• Member Since 19th Sep, 2019
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

CptLeo


Hey, I'm Sahan, aka Cpt.Leo. I really like reading these stories, especially crossovers. And, I'm kinda new here so go easy on me. I have my first story uploaded here so take look at it.

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When Sunset was hit by the rainbow, she lost everything. She had no friends, no family, or at least a decent place to call her own. But when all seemed lost, she not only found someone that cares about her like a mother but also someone very special.

Written by: Cpt. Leo
Edited by: Moonriseoversunset

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 359 )

Well good luck I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes 👍

Congrats on your first story! This seems like it’s off to a good start. I look forward to seeing more!

I am defiantly looking forward to more if you need or want to share story ideas let me know.

This certainly is interesting! I think it's one fic I would out on the Funhouse Bookshelf! I can't wait to see more though.

Good luck. I like this and am looking forward to seeing where it goes.

Aww, poor Sunset. I kind of am angry at Dash for not even letting Sunset talk. Though it is just like her to do that, unfortunately. Looking forward to another update!

RAINBOW YOU JERK!

Also, I can see Sunset actively trying to avoid everyone after this incident

It seems Rainbow here, is a bit of a bad person. And that simply is a bad thing for a person to be. Sunset is just trying to have a job and then Rainbow comes in making wild accusations.

Ok you got a decent idea but seriously ..grammar, pacing and spelling check!

the grammar is bad, the misspellings are annoying and the pacing is too fast.

I'm not trying to be mean but someone had to say it.

Another great chapter, poor Sunny though, she shouldn't starve herself, even if she is scared.

This might sound a little cruel but I'm hoping that someone oversteps the boundary during their revenge and Sunset does nothing so that the Human 5 have a change of heart

10330536
Yeah thanks for the criticism? I guess.
I'm still learning. I'm not native english. I'll try to improve my writing as much as I can.

10330556
Don't worry, I have planed out how to do that. Sunset being starving is a part of that.

Well it appears as if life still ain't going to well for Sunset.

Glad to see a new chapter finally and good luck with the chapter and stay safe

Good on Flutters for taking the initiative and approaching Sunny. I hope she doesn't get scared when Celestia talks with her...

10342803
Only one way to find out. I'll work on the next chapter soon.

Okay, love the story, but number one rule of writing dialogue:

Everytime someone new or different speaks you creat a new line. Never connect two different dialogues.

10349959
Got it. Thanks for the advice.

This was a great chapter, Sunset's hesitance to go with Celestia feels very real and natural. I can't wait to see what happens next

10350003
Thanks. I'll try to upload the next chapter as soon as possible.

10350030
Ooh okay, can't wait to see it

I feel kinda bad not reading the last chapter, but I love this one and the other! Can't wait for the next!

Can't wait to see what's next

Can’t wait to see how this goes.

Is it me or does dash have a habit of ruining something good?

"Yeah. And she was going to attack her. It's a good thing I was there or who knows what she could have done to her."

Rainbow, shut the absolute hell up.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Aww, poor Sunny...hope she gets more confidence about trusting Tia...a great chapter, looking forward to when the next will come out

I’m really liking Celestia and Luna in this.

Hope to see more soon. I'd like for Sunset to reveal that Princess Celestia was her mentor and Principal Celestia shows her a difference between them.

Rainbow, I understand you're angry, but you are being a major jerk! :ajbemused:

10374259
That's an understatement

“Yeah don’t worry. I can manage.” Sunset said. She actually didn’t sleep well last night because of those horrible nightmares but she decided to not tell about them to Celestia.

That’s where she f*cked up at. Also, what does “a couple of seconds” have to do with anything?

Rainbow you stop being a jerk this instant missy! Or else I'll give you a slap to the face! Anyway, great chapter. Looking forward to seeing Chrys and Luna meet up. Seems like that'll be interesting

10374364
Isn't it obvious? The rainbow wave altered Sunset's perception of time during the blast. She spent hours trapped there, having to endure the pain of every person and pony she had ever hurt.

There really aren't that many plot holes. Everything lines up really nice looking at the timeline and the lore, but you do you.

10374596
So, everything that’s happened happened in one second?

hope Rainbow will soon start to trust he

10374655
For everyone else, it took the amount of time to defeat her that it did in the movie, I think it was like 37 seconds or something, but for Sunset it took hours for her to go through all that agonizing pain.

10374599
Actually there are some, for example, Sci-Twi having wings in her pony up form doesn't make sence, when she's not an alicorn or even a pegasus in equestria. she's a unicorn as seen in summer breakdown.

10375100
Sure, but that isn't lore, that's just the animators being lazy and reusing Princess Twilight's design. Everything else is pretty sound. The timelines work out, characters don't conflict themselves, even the mirror portal stays continuous.

10374832
Oh, I thought this was gonna into some sort of time paradox type stuff.

10375108
Yeah I get that the animators are being lazy. I've seen this kind of things in some games too but this is a big error on the animators. Because it made it look like Sci-Twi is the main character and the others are just side-characters and she's the leader of the group when it's supposed to be Sunset that lead them. In my opinion, Hasbro doesn't care that much about Eqg. I get that it's a web series and FiM is the main story, but it just doesn't feel right. They made 4 whole films for Eqg and a mini series but they don't even care to write a proper description for the equestria girls in youtube.

10375312
That doesn't mean it's inconsistent. Her having wings when they pony up doesn't take the spotlight from Sunset. If we're being realistic, Sunset would want her best friend to have the spotlight. One animation flaw isn't the reason to make an entire story an Alternate Universe. Obviously, Hasbro doesn't care about the spin-off, but that doesn't mean they purposefully tried to ruin the show. It sucks the girls didn't get an ending, but what we got works as an ending really well. And like I said, the timeline is more solid than they main series.

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