• Member Since 9th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen August 7th

Rebonack


T
Source

Sharing a birthday with three of my closest friends? Great! Discovering that we've all acquired the cutie mark of relatively minor Wonderbolts? A little awkward. Actually becoming said Wonderbolts? Now that's just downright creepy. Laugh and cry with us as we try to make sense of the impossible and find a place in a world where ponies don't belong.

Inspired by TwistedSpectrum's Five Score, Divided by Four universe.

Chapters (19)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 322 )

30,000 words from the start? I'll check it out.

Saw smaller description, immediately knew it was a 5S/4 sidestory.

Posting five, well developed chapters on the first day of release?

This man is no amateur...:ajsmug:

First and more important:

Hippogriffs(?) DONT have Cutie Marks:ajbemused:

Second:

Describe your characters. We dont even know how the protagonist look like

The fic is good, just try to fix that

I`ll keep reading:pinkiesmile:

(sorry for my english, im Mexican:moustache:)

Ahem... Testing, Testing... 1 2 3 OK.


MOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!11!!!11!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:


P.S. Like and Fave. Good job Sir/Madame

So... many... wooords...

Hurr durr.

This is really underrated.
I always love concepts like this. This also explains why I did not know how the main protagonist looks now; it is not important.

Hurr durr.

I know quite a lot of the holy books. I am not sure how to feel about this, all of this church stuff... it happened pretty fast. And it seems unceremonious. Oh, well. I haven't been to those towers in a decade. How should I know.

Can't stop reading. No, digestive system you are not getting any attention. Do not look at me like that bladder.

Hurr Durr.

2944591

Hehe. Considering that we've seen no hippogriffs on the show yet? According to the mythology surrounding hippogriffs they inherit all the best traits of their griffin father and mare mother. I think having a magical special talent falls well within the boundaries of such inheritance.

As for Lance/Geneva's pre-metamorphosis appearance? That was intentional. I described aspects that were immediately relevant to the story (brown hair, nice goatee, likes hats) as they came up. I think a character should be described in exactly the detail that they need to be for the purpose of the story. Unnecessary details are just that, unnecessary.

That and self-descriptions are kind of weird in a first person perspective present tense story. Unless the narrator is a narcissist like a certain blue pegasus who will remain unnamed.

2945260

Human expression of spirituality is tremendously varied. It can be highly formal and ritualized all the way down to a very casual kind of occasion. I picked the casual end of the spectrum since I doubted that Lance/Geneva would be met with a very positive experience at a 'high church' establishment.

Now then!

Time to go help Surprise organize a party.

And now I know that my birthday will be on a Sunday in the year 2020... Awesome:pinkiesmile: Also nice story so far though I don't think I've ever heard of a hippogriff before, I had to google image it just so I would know what you were talking about. Now then! Must continue reading! :twilightsmile:

2946019

Aww, you weren't mean. Everyone has their own styles and head-canons after all. I just figured it would be a decent idea to share my thought process.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Knowing that I managed to make someone smile tells me that I'm doing something right.

2946101
I hope your fic get to the "Featured" Box. Its REALLY great!

Definitely keeping an eye on this. Keep up the good work, though I did notice few mistakes.

so that means a less sneaking.

For example.

But sadly we've short on pegasus tracking

And that.

Just some of the ones that really caught my attention.

2947192

Hehe, thanks. Errors have been corrected.

I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story thus far. It's being written mostly because the concept held me down at knife point and demanded that I start typing. Ever been held hostage by your ideas before? It's scary :derpytongue2:

That fact that other people can enjoy reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it brings a smile to my face :pinkiehappy:

2947304 glad to help. And keep up the good work... any estimates on when we might see the next chapter?

2947436

Mmmmm...

I think you can expect one pretty soon.

I'd say that they are forgetting about/putting aside the last twenty-five years of their life too much, but it is hard to say. In the original fic they started calling each other by their old names when they weren't thinking about it, but they still remembered their second names.

I mean, yes they got their old bodies and some of their old memories back, but twenty-five years can have quite an impact on someone. I don't see them going back to being exactly who they were twenty-five years ago, they have a ton of new memories and experiences that they have gained since then. Of course, they were/are similar to/still were themselves(?) during those twenty-five years, but... yeah.

2948194

I'm placing a harder emphasis on the mental alteration than what's found in the original fic. They aren't forgetting anything of their lives as humans and that is still a huge part of who they are, but they're bumping into weird mental blocks and compulsions and fragments of pony-memory that are leaving some of them really worried. Geneva remembers her human name, but she's having a lot of trouble actually saying it.

My intention is to really dive into questions like 'What is self?' 'Who am I?' 'What is the nature of my identity?' because the premise of the 5S/4 universe allows these fundamental existential questions to be evaluated in a really unique way.

Nice! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has compared MLP to Veggie Tales. At any rate, good first chapter and I'm looking forward to continue reading.

Well I sure enjoyed spending the last few hours reading all these chapters :pinkiehappy:!

Story is so good I can't wait for the next chapter! :moustache::moustache::moustache:

Neeeeewwww chaaaaapteeeer.

Stop playing mind games. My head hurts.

Hurr durr.

I think in a lot of ways this song really captures what many of the people/ponies in this universe are going through. It's quite the discovery, you know. Finding out that you are not who and what you believed yourself to be.

Maybe something more.

"All the answers he left us with are bad ones that hurt people's feelings. It's a dichotomy of sadness and disharmony! Do you know what you do with those Dusty?"

"What?" the aqua pegasus asks.

Surprise gives a wide grin. "You buck the bad guy offering it in the shin. Then you pick the third choice that he didn't want you to see!

Most excellent.

The ATC-pilot interaction bothered me because I am a private pilot. The pilot wouldn't have said 'tower' he'd have said '(insert airport name) tower'. And he would have ended with a callsign and an approximate location of the sighting.

If you want to know what ATC sounds like, visit Liveatc.net and they have live feeds from many airports.

2954871
Oooh, useful information.

Now I can improve the accuracy of my silly gag! Thanks :pinkiehappy:

What would I be able to expect from callsigns? And I suppose I'll need to hunt down the name of a small airfield a Cessna would take off from...

2954895 Cessna callsigns are the easiest it's 'Cessna' and the tail number without the starting 'N' which can be shortened further. Like 'Cessna 545 Charlie Mike' or something. In terms of an airfield... it doesn't have to be the one he took off out of, in fact it would be whatever tower he is already in communication with. Just search 'controlled airports near' what city this is set in and you have an answer.

After seeing this is in Arcata, I'd suggest the use of Murray Field and would be reffered to as Murray Tower.

Keep up the good work on the story!

this is one of the best stories I've read. its a whole new look on the fanfiction stuff that's already out there!

I definitely look forward to reading more. Great job man. :pinkiehappy:

Hmm... Can't say I care much for the auto-censoring of curse words. Having them use "pony" curses when they aren't really thinking about it? Makes sense. The complete INABILITY to say anything but "pony" curses? Doesn't make much sense to me.

I would fave and upvote this story just because it features a cat named "Soundwave".

This story is really good. It really does the original 5s/4 justice and is still creative in its own way. I love your writing style, too.

Also: Curses! I wanted to name a unicorn character for my next story "Silver Lining", but you beat me to it. Now I'll have to name her "Silver Streak", or think of a completely new name.

2958469

Silver Lining is actually a canon Wonderbolt, he just doesn't get much in the way of attention.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120721002022/mlp/images/4/45/Wonderbolts_making_an_appearance_S1E16.png
That's him on the far left.

I had considered using him as the protagonist of the story. Going from Surprise's viewpoint would ruin some of her gags since half the fun of Party Ponies is watching how others react to them cluelessly.

And of course Lightning Dust has a personality pretty similar to Dash's, though she's a bit less abrasive and a bit less empathetic toward others. So I didn't want to walk in the original fic's horse shoes there.

But in the end I settled with Geneva. Why? Because the fandom could use a few more hippogriffs. Hippogriffs, much like bow ties, are cool.

2957784

I had four main reasons for that choice.
1) I thought it was funny.
2) I thought it was funny.
3) I'm going a lot harder on the mental alterations than the main fic.
and 4) Silver uses enough colorful language that I'm not sure how Teen he would be.

Did I mention that I find the concept of a physically kid-friendly Pony universe hilarious? Because I totally do.

Well, I'm glad you found a great part in Scripture to use for the story. I wouldn't have been able to do so myself. :)

2955161

There! A new chapter and a slight edit to Too Much Pony to (hopefully) make the ATC chatter more accurate. Because if there's anything I value it's realism in a story about physics breaking pastel ponies.

Our heroes are going to start hunting for lost ponies scattered about. What does this mean? It means pitch some OCs at me and they might appear in the story! This fic has the OC tag and by Celestia's beard I plan on taking full advantage of it!

AWESOME! And if what you say about the oc's is true then I'm going to assume the pony from this chapter is yours? Also you can use my oc if you want, it's my profile picture, the cutie mark is going to be a book with a blue butterfly on it, representing her talent for telling stories. I figure she can use her magic to show scenes from her stories to make them more entertaining as part of that talent. Also my original name for her was Winter Night (shameless self insert I know) but I want to change it to match her talent... Which is the reason I haven't posted the story I started writing about her and my cousin's oc... That and I still need to edit that chapter. Anyway you have permission to use her if you want. You could also use my cousin's oc if you want it just ask. And if you come up with a different name for her that would be awesome especially if you let me keep it. If you do use my oc and I come up with a better name before you use her I'll let you know.

This has been and excessively long comment.:twilightsheepish:
Also since when can Suprise predict the future there is no chapter twelve yet... Oh wait cartoon physics... Looking forward to that James Bond reference then!

This chapter is wonderful.

This whole story is wonderful. It makes me giggle, sometimes even laugh out loud, and at some points it brings me damn close to crying. You have an incredible talent for writing and your depiction of the different characters - the level-headed protagonist who can deadpan his way through his own mental breakdowns, the quirky Surprise, who's anything but a Pinkie Pie rip-off, and even minor characters like the children and the pastor... Those characters feel spot on, even though we've never seen them before.

You are undeniably awesome. :fluttercry:

2958633

Yeesh, that scene looked a lot better in the show when I couldn't make out any details. :unsuresweetie:

I guess I'll have to find a different name then. Gahh, I really don't want to go through all of the background ponies on the wiki to see what other names have been taken already. :facehoof:

You put a lot of things in this story just because they're funny, didn't you? They're absolutely hilarious and I think that's more than enough good reason. :pinkiehappy:

Great chapter, I really hope we'll see more of Detective Morgan. :pinkiesmile:

As for an OC... My OC River Road is a brownish-red unicorn stallion with a deep blue mane and a blueprint matrix as a cutie mark (horizontal and vertical white lines on blue ground). He has a rather short mane and tail and is not very strong physically. His special magic back in Equestria was a spell that generates magic planes - walls, steps, slides, etc. - as well as a focusing spell he taught himself that makes his mind more focused and allows him to coordinate his magic better for a short while. His talent also gives him a knack for planning, but he often loses himself in details or hesitates to go through with his plans since he always feels that he still forgot something.
Take from that what you like, though. Any kind of cameo would be great.

Edit: I thought about it a little more and I think I have an idea how you could explain why all of those OCs were sent to earth, even if they don't seem like a threat to Discord's rule. If you're interested in hearing it, tell me and I'll send you a message with a basic outline, or something.

2961560

The pony from the latest chapter (Sea Grass) was made on the spot using a random pony rolling table I had put together for churning out pony NPCs. The story will be shifting gears a bit at this point toward a more adventure-y bit as the four Wonderbolts begin searching for lost ponies and dealing with dangers along the way in a suitably comedic fashion. And that means plenty of ponies to find/rescue/fill in on what's going on. I can't promise that everyone's OC will show up, but I'll see what I can do.

2962095

I write because it makes me smile. And if I can make someone else smile then that's great!

I give a smile I get a smile and that's so special to me~! :pinkiehappy:

Wonderbolts are technically considered supporting cast as opposed to background ponies and their names can be found on their wiki page. And even if you snag the name of a background ponies I don't think that matters too much. Humans share the same name sometimes after all! So why not ponies?

And Discord having reasons to do things? That sounds dangerously similar to making sense. And as we all know there's no fun in making sense. Though in all seriousness I've got a reason to explain his actions. Since it probably won't come up in the story I'll share it here. Basically all adult ponies got the boot. This leaves foals/colts/fillies behind who will now grow up under Discord's rule. They won't have much in the way of context for what it was like before and thus his world of chaos is 'normal' to them and they'll be less likely to complain.

I get the feeling Surprise has some sort of jedi mind powers or something.... heh, pretty useful though.








--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OC

lh3.googleusercontent.com/-H-dxNnElGyo/UBm_N49iwQI/AAAAAAAAAEM/YFLQjFUYI6w/w426-h334/photo.jpg

Name: Willow Leaf
cutie mark: simple round shield with a short sword behind it
therionarms.com/reenact/therionarms_c777.jpg
cdn.obsidianportal.com/assets/100423/flaming_short_sword.jpg

Personality: Willow leaf can't help but try and fix the problems of others, to the point that she often neglects her own by taking on far more than she can conceivably handle, forcing her to rely on someone else to take care of her needs. When there is business to handle she is serious and straightforward, getting to the point in as few words as possible; but when there are no particularly pressing matters to attend to she often likes to mess with others.
She's a pan-sexual nymphomaniac, and tends to flirt aggressively with pretty much anything regardless of species or gender, so long as it's sentient. (No, this does not mean that you'd need to include clop in your story, you could simply use this to mess around with a few of the other characters.)

Hobbies: she enjoys flirting (along with what that can lead to), woodcarving, and playing a double bass she can summon and dismiss at will (though she only knows a few songs, and only plays when she needs to calm down or cheer up).

special talent: Her special talent is keeping others safe, whether it's organizing military defense, or simply creating a list of safety procedures; passively this means that creatures around Willow tend to sustain fewer injuries than they otherwise would have.

Backstory: Willow leaf joined the army after her brother was killed in the gryphon wars (where they tried to take over Equestria) and quickly advanced to the rank of commander, being assigned to the border between the gryphon empire and Equestria, where she and her soldiers held until Celestia ended the war. After the war she became commander of the guard of a mining town named Gallopoli, where she started up her own herd (polygamous marriage). With Discord ejecting so many ponies from the universe the fabric of reality began to fray sucking Willow into a time warp to the future of Gallopoli at the moment Discord was 'playing' with it, so she did her duty as commander and rallied what was left of the guard; the rest, as they say, is history.

2962876

That last part is... interesting. So even if our ponies defeat Discord and manage to go back home they'd return to a broken Equestria with broken ponies? Yeesh.
Also makes me wonder just how Discord managed to pull that spell of so many times. I always thought having basically half of Ponyville on earth was pushing it a little. I guess you could work something out though, or just chalk it up to Discord being a being beyond reason. :pinkiesmile:

2962914

It's part of Surprise's special talent which basically covers surprise parties, surprising people, and other surprise-related paraphernalia. She's the shock-and-awe Wonderbolt. And when she really gets rolling she's pretty darn impressive.

Part of the 'surprising people' thing includes the ability to avoid notice until she wants to be seen. Sometimes this makes sense (finding a good hiding spot) and sometimes it doesn't (Improbable Pigeon Shroud Technique). If she always used the same method it wouldn't be much of a surprise for the reader now would it? :pinkiehappy:

On the subject of Equestrian pony family dynamics when a species has a 3:1 female to male ratio you're going to end up with a very different conception of what a family looks like. I tend to fall in line with the model set forward in This Platinum Crown (great story, go read it). You have a stallion and a mare who are married. At the prerogative of the first mare (matriarch) other mares (dams) can be included in the family.

Ponies being herd animals at heart would have the instinctual foundation to get this kind of set up to work.

2963029

Oh regardless of what the 'real' reason is Equestria is going to be messed up from a quarter century of Discord being in charge. That much goes without question. Aside from a few alicorn-level warding spells and the Friendship Beam there's very little that can stand in the way of his fun. We've seen Discord re-imagine reality at his whim on the show after all.

2963091 Yes, I've always rather liked that headcannon myself, but it doesn't do anyone any good to just go assuming that everybody shares the same ideas, eh? :derpytongue2:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!