Chapter 59. Angel's Wings
We exit the massive cargo transport, and a quick trot has us standing behind another fairly large craft, though this one has two massive propellers, and the nacelles holding them are pointed up. I breathe in, "An Osprey."
The LT chuckles as he shakes the hand of the loadmaster for the craft, "The VC-22, it's perfect for what we are going to do."
I look around, ground crew are bringing up plastic cargo containers and carrying them onto the craft, "And what exactly are we going to do?"
He chuckles, "A HALO drop."
I cock my head to the side, looking at Blaze, then at the humans that are pulling on what I guess are wing suits, then I look at Velvet, "Uh, LT. We've got a problem, Blaze and I are going to be fine, we've got wings, but what about Velvet? She doesn't exactly have wings, and I don’t think they make those wing suits in a pony version."
Velvet is the one who responds, with a chuckle, "I've done this before, we have a whole setup for me, and any other unicorn on such missions." She taps a plastic container with a hoof. "It's all off the shelf parts, but they were able to modify things to make it work for me. It's a modified hang glider, and it's even got a built in O2 supply for when we get up really high. I may not be as maneuverable as the pegasi with this, but I can actually glide a bit better than the wing suits. "
Her horn alights, and the top pops off the container, and the carbon fiber ribs fly out, then the material, looks something like parachute material, everything assembles in front of my eyes, Velvet smiles, "And it's got a chute for landing, or I can simply teleport to the ground, using my momentum to have me at a gallop when I land. It works pretty well." In moments her magic has everything back where it belongs.
I smile at the mare and whap her with my tail as I walk by, "Maybe you are half pegasus." I smile as I look at a blushing Blaze.
Soon we are in the air, the VTOL capability of the Osprey is pretty nice, though I still much prefer my own wings. The LT has been able to garner some intelligence from the CIA. Their information was sketchy at best, but we were able to confirm the location. The CIA simply couldn't confirm WHAT was going on in there. But with the head of Spectrum dead, I think this will be fairly easy. Though after a while I trot up to the front of the aircraft.
"Hi guys." I say brightly to the pilot and copilot of the Osprey.
They turn and smile at me, "Don't you pegasi prefer your own wings?"
I nod, "Oh yeah, but I'm not alone, otherwise I'd already be there."
I look outside the windows, I'm usually very claustrophobic, but for some reason, the internal size of this craft, and the big windscreen in the front actually has me fairly at ease, "We are up here pretty high."
The Captain laughs, "Oh, yeah, we are flying on a civilian flight path, following the route for commercial aircraft. In fact, we are squawking as a civvy airliner. We do it from time to time, we don't need the Czechs getting curious about us."
I glance at the multitude of displays, "We are burning through fuel pretty fast."
He smiles, "We are actually about to tank."
I cock my head to the side, "On a commercial air route?"
He nods, "We aren't even using the KC-135's. We are using a commercial in air refueling service. We'll tank, then drop you guys off, then tank again before we head home."
I shake my head in wonder, I didn't even know there was such a thing as a commercial air refueling service. Probably pretty expensive. But when you have the kind of money Uncle Sam has to throw around, I guess it's pretty nice to get what you want, when you want it.
A few minutes later the aircraft is jumping around a bit, time for the refueling, though it goes pretty quickly. I lay down to take a quick nap.
***
"Dust, it's go time."
I look over at Blaze, he's got on a black form fitting outfit, and he's holding one for me, I struggle for a moment before the chime of magic sounds and the outfit slides easily onto my body, I look at Velvet gratefully, "Thanks."
She smiles brightly, "Anytime."
While I had been sleeping, the inside lights were turned off, and red lights were activated, to preserve our night vision I suppose. I look at the loadmaster, he's got his hand up as all the Rangers and the ponies are ready now. I've got a throat mic and a radio in my ear, I've refused weapons, I would like my wing blades, but I don't deserve them right now. The loadmaster's hand forms into a fist as he pulls the lever for the door to open, all lights extinguish as the door fully opens. I smile, the pegasi are in the front of the aircraft, the last to leave, but since we are the most maneuverable, we are in the perfect position. The loadmaster thrusts his fist down, and the humans rush forward, leaping into the air, followed by Velvet and her modified hang glider. Then the pegasi launch. Blaze and I keep our wings tight at first, letting gravity take hold. We need to not show forward speed, so we disappear from radar. The LT said that the German Air Force was going to be doing some maneuvers near their south eastern border, keeping the attention of the Czech forces, and increasing the likelihood that our drop would go unnoticed. But we could kill all of that by showing up on radar. Several long moments as we drop straight down, I flip to nose first and keep my eyes on the Rangers, when they deploy their suits, Blaze and I will start flying.
Before we had boarded the Osprey, we had gone over the maps of our target, a large privately held castle in Nachod, through some wrangling of computers, Cipher, a friend of Velvet's was able to track down the owner of the castle, the Spectrum group. I'm guessing this is the source for most of the cocaine and meth for a good portion of Eastern Europe. I can see the castle in the dim early morning. The sun will be up before too long, so we need to get grounded quickly.
It's time, I watch the humans extend their wing suits, and Velvet's horn shines as her wings extend as well, I join them in slowing our descent. We are on target. I keep my eyes peeled for anyone on the roof of the old building watching for flying invaders. We get close and I see the roof is devoid of life. Blaze and I flash forward, as the humans deploy their chutes. Velvet gets a nose down profile and then teleports, appearing on the roof at a full gallop. She skids to a stop and her telekinesis folds up her flight equipment quite handily.
She smiles at us, "Let's find him." I find myself encased in magic as I get close to a roof access door.
Velvet comes up next to me, "Stealth is our friend, Dust. We are the night. Got it?"
I nod as her magic takes care of the lock, her magic even encases the hinges so the door swings open quietly. Blaze and I flash through the door and head inside. The humans are armed and they come in behind us, in two by two formation. We all keep quiet as we go through the various halls inside this castle.
I lean over to Blaze and whisper, "Are you sure intel was right? I'm not seeing anything here."
He shrugs his wings, and whispers back, "Some of the info is pretty dated, but the ownership of this place hasn't changed in years."
I nod as we enter a large room. This looks like a cocaine cutting room, pure product is cut with inert ingredients to reduce it's potency, and inflate the volume, so they can make more money off of it. I trot among the various stations here, and run a wingtip over a desk, it comes away dusty. I look at Velvet, "There's something wrong here."
She nods as we make our way to another room, a large amount of product is stored here, though everything is covered in dust. This is looking bad.
I move over to the LT, "Is there a basement? Or some kind of underground part of this castle?"
He nods and gestures, in moments we are heading slowly down the stairs. Then I freeze, my ears twitching, I hear someone ahead. I flash down the hallway, and with a muttered curse, I hear Blaze following as quietly as he can. I land in front of a large wooden door, I can hear someone breathing inside. I try the door.
"It's locked." I mutter, then I bring a wing forward, surging magic through the feathers, the door lock melts and lands on the floor, I push the door open.
"Dr. Ray!" I say as I flash forward to the brown unicorn.
He seems delirious, I gesture and the medic, Henry, comes up. He starts working on the unicorn as the rest of the team gathers together, "There's something wrong here. I feel something, I don't know what it is, but we need to get him up and moving, and get the hell out of here."
The LT nods and crouches next to Henry, "Can he move?"
"Give me a few minutes."
I shudder, I don't like this at all. I look around, something feels really off. "Please hurry."
I move over to Blaze, Henry had to glare at me because I wanted to be close to Dr. Ray. But I was in his way so I moved away, I watch the moaning unicorn, how long has he been here? Did he know that we were looking for him? Did he feel lost without us, as lost as I've been feeling without the rest of my family? I resist the impulse to jump up and hug the poor unicorn, but he's getting water and electrolytes from the medic of the Ranger team. After a few minutes, he nods and I rush forward, wrapping my wings around the former human.
"Oh Ray, when I found that imposter, I was afraid you were dead."
He coughs a little bit, "When we were getting the book, I wandered away, looking for the book myself, I just wanted to get it. Then she…" He shudders, I run my hooves over his body, he's been beaten, I need to get him home, he needs to be away from here.
I turn to Velvet and Blaze, "We need to get out of here, before it's too late."
A new voice chimes up, "Ahh, but it's already too late for you, Lightning Dust."
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Oh, ok. Dr Ray was found fairly easily. And now there's another enemy to face that's probably a pony, by the amount of magicky shizzle going on. But my question is this, what the hell would Spectrum have to do with this. I mean seriously. Specturm have outwardly expressed their hatred and distrust of ponies. So why the hell would they make a deal with one?
Or perhaps they didn't make a deal. And all of this is going on behind their back. But then why would Spectrum's leader be ready for Lightning to arrive? He never seemed that paranoid to me. Urgh, speculation everywhere. Please continue, this is gonna bug me for a while; I need to know...
Ah, the old 'I knew you were going to get here sooner or later and so I set a trap which you totally didn't see coming' tripe...
Classic.
exultant chapter Sparky Brony and a good cliffhanger but I am wondering just how many readers have figured out who this bad guy is?
and I will stop right here.
but then you gave us all a really good hint in the past about this pony
happy reading all and you should all check out Sparky Brony's other story's they are all really good.
Harts Fire
New chapter noooow me no like major cliffhangar
5724471 well, this villain did know that dust had killed the golem, so they know that dust is going to fund her way there. The rest is just being prepared.
When I mentioned toning down Dust's prediction capabilities, I was not meaning it like "turn it to negative of itself".
5724986 she got her predictive abilities at a yard sale, used.
5725118
Ah, a custom overclocked version probably.
5725179 yeah, but it's spotty in its effectiveness. Remember, the author must consider the plot
1/4th on my Mothers side, thats why my daughter has both wings and a horn. I also think I'm part apple. But really, this is equestria, everyone's probably related to the apple family somehow.
5743870 Dust, the headache of Air Traffic controllers, Pilots, and safety inspectors world wide.
5744019
That's the point, I think. Sometimes people die suddenly. No buildup, no tragic signs, no Destiny looming, he's making small plans for near future, and BANG, he's dead. Makes it a bit more emotional afterwards, also much more realistic.
5741986
I'm not writing him anything, or he may change it in the last second. Authors do that all the time, they are evil.
5744104 While that's true, I felt that the emotional impact wasn't really there. I'm not entirely sure why. Usually though, I'm extremely emotionally invested in a story (and it's characters), but that just wasn't there for soarin. (I felt it magnificently with Dust though. I cried when I thought she'd lost herself from the torture of spectrum.) Maybe soarin just needed more involvement/development as a character or something.
Oh man, this is the last chapter right now? (then again, I can't complain as I spent about 9 hours or more just binge-reading this story.)
I absolutely love this story. The characters and social dynamics of the story are absolutely fantastic. The focus of the story shifts as it wears on.
First off, let me say that the quality of the story definitely improved throughout (not that it was bad to begin with). I also love the way you incorporated different elements into this story: it is well-balanced and has a "real" feel to it in terms of story mood. It has some extremely dark sections, but DO NOT let that drive you away from this story: usually I avoid dark/grimdark out of habit because often times it is used as a literary crutch, but this story uses it very well in precisely-placed doses. In places, it does have a 'humans are evil' outlook (which is a major downfall of many fivescore fics) but in that regard the story addresses itself through it's own dialog. It also avoids the typical pitfall (which is especially common in fivescore fics.) of having "bad guys", outside of the archvillain(s) of course. In this way, it almost has superhero story elements. It does contain quite a bit of sex (apparently lightning dust is quite... promiscuous), however, anything specific has been omitted and pushed to a separate story, for people like myself who aren't big fans of clop.
This story also is very different from most fivescore fics, in a good way. Much of the story revolves around what goes on outside of the mane fic, especially after the portal is discovered and discord is defeated. This story also has a surprising amount of worldbuilding snuck into a gripping, emotional plot. It looks at social dynamics from native equestrians, transformed ponies, humans, and between all of them. It also has a lot to say on the nature of magic, harmony, and home. something else that really makes this story stand out is the unique nature of the Mane character's situation: He is 35 instead of the usual 25 (and with a reasonable explanation), and his younger sister is 25 y/o. He owns an electric company and has actually settled down with a wife and kids when the transformation starts.
The writing is nothing to write home about, but it's better than many of the stories on fimfic, and it has perfect (or at least near-perfect) mechanics throughout. The plot and characters are what really make this story strong. The author writes competently, with good diction and a perfect balance between too much and too little description. This story is one of a few pieces of writing that I would expect to see in a professional, published work of fiction, the kind you might find in a bookstore.
This will for sure make it to my top stories shelf. I wholeheartedly look forward to a new chapter.
)
(sorry for the TL;DR. when I write reviews, they can get lengthy.
5746320 Your critique has actually moved me to tears. I am truly moved by your words. Thank you. This story has grabbed me by the scruff if the neck and howls in my ear to be written. I have a lot more planned for the story, and it wouldn't nearly be the story it is without two elements, the first is reader feedback like yours, and the second is the cooperation with my pre-readers/collaborator. Phenrys and Kitsey-Chan along with exsnaggernewes, have both helped this story go far beyond my initial vision and become a story I'm really proud of. I actually hope that by writing my pony stories that I would hone my writing to be good enough for actual publication. Thank you again, I really do appreciate the input. And if you want, you can check out some of my other stories.
On another note, anyone who wants to guess as to the identity of our little pony in the diary, go ahead and pm me with your guess. I promise to answer honestly.
5746226 more of soarin is in Irony's story, more details into his relationship with Mindy, and more of what makes him a special character to me. Though I must say, his death was a rather hard part for me to write. I knew the story needed his death, but actually writing it.... It was hard. There are several parts of Dust that had me personally in pieces as I wrote them, but as I said, the story needed those scenes. There are times I feel this isn't my story, in the sense that the events aren't mine, I just struggle to put the events down for others to read.
5746226
This is another thing that makes it well executed. The impact is not always aimed at you. It is so in real life, it is so in a good story. You can't feel the same for each character (especially in such character-rich environment as this one). That creates the feeling that they are alive and not just there to make you feel preprogrammed emotions.
And if you still need to connect with those, there are other stories about them - some already written, some you may tell yourself.
5746598
That is one of the signs of a good story.
5746541
You do like to spoil it to anyone who asks, aren't you?
Just answer in-story already.
5747620 well, I suppose that's subject to each reader's opinion. I love this story nevertheless, but I do feel that that scene is a slight weakness. I see you interpret it differently, but as I said before, it really just comes down to opinion and perception.
5747633 Wait, wasn't that what I was saying all along?
Damn, I need to learn how to express my thoughts more clearly.
5747651 I re-read your comment a bit and I think I see what you're getting at, which is the idea that the experience a reader has with a character is unique to that person and that person alone, depending on how they see the character and their own worldview and perception of the situation. Not everyone can sympathize with a single character, and the emotional impact will be different based on the reader's own experiences.
If you just rely on tear-jerkers, then that's bad writing.
EDIT: By the way, did you ever read Tailchaser's Song? (it's a book, not a fanfic.) I was thinking about the sort of anti-fantastical (for lack of an actual word. basically a profound sense of reality, I guess? it's hard to explain.) nature of soarin's death, and it reminds me a lot of the end of that book.
5747900 Exactly!
No, hadn't read that one. Probably will now.
5747620 Oh no, you aren't getting off that easily. I'll reveal the identity when I'm good and ready. I want to make certain the reader really feels for the poor dear before knowing the identity of the pony.
5748214
Damn.
Well, it was worth a shot.
5744104 I can confirm or disprove those suspiciouns when the time arises.
5744019 You can't be serious, it was coming for a long time.
The story is written much like a mix between a tragedy and an epic. The tragic elements are introduced very early on in telling that the main character has wealth or fortune in some form. In this case, Shaw possessed both money and family. He had few loves other than his family and his job, and it was very clear that he feared losing them as the transformations began, yet trusted them enough to lean on them for support. That was the first clue as to the type of narrative this was. As the story progressed and we found out that Shaw was Dust, a less redeemable antagonist in the series, we also find out that Dust still remains as prideful in the show as well as in her human life. With pride being one of the most common tragic flaws, it was immediately apparent that it would be Dust's downfall.
I commented somewhere around the time Dust was upset about killing a human by accident. One scene screamed Tragedy more than anything else I read and it was that scene with Soarin. Soarin came to Dust's side quickly and tried to console her by telling her that what she did was better than any alternative, and if it were one life at stake versus another, he would hope that she would choose her own or her family's as opposed to hesitating. If you watch enough tv or read a fair amount, you pick up on his impending doom with those words right away. You see, Dust reacted on instinct, and I want you to remember this for later in the story. When she did, she regretted it, which was sure to cause some hesitation in her actions later. By following the predestined layout of the story, it would likely be while defending something important to her, and it just so happened to be Soarin.
As for emotional investment, Soarin's human persona was the first character in this story to which I was introduced. I read until Lightning Flash ran away in Irony's Tale, and he ended up going to this group. For a while, the story flowed as an epic would; in episodes. Soarin, Dust, and Flash learned to fly together. On the missions, Soarin was the main brain behind the operation, and it was he who had quirky enough behavior to catch the eye of the reader, who would hope to see improvement and growth. The point was likely to form just enough attachment to know the character personally, but not so much that the reader would feel cheated by their death or lack thereof. A perfect example of disappointment in character development is the final episode of Sword Art Online's first season. Kirito was able to fight the creator to the death in order to free all of the players. The audience was invested in a way that they would expect him to win, but in the end, he didn't. He was simply set free, even after losing the fight, meaning that the entire development up to that point meant nothing, and the audience is cheated.
As far as tragic stories go, if done right, it can invoke tears in less than 10,000 words, much like Dr. Ray's back story. You know so little about his life, and yet because the situation was either already familiar, or made to be that way, the loss was still an emotional turning point for the reader. After that Ray wasn't just some doctor on a house call who refused to leave, but a real person with a compelling story and background.
I felt the same way about Soarin. He was doomed so early on, and yet it was still a painful loss.
5746598 It's a tough job, and a filthy one at times, but we must keep chugging along for the ride
Mature scenes like with death, gore, and sex aren't really a part that's as enjoyable to write for me, so I can completely understand how you feel when you say this.
5747620 I can't agree with you more about the character investment. I feel it on a personal level where some of the darker events were outshined by others simply because of the character. It happens quite a bit with Trixie in Irony's tale. I really feel for her sometimes, almost to the point where I internally antagonize the other characters.
5747900 After some consideration, I actually can understand your disappointment with Soarin's death. Personally, I would have preferred if it were far more personal to Dust, that way it would have segued beautifully into the scene where she reacts too quickly and is shunned by her family.
Speaking of personal characters, which one in this story is your favorite? I have several, and I'm sure the authors would be reluctant to agree
Why do I get the feeling that Starlight Glimmer is gonna pop up?