• Member Since 16th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

redandready45


Fluent in spanish and french. Fan of the Coen Brothers and works of Craig McCracken, Matt Groening, and Stanley Kubrick

Sequels1

T
Source

Featured from 8/9/2019 to 8/10/2019.


After the Fall Formal, Sunset Shimmer's reign over the school had come to a shattering end.

Everyone at school no longer feared the cruel girl, and some chose to torment her at every opportunity.

Even the Rainbooms, despite the orders given to them by the Princess of Friendship, were reluctant to befriend the former bully.

While delivering her goods one early morning, Applejack encounters Sunset doing her community service. Despite her own anger toward the former Queen Bee, Applejack can't help but notice the complete shift in Sunset's demenaor: her pride and arrogance have been replaced by sorrow and shame.

Driven by her own curiosity, her promise to the Princess of Friendship, and a small desire to extend an olive branch, Applejack approaches Sunset during her community service, asking her why she's acting so broken up. Sunset tells her that she went through the most painful thing imaginable: being forced to see oneself with objective clarity.

Will Applejack befriend Sunset, or will her anger toward Sunset overwhelm her compassion?

*****
This fanfic is my own take about how the Elements of Harmony work, and why they managed to change Sunset so quickly. This is partly inspired by Fallowsthorn's Time.

This is the beginning of a series I call Sunset's Steps. I wanted to explore Sunset's redemption a bit, and use the series to see how she got to where she was by Rainbow Rocks.

Rated T for language and depictions of bullying.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 52 )

Definitely keeping an eye on this

You have my attention!

Looks like a pretty good start to me. Definitely will be seeing where this goes in the future.

One little thing, real quick. The mention of "Rainbooms" in referring to the Humane Five. That name didn't arise until Rainbow Rocks, if I recall, when Rainbow wanted to name their band, so I don't think it makes sense to use it in the context of pre-EG1 flashbacks. But still, that quibble aside, looks pretty good all in all!

this is really good will follow along

That was painful, the Flash back wow, sunset was a true bitch, now i can understand why they kept throwing her mistake into ehr face in Rainbow Rocks

Will Sunset confess to what she did to AppleJack tot he Principals and the school board? As AppleJack family really needed the income.

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Definitely keeping an eye on this

I hope I meet expectations.

9773539

You have my attention!

But do I have your...curiosity?


9774065

Looks like a pretty good start to me. Definitely will be seeing where this goes in the future.

One little thing, real quick. The mention of "Rainbooms" in referring to the Humane Five. That name didn't arise until Rainbow Rocks, if I recall, when Rainbow wanted to name their band, so I don't think it makes sense to use it in the context of pre-EG1 flashbacks. But still, that quibble aside, looks pretty good all in all!

Well, I figured it would be more awkward to say "so and so and her friends" then to simply refer to them as "Rainbooms." Referring to them as Rainbooms makes it easier to talk about them as a group.


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That was painful, the Flash back wow, sunset was a true bitch, now i can understand why they kept throwing her mistake into ehr face in Rainbow Rocks

I always wondered how Sunset was able to cow an entire school into submission, and get away with taunting and manipulating Applejack without retaliation. Applejack is no pushover.

But during the movie, we get an inkling off how ruthless and manipulative she was. First, she humiliated Twilight by filming her odd pony behavior. Then she went so far as to have her minions commit vandalism, feign concern to Princess Luna, AND frame Twilight for it.

The problem for Canterlot High was that Sunset wasn't just some obnoxious little brat. She was a conniving little usurper who hungered for real power, and basically played a twisted form of court politics.

My headcanon is that Sunset's strategy was to discreetly humiliate someone in a way that couldn't be traced back to her, and then confront that person and then tell them they are powerless. All the while playing the "model student" in front of naïve students and the faculty who would respect her for good grades.

That's the only way Sunset could cow someone like Applejack into obedience: if Sunset had managed to instill fear into her, possibility by demonstrating she could (and would) threaten to destroy Applejack's livelihood if that's what it took. and then avoid getting caught.

By the time Sunset got the crown, however, her "perfect student" act was beginning to fray. Many students learned about her bad rap and had been victims of her abuse. And her behavior throughout the movie was utterly unhinged. Possibly because she felt the day of her triumphant return to Equestria would arrive, and thus she felt no need to pretend to care for a student body she secretly thought of as full of weak humans.

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But do I have your...curiosity?

Like a cat! :raritywink:

An Applejack and Sunset story? As a person who greatly adores both of them, I just love seeing their interactions in the show.

...I want those guys to rot in hell...

See, it's things like this that make me wonder about how many brain cells people have. It's not like Sunset forgot all the dirt she had on people. So doing this kinda stuff when you think she hasn't changed is just begging for her to destroy you.

Lucky for all of these idiots she has.

Is this story in any way based off of The Long Road to Friendship?

"Wait, you don't know what happened," Sunset asked, her sad voice showing some incredulity.

Oh, yes Sunset, the teenage apple farmer from the world without magic will know all about the mystical artifact from your home dimension she wielded for all of ten seconds... :facehoof:

Interesting story so far, keep up the good work.

Yea, teenagers are monsters. Mind, Sunset was pretty horrible. But eye for an eye makes the world go blind. I'm not saying forgive her, but petty revenge only makes you as bad, if not worse than the person who hurt you.

I'm actually worried about what's going to happen when word gets out about where and when Sunset is every morning.

this is good sunset did a lot of cruel shit but i'm also worried about whats gonna happen when word gets out of where she is every morning and when she goes back to school its probably gonna go to shit.

Awesome story mate, keep it up.

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...I want those guys to rot in hell...

Well, be careful what you wish for....


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See, it's things like this that make me wonder about how many brain cells people have. It's not like Sunset forgot all the dirt she had on people. So doing this kinda stuff when you think she hasn't changed is just begging for her to destroy you.

Lucky for all of these idiots she has.

Well...

Living a life of blackmail and extortion is an inherently risky business. Because blackmail is both an illegal and expellable offense, the more people who you blackmail the more people who have it in for you, and blackmail material isn't useful if you have a poor reputation.

In the movie, the Death of Stalin, Beria has a ton of dirty material on everyone. But because he is an extremely loathsome person, it doesn't save him in the end from being executed because he's earned the hatred of so, so many people.

My guess is that Sunset got away with so much shit for so long because she played up the role of "nice girl" in front of the teachers to a hilt. But now, as Twilight said, her true colors have been exposed to everyone, and she's guilty of a massive destruction of public property. The only thing that saved her from expulsion/arrest for what she did was Twilight vouching for her.

Even if Sunset were inclined to blackmail, that would be cause for Celestia and Luna to expel her or some other students to beat her up. You don't take risks while everyone has it in for you, and blackmail is again something that can you trouble as well.


9775330

Is this story in any way based off of The Long Road to Friendship?

That was a good story, and I've read it. However, that wasn't my inspiration. Sunset isn't going to be under a curse that will force her to change. You'll find out why she became so broken in the next chapter.

The story that inspired this one can be found on the description.


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Oh, yes Sunset, the teenage apple farmer from the world without magic will know all about the mystical artifact from your home dimension she wielded for all of ten seconds...

Interesting story so far, keep up the good work.

Sunset assumed that Twilight knew what happened and that she told others what the Elements did to her. Also, she isn't exactly in the most glorious state of mind right now.

9775441

Yea, teenagers are monsters. Mind, Sunset was pretty horrible. But eye for an eye makes the world go blind. I'm not saying forgive her, but petty revenge only makes you as bad, if not worse than the person who hurt you.

Unfortunately for Sunset, not everyone can be as nice and forgiving as the Princess of Friendship-and even she was reluctant to take Sunset's hand.


9775551

this is good sunset did a lot of cruel shit but i'm also worried about whats gonna happen when word gets out of where she is every morning and when she goes back to school its probably gonna go to shit.

This is one of the reasons why she is working at night.


9775567

Awesome story mate, keep it up.

Thank you.

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Unfortunately for Sunset, not everyone can be as nice and forgiving as the Princess of Friendship-and even she was reluctant to take Sunset's hand.

That is very true. But, there's a definite difference between forgiveness and petty revenge. I understand that they aren't privy to our knowledge of what's happened to Sunset, so they don't know she's genuinely remorseful for what she's done. That doesn't change the fact that by kicking her while she's down, and ganging up on her, they're showing that they're no better than she was. The moment you stoop to the level of a bully, you lose all rights to be angry at them for what they did to you, IMHO.

I'm not advocating blind trust, or forgiveness until she proves her good intentions, but lashing out like that doesn't do anything other than prove they're just as terrible as she was. She's already being punished for her actions. Just leave it at that and ignore her.

This chapter was....ok but the flash back and showing what she done was rather.....bland and disappointing, it; just some of the same stuff we knew she did, and was a repeat of the movie.

I was expecting better.

Well, we got context, and the first possibility of Applejack being Sunset's first friend. Not bad for world building. Grammar issues did pull me out a few times though.

i like how you explained how Sunset was able to afford things

9775045

An Applejack and Sunset story? As a person who greatly adores both of them, I just love seeing their interactions in the show.

I chose Applejack for a specific reason: her Element of Honesty.

The theme of my story is the importance of being honest. Both with others and yourself.

Sunset's problem, and how she managed to become so viciously cruel, is largely because she could rationalize the terrible things she was doing.

So it will be to the Element of Honesty to help her come to terms with her life, and give her the faint hope that she could one day bounce back from her current low point.


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This chapter was....ok but the flash back and showing what she done was rather.....bland and disappointing, it; just some of the same stuff we knew she did, and was a repeat of the movie.

I was expecting better.

I did put in some new scenes. But I felt that putting the events of the movie in a different context would make them more meaningful, with Sunset being forced to face those specific misdeeds.

Well, we got context, and the first possibility of Applejack being Sunset's first friend. Not bad for world building. Grammar issues did pull me out a few times though.

Is Sunset seeing her past actions from a different a reasonable explanation for why she became remorseful so quickly.


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i like how you explained how Sunset was able to afford things

A girl who can enjoy video games, motorbikes, vacations, new clothes in different movies, and a decent apartment certainly doesn't have a want for cash.

So wait," Applejack said, narrowing her eyes. "Are you saying you didn't want to kill us? This...demon tortured you into doing those things?

Nah, originally she was just planning to use you guys as meat shields. Some of you could have died as a result but hey, you know the old saying about eggs and omelette.

i.imgflip.com/2qzh3y.jpg

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Is Sunset seeing her past actions from a different a reasonable explanation for why she became remorseful so quickly.

Almost. I think the biggest issue is why would she care? See, even seeing things from a different point of view won't do anything unless the observer has a reason to care. So, unless the Elements suddenly inflicted Sunset with a conscience, or made her feel the pain she was putting others through, I'm not sure that the montage would actually have any meaningful effect.

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Almost. I think the biggest issue is why would she care? See, even seeing things from a different point of view won't do anything unless the observer has a reason to care. So, unless the Elements suddenly inflicted Sunset with a conscience, or made her feel the pain she was putting others through, I'm not sure that the montage would actually have any meaningful effect.

I wrote the story, partly because I wanted to come up with an explanation for HOW the Elements of Harmony change a person for the better. How does a Princess who has had 1000 years of wrath and an extremely snobbish teenager suddenly regain their empathy?

The "bad guy suddenly gaining a conscience" model just feels...cheap to me. It makes me think of the Elements as a kinder, gentler Ludovico technique.

To me, Sunset's problem was a lack of self-awareness, which is in my opinion the cause of a lot of evil. Simply getting another perspective of her actions could help her see what she did.

I did consider the "experience the pain of others" route. It does make sense for the future "Element of Empathy" to learn by feeling the suffering of others. But I wasn't sure how to properly put that on paper. Would Sunset basically be put in the body of others, and feel the pain (whether emotional or otherwise) she put them through?

I do appreciate your constructive criticism. And you have given me...something to think about.

9776150
If everyone thought like you, the world will probably be a better place. Bullying the bully makes you a bully too.

"Associate," Applejack uttered while darting her eyes back and forth. Sunset frowned a bit at that. Applejack was far from even pretending she and Sunset were friends.

"She really likes you," Applejack observed. "Did you blackmail her like everyone else?" Sunset flinched at the question and sighed.

"All your behavior was work," Applejack asked in a harsh whisper. But before Sunset could answer they reached their booth. It had silverware and menus ready.

"Oh ah see," Applejack said with a hint of contempt. "You were just some spoiled little brat." Sunset looked down in shame, and then looked back at up.

"YOU KNOCK OUT A BUNCH OF GUARDS," Applejack shouted in horror. Sunset's face fell into her hands. "You really are a piece of work!" The two stopped their talk after hearing the sound of heels running on the ground.

Element of Honesty isn't letting down Sunset easy, she's letting her down hard. But at the same time-

"Sunset," Applejack said, in a kind soothing tone. "If you want me to forgive you, please tell me what you saw." Sunset suppressed her tears.

Her ability to be switch between being harsh and brutal like Rainbow Dash and also being gentle and soothing like Fluttershy is what makes me love Applejack. Her personality can change dratiscally when necessary, which is harder to do with other Mane 5 without stepping out into OOC territory. (Besides Twilight I guess?). I can't wait to see what you do with Applejack's mini ability later in the story, cause so far you're great at writing it.

Fluttershy and Pinkie would have been an easier choice to do because of their easily forgiving natures. Which is fine and dandy, but also uninteresting to me because of predictability. Should I really keep reading if I know they're going to easily pity Sunset with her story and almost insta-forgive? Rarity might be less easy, but still pretty easy. Rainbow Dash, well, her personality is really quite frankly the polar opposite. Applejack easily slips in the middle, both her elemental virtue and her personality working together as a team. She's not easy at earning trust, but a way lighter level than Rainbow Dash. She won't go all nice and just forgive, but she'll give you the chance to work for it.

9777187

Nah, originally she was just planning to use you guys as meat shields. Some of you could have died as a result but hey, you know the old saying about eggs and omelette.

The "eggs and omelette" metaphor could very well describe pre-Fall Formal Sunset perfectly. My feeling is the Elements of Harmony taught her how the sausage was being made.


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9777656

That is very true. But, there's a definite difference between forgiveness and petty revenge. I understand that they aren't privy to our knowledge of what's happened to Sunset, so they don't know she's genuinely remorseful for what she's done. That doesn't change the fact that by kicking her while she's down, and ganging up on her, they're showing that they're no better than she was. The moment you stoop to the level of a bully, you lose all rights to be angry at them for what they did to you, IMHO.

I'm not advocating blind trust, or forgiveness until she proves her good intentions, but lashing out like that doesn't do anything other than prove they're just as terrible as she was. She's already being punished for her actions. Just leave it at that and ignore her.

If everyone thought like you, the world will probably be a better place. Bullying the bully makes you a bully too.

Again, this chapter isn't about how the world should be. It is how the world is. I would love to live in a world built on progress. But sadly, the world is one where petty slights and cycles of vengeance dominate our lives.

This is the reason why Applejack is trying to give Sunset a chance. Having learned about how her own parents were nearly torn apart by a family feud taught her how futile vengeance and grudges are.

Unfortunately, a bunch of meat-headed teenagers aren't going to understand that particular lesson.


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Element of Honesty isn't letting down Sunset easy, she's letting her down hard. But at the same time-

Her ability to be switch between being harsh and brutal like Rainbow Dash and also being gentle and soothing like Fluttershy is what makes me love Applejack. Her personality can change dratiscally when necessary, which is harder to do with other Mane 5 without stepping out into OOC territory. (Besides Twilight I guess?). I can't wait to see what you do with Applejack's mini ability later in the story, cause so far you're great at writing it.

Fluttershy and Pinkie would have been an easier choice to do because of their easily forgiving natures. Which is fine and dandy, but also uninteresting to me because of predictability. Should I really keep reading if I know they're going to easily pity Sunset with her story and almost insta-forgive? Rarity might be less easy, but still pretty easy. Rainbow Dash, well, her personality is really quite frankly the polar opposite. Applejack easily slips in the middle, both her elemental virtue and her personality working together as a team. She's not easy at earning trust, but a way lighter level than Rainbow Dash. She won't go all nice and just forgive, but she'll give you the chance to work for it.

That's why I picked Applejack for this story. As the Element of Honesty, her character can be summed up by the phrase "trust but verify."

Honesty is an Element that can both be harsh and kind. Harsh in that is forces us to face the things we won't want to, but kind in telling us the good we things we don't believe in the pit of despair.



Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, as you said, would be overtly forgiving and nice to Sunset. And while that would be nice, it doesn't force Sunset to face the consequences. Rainbow Dash, as the Element of Loyalty, is deeply protective of her friends. But that loyalty is built off of trust, which Sunset is far from earning. Rarity might be generous, but she might end up spoiling Sunset.

Applejack here is really the only person who can help Sunset. To both offer the kind words, while also making sure Sunset understands how distasteful she was. She fits into my theme that the road to a better person can be rocky, but that doesn't mean it stays that way.

That was heartwarming and quite wholesome. Glad to see Applejack giving Sunset the benefit of the doubt here.

Over all, a good story. Hopefully I get the news when the next one is posted. And I really hope Anon-A-Miss doesn't happen in this universe. I feel like it happening in the same world as these stories will make me hate it even more than I already do.

I'm happy with the way this is turning out. Some grammatical errors here and there, and if you need an editor I'll be here mate. Can't wait to see how the rest of the girls react to this.

I'm glad how things ended and Applejack became friends with Sunset, but I bet that's only the beginning for Sunset's road to forgiveness.

I wonder which Rainboom will approach Sunset next?

I swear, Big Mac is flipping scary when he's mad.
9778350
With a title like Live By The Sword, I'm guessing it's Rainbow Dash.

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That was heartwarming and quite wholesome. Glad to see Applejack giving Sunset the benefit of the doubt here.

I don't picture Applejack's actions as "giving her the benefit of the doubt." Applejack's actions are "prove you're sorry by seeing how hard it is to be a farmer."

I hope is doesn't come across as sappy.

9778274

I'm happy with the way this is turning out. Some grammatical errors here and there, and if you need an editor I'll be here mate. Can't wait to see how the rest of the girls react to this.

Well...that is a whole other can of worms.


9778350

I'm glad how things ended and Applejack became friends with Sunset, but I bet that's only the beginning for Sunset's road to forgiveness.

The point of my story is to explore how bumpy that road would've been for Sunset. Spoiler alert: very bumpy.


9778415

I swear, Big Mac is flipping scary when he's mad.

As they say, the quiet ones snap the loudest.

With a title like Live By The Sword, I'm guessing it's Rainbow Dash.

Well...was does the expression mean? If you can tell me what it means, you could potentially find out the answer.

This was... I don't even know. It wasn't bad by any means, but there's one thing that really bothers me.

No amount of smiles or family dinners or slumber parties could ever make up for Mac cornering Sunset and literally threatening to murder her. That rest of the confrontation scene was fine, good even--but excuse me, what the frick? That's so over-the-top, and the way Sunset just shrugged it off? She would be screaming and running away, not sitting down for a pleasant lunch with the man who hours earlier threantened to kill her.

There is no context in which that kind of thing is acceptable, not even after what Sunset did. Even then, I'd honestly be fine with it if she'd reacted like a real person. Instead she's totally fine with sleeping under the same roof as the person who said he'd put a bullet in her head if she betrayed his sister.

Seriously, think of the implications to this threat. Every day, Sunset will be terrified of upsetting AJ in the slightest for fear of being murdered. It's so out of tone with the rest of the fic, like the story had been written and this one scene was added for the sake of dramatic tension that never even came to fruition. What's the point other than to make Mac look like a friggin psycho murderer? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Other than that, it was pretty good. The first two chapters were by far the best, imo.

Overall this was pretty fun. Some of the stuff felt rather on the nose and a bit forced, but none of it was too distracting. Sunset’s dividing of the students to make them more susceptible to mind control was interesting, but seems weird as they were all reunited by Twilight when they were mind controlled (not to mention how easily everyone gets mind controlled in FiM).

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Funnily enough, after the season five finale and season nine premier, demon Sunset’s plan seems like it would’ve worked no problem and non lethally (at least for her army). A bunch of mind controlled randos easily match or even beat the royal guards (if they’re even around) and with no Element of Magic, the only thing that could’ve potentially stopped Sunset was Discord, and she did have the Element, so even that’s up in the air.

9778655

This was... I don't even know. It wasn't bad by any means, but there's one thing that really bothers me.

No amount of smiles or family dinners or slumber parties could ever make up for Mac cornering Sunset and literally threatening to murder her. That rest of the confrontation scene was fine, good even--but excuse me, what the frick? That's so over-the-top, and the way Sunset just shrugged it off? She would be screaming and running away, not sitting down for a pleasant lunch with the man who hours earlier threantened to kill her.
There is no context in which that kind of thing is acceptable, not even after what Sunset did. Even then, I'd honestly be fine with it if she'd reacted like a real person. Instead she's totally fine with sleeping under the same roof as the person who said he'd put a bullet in her head if she betrayed his sister.

Seriously, think of the implications to this threat. Every day, Sunset will be terrified of upsetting AJ in the slightest for fear of being murdered. It's so out of tone with the rest of the fic, like the story had been written and this one scene was added for the sake of dramatic tension that never even came to fruition. What's the point other than to make Mac look like a friggin psycho murderer? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Other than that, it was pretty good. The first two chapters were by far the best, imo.

Perhaps I did make Big Macintosh's threat a bit over the top.

But it is my understanding that threats like this made in person are done for intimidation and laying down the law rather then any serious intent.

Think of the scene in the Nutty Professor, where the dean threatens to strangle Sherman if he screws up again. He's not actually going to do that. It is his way of communicating to Sherman he needs to cut the crap.

Serial killers, by contrast, wear a mask of civility while doing horrible things in private. John Wayne Gacy, for example, didn't publicly shout to the world his crimes. He pretended to be a community leader and party clown to mask his vile crimes.

If Macintosh really wanted Sunset dead, he would've done it in the same quiet way he does everything else. Raising his voice was his way of saying "don't mistake our forgiveness for being off the hook." And remember, Big Mac was hurt by Sunset's actions, but like Applejack, he had to suppress his feeling. So he's probably releasing two years of pent up rage at the person who hurt his family's farm.


9778670

Overall this was pretty fun. Some of the stuff felt rather on the nose and a bit forced, but none of it was too distracting. Sunset’s dividing of the students to make them more susceptible to mind control was interesting, but seems weird as they were all reunited by Twilight when they were mind controlled (not to mention how easily everyone gets mind controlled in FiM).

The first EG movie was like the Purge: a fantastic idea ruined by a very poorly defined environment and plot. It was also what everyone derided MLP for being: a marketing tool for toys with poor plotting, bad characterization, and a very juvenile setting. EG 1 can be summed up as "let's save the...world or something by going to prom."

Aside from trying to explore "how do the elements of Harmony change a person," I was trying to explore and fill several glaring plot holes in the first EG movie.

1) Why was Sunset so eager to bully and divide an entire school? Yes, she was a power-hungry jerk, but why would she waste time and resources just to be a Queen Bee? Like Twilight, Sunset wasn't eager to BE in social situations either.

2) Why would Sunset return to Equestria if she had no knowledge of the Elements of Harmony, and the portal (initially) only re-opened during short intervals? Remember, Sunset perceived Celestia to be against her. I don't think a pony who managed to divide people under their noses would be stupid enough to return impulsively and without a means to defend herself against a powerful, sun-raising Princess who might imprison her.

So Sunset's plan, in my headcanon, was to break up the school, and bring back Equestrian magic to help her brainwash the weak and divided populace. When the plan was de-railed, and Sunset learned about Twilight Sparkle, her plan shifted to getting the Element of Magic.

Not gonna lie when Big Mac said "Shut Up" and listed all the stuff that happened because of Sunset's acts, ending with him threatening to kill her...it actual hurt. Not in that it was bad, no quite the opposite but it just...cut really deep.

I felt like how Sunset would in that moment, stunned, guilty...in my case a little angry at some points, but it got a legit emotional reaction out of me. That is seriously impressive dude.

Bravo.

When seeking revenge, you dig two graves. One for your enemy, and one for you. Great chapter.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting an evil. In fact, one often should not forget. Forgiveness means not perpetuating the injustice with an answering hate. It means being better than one's enemy.

The events seemed to put everyone so on edge, that even taking about it in a marginal way made everyone deathly quiet.

No shit; fundamental laws of reality were broken that day - I imagine everyone's feeling like they all shared a massive hallucinogenic trip or something.

Something some stupid little busybody thought I didn't deserve despite all the work I did for her

...She's definitely not "little", Sunset; how dare you say that about her. She's easily the tallest pony out there.

She remembered Sunset even making snide remarks at poor Apple Bloom.

Considering what Apple Bloom does to her later, I'd say she deserves this.

Comment posted by LucarioFan2066 deleted Yesterday

"And school," Sunset asked.

Applejack asked, not Sunset.

I didn't no the layout, and thus I didn't know where to find the charms

First, it's "know", not "no", in this context.
Secondly...Sunset was able to move quickly and teleport despite not having been a unicorn in years, when later shorts show her stumbling around and having issues. Furthermore, she was able to bypass the guards and find Twilight's room without much visible trouble. Hmm...

Sunbeam,

Sunbeam, or Stardust?

"Know please remove yourself from my presence at once."

"Now", not "Know".

"She's a big meanie who almost destroyed the school."

And you're a little meanie who will almost destroy her friendships and reputation; you're not perfect yourself, girl.

I'd love to see a sequel covering how some of the other girls react to new-Sunset; Rarity having her work as a mannequin for her designs? Having to work at an animal shelter for Fluttershy? Getting beaten up by Rainbow Dash?

So, before I start over-analyzing, the characters are, generally speaking, very much in character and there has clearly been care taken to avoid directly contradicting canon. I love this sort of story, and it's what I try to write when I can (have not had much time lately but that's another story).

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Now Luna is a more reasonable case, IMO. I am ignoring here the comic, which suggested some sort of nightmare forces then tried to back-pedal and... well it's controversial and pre-season-8 comics are deuterocanonical at best at this point, since the Sombra arc has been definitively ignored (or possibly moved to a later date? That was one of the better ones)

Anyway, I keep meaning to write up a story (well, a chapter of a story) about this, but it reminded me of Lazar in Sonic The Hedgehog (SatAM), who centuries before had been a supremely evil wizard. When Robotnik woke him and Sonic faced him, he told Sonic "Evil I was once. But dreamed for centuries I did. Evil I am no more." Of course she WAS still... well, evil-ishly short-sighted... when she awoke, but whether she was asleep and dreaming or (and I shudder to think of this one) alert and alone (again, ignoring the comics here), it is not too difficult to imagine a dissociative break occuring. Not necessarily multiple personality disorder: a milder form of dissociative disorder is sufficient and more emotionally satisfying imo.

Sunset, however, has no such long period of contemplation, and her sudden turn was one of my biggest problems with the first EG movie. This isn't a BAD attempt at papering over that. Which brings me to...

9777768

Going off the "See how the sausage is made": Yes, so here is a way to potentially fix that (if you are so inclined as to make revisions) without too much work. START with her nearly killing people. That is a hard point for most, I would imagine. One reason guns were seen as dishonorable warfare by some: You can kill someone at a distance (more easily than with bows), without having to look them in the eye and without having to see who's killing whom.

Then work BACKWARDS. Show each step along the way in reverse-order. Thus "I never wanted to kill anyone, so I wasn't that bad", but each lead-up, while not so final, is still an injury, a 'little death', applied to another. End not with her as a spoiled brat (as I feel like that's so petty it breaks the pattern), but with her ranting against Celestia's warning about the mirror.

But of course that's a bit of effort for relatively few new readers, so it may well not be worth it.

Now some nit-picking editing

"She didn't everything for you, you ungrateful bitch," Present Sunset practically yelled.

Did, not didn't

I owe you for the money I cost you when CHS stopped buying from your family's farm," she looked down. "This isn't to buy your forgiveness. I owe you the money whether you hate me or not. You can keep it no matter what you." Applejack stared at the check and the back at the other girl trying not to cry.

Missing word, probably 'do' at the end of the dialogue line.

Had some more, but LucarioFan beat me to it. :P

9782821

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting an evil. In fact, one often should not forget. Forgiveness means not perpetuating the injustice with an answering hate. It means being better than one's enemy.

If only those with power listened to the words of wisdom and not those beating the drum of war.


9787719

No shit; fundamental laws of reality were broken that day - I imagine everyone's feeling like they all shared a massive hallucinogenic trip or something.

It is odd how few characters visibly react to the news of magic existing.

...She's definitely not "little", Sunset; how dare you say that about her. She's easily the tallest pony out there.

Uh, Sunset is, at this point, is a spoiled, self-centered brat. She isn't exactly in touch with reality. So it is natural for her to belittle a being who can move the sun and the moon at this point. Especially since Celestia is too dignified to waste her energy on some obnoxious brat.

Considering what Apple Bloom does to her later, I'd say she deserves this.

Well, one could argue that Sunset was the one throwing the first punch. As nasty as Apple Bloom's actions were, Sunset was the one who created the conflict in the first place.


9787745

Will make the corrections. Thank you.

Secondly...Sunset was able to move quickly and teleport despite not having been a unicorn in years, when later shorts show her stumbling around and having issues. Furthermore, she was able to bypass the guards and find Twilight's room without much visible trouble. Hmm...

I picture her Sunset as being flustered at ending up in a completely different castle, which makes things slightly more difficult for Sunset, magical prodigy or not.


9787832

I'd love to see a sequel covering how some of the other girls react to new-Sunset; Rarity having her work as a mannequin for her designs? Having to work at an animal shelter for Fluttershy? Getting beaten up by Rainbow Dash?

Here's the link.

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