Ship, is what made me stop reading.

Had it been TwiDash, however...

6197071 that assassins creed crossover was amazing. Like, amazinnngggg.


NOW OMG I NEED MOAAARRR

Okay, you had a great start, but then suddenly Twilight broke her promise for no reason, despite it being something serious that involves the death of RD's mother.

Sorry, but that just killed the story right there. Unfaving, and giving a thumbs down.

6235527

Sorry for that. :fluttershbad:

It's okay that you did that. :twilightsheepish: I'm not gonna be a YouTube commenter that bashes you for a small thing. :twilightsmile:

6190298
And we've had many examples of people that just because they were born to rule doesn't mean they actually can. Some were so child-like and incompetent that their advisers, ministers, or even their spouse(s) had to rule in their stead to keep their country from falling into ruin.

I'm having writer's block right now...

I'm only at 682 words. :ajsleepy:

6271992 True that.
There's a fair bit of them. But I think if Dash for some reason wanted to be a ruler, she could do it, (with a fair bit of training though) but if she doesn't want to, then peeps best be lettin' her be and respect her decision.
And with how Twi is acting towards RD, Dash could be put in danger. Twi-twi needs to slow her roll, before she does something she regrets and ends up getting Dash hurt.

6273181 You'll get over it brosef! :rainbowkiss:
Legit, we all have that, and it'll pass by no problem :D

This is my second read through, and I have to ask.
If her horn is slightly longer then average... how on earth is she keeping it hidden under her mane?
Anywho, nice start, nice start... again 8'D

6273927

A good friend of mine edited the first chapter for me so.. :twilightsheepish:

I dunno. Slightly longer. Slightly. So like, by 0.5 mm or something?

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