Chapter 1. Thrown for a Loop
***Just after Midnight, June 1st 2020***
“You’re crazy! What can you hope to do?”
Struggling into the Wonderbolt uniform is more of a chore than she thought it would be. It’s not hers to begin with. She found it in the ruins of the old barracks. Pulling the hood on, she spreads her wings and looks to her side.
“I know you won’t understand this Nimby, but I need to. I had a dream.”
“We all have dreams Loopy, but they don’t involve suicide.” Nimbus says as she shakes her head, her deep blue eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Looking back at her flank, Loop de Loop shakes her head. “You don’t understand. Something tells me this is my time. It’s my purpose, my chance to make a difference. I can feel it in my cutie mark.”
“Look you’re just one pegasus, maybe if we go find some of the other unicorns…” Nimby pleads, “What if I go with you?”
“There isn’t time Nimby, and you’re not fast enough. I have the potions from the zebra’s and the deer. I have to do this.” Giving one final hug to Nimby, Loopy smiles, “You’ve always been there for me, I love you with all my heart for it, but this I have to do alone.”
Turning, she spreads her wings and shoots off, she has to act. She has to, right now. The dream told her this, her cutie mark is telling her this. Something about today is important, more important than any day, ever.
Her wings pump hard as she flies as fast as she can. Twenty-five years, it has been twenty-five years since the fall of Equestria. Twenty-five years of chaos, torment and torture. Twenty-five years since Rainbow Dash and Spitfire taught her to fly, taught her how to be a speedster, how to be the kind of pegasus she is. Twenty-five years since they told her someday, she would be as fast as them. Twenty-five years since Lighting Dust had told her she was special.
Diving hard, she reaches into her satchel, pulling out a black bottle. She knows where he is. He is near, she knows it. Her cutie mark is warm, this time is special. The zebras did what they could in secret, they gave her several trinkets, for protection they said. They gave her potions, chaos for the chaos bringer. It won’t be enough to stand against the Lord of Chaos. But she will stand against him, she has to.
There he is, she knew he would be there, right now. There is her target! She swoops towards the ambling draconequus. As she gets close, she throws the bottle at Discord. As the bottle smashes at his feet, she breaks into a hard spiral. The smashed bottle erupts, filling the air with green smoke. Discord lowers his dark sunglasses and tilts his head as the pegasus spirals away. Moments later, she turns and throws another bottle.
“Well, well, what do we have here?” The draconequus chuckles as his head splits in two, letting the bottle pass between. “Bored with your existence?”
The bottle shatters on the ground behind Discord.
“Yep, so I’m bringing some chaos to the world. It’s gotten too predictable.” The pegasus laughs as vines explode up from where the bottle landed and wrap around Discord.
“The insolence, do you realize who you’re messing with?” Discord calls out, ripping free of the vines just as anther bottle explodes at his feet, covering him with plaid goo.
“Yep, someone who preaches chaos, but really only wants order of their own making.” Loopy does her best not to fly in any straight line. She lives up to her name; loops, spirals, spins, and turns. She keeps her movements as random as she can. She buzzes him at full speed, “Tag, you’re it.” She calls as she slams a hoof into one of his horns.
Turning and shooting straight up, she begins playing, dodging between and around the crazy clouds. She keeps changing her direction. Every time she loses sight of Discord, she’d pick a new direction to spiral in. He is chaos incarnate, but even chaos has patterns, if you know how to look.
The draconequus screams in frustration and several clouds explode into fireworks. One cloud turns into a very confused whale, before it falls to the ground. Several others turn into fluffy white sheep, who scream like hyenas as they fall, though one does a scream that Loopy remembers from movies, when she was little, she remembered that one of the adults called it a Wilhelm scream. All the while, Discord’s mocking laughter fills the air. “Here little pegasus, you can’t hide forever.”
“I’m not hiding! I’m out in the open. It’s not my fault all your silly junk is in the way.” Loopy calls out.
Snarling, Discord snaps his fingers, making all the clouds vanish. “AH! There you are.”
“What? You have to bring order to the sky to find me? So much for you enjoying your chaos, huh?” The pegasus taunts, panting. She’s been giving it her all, and flying for a while now. She doesn’t know why, but she knows she has to keep him focused on her. She must keep him occupied. It’s what the dream had brought her, she doesn’t know how much longer she can keep this up. But every minute she does, it makes her feel she’s doing exactly what she needs to do.
Shooting off, she flies away from him, zigzagging and dropping potions, all the while laughing, she can’t control herself, she just has to laugh, especially seeing Discord getting so angry from her antics.
“If you weren’t so annoying, this would be fun.” Discord says, appearing in front of her in the air.
Spiraling around him and away she giggles, “Says the expert in annoying.”
“Why are you wearing a Wonderbolt uniform? You were never one of them.” Discord says as he appeare in front of the pegasus again, only to have her dive below him.
“I wear this in their honor, I learned to fly from them.” Twirling around, she finds herself facing Discord again, this time though, there is no escape. His lion paw flashes out, and grabs her by her neck. “And I will die with them.” She struggles out.
“Oh don’t worry, I don’t kill ponies. Your little games offered nothing more than a distraction to… a distraction.” Discord looks off into the distance, she watches his face intently, a dozen emotions flash over his features, then his face smooths out, “A distraction… You little cur. You thought you could buy time for them. How did they reopen the gate without me? The potions, well no matter. This is my world now. I will deal with them.”
Gasping for breath, the mare looks up at the sky. Even through the chaos, she can see the stars. “I believe in you Dash. I believe in you Dust.”
“But first, you.” Discord growls.
“Five Score divided by four”
***Almost twenty five years later***
The alarm clock is blaring, I blink sleep out of my eyes and reach for the offensive object, I slap the end table, my fingers barely brush the clock, then I adjust my aim, hitting the big snooze button on the top of it, though it doesn’t feel like hard plastic.
“Ow.” Comes the voice from the other bed.
I look at the alarm clock, Kendra still has her hand on the alarm clock too. I must have hit her hand. I smile, “Sorry.”
She grumbles at me then flips the covers off, “I gotta pee.” She mumbles as she stumbles to the bedroom. I flop back onto my back, and look up at the ceiling.
I hear water running in the bathroom, and Kendra’s voice floats out of the bathroom, “You ready, Dusty?”
The pony laying at the end of Kendra’s bed pops her head up, she tosses her two tone blue and white mane, “Heck yeah.”
A grumble from the bathroom, “I need to get some more sleep, talk about crazy dreams.”
That causes my eyes to go wide, “Crazy dreams?”
“Mh hmm.”
“Care to tell me more?”
“Nuh uh.”
“Oh, come on, Kendra, give.” Diamond Dust pleads. Only to get a groan from the girl in the bathroom. Dustie looks at me, “What, did you have a bad dream, Mary?”
I nod.
“Want to tell me about it?”
I flush and shake my head, I don’t remember much of it anymore, just a vague feeling. I don’t know what it means.
Dusty hops off the bed, trotting in place, “I can’t believe we are here!” She stops after a moment, then bounds over to me, giving me a hug, “Thank you Mary. You rock.”
I hug her back, “Love ya, ya pink pony.”
Shortly, we switch places, and I get to relieve the pressure on my own bladder. I can hear Kendra picking up our packs and placing them on the bed. She wants to get moving. We are heading into Rapid City today. All this for our friend, Diamond Dust. She’s heading to the South Dakota mining school, with her cutie mark of three brilliant cut gems, she’s a natural gem finder. So she wants to do what her cutie mark is telling her. She’s twenty, an earth born unicorn, with a father who’s an earth pony, and her mom is a unicorn, both of them live in Texas, at the pony settlement there, but she and Kendra were friends when they both were younger. Then she shows up at Kendra’s door a few years ago. We’ve been fast friends since.
Soon we’ve made it downstairs, Kendra handles the checkout while I grab our bikes. Fairly new dirt bikes, though they are street legal. Both have 50 kilowatt batteries connected to a forty horse electric motor. With them, we can cruise through the streets at a pretty rapid clip. I pull my helmet onto my head, and put my key in, engaging the drive. Soon Kendra bounces out of the hotel and hops on her bike. She puts her key in.
“Kendra, helmet.” I say, for about the thousandth time.
She giggles as she puts hers on, “You never forget it, don’t you?”
I chuckle as I check the small trailer attached to my bike, DD’s magic chimes as her helmet floats off the trailer onto her head, and she hops up into the trailer. She takes a moment to get settled into the trailer. She giggles, “Just call me Scootaloo.”
That gets a grin from me as I mount my bike. With a quick look behind me, to make sure Dustie is ready to go, I accelerate slowly, I get my feet onto the pegs as I hear the whine of Kendra’s bike accelerating.
The trip takes most of an hour. During the trip, I look up, noting the three pegasi that are flying, pushing clouds around. The weather channel at the cabin said there would be a scheduled rain shower today. We need to be back here before the rain starts. It’s always nice knowing when it’s going to rain, with certainty.
We end up in Rapid City, and soon we are at the School of Mines, Technology and Magic. The last parts is because of an outreach started from New Beginnings. As the pony population has grown over the last twenty-five years, they’ve been active in training the thousands of humans that have manifested magic themselves. And the school of mines here is the best for a thousand miles.
Dustie steps off the trailer and pulls off her helmet, she sets it back in the trailer and straps it down as I lower my kick stand and lean my bike over. Kendra has bounced over to Dustie, and the unicorn has reared up for a hug, I hear her murmur into Kendra’s ear, “Happy birthday, and thanks.” Getting a blush from the blonde woman.
Dustie comes over to me and rears up once again, “Thank you, Mary. And happy birthday to you.”
I hug the pony tightly, “Have fun.”
She lands back on four hooves, “I’m only going to be here for six months. I’ll be back home before you know it.”
The rest of our good bye’s go quickly. I stand there for a moment, watching the mare with her saddle bags, walk into the school. I turn to Kendra, “Well, our birthday is in two days, how do you want to celebrate?”
She giggles, “Let’s go to Red Lobster.”
I roll my eyes, “You go there every birthday! I mean seriously, every year, it’s Red Lobster and a movie.”
She puts her arm around me, “You love the crab too, Mary. And you love the movies I choose. I’ll spring for the hotel tonight, okay?”
I sigh, “Yes, I do. On to crab!”
We take off.
***
Loopy hugs her pillow tightly and she just bawls, streams of tears flowing from her eyes. She hugs her pillow as tightly as she can and she trembles as she cries her heart out.
“It’s okay, Loopy.” Nimby climbs up on the bed beside her. “She’s just a big bad meanie.”
“But… she… said…” Loopy gasps for air through tears as she speaks, “I should… drop… out…”
Nimby cuddles up tighter to Loopy, “Dash didn’t, and we both like her.”
Loopy nods slowly, sniffling. “I like Dash.”
“Please don’t give up on flying. I may never make the junior speedsters, but you might.” Nimby gives Loopy a huge hug and snuggles closer to her.
“Maybe it will be just Dash tomorrow.” Nimby looks up at the pictures of the Wonderbolts on Loopy’s wall.
Nodding slowly Loopy sniffles again. “Maybe.”
“So you’ll come back tomorrow? For me? So I don’t have to be alone?” Nimby hugs her tightly again.
“I… For you.” Loopy nods slowly.
***
I don’t need the alarm this morning, the sun streaks through the hotel room window. I slowly get to my feet, Kendra is mumbling in her sleep, I swear, both of us are having odd dreams of late. I look at my friend, sleeping on the other bed. She’s six feet tall, eight inches taller than I am. She’s got that midwestern US look, big boobs, bright blonde hair, and enough freckles for ten people. She’s pretty to my plain, I just have dark hair, and dark eyes, thanks to my half Chinese ancestry.
I sit down on the bed, cross my legs and close my eyes, I very rarely remember dreams, and this last one was no different. I just have a feeling of uneasiness. I sigh, it’s now May thirty-first. One day before my birthday. One day before Kendra’s birthday. We were both born too late to be ponies, Discord was defeated on June first, twenty-five years ago. This world has gone through a massive upheaval with the ponies appearing. We now have diplomatic relations with Equestria, and with Equestrian help, our climate has been tamed, even the Sahara is becoming a lush jungle. The ponies in the project point out that the Sahara used to be like that, and they are simply restoring it to how it used to be. The first colony on Mars has just been set up, and there is a colony on the moon that has been up and running for nearly ten years now. Ponies have helped the humans more than we will ever realize. Though some humans still don’t see that.
Kendra sits up abruptly, “Nimbus!” She calls out. I look at her, cocking my head to the side. She blinks several times then looks over at me, “That was an odd dream. I wasn’t in my body. That is so weird.”
That name triggers something inside me, “Nimbus?”
Kendra shakes her head, “I’m sorry, Mary. I can’t remember more than that. It’s already fading.”
I cock my head to the side, “That name seems so familiar.”
She nods as she tosses her covers and stands up, I feel a pang of jealousy, I look down at my chest, I don’t even wear a bra most of the time, I don’t really need it. My grandmother says I should, but I hate those things. Kendra has to wear boulder holders, I move over to help her get her bra on.
“Thanks, Mary, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
That gets a chuckle from me, “You’d go around without one, and end up having them hang down to your knees.” That gets me a whap upside the head, and I tickle her ribcage in response.
Soon we are back on our bikes, back to the Pactola reservoir. As we are driving, we come around a bend in the road and pass a slow moving motor home. I glance in the window of the home and see an earth pony, his hooves on the modified controls of the RV. I smile. Ponies are absolutely everywhere. After about a half hour, we turn off of 385, and end up turning into Bear Gulch campground. We head over to the docks. She’s there. My baby is floating right where I left her yesterday. She’s backed up to the dock, ready to go. I get off my bike and roll it to the door, my key opens up the door and I roll the bike inside. Kendra pops her bike over the small gap between the dock and the door.
“Latch the bikes down, I’ll free us.” I call as I duck out the door. A few bills pass between me and the proprietor of the campgrounds, a full tank of fuel, a night in a cabin, and berthing for my baby. I rush back and untie two ropes. I get the ropes secured and hop inside, slamming and latching the door.
“Can’t wait to get going?”
Kendra smiles at me as I sit down, she hands me my headset. She’s already closed the breaker to get power to the instruments, I check the fuel/air mixture and call out, “Starting one.” I push the button and the port engine whines a bit as it starts. The fifteen year old engine catches quickly and roars to life.
I smile and call out again, “Starting two.” Soon both engines are idling happily. I goose the throttle a bit and my 1954 Grumman Wigeon idles into deeper water. I’ve got over a mile of lake ahead of me.
I push the throttles forward and the relatively new engines surge the plane through the water. Water has a lot more drag than wheels rolling on tarmac, so I accelerate slowly, but soon I’ve got enough lift, I pull gently back on the wheel and I’m out of the water. The grin on my face widens as I climb out. Flight, I love to fly, more than anything else in the world. I glance over at Kendra in the co-pilot’s seat, she’s got the same smile on her face that I do.
I switch my radio to regional control and request an update.
After a few moments, the voice comes back, “N-1M6Y, you are clear for your run, though be advised, there is a flock of pegasi heading south from New Beginnings, they are heading south for tornado season.”
I smile, “Copy that.”
I look over at Kendra, “Pegasi, a whole flock.”
She out the windows, “I wonder if we’ll actually see them.”
I chuckle, “I doubt it. They would have to be really close.”
My Wigeon has an unusual paint scheme, the underside is a dark purple, and then she’s the original sky blue, with purple accents on the engine nacelles and leading edges of the wings and the underside of the pontoons. Add to that, Kendra had painted a figure on each side of her nose. We are heading home, I was happy to give Diamond Dust a lift for her school, though I’ll admit, I can’t wait to have her back. I adjust our course a bit, checking my GPS. I’m about eight thousand feet above the ground. It’s a beautiful VFR day. I keep my eyes scanning the instruments, A good amount from my first settlement payment went into buying my baby, she had been refurbished three times, the most recent was by a unicorn who cleared all the metal fatigue and certified that the frame is as good as new, she cost me a pretty penny. But she’s all mine. I glance back, “Kendra, did you plug in the bikes?”
She looks at me for a moment, then giggles, “Oh, sorry.” She climbs out of the co-pilot seat and grabs the cords off the wall charger, the engines produce enough electric power for a full glass cockpit, but the instruments on this plane are of the older, traditional, variety, enabling me to have a charger for the bikes on board. Along with other little things that make my plane awesome. Kendra plugs in our bikes, and finally sits down again.
“They were only down to sixty percent with all the riding we did.”
I roll my eyes, “Keep the batteries charged, that makes our lives easier.”
She scans the sky, “I know.”
About an hour later, Kendra leans forward, “There they are!” She shouts as she points.
I look in the indicated direction, about a thousand feet below us, though on the same heading. Hundreds of pegasi are in formation.
“They are so beautiful!” Kendra murmurs as she watches the pegasi, we are going a bit faster than they are, so soon we are ahead of them.
Kendra looks at me, “You ever think of doing the three day spell?”
I look at her sharply? “To be a pony for three days? Isn’t that usually used for procreation within families?”
She nods, “It’s pretty easy to get a unicorn to change you, temporarily at least. But if you aren’t in a herd with ponies, they charge a lot.” She plays with her phone, finding the ad, then shows it to me.
I gasp, “I could buy fuel for three months at that rate.”
She nods.
I shake my head, “The unicorn doesn’t determine what tribe you are, they say it’s something about you that determines what you end up being. What if I end up being a unicorn, or an earth pony? That would be such a letdown, I would want to be a pegasus.”
She nods, “I dunno, unicorns are pretty cool, but I agree, pegasi are awesome.”
We are interrupted by a pegasus buzzing the plane. I look around, to each side, I’ve got pegasi everywhere. One is right on the edge of my wing, she seems to be pointing at the nose. I nod and wave, she rocks back and forth, so I tilt the wheel a hair in each direction, rocking my wings as well.
I look at Kendra, who’s face is glued to the other window, “There are a lot of them!”
Several streak straight up. Then I hear a thunk behind me, one of the pegasi has landed on my plane. I hear the hoof steps and the pony’s head pops down, and smiles at me. I look at the mare in shock, she’d have to have nerves of steel to be that close to the props on this plane. The mare climbs onto the nose of the plane, turns around, and sits down, looking at us.
I look at Kendra, who looks at me, “She’s got balls, doesn’t she?” Kendra says.
I shake my head, “She’s a mare, she doesn’t have…” And get a punch to the shoulder from Kendra.
“Well, let’s see what they want to do.”
Kendra looks at me, “Don’t you dare.”
I grin hugely and roll the plane slowly in an aileron roll. I keep the interior of the plane meticulously clean, so nothing bounces around, my charts and my tablet are securely strapped down. Kendra wails as I get back to level.
“What’s amatter, scared?”
I get another punch to the shoulder, a bit harder this time, “No.”
“Well, I guess I should scare you then.” Without waiting for a response, I dive the plane, keeping an eye on the pegasus on my nose. She’s got a huge smile on her face as I approach my never exceed speed, then I pull back on the yoke, my plane is now vertical, I rotate the plane as I climb, laughing. The pegasus laughs as well, and she gathers herself and jumps off my plane. Then four ponies streak from behind me, passing me at nearly the speed of sound.
I look over at Kendra, “I think the ponies like the artwork you put on the nose.”
She looks at me, “I’m not drawing another pegasus on a plane again. I was just following your directions.”
I giggle, “Don’t worry, I’m not changing the color scheme for my baby any time soon.”
I get a wave from the apparent lead pegasus as they change direction, which is fine with me, because I have got to turn more east myself.
***
Ahhh, home sweet home, El Dorado, Kansas. I moved here to live with my grandmother, after my parents were killed, I moved from New York City, where I could see ponies every day, to this tiny town in Kansas, the only ponies I regularly saw, until Diamond Dust came to town, were the earth ponies that help the local farmers. In fact, with earth pony help, farms around here are producing more food, at less cost, with higher profit margins than farmers have seen in generations. I bust through some low clouds on my approach, El Dorado Lake is in front of me. And soon I’m gently setting my baby down in the lake. I’m actually very lucky, my grandmother owns lakefront property, with a dock, so I can park my plane here any time. I coast slowly through the water and get to the dock, I turn and then reverse the propellers, using the throttles to direct me up to the dock. Kendra hops out and grabs the ropes, she ties my plane to the dock as I power down the engines. I look at my fuel gauges, I’m going to have to fuel up, though that is easy. When I bought the plane, my grandmother asked me where I planned on keeping it, I told her at the dock, so she made me put a tank in, with a pump and hoses so I can fuel up at home without a problem. I thank her in my head all the time when I’m fueling up at home. And once in a while, I thank her in person too.
I flip the local switch for the fuel pump and climb up on the fuselage so I can access my fuel tanks. I take the cap off and shove the nozzle where it belongs. I squeeze the handle and fuel streams into my tanks. My plane has capacity for a hundred and eight gallons, this time, I’m going to use about eighty, she may sip fuel, but she still needs to be fueled up. I make a mental reminder to call the fuel company to deliver another five hundred gallons of JP4 for me.
Kendra bounces out of the plane and runs to her truck, “Seeya tomorrow Mary.” She calls over her shoulder, her pack on her back. I smile as she fires up her Ford, she backs out of her parking spot and pulls away, I can hear her turning down the dirt road and accelerating towards her family farm. I smile as the loud pipes of her diesel truck fade from my hearing.
Finally the tank is full, I pull out the nozzle and hang it in its place, flip the switch on the pump, and reach in and grab my pack. I bounce to my house, “Evening Grandma!”
She turns from her stove, “Have fun up north?”
I nod, “I’m really tired.”
She holds out a hand, “Not until you eat, child.”
“I’m twenty-five years old, Grandma.”
“Not until tomorrow, and even then, you’ll still be a child, to me. Now eat.”
I sigh and settle down, how she is always ready to feed me I’ll never know, but I always love my grandmother’s cooking.
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Great story so far i can't wait to see where it goes.
...and so it begins.
Now I have one more story to wait for updates for.
some how I think a simple little idea / troll from KC has spawn a huge hit here.
Sparky Brony you just seam to find ideas for super story's every ware.
so yes I just love love love this story.
Harts Fire
A start to what I suspect will be another wonderful story. Glad to see you updating so many stories at once, too.
6288935
I've got 200 stories i'm waiting on.
6289668 I got a bit more. They tend to accumulate.
6289772 yeah
One thing that was forgotten is the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.
And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more. This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.
Ah … ! What’s happening? Er, excuse me, who am I? Hello? Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach. Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now – have I built up any coherent picture of things yet? No. Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation …Or is it the wind? There really is a lot of that now isn’t it? And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me?
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the fluffy white sheep as it fell was "Oh no, not again."
With that out of the way, seeing as your story takes place in the future with humans heading out into space feel free to refrence/cross over with my Five Score fic Five Score, Divided By A Different Time seeing mine is about The Doctor.
Yesssssssss!! Another story from my favorite Fim writer
Nice by the way. I like it!
Interesting concept to have your character be the last ever pony to be Five Scored..... but something about that.... would Discord have had the time to curse a pony on "D-day", I'm not sure since they basically warped in only a few hours after the portal opened.... And.... I think that Twisted Spectrum did a critical mistake with the original Five Score story's portal..... We know the portal opns once every 2.5 years.... and we know the first time we saw it being used in-canon was just before the Fall Formal dance.... now that dance is called FALL formal..... I don't think June is a month in fall anywhere on this earth....
And nevermind for the point I had, I hadn't read the story yet when I wrote this.
But.... how many thousands of ponies did you choose to leave on Earth for the whole immigration to work out, as after all, we already know from the original Five Score that going through the portal adapts one's body to the world it links to, thus turning a pony into a human on Earth and a human into a pony on Equestria
And... how did you get the story to go through FiMFic's "30 000 word" requirement for "side-stories"
6290002
The 30000 word rule is gone. Disappeared a few months ago at least.
6289823
now now.... you must not comprehend the magnitude of this.
Agrajag had finally just come about a true awareness of self. He was on a new world and he was free. There was no further risk of trouble. Except for the fact that he was a goat, his life wouldn't be that much worse. He'd been a rabbit before after-all so being a goat would be a peace of cake... and why is this shadow slowly expanding around him... Is it getting dark early? with a glance upwards he saw the whale coming to meet him. "Oh not, not again."
Though to truly understand this one must first understand the true nature of the universe, and realize that a young pony name Arthur had just stepped through the gate into Equestrian. Luckly for Aurthur, the Whale had been enough of a distraction to allow his entry to go unknown thus answering his prayers.
Well, it has a few grammer and flow issues, and I'm not getting into editing yet another story, but I like it. Premise is good, and you do set up the world well, even if it's more tell than show.
I look forward to seeing where this goes.
6291274 this chapter kinda had to be more show than tell. Future chapters I plan on being the other way around. I know I need an editor, but seem to have trouble finding one.
6290002 In my other story, Dust on the Wind...it's fairly established that over a hundred thousand ponies decide to stay, to not abandon the homes they had built, the lives they have. And so they built fully functional pony cities in our world. And have been of great help to humanity, and to each other.
6291292
100 000 O_o, that's a lot of ponies.... especially when you don't know how many Equestrians there initially were.....
looks like Discord had fun with the Five Score curse from your PoV
6291541 well, I'm postulate ng there were at least a couple million ponies, considering the size of manehattan in the shiw, given the population density of new York... I would think a couple million would be a very conservative estimate for the entire nation of equestria. He likely depopulated quite a few towns. And yes, he had fun.
In New Beginnings, the population was about 25k, that was before the Chinese ponies came over. And while most went through the portal, New Beginnings population doubled there.
By the time Dust on the Wind ended, I would say the population was nearly 75k ponies, with about a third of the population under the age of 10.
6291554
oh and don't worry, I'm not saying your stories are bad. I just love nitpicking on the most random things sometimes.
But I guess your theory for population makes sense..... after all... we have seen only 2 big cities.... Canterlot and Manehattan, I don't think there are 7 billion ponies in Equestria.... but a few million make sense I guess... and since it's not just ponies but all manners of Equestrians that can get stuck on the other side of the barrier....
And I very much like the idea you had of saying: "By the way, not all the cursed ponies got cursed in 2020." It makes more sense that there were other ponies who got cursed in between May 1995 and May 2020 than not get cursed. It makes so much sense that I was thinking of using that as an epilogue idea for a Five Score fic I've been thinking up for a while.
6290002
It would be true if it's exactly 2.5 years. In case it's shorter by only a week, it'll move the date by 2 month in 10 openings that happened during Discord's reign. A week and 3 days will place it from September to June.
6291760
I make that comment several times in my story. That given discords 25 year reign there are chances of ponies turning all the way to 2045... hence the premise of this. the last pony that changed...Loop de Loop thinking she gave her life based on a dream... She went out and distracted discord not knowing the reason other then it had to be done... had she known there was a chance discord would have found out... so instead, on blind faith and hope... she distracted and magically blinded discord long enough for the ponies to open and come through the gate.
In my story though I talk about the implications of a 25 year rule and how for the next 25 years, if it were common knowledge would or could live in fear of their changing... how some counties could implement checks based on peoples birthdays to ensure they haven't started changing... and how a short term change in society would likely happen based on the chance of a change at the age of 25.
6292726 At the end my fic UNIT (UNified Intelligence Taskforce) sets up a division, headed by Big Macintosh, spasificaly for locating Equestrians (ponies, girffins and other) and people yet to turn back into them as well as dealing with Earth-Equestrain relations. You should check it out if you haven't already.
6292105
I feel like they probably did mean it that the portal opens once every 2.5 years exactly as they say 30 moons, which means 30 months (so long as they don't use moons in the literal sense in which case blue moons will come fuck up the timing). After all... it would be weird to have a portal whose opening time decays every time it opens
6293099 I don't want to start yet another flame war about how long "one moon" is, but since they have to tie that cycle to the moon somehow (and, apparently, it needs full moon to open), we have to consider the fact that moon month is a day shorter than calendar one.
And in the original FS portal actually opens pretty close to the full moon (in June 2020 it's 5'th).
On another note.... how certain are you that the Invasion started on June 1st? I dunno why.... but I have this inkling feeling that when I read the original Five Score one month ago, Dash had made her Sonic Rainboom on May 21st 2020and then I believe it took another week before one of the random foals asked about using the EG portal and Dash thought about the "not in this time", then it toom another 2 weeks I believe before Twilight figured out the location. So wouldn't that make the earlier time for the portal to open based on the original story at sometime around the 13-14th of June?
but anyways, I'm pretty sure the last date we ever actually see in the original story is May 21st.... and I have a lot of difficulty accepting that they filled the barn to over a thousand ponies in only 9 days
6296795 I asked Twisted Spectrum what his time line was for the story. So, June 1st is when the ponies took back Equestria.
6296973
well, if the date comes from Twisted himself.... I guess that's it then.... even though there are many inconsistencies... like the 2.5 year rule possibly not being followed (but then someone did make a point about it)
6297040 I know, I tend to roll with the inconsistencies, I don't think they are bad enough to interfere with the story telling.
6296795
So you don't have any trouble accepting several thousand ponies just jumping from the wilds the moment M6 open the portal?
Tens of thousands by the moment it closes.
6300295
oh don't worry, that too I had problems with... mainly with the fact that at the speed they were going I think they would have finished sending all the "recruits" around... Day 3.... (and even if it hadn't been that long ans they sent recruits in at a rate of 20 every 2 minutes, it still would have taken more than an hour which would no longer be enough for a surprise attack)aka the last day before the portal closes... and I don't think Discord would have been distracted that long.... but there are so many inconsistencies now.... the story itself was amazing.... until Twisted decided to start a war with Discord to end it.... using a portal that is not setup to stay open constantly (like it now is in the canon story). That final war is so inconsistent.....
6300336 Well, you may thank Kitsy, she had fixed at least that one.
As for the portal not being set up to be open constantly, even if we forget that RR is not canon to the original FS (they mention EQG as the only movie ever made several times), do remember that it took a lot of tinkering from Twilight while she was at her prime and with the resources of the entire Equestria to back her up. Doing the same while being memory-wiped and with nothing magical at hoof, or expecting Discord to preserve her original rig, is madness, MADNESS I TELL YOU!
6300373
don't worry, even if RR was canon to Five Score, I still wouldn't think a constantly open portal is a good idea... not only because of Twilight not being at her prime but also because of potential rift damage on the two worlds (which I think is gonna be a plot point for Friendship Games)
6301221
Well, they had established in the comics that it's a bad idea, so yes, quite possible.
Starting off strong.
I see what you did there
NEEDS to be a pun. No exceptions.
Heh. I'm from the midwest
still not sure why it's called that when it's east of everything but the coast.
Mary seems priveliged to me, possibly too much so. She has a plane and a dirt bike, and enough down time to fly and ride. But there's also this:
I've come to the conclusion that she built the plane and doesn't own a car, but that's still quite a comfortable way of life she has there.
6290002 1. The rule is bunk. The story "has to have ponies" is the official rule. Not only that, but the rule for 30k words was self-imposed in the group due to the flood of fics at the beginning and is now no longer a rule since the story matured.
2. 2.5years means that it would be the opposite season each time the portal opened. Say the fall formal was sometime in August or September, then 2 and 1/2 years later, the portal would open in the spring time. Let's call this Spring of 1995, when Sunset Shimmer sealed the portal after its second (official) opening since her redemption.
3. Luna said "30 moons" which is a lunar month, which is every time the moon circles the planet. Luna raises the moon every night.
4. Lunar months on Earth are different from solar months, so the 2.5 years thing is an approximation.
5. This was just for fun. Please don't take offense to this or be mad at me. I hope I could at least make you smile with these antics
6307582
about your point 3.... it's still about 30 months as Luna still probably has some "olden" speech in her and in the old times, a Moon was the same word as a month basically, heck, that's where Month comes from.
Also, in Rainbow Rocks, somepony said the portal wouldn't open for a very long time, if it was every lunar month. (aka 30 MLP days), they wouldn't have said that.
and anyways.... I went and accepted that "every full moon" is a "moon" and as such, over a period of 5 years, the portal opening decays by about 2 months
6307809 I agree with that point, since in order for Twilight and Luna's "month" in the conversation to be equal, Luna would probably have figured out how long the months actually were. In fact, one bit of Luna being the one to raise the moon is that she could keep it on track even if our moon isn't the same length. I still believe ponies define their moons as an equivalent cycle to ours, but I think their "months" unit would be more like seasons instead of 30 day periods.
Basically, a moon is a month to them, and the reason Luna said 'moon' instead of 'month' is because they don't actually have months like we do.
6307558
Even if that's the last Wigeon ever built, it's almost four times as old as her (twice as old if we count her time in Equestria).
6307872
...only they do have months, they mention them regularly.
6308405
I'll admit that I have never heard of such a machine, but if I had, I'm sure I would have known better. Still, I'm sure someone could build one themself, much like Irony building (restoring) a car older than her.
I also didn't remember ponies saying the word month until actually thinking back to Pinkie wishing the baby cakes a happy "monthaversary"
You got me lol.
6308423 She specifically mentions buying it and then spending money on restoration via unicorn. I have no idea what's "first settlement payment" that she used for that is, though.
As for the word...
"Three months of winter coolnes
And awesome holidays..."
I'm not as thorough as Kitsy... but I try.
6291279 speaking of, I should mention that I may throw in a few grammar corrections and editing things when I read, but may not be the most reliable on timing. One of the things I want to bring up before anything else is that you could probably do without putting the name of the character above their scenes when switching perspective. Context should be able to show that much when the reader comes across such a change.
6290658
Good to know.
A new story from Sparky brony AND the idea was a collab with Kitsy-Chan? I am excited!
Also you know the difference between a barrel roll and an aileron rolls so thats a win. Have a like.
Liked! I'm always one for a good sicfi story! Looking foreword to your next chapter!
LateBronyWriter
A 'Five Score' story? This should be interesting... And its Sci-fi too! Perfect!
Interesting setup you have made here... Please, do continue...
!
Attention get
I don't know how you do it, Sparky, but your stories are so, so, human. They have so much warmth and feeling, even if the characters aren't human.
The saga continues, only with new faces and new adventures...
Shouldn't this story be named Omega Pony since she's the last Five Score pony.
Heh, she even had her call sign. It's the little details.