• Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

Fuzzyfurvert


I write pony words that people seem to like. I also review fics and draw purty pictures, apperently. I'm an older fan of MLP, so expect a lot of 80's references.

T
Source

In an Equestria without the Princesses or the guidance of the Elements of Harmony, Twilight Sparkle is a researcher on the cusp of her greatest discovery and simultaneous fall from grace while finding love at the same time.


Initially written for the May/June Twiluna contest. Proofreading and idea-seeding credit goes to Pearple Prose Rated Teen for language and implied sex/violence.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 184 )
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Oh my god, please finish this and let me know when you do.

Just on the few lines I've read this is going to be a fave. I'll read the rest tomorrow.

Well damn.

Incredible...

:heart::heart::heart:

Holy crap, this has all the signs of an epic!

Considered me sold!

So, let me see. Celestia and Luna defeated Discord, but either he or a third party laid a trap that encased them in crystals. Without the benevolent princesses, tribalism took over. Earth ponies are viewed as animals and main populace is unicorns. Given their reactions to Luna's 'alien' wings, pegasi were driven into the corners of the world and thought to be extinct, though Fluttershy disproves that.

Twilight saw the crystals holding Luna and Celestia break. Celestia was too injured and died, and that made her go into her sun to 'recharge'. Twilight and Luna's relationship was discovered by the hyper-corrupt Council; Twilight was imprisoned and Luna killed. That was around the time Celestia returned and found Fluttershy, hence her remarking that Luna is 'recharging', presumably in the moon.

Wait... complete? No... nononononono! You can't just do that to us! You can't leave this as an 'open ending' because it's not a damn ending! There's still so much to do, so much to go through! Luna returning from her temporary death and reuniting with Celestia and Fluttershy, them rescuing Twilight, gathering the other Elements and rainbow-blasting the council or SOMETHING!

This isn't an open ending, it is an incomplete story! If you're going to work on something else then at least mark this as On Hiatus FFS!

Please, please don't let this be the end. I am on my knees begging you, please continue this!

4581362 I believe the implications were that they used 'human resources' in their machines, or pony resources I should say. The unicorns went all Warhammer 40K on everyone else it seems.

Will read it the instant I have time to digest 13K words.

I see you classed it Mature but didn't tag why. There are only two valid reasons on FiMF: Sex and Gore. Too hard to choose?

4581493
Excessive profanity or vulgarity might also warrant tag 'mature' without having anything else.

~Twi

4581493
The profanity and themes are why I tagged it mature. There is both implied sex and gore, but it neither shows nor dwells on these subjects.

4581394
Actually, this social structure that the unicorns implemented and instituted seems more akin to the mockumentary "The Confederate States of America". Of course we could only get more evidence of either perspective if we try to continue this story ourselves, or horribly pressure Fuzzyfurvert into making a sequel.

4581618 Horrible pressure it is!


MOAR!

the society you've set up seems to far gone to create any sort of harmony. Most Earth Ponies and Unicorns would want nothing to do with Unicorns, except to kill them, if I understand what you're writing

4581658 You think I'm being overdramatic but I'm not. It causes me some amount of disquiet and internal agony to think about this masterpiece not going on.

4581649
Wild born/free Earth ponies and pegasi run/fly like hell when they even get a hint that a unicorn is nearby. To the unicorns, if it's not a unicorn, it's an animal and needs to be put in it's place.

4581660
There is always room for a sequel. But no promises. I have a few other things that need to be worked on.

4581677 There is more than room for a sequel here. Like I said, it's not an 'open end', it's an incomplete story, with another... no, not just half, another five sixths or more just waiting to be told. Feel free to work on other stuff, but I plead you to, at the very least, mark this as On Hiatus and come back to it eventually.

4581674 ....THAT'S NOT A LNE YOU CAN LEAVE US ON! We know that oher mane six exist and to think how a proud pony like Applejack is twisted in this twisted world or PINKIE PIE. Sweet Chulhu, she must be either a urban legend or have a huge hunt after her!

Ponies as machinery, terrifyingly powerful religious beliefs, a Solar Council?
Damn I can't wait for more.

4581794 It's tagged complete, more isn't coming. Unless we can convince him otherwise!:flutterrage:

this is definitely an incomplete story.

4581674

which makes any attempt at Harmony farcical. These guys should be frozen by Windigoes

4581618 I saw Twi, and the Foreman's statements as lending credence to my theory is all. I don't think its a CSA scenario.

Comment posted by Bekdontraz deleted Jun 22nd, 2014

4581682 I really did, I actually enjoy the open endedness of it all

This is a fantastic dystopian alternate universe, and an amazingly-written premise for a story. I'm gonna fav this in case you do something more with it. Please do a blog tagged with this story if you do continue!

Well aren't you a pleasant surprise.

This cannot be complete, how is this complete i need more. What an incredible yet disturbing world.

It needs a sequel were this world is torn asunder. Also Twilight needs to be reunited with Luna in the most hearth achingly tear inducing sweet scene there ever was on the levels of the Balcony scene from Don't let the Sun catch you crying.

4582144

... Is Skeeter short for Mosquito?

My friend, this is one of the best fics I've read all month long!

Needs about 500 more likes and 5 or 6 more chapters.

I would very much enjoy a continuation of this. It raised just enough questions to drive me up the wall with wanting answers. Good show, I suppose.

I do hope that you do a continuation of this.

I mean 'FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AND DELICIOUS! MAKE A SEQUEL!', because I really want to know more about this interesting universe you created.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

Yes, omg yes! PLEASE more!

Wow. Just, wow. Thank you for such an entertaining read!

Holy shit.

This is intriguing, and disturbing, and brilliant.

That Ending = Cockblock = requires a sequel.

yesssssss fuzzy

Bowow #40 · Jun 22nd, 2014 · · 1 ·

This, my friend is not something that you can just put down after only thirteen thousand words. Dear god, man if you went through with this story and built it up to it's full potential with the lore and the history, you can easily make this with over three hundred thousand words. What you have here is something with a lot of potential. Just with the way their society is built alone you already have so much potential, but couple the fact that they are using Pegasi and Earth pony magic to power their machines? That brings it up even more! Your style is a perfect fit for this type of story, the way you describe objects and actions as well as Twilight's own thoughts really bring it up and compliment it to a higher level.

Look this story has a lot of potential, and I mean freight-ship sitting on top of mount everest ready to fall potential. And you are the person who can do the job and do it right. That "ending" you put there? Like others have said that's not an open ending, it's a freaking beginning. NOTHING at ALL has been resolved. Yeah we got Luna back on the moon to recover, Twilight going to trial in front of the council and Celestia looking for the other Exemplars, we all know what's gonna happen end, but what WE as in all the people who have read this story want to know what happens in between, after this, but before it ends. WE want to know how it ends. as the old proverb goes "There are many ways to the top of the mountain, but the view is all the same", we start here at the bottom, we all know the view at the top, but as a writer it is your job as a guide to bring us through the best path to the top.

This story has the chance of being up there with many of the greatest Twiluna fics out there like "Archmage" and "Sharing The Night". I would hate to see something with so much going for it never shine like it could have.

this is so much more disturbing when you think about how some nations really do operate under religious law. great story :pinkiehappy:

Terribly enough, the beginning of this was giving me flashbacks to 120 Days of Blueblood. :unsuresweetie:

But as I got into it, I started really digging the setting, and could see the beginnings of a great series here. Then I got to the end. And I saw it was marked "complete." What. :rainbowhuh:

This story is not complete. Not even close.

I’m not convinced this actually needs a sequel, honestly. Even if its Soul Reaver 2-esque ending leaves it wide-opened for one.

It seems, we can note, that Fluttershy doesn’t seem to have the capability to speak, or at least to understand Equestrian. This naturally begs another question: Whatever it was that trapped Celestia and Luna, how badly did it screw up the rest of the world? Does Fluttershy lack the capacity for speech, or is she just ignorant of it, having not had use for words? This wouldn’t seem to follow, since she must have learned something from her parents. 1,000 years is plenty of time for language to radically change, but I don’t know if it’s enough time for a species to lose the ability, especially since language would be eminently useful to coordinate hiding from unicorns.

Gaze upon this story, my friends, and marvel! The society we see is the result of a joke. Discord’s final joke; his ultimate joke; his Killing Joke. I just can’t decide what the punchline is.

Read the rest now.

Can't add much to what's already been said. It's wonderful.

EDIT: Actually I tell a lie, I can add more. The open-ended nature of the story is, IMO, one of its strengths. If everything was tied up and pat it would be... not as satisfying.

Personally I'm going to assume that Luna escapes, blows the security facility to merry hell and flies away with Twilight to some far off place where they can bang in private. :D

Brilliant. Dark. Dystopian. Brilliant.

Don't feel the need to kowtow to all these people demanding sequels and epic-length expansions; what's here is enough, the scene set for the reader to imagine a glorious retribution and restoration of harmony by the Royal Sisters and the Elements Exemplars. All the tools are here already. Don't sully the awesome images I have in my head with unnecessary rigid words that spell out the direction we all know the story goes.

I am sort of confused by the ending.

But my guess is that Luna escaped when they allowed her to see the moon ?

Also why is this actually tagged mature? Seems kinda out of place.

And someone downvoted all posts >.>

Otherwise a very nice story

4583208 Seriously. What you have here is the beginning of an epic fic. For the love of god man, do something with this!

So much more to this story and this world.

I really dig both the setting, and the places this tale can go. Please, more.:fluttershysad:

This is the single most greatest au i have ever read EVER

I can't fathom how this is complete?! It's far too brilliant to be so short! :pinkiehappy:

As one commentator said you have enough in this to easily fill out a nearly 100000 word story.

Pretty please continue! :fluttercry:

I'm going to have to reread this again. This was superb!

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