• Member Since 30th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Pearple Prose


"A cheeky idiot tweedling around the moors." ~ Aragon

E
Source

Luna struggles with her art and herself, and her beloved sees her at her worst.

Inspired by a prompt from this guy.

An audio reading by the ever-awesome obabscribbler!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 67 )

Beautiful. Touching. An overall joy to read, as usual.

I don't read many deep introspections with Luna. Then again, she's a little hard to write about. Yet, for some unknowable reason, you've captured her in a way that relates. She's obsessive, nitpicky, insecure, and... well, off her f**kin' rocker. These are wonderful, cringe-worthy, endearing traits that she has in common with Twilight. I think that's the selling point for their relationship.

Your narration was spot-the-f**k-on. I endlessly enjoyed the brevity in Luna's history. Your words were chosen superbly well, making Luna's perspective of the world vivid and capturing. This was made even better by the bittersweet memories of past friends. I applaud you for breathing life into that which no one really knows.

And here's the moment you've been waiting for; PROBLEMS!

I feel this story suffered from a minor lack of clarity. You laid the setting well--or the mood, at least--but It would've been less jarring with more detail. Yes, there was a balcony... Okay? A balcony to what? A bedroom? Living room? Kitchen? Attic? I didn't know it was the bedroom balcony until the end, made even more 'wtf-ish' when the bed was suddenly mentioned. In my opinion, the suspense would've been thicker if you fully disclosed that info from the start.

Last, and most important problem with this: the resolution. It defeated itself, I think. Throughout the entire story we were clued in on Luna dedication; to make the night absolutely perfect for Twilight. She goes through all that crap, and even endures the Nightmare bad-touching her brain-meats. For what, I ask you? For Twilight to threaten her with tickle-torture and have no inkling of Luna's gift. Don't get me wrong, the ending made me smile and sigh (and that hasn't happened in ages). But the back of my mind was screaming, 'That cold, unrecognizing BITCH!'

All in all, this story takes a fresh deep look into Luna's eyes. It's a straightforward, page-turning oneshot that deserve some praise. Good work.

Craine...

2832301 When I saw your comment, I imagined you going "Stand back guys, I got this."

Once again, thanks for the review! If I were one to complain, I would say that the ending was very rushed, mostly because I was staring at the clock and going "If I don't finish this in 30 seconds, Craine is gonna eat my brains."

2832330

To be fair, you needed sleep. And the ending wasn't rushed per say. In fact, I would've mentioned that in my review. It was just... I was looking forward to Twilight's reaction. Oh well. Outline for the prompt you gave me is under construction. Should be ready soon.

2832345 Ha, now that you mention Twilight's reaction, I imagine her looking at Luna and going "Hey, did I ever tell you about that day when I talked to a puddle?"

And I can't wait for that next fic of yours. Have a gif.

weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif

How did I did I do it back then...?

I think you only meant to have one, did I.
It was a good scene. I liked it.

Thanks for submitting to the Twiluna group. This was a nice read and I've left you a like.

You know what I love?

Unexplained dislikes. So rewarding. :ajbemused:

2834261

I know, right? :twilightangry2:

2832720 Good catch. Fixed.

2833440 Thanks bro :twilightsmile:

What a fitting ending. I liked your interpretation of Luna and her relationship with Twilight.

2834777 Cool, glad you liked it!

2835133 No, not really, but whatever.

This was good, though Luna probably needs some kind of professional help if she took all her doubts and fears and made it into split personality based on NM, though I could be wrong and the voice was actually real in some way.

Also, about the unexplained dislikes, it could be just the pairing. Some people are asses like that, and I doubt they would post a comment saying that.

2837070 Thanks for the feedback! As for the voice, well, I'll leave that to your own imagination :raritywink:

I understand why people are disliking it, but it's still annoying.

I reiterate... Why. Is this not. In the God. Damn. FEATURE BOX?!?!

2837297 Is there a specific wordcount that a story needs to equal/exceed to get featured? Cos I'm not sure if a lil' fic like this can even GET featured.

Also, 69 likes :trollestia:

2837305

No specific word count is needed. There have been 1200 word fics that got featured. Though--according to the geezers of Fimfiction--it wasn't always like that.

Also 4 Dislikes :trollestia:... I just made myself sad.

That was gorgeous! A real delight to read! Thank you for making my day with such a sweet story!:heart:

2838913 2838889

The fact that I actually managed to inspire emotions in my readers is a nice feeling. Thank you both for reading!

Hey, 100 likes! :pinkiehappy: Awesome!

this was an oddly deep and touching story. full marks for awesome. has an upvote. it is deserved.

This story captures an artist's plight so well. One day, everything flows as you want to, or even better. The next, you can't accomplish anything and your demons, internal or otherwise, make it impossible to find your balance and get anything done. Sometimes it takes a loved one to remind you what is important, helps you clear your mind, and gets you back on the right track.

I like your portrayal of Luna. I have never really seen her as the introverted, bookish type that so many authors portray her as. While that take on her personality is cute, it doesn't really fit the canon since she fell to darkness due to her desire for more attention. Your Luna, as a somewhat moody artist looking for appreciation for her works, fits very well with the MLP universe and is a refreshingly new take on her personality.

A great read all around. Thanks for sharing.

2884491>>2879967>>2846422

Hehe, thanks. I'm quite proud of my interpretation of Luna, I think I nailed her pretty well.

Once again, thanks for reading!

Why don't you have more followers?

This was impressive!

~Skeeter The Lurker

Wonderful darling, you touched on the point so well, it was indeed a joy to read. Always looking forward to more work. :raritywink:

That was a great story :D

Hi there. I hope you don't mind, but I liked this fic so much I have put together an audio version on YouTube.

3234517

Oh my god.

I love you. Thank you so much.

I must blog about this magnificence.

I loved this little one shot when I first read it, and coming back weeks later I still love it.
I feel you've captured each of their personalities beautifully.

Thank you for writing this

:pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile: / 10

This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews

Well, it seems I am going to tackle a real beast with this review, because my neverending quest to steadily clear the sodding backlog of the group has now led me to one of the much dreaded “one-shot stories with a ‘romance’ label.” And not just any kind of romance, but the “Oooh, I am going to have my favorite canon characters shag each other” kind, which is pretty much the definition of the rest of the world’s distaste for the brony fandom. With the exception of the manufacturers of extra-absorbent tissues, of course. After all, no matter what orifice it comes out from, as long as there are fluids oozing out of their bodies, they are more than happy to provide something to clean it up.

Having said that, despite my contempt for this particular genre, I am willing to accept that there’s a possibility for any story concept to be done well, no matter how unappealing it may sound at first. And this story certainly did not harbor much appeal at first glance. Twilight and Luna shipping? Have I truly descended to such a level? Of course, I must mention that the only things to actually give away this detail were the character tags, since the title and the short description were not nearly as informative. Instead, they actually felt quite subtle and interesting, enough to actually give me some hope that this voyage might not be a doomed one after all.

I won’t bore you with a very detailed description of the plot, because: a) it is very short, and b) it isn’t particularly interesting. Luna is apparently a self-proclaimed “artist” who likes to work incognito from time to time, and while I was hoping this involved something along the lines of “drowning Canterlot in hateful graffiti,” or “performing an orgy on a crowded street,” obviously her true “art” is “redesigning the night sky with the Equestrian equivalent of MS Paint every now and then.” Short story shorter: she struggles to come up with the perfect gift for her lover, the purple unicorn with a syndrome named after her herself. She confronts her inner demons, Miss “I’m a princess too now” comforts her at her weakest moment, she gains true inspiration, I fall asleep. As far as a story concept goes, it is anything but original, and its short length leaves little room to expand upon it and thus give it a great deal of distinction from the rest of the dozens of identical stories that came out during the five minutes that you have already spent reading this review.

This is the point where an author must instead rely on good characterization and atmosphere in order to make their story interesting, and as far as these details go, For All To See does fairly well. Despite it not being that remarkable, I found myself genuinely immersed in the scene playing out before me. The writing maintained its subtlety almost all the way through, never “outstaying its welcome” with what it tried to present to me, never really trying to force a message in a scenario where most make the mistake of trying to shove an emotion into the readers’ brains like a fucking ice pick during a “do it yourself” lobotomy. All the way until the end, unfortunately, where we are forcefully introduced to Luna’s “inner Nightmare” or whatever, as it attempts to exploit her vulnerable emotional state. On its own, this still wouldn’t be a problem, but the cliches start piling up very rapidly from that point on. The pacing, too, manages to stumble over this very pile and crash straight through the window, plummeting to its untimely death on the street below while the bystanders just point and laugh.

Oh yes, here we go again: “Shut up hysterical love interest with a kiss out of nowhere, calming her down instantly.” How many times will I have to see this shitty trope? And the fact that it is immediately followed up by a jump to “You poor thing, you were alone for so long”, and then to… Actually, I’m not even going to quote that. Not because it is “mature content”, but because I find it embarrassing to even know that it exists. All that you really need to know is that Twilight speaks and acts like a cross between herself, a whore, and a retarded child, and all three of these personalities attempt to burst forth at the exact same time. One tends to wonder just what kind of taste the princess has to want a lover such as her.

Anyway, the point is: pacing. Don’t try to cut corners with it when you shouldn’t. If you actually intend to be taken seriously, you can’t just jump around with the mood in a single section like it’s a fucking pogo stick. Either have the characters confront each other properly, or cut out the confrontation altogether, and have your main character resolve their issues on their own.

Moving on, the ending does its best to get things back on track, providing a decent visual and what I could more or less call “closure,” but at this point the damage had already been done. No amount of good atmosphere and characterization (which, by the way, is missing entirely for Twilight) is going to redeem the author for creating the image of these two characters getting intimate in the stupidest way imaginable. I almost feel sorry for the person who decided to record a reading of this story, and thus forcing themselves to actually read this section out loud, but then again it was a decision that they made on their own, and that pretty much tells me everything I need to know about their level of intelligence.

Overall, while it is otherwise a fine example of Pearple Prose’s capabilities as an author, the taste this story left in my mouth ultimately relegates it to just one more unimaginative bowel movement produced by a pathetic fandom that wanks to colorful talking horses. It’s stories like these that actually keep one of my friends unwilling to read any MLP fanfiction, since “they always have everypony shagging everypony in them.”

3446684

Haha! I knew it! I knew this story was terrible! 193 people tried to tell me otherwise, but I was right all along!

Seriously, that actually made me die a little inside, which just goes to show how good you are at this reviewing lark. Also, I read it in Yahtzee's voice, which is awesome. Excellent work! I'll definitely be asking for a review on another story in future.

3447532

Just to let you in on a little secret: you have no idea how horrible I feel when I write these. While even my "normal reviewer self" does not hesitate to point out flaws in stories, I definitely don't start bashing the shit out of them... :pinkiesick:

I'm glad you enjoyed it, though! :duck:

Also: one of those 193 people is actually me...

3448216

Lol, I know the guy who made that group. I joined up straight away, but when I tried to do a test review, I just... Yeah, I couldn't write like that. Kudos to you for doing it so well despite your misgivings.

But anyway, thanks for taking the time to review this. I get the feeling that I really needed that slap to the face in regards to this story, because it somehow became my most popular fic despite having the least amount of time put into it.

Definitely gonna take the time to not cock up the romance in this next story of mine, now that I've seen your thoughts on this.

Seriously? You crazy person. (thanks though c:)

3448236

Kudos to you for doing it so well despite your misgivings.

For all I know, it is that internal dichotomy that allows me to write them so easily (I won't say "well," though... :raritywink:)

This could have deserved more development, but if anything, that's an indication of it being a solid fic.

Am not disappoint, Pearple. Have a like and favorite.

Not bad. Not bad at all. I wish you had made it a little longer, because it feels rather condensed. It could have developed more, as the man above me stated. Or, well, on my screen, at least.

Anyway, you had a some errors in here, and only a few were actually detractive. But all in all, I give this an 8/10. Not bad. Not bad at all.

3676782

Oh, thank you for the review! Glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Mayhem Darkshadow deleted Dec 24th, 2013

It seems this is already in the Library but I don't see anyone giving you the ribbon so here you go

24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png

3677134

Yay! That makes two now.

4056532

I think I've seen you around before. If I recall correctly, you don't like TwiLuna shipping, correct?

If so, that leads me to the question of exactly why you chose to read a story that is quite clearly TwiLuna shipping?

4056532
TWILUNA OTP

4056585 No! TwiLestia OTP FTW. And you, you're now officially my most hatred person in this website. Go fuck yourself
4056551 Also, that's because I don't. I just leave a comment stating my hatred for the shipping.

4056594

I just leave a comment stating my hatred for the shipping.

A child.


I'd ignore him, Prose. Nothing good can come of this.

~Skeeter The Lurker

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