(Featured December 8-10, 2021)
Three weeks after becoming Princess Twilight's pupil, Starlight discovers her mentor is undergoing a horrible existential crisis.
Princess Twilight learned of the existence of her human self, and how she was so unliked and unpopular at her school, even her principal blackmailed her. Princess Twilight fears the only reason she never had to endure these torments is not that ponies actually like her, but because she was the "beloved" student of a princess, and later princess herself, on top of her other family connections.
Starlight sits her mentor down and tells her the (true) story of her troubled past. In it, Starlight will impart on the Princess of Friendship some harsh truths about reality:
That sometimes, the bad guys can win.
That sometimes, life is unfair and ponies with connections can get ahead of you.
That sometimes, you aren't rewarded for your hard work.
That sometimes, there are ponies who don't become better people even if you show them the magic of friendship.
That sometimes, there aren't any happy endings.
But there is also such a thing as a new beginning.
This is a slight AU story in regards to Starlight's backstory and her friendship with Sunburst.
That was so sweet!
The only reason why sunset was kinda mean to the other twilight was she did something stupid and dangerous and people almost got hurt. She should have been yelled at twice. I don't care if everyone in your school says you should do the thing that has just been proven to be dangerous doing it is incredibly stupid I can't imagine a proper word to describe how stupid it is. So cinch might have lost the games everyone would have been fine and pretty much within a year would have moved on to something else. It wouldn't have matter much once they got into the real world.
Impressive.
You managed to write this with only one instance of "privilege" used!
Very well written, i have not found a typo or bad grammar or a jump between tenses.
After reading the note I have to say... You kind of missed your mark.as clearly this is not a story about Twilight. This story's focus is rewriting Starlight's backstory to make her more sympathetic by making her behavior a response to abuse from others and not her own insecurities. And clearly chucks Sunburst under the bus,framing him as knowingly participating in her emotional harm. It feels more likely in cannon Sunburst in fact didn't keep in touch because he was embarrassed due to his failure in the Gifted School.
In truth Twilight is loved but also very lucky at the same time, as she grew up in a supportive environment where ponies got to know her, being in a position others automatically value allowed others to get to know her. There are ponies whom would be sycophants but her friends aren't those kind of ponies.
It's unfortunate that's lot of human Twilight's unhappiness is based on chance, and that is a real factor in one's happiness. Her happy ending came when she was able to change environments to one better suited to her needs and personality.
I understand the intention, you want Starlight to have a more justified motivation. I don't know if you ment to do it, or just ended up doing it because a more sympathetic Starlight can convince a doubtful Twilight ponies like more effectively.
I haven't even read this story, but the title alone is literally my imposter syndrome.
This story makes a lot of good points. Only problem is that sometimes, you use "Starburst" in place of "Sunburst."
We all know what this cals for, right? A good, old-fashioned...
Breathes in and out at accelerating speed before yelling
RAMPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!
I like this. But it feels like you are doing the MLP script writters jobs for them, and you also threw Sunburst under the bus. Which is odd because to me Sunburst comes of as a stallion on that understand the nefarious force of magick better than everypony else but cannot actively use it due to PHYSICAL constraints on his body. Instead he figures spellcasting COMPLETLY on a theoretical and mathematical level. So he is more or less worthy of his position.
But anyway. I like this. But I'll see if I can figure out a way to convey the "It's not how you got what you got, is how you use it and who you help with it that counts". On a more concrete way, that will probably not be seen kindly because this lesson will be delivered to Twilight by the worse thing in this fandom. An OC.
"Oh, I know what you're trying to do," Twilight said, an edge to her voice. "You're getting me all those fun things because something from me, aren't you?"
Shouldn't that read: because you want something from me, don't you?
You said 'Starburst' instead of 'Sunburst' a few times
11077646
Thank you.
11077728
Well, I feel I properly balanced giving Starlight a more "understandable" backstory, and also giving Pony Twilight a bit of a reality check about her good fortune.
If you don't feel that way...that's fine.
Thank you for taking the time to read the story anyways.
11077913
11078018
Will make the edit.
Thank you.
11077962
Will make the edit.
I really like this story and was surprised not to see more praise in the comment section. Would love to see a sequel where Neigh Say gets what’s coming to him.
Perfect! So much seratonin!
At least Sci-Twi isn't missing & has friends that gave her a chance
When does this story take place? Nothing seems to be aligning, with Twilight having taken over for the royal sisters yet Pinkie not knowing about Neighsay. Pinkie would have met Neighsay at least once during the Season 8 premiere (and the Season 8 finale), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who they are or that Twilight had met them. Is the entire thing supposed to be considered AU? Because if so, then there needs to be some sort of foundation laid out early so that the reader knows to expect changes from canon beyond the changed backstory of Starlight.
I think something is missing from these sections. There were a few other small errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the story. I would recommend having someone take a look over it before publication. There are many groups on this website that can provide someone to help proof-read.
As for the story itself... I can't say I like it. There were parts that felt far too fast, even for a one-off, and some of the phrasing used rubbed me the wrong way:
The first part could have been Shown, rather than Told, as it is supposed to be an impactful revelation. Also, he speaker and speakee remain the same in addition to the tone remaining the same meaning that "The bookworm asked her pupil" line was unnecessary. There are other instances of the former issue throughout the story that kinda ruined it for me.
11078587
This is set during the season 5 to season 6 transition, and the period between Friendship Games and Legend of Everfree.
Made those corrections.
11078052
What I never liked was the fact that Starlights backstory was far more understandable then pretty much every other villians, yet people pick on her about it. Sunset, Lunas and Discords motivations were far worse.
11078587
Also worth mentioning that Equestria Girls in general has timeline issues if you try to integrate it into the show; she has both wings and the Element of Magic, and she lost the latter in the next episode after gaining the former.
11078760
I'm not sure I'm following your criticism there. If you view both series as part of the same canon, EG1 effectively is the next episode after Magical Mystery Cure, in terms of both the continuity of the main series and the release date of the movie. Is there some reason you think the first Equestria Girls movie doesn't fit well between seasons three and four?
11079081
EQ Girls never made any sense in terms of continuity. Sunset was already a grown up pony when she went to the human world. And considering Twilight never heard of her, at least 10 years had passed since then.
It never made any sense why Sunset was a 'teenager in school in the human world.
Then you get into the can of worms that are human Celestia and Luna, when you consider that the pony versions are at least a 1000 years old.
11078587
The Alternate Universe tag is there, so I'd say it's safe to assume so. And as far as I can determine there seems to be only a few things changed:
1. Twilight sees the conditions of her mirror-world self.
2. Pinkie doesn't know Neighsay.
3. The changed backstory of Starlight.
As for the "needing to establish a foundation" part... I disagree. This is such a miniscule change in the grand scheme of things that going that far would be, arguably, unnecessary. But that's just me.
Hopefully he didn't make her use a blood quill...
And it'd give him "evidence" that non-ponies are violent brutes who should be forced out for the safety of ponies. It'd give the jackass ammunition.
11078760
Huh? As HalflingPony pointed out, the first EqG takes place between Season 3 and Season 4, when she has both wings and the Element of Magic. The second is between seasons 4 and 5 (pre-map), third between 5 and 6 (time loop). Mirror Magic is sometime after the start of season 6 but I doubt any further based on Starlight's voice lines. The final instance of Spring Breakdown is after the movie.
11079132
If time works differently in the human world vs the pony world, it would explain why so little time passes for the humans while several years pass for the ponies, although that is mere speculation on my part. Thirty moons for ponies may only be fifteen moons for humans.
I have had a harder time putting together the main series timeline with the inconsistency of the winter-themed episodes. I put season 1 to 3 over the course of two years with 3 going into Year 3, Season 4 and first-half of five in Year 3. The second-half of season 5 makes things messy though... Long story short, Tanks For The Memories is drastically out-of-order and What About Discord? happens the next year (Year 4) along with the episodes following it. The next three seasons we can put over the course of two or three years easily enough.
Ultimately, from the beginning of Equestria Girls to the Movie, at minimum 3 years have passed for ponies. If the time dilation is applied at 50%, then only a year and a half has passed for humans. At the start of Equestria Girls, the Main-7 are in year 4 of high school. In ye olden days IRL, there was a fifth year to high school (giving reason for the remaining year in school). The EqG shorts are inconsistent enough to write some off as non-canon and others as out-of-order, so we won't need to worry about them.
The ages of characters in the two series can also be written-off as extra-dimensional shenanigans we don't know about happening behind the scenes (see also: It's About Time and The Cutie Re-Mark for examples of time travel with the latter actually having the Tree of Harmony acting as the correcting force). It's up to you what you think of this, I'm just explaining it how I see it.
11079239
The issue I had with it was because I didn't know when it took place. The author thankfully cleared that up.
11079081
Besides the stuff that 11079132 pointed out, Magical Mystery Cure and the Season 4 premiere were originally concepted collectively as a 3-parter. Adding a random trip to the Crystal Empire is somewhat straining even before you account for the fact that the Crystal Mirror was there for some reason and the Empire (probably) did not exist during Sunset's time. (See also the part of that link which points out that the only time we see it in its supposed position in the throne room has so many canonicity problems that it's actually kind of ridiculous.)
11079332
See my above comment. See especially the link, which points out that there are so many inconsistencies in Sunset's backstory that you can reasonably place her in Celestia's first century of life while actively resolving some of them by doing so.
Truly excellent character piece. 👌
And Neighsay getting the shit kicked out of him was the cherry on top.
11079374
It sure is, Pal
11079347
The biggest problem always came from the fact that no matter how you look at it, Twilight would have heard about Sunset long before this, yet she never did. Somepony would have mentioned it, someone, like Cadance. You can't erase something like the fact that Celestia had a student before.
How? Who owns newspapers and works in academia?
And handled it to those guys?
Yeah, it's because she managed to make Celestia to like her enough.
Why, BTW? She's stronk and could easily get her revenge.
And the moral is don't be dick to your low class students --- they can become protege of princess later, or something.
And the moral is be stronk and dangerous (just be smart about showing it and don't pounce on people) and status and recognition will follow.
11079690
But you can apparently erase the fact that Celestia had a sister before.
And again, having Sunset be from the era where that happened somehow solves more problems than it raises because Hasbro cares that little about having a coherent timeline.
11078678
Because a lot of people are indoctrinated to see her as communist.
She is a leveller. She is not accommunist. Neither she is a marxist, marxism is what lies in foundation of modern management theory. It wasn't meant to be applied to politics on scale of a country.
A political movement in Britain, most membert of which were summarily executed as traitors but they left a legacy. Including the foundation for American Revolution.
11079871
Or existence of Crystal Empire?
Tbh back then I assumed that Sunset was somehow trapped along with it (the location of mirror is another problem of consistency) and was from _that _ time.
I imagine Sunburst has ALWAYS felt guilty about what happened.
Never thought Pinkie dancing around the sadist line could be so hilarious.
And satisfying! Neighsay had it COMIN'
11081922
What?
11081922
She is a communist. The episode was pretty much an allegory to communism. It even captured the hypocrisy of marxism. It's Marxism bro.
I agree with this.
A very good story, When is the next chapter of Vanishing Act coming out?
Great story! Really enjoyed reading it.
There's a huge gap following this.
"we wouldn't have bothered*
Wait, she lost her parents!?!?
pain.*
Since when did she have a middle name?
to."*
The rather nonsensical beatdown was fun.
The main part of the story is pretty good to.
Twilight indeed did have a fairly good hand dealt to her in life.Financial security, good schooling, remarkable connections, add then all of the stuff from the show like her "harmony castle" and I've probably seen an easy dozen of other fics where the villain points out this fact.
And yes sadly there would be pones that would only be polite/kind to Twi because they saw her as a stepping stone to Big C herself. I imagine that maybe in her early years the Princess actively shielded her from some of the nastier aspects of the nobility which in turn led her to becoming the studybug she was at show start.
As to Glimglam, I think she made a great villain, whereas most of the other big two-part seasonal baddies fit into some rather cliche nook (i.e.Tirek Brute, Sombra World Dom, etc.) Glimmy CHOSE to be bad, even if deep down she knew it. The disconnect then to her starting that all because of a childhood friend/sweetheart moving was just...lacking, or at best, mishandled. For the record I don't hate Glimmy even after her reformation but not all baddies can be fixed with a hug and a song.
There was an artist on DA that took a look at her mind and giving Equestria as a whole a darker edge made her a clinical psychopath with narcissist traits who was so utterly convinced that she deserved a happy ending that she pushed away any potential friends or loves because something would always crop up and in the end she nearly killed over it.
11079690
To be fair, Twilight also forgot about her Canterlot friends like Moondancer, Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine until season 5 when Spike brought them up so the idea Twilight flat out didn't know who Sunset was isn't far fetched. Especially if Celestia deliberately avoided mentioning Sunset to anyone until the first EQG film.
Pretty solid story and modification on Starlight's backstory.
Got some questions though:
So, how do you explain the scene of Starlight clearly showing Twilight and Spike her past when time traveling in this story's context? Was that a fake illusion she showed them?
Are there any MLP redeemed villains who you think did have a good backstory (knowing you definitely aren't a fan of Starlight, Juniper, Wallflower, and Vignette's backstories)? Looking at a lot of the redemptions, Sunset never really had much backstory on why she became mean in the first place (even The Fall of Sunset Shimmer comic that is only ambiguous canon at best doesn't explain much since she's already mean even before she sees the mirror), Discord definitely didn't have a backstory (until season 7 brought up "if he isn't chaotic, he'll die" thing), Trixie, Garble, Ahuizotl, Dr. Caballeron, and Chancellor Neighsay had no backstory either, and dunno how Luna, Diamond Tiara, Gilda, Babs Seed, Changelings, Stygian, Gloriosa, and Post-Crush's backstories for their antagonistic actions fared for you.
Thank you. My defenses for Starlight’s backstory not being so stellar but not being the case for just her only continue.