• Member Since 24th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 51 minutes ago

Sparky Brony


I'm an electrician working in Fargo, ND. I love writing pony stories, and reading good fanfiction. My Patreon!

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Saddle Arabia, a mysterious place as far at the ponies are concerned. Populated by horses that are not receptive to Princess Celestia. And a pony arrives in the desert, a pony with wings, and horn. A pony prince? he awakens in a strange land in a shroud of mystery. Not the least of which is his blank memory, inability to walk correctly, let alone fly. Who is this new stranger? And what is the strange magic that seems to surround and follow him? Is he a threat to those that have taken him in? Or will he be their champion?

This story would not be possible without the commissioning from Canary in the Coal Mine. Many thanks for the support.

As always, there is a staff that brings these stories to life, Kitsy-Chan and her wonderful research and voluminous knowledge base on a great many aspects applicable to pony life. And Kalash, with his editing, and adding in native bits and pieces to help make this story the best it can be.

Also great thanks to my pre-readers, harts fire, Phenrys, my wonderful wife, among others. I hope you all enjoy this commissioned story.

Cover art by the talented NANO!!! Show her some love!

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 216 )

this is warming up to be a really really good story.

interesting. You have my attention. :twilightsmile:

How do I know this story won't die after only one chapter?

The intro and premise reminds me of a story I read some time ago about a Human turned into an Alicorn and ending up traversing the Desert for many days with a small group.

Can’t remember the name of the story but you may find it if you wish.

8923561

There are three chapters written so far; we waited for that before publishing. Plus, it's a commission story and as long as the author is willing to write it, I plan on funding it for some time.

8923572

This idea was derived from a discussion over an idea Lord Of Dorkness floated awhile ago, of an Alicorn with a life outside Equestria visiting and getting weirded out by the ponies fawning over them, and harassed by the other Princesses pushing then to abandon their life to help rule in Equestria as royalty.

I wasn't aware there were other stories, and I had searched for any reference to desert and Alicorn to see if someone else did the idea first and found nothing.

I think this is your best work yet.

8923619
Keep looking, you’ll find it also the character doesn’t stay in the Desert for long but it is a good chunk of the first half.

Still can’t remember the name.

8923647

Sorry, I went through every story the search returned. I may have skipped over what you are remembering believing it not relevant to the story I wanted to see told, but there is nothing more to search through. Please provide a link or title or author name, otherwise I won't find it.

It's possible the description doesn't reference stuff to find through the search, but I maintain I did due diligence in looking.

8923663
That good enough I suppose, if I do ever remember the name of the story I will let you know.

It might be explaned latter but what is the meaning behind Ki Ren?

8923672
if i have guessed right this is the story you are looking for.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/391264/saving-equis

8923858
Thanks so much, that is the story I meant.

It's only the first chapter but I have to say I like this better than a New Teacher and you know that is my favorite story. Now, when is the next chapter coming out???!!!!! Hurry. Hurry. Hurry!!!

8923960
This story will be in my regular release schedule. One story a week, alternating between Herding Instincts, Irony's Tale, and The Desert Prince. So, next week will be a new chapter of Herding Instincts. I'm working to keep ahead of my publishing schedule so my editors don't get overwhelmed.

8923960
Oh it gets much better, trust me. We've put so much world building, background, and exploration into this... its going to be so much fun watching as this unfurls.

This is shaping up to be an excellent story, if this first chapter is any indication. I am looking forward to reading more of this one.

Looks like a good story is brewing. However, you have this tendency to massively overuse commas. A lot of people do this. This ends up leading to a lot of sentences of similar length next to each other, which can be a little off-putting for some people.

Otherwise, though, it's pretty good.

8924879
sorry i'll take the blame for that, I tend to use commas a fair amount. Often in dialog, or when doing descriptions. My bad.

Pretty great, liked and followed.

Definitely interesting. I look forward to more.

8923858

Thank you for sharing that story. It is a good read so far, but it is not the direction this story will go in. I can see why a reader would consider them similar with only one chapter posted so far though.

8927991

but it is not the direction this story will go in.

vary true but remember we have inside knowledge of the story.

when i first stumbled upon this, i thougt it was gonna be your average celestia x oc story. thank god it isn't. it's quite good; not too overdone, not too simple. can't wait for more

I can already tell that I'll be coming back to this story time and time again after it reaches completion. Well done sir; I eagerly await more.

I really really like the beginning. ºUº

I'm gonna kill my you by shoving you off one of these cliffs you like to leave us on

awesome sauce a grate chapter.

Loving the story so far, very intriguing and a nice new take on another land and it's culture. Really like how the characters feel fleshed out and I'm looking forward to seeing how they develop more.

Though I do think it's a little circumspect that he's doing all this complex magic by will alone. Hoping that's balanced in time. He can't control telekinesis but can put up a barrier spell that blocks out a godlike being that's supposed to be really complicated and made Shining Armor one of the best? The Oasis felt like a bit of intrigue and wonderto set the stage but this is starting to feel like Mary Sue territory and has me worried.

I am also curious why the protagonist didn't question why it's a bad thing Celestia will look for him. He knows nothing and while the caravan probably has motives for keeping him to themselves, why wouldn't he wonder why it's inherently wrong from the ONLY other alicorn to look for him. Wouldn't that alicorn be the best candidate to help him out? Obviously the story is about him staying in the desert and that's going to be interesting, I'm just pointing out a discrepancy with the MC's motivations and possible objections to the choices being made.

Anyway, I'm hooked for now either way. Thanks for writing and sharing this with us!

8961116

Though I do think it's a little circumspect that he's doing all this complex magic by will alone.

Unless of course the spell is locked away somewhere in his subconscious and or he'd used it so much it became magical muscle memory. Now yes for a UNICORN the spell might be hard, but we see not just Twilight, but Cadence, Luna, and Celestia throwing up shields, both personal and city sized at times. Putting that well in the potential of alicorns. And in cases like that, using magic not "out of will" but "out of Instinct" vs controlling that instinct is a stark difference.

a barrier spell that blocks out a godlike being

Heh, theres a difference between movie "djinn" and mythological. the movies tend to portray the Ifrit or demonic creatures... Ifrit are like, the top scale of the jinn world. Where the more common ones are akin to what you'd consider a fire elemental. Something that could create a sandstorm and a fire wall. Something that would have a hard time fighting Sunset, Twilight, or starlight... Let alone doesn't really stand a major chance against a trained alicorn. (untrained... yeh he could bolster a bit but still doesn't want to push his luck)

8961241
Being able to turn into a massive force of nature, the fire/thunder sandstorm, would make anything godlike. That's all I meant by the word. Just as Celestia is godlike cause she can control the celestial bodies but gets trounced regularly. Being able to get taken down doesn't make something not godlike. A more interesting and less Mary Sue version of this encounter would have been him putting up the barrier but being untrained it has a flaw that gets exploited and he leaves the encounter with a desire to improve and protect those around him.

As for the spell being ingrained magical memory, well that's just easily proven wrong by his lack of skill with telekinesis. It's possible there was a pony that used shield spells more than telekinetic ones but that's highly unlikely.

8961241
8961248

This is the kind of discussion old as the fandom. I got only worse after the wedding... I used to hate alicorn OCs a lot too. Even if the story is build on overused troopes, the writing style and compelling characters make it very nice story. Now about the power issue. Since Twicorn happend it was a highly debated topic... But if you take recent show developments to account... By witch I mean The Baby of Doom... She is a toddler and not only she uses death rays, telekinesis and shields... She also teleports... Why wouldn't a fully aware adult be able to use it if a toddler can. And if you think about it... The strength of 4 alicorns equals to most of the magic in equestria... Having a lot power doesn't mean knowing how to use effectively and being good in a fight... And that is why the princesses suck... (Except Twi... she is a bit competent)

8962671
I haven't actually seen the show since the wedding episode so I wasn't aware Flurry heart was using all those powers. Well that changes things, never mind, magic is nonsense apparently and Twilight spent too much time doing concentrated study. Should've gone back to magic kindergarden and learned from the true masters. lol

To clarify, I have zero problems with this main character. I was just trying to give a warning about how to even out their growth so it's interesting rather than having them have perfect fixes spontaneously when needed. Character growth being good and all that and failure is part of everyone's journey.

8962702
I actually have clarified in future chapters instinctual vs learned reactions. You'll see more coming up. I'm aware of the problem, and it's been thought about. I was a little nervous about doing an alicorn main character, but I think the story idea is strong enough to have him be a good character. I did avoid the red/black broken horn scheme, lol. I think Ki is an interesting character, and why he is the way he is, and what that means to Celestia and Equestria in general is a big part of what makes this story a story.

8962723

I was a little nervous about doing an alicorn main character

You were afraid rightfully. Alicorn OCs get a lot of unfounded negative critique. Just even if the story front page hints at that there is one... They will go and hit that dislike (5 of them already did come by). I used to see Mary Sues and Gary Stues everywhere (and there is a lot of them here on Fimfic) and then the new Star Wars happened... My tolerance for them in fanfics rose considerably... There some authors that pulled red/black edgy shtick pretty well and got away with it. But you don't have to worry, Ki is safe from that fate... For now. :twilightsmile:

8962895
I was a little "edgy" about alicorn too but that's what the person wanted. So had to put a lot of work into making him 3 dimentional.

She snorts softly and shakes her head. “No pony I’ve ever met or heard of has eyes like that.”

I LOVE CLIFFHANGERS :twilightangry2:

The story is solid so far. I can still tell you need some practice - some non-dialogue parts are a bit awkward in places, but just writing more will fix that kind of thing. (I'd offer to edit for you, but I have way too much on my plate already.)

People are saying he got out of his first real danger rather easily, and I almost agree - but this could become a good thing.

His next encounter, though, must not go so easily. He must lose, and lose something significant in the process.

OR, you can embrace the semi-"Mary Sue" aspect, have him be overpowered, maybe have some slight difficulties in learning magic, but have all the conflict be in emotions and politics.

That second option is harder to do, but either will work.

Anyway, I'm glad this showed up in the "Also Liked" of one of my stories, and I look forward to reading more.

You have some serious strengths as a writer - arguably some of the more important ones that I struggle with. Keep it up.

8965410

Not wanting to give away story plans, but you read my mind.

The plot thickens.:moustache:

And nice jab to Celly's handling of Discord, by the way. :rainbowlaugh:

hum we are getting more clues.

love the art work.

soI ask, can I trust you?”

Need a space there/capital S.

Also, unph. Finally another chapter. Got one helluva grin when I saw this updated.

Another update down and eagerly awaiting the next one up. :pinkiehappy:

wow awesome chapter, this is going to be fun to watch play out.:pinkiehappy:

Ok, one day late... It's fine... Stuff happens... But a nasty cliffhanger... That is strike one... :twilightangry2: If you keep this up I am going to organise a readers strike! :trollestia: Anyway... a bit short... almost got me with the dream sequence... Hope the marriage drama continues. See you in three weeks.

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