• Member Since 18th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

fmriver


T

Anybody could tell you that a high school worth of students would never be enough to conquer a whole world right? A part of Sunset wanted to die the night of the Fall Formal. In a way she succeeded.

The magic did its best to put her back together again, but there's a reason everybody notes that Sunset is like a new person after the Fall Formal don't they?

It's almost like a new Sunset was born that night... and she needs help in becoming a real person again.










Trigger warning - At some point in the story, characters may discuss heavy topics, such as suicide, cutting, violence, teen pregnancy, homelessness, among others. This is the story I will be channeling my darker side.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 34 )

8927746
Sorry, adding it now! Thought the suicide and violence warnings covered that, my bad!

I like it. Explains why sunset tried use mind control to take over the school. Looking forwards to more.

This seems an interesting start to things. I hope we get to see where this is going. Too many stories on this site have good starts, but are never continued.

Ri2

Well, that was...unsettling. Is the new Sunset really in a better place than old one?

Ri2

Geez. She's a mess. I'm not sure the magic exactly did a good thing to her.

8929021
Not really. In canon, Sunset goes through massive changes between the Fall Formal and the Rainbow Rocks movie. When someone talks to her about her past, it's to tell her how much she has CHANGED, or how DIFFERENT she is, or that she's NOT THAT PERSON anymore...

people don't use that kind of language unless someone's personality changes radically. This is showing that the magic did exactly that to Sunset...

Pardon, typed on my phone

8929027
The magic did not really do a good thing to her, particularly the first time, where the element of magic wasn't tempered by the others. The rainbow blast actually did repair as much as could be done, but power without kindness, joy, generosity, loyalty, or honesty can be... jagged.

She is basically the mental equivalent of Humpty Dumpty after the fall. The girls will have to try to put her back together again.

Ri2

8929449
But all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again! How can they?

8929478
With the magic of friendship, dun-dun-duuuunnn. :pinkiecrazy:

It looks like this story knows where it’s going, and that’s always good to see. Looking forward to the next chapter

Hmm, it seems you're taking an approach where it shows how the magic went out of control and corrupted things on Sunset rather than flat out hate levels and rejection. Curious to see how it goes

Ri2

So they've ALL been brainwashed? That's...scary.

This is really good! The pacing flows well, and the characters come across as genuine. I really hope there is another update soon.

8952920
Thanks Esorial! I hope I can keep it flowing well one we hit the meat of the story as up till now it's really been set up of the premise. The really hard part will be timing the interactions, and developments going forward. I've noticed I have a tendency to want to over explain my character's thoughts, or over foreshadow, which I'll then have to delete out of the final version.

8929478
So that's the rub right? You can't undo what happened. The magic did what it could, but it had to fill in bits and pieces to get Sunset close to sane again ; This also explains why she changes so drastically from her previous personality.

The Humpty metaphor only goes so far though. Another component is that even after tremendous trauma, human minds are able to heal themselves to a functional state.

I completely agree with Esorial. This is an amazing premise written very well. This darker take on the familiar events is definitely something I really want to see more of. You have a hooked reader in me and I can't wait to see more. I read a lot of mlp fanfics and I have to say I haven't seen anything quite like this before. That uniqueness alone would be worth alot even if you hadn't written it as well as you have. An easy 10/10 thus far.

8957229
Thank you for the kind words! I'll try to keep doing my best! I really appreciate the feedback. I am definitely trying to go a bit darker tone, and experimenting with a very 'introverted' style of writing. Everyone at this point is stuck in their own heads a lot, because they are trying to process all the 'action' from the fall formal fiasco.

Also, here are some great fics that also try their own hand in writing about Sunset after the Fall Formal:

  • Full Circle (the moon of remorse arc is almost the same concept, except the characters have no problems with being brain washed)
  • Long Road To Friendship (Sunset is under a geas to be honest and follow any request)
  • A New Sun Rises (just awesome writing. Sunset reads like a lost teen in this one, dumb decision making and all).

8957708
Thank you for the list. Long Road to Friendship I have read. As for a New Sun Rises I am rather leery of reading a story that has went with out update for so many months. Far too many unfinished stories and I try and avoid getting into anymore. I'll keep an eye on it though and if it picks back up I'll likely give it a read. Full Circle I will defiantly take a look at. It's intro blurb alone makes it seem in the same vein as yours and that in itself catches my attention.

Damn, I honestly am in love with the sheer scope this can entail. Mental magics used in any regard to affect another are something that sour mynstomach due to just how they can explode beyond the intent so easily. A way tonality others making them giddy pleasing husks that would slit wrists if asked just on a joke or ones where a person is made assertive could spiral into a tyrant with sadistic joy at control.

This covers more in the former with the latter happening during the 'she-demon' form. I've studied aspects of psychology for the id, ego, and super-ego and how the tie in with the concious and subconscious aspects of decisions. Not to mention how command interpretation goes beyond desire with self-evolving tasks.

You're doing good here and I look forward to more. If you need a psych viewpoint feel free to ask.

I like the tone of this. Interesting to see a version where everyone questions why things ended in such a fashion.

Interesting to see someone touch on the probable side effects of (what looks like) dark magic. That magic can't fix everything.

8957708
I'm 43 chapters into Full Circle and I have to say its a good story but I still like yours better. Its more unique. Full Circle like Long Road and a host of others all have the elements/harmony magic be almost deific in nature. Not quite all powerful but defiantly the ultimate authority on what is good. If the magic does something then its right end of story. In your story not only is it not nearly as omnipotent its actually making questionable "decisions". You are not writing every act it takes as something that by the magics nature is right or correct and that makes it a much deeper and more interesting story. Your harmony magic seems to basically do its best instead of just be right. Always trying for the good outcome but maybe not in the ways everybody/pony would necessary approve of and I cant wait to read more.

8986288
Yeah, glad that came across! Like most of the fandom, I also saw them that way for the longest time, until their actual origin story came out, and they were proven not to be timeless OR foundational to Equestria.

Thry are a creation of Starswirl's, who is fallible, therefore it's magic should also be fallible right?

8957229
I completely agree with this person. This story is freaking fantastic and I can’t wait to see how everything will play out. Keep up the great work!

This is a really good story so far! I hope to see an update soon! I love your explanation of Sunset's sudden change in character and personality! It was really well done and thought out! And that description! Gold! I'm telling you, this story so far is genius!

I like what I see here so far, but you really need to profread this thing. Nothing drastic, but some light editing would do wonders for the story's over all presentation.

8953326

But that functional state isn't always the correct one, is it?

As others already said, this story is really great so far. I can't wait for another chapter ^^

Interesting idea surrounding the Spring Fling. I always find a writer's compensation of events barely touched upon in show to be good reading because it varies so much from writer to writer.

9160066
Thanks for the comment! That was actually the problem with this... I kept going down the rabbit hole too much, and it could easily have overtaken this story I want to tell here.

Huh, talk about getting rough in perspective. Still always questioned what exactly the elements did to her. In all honesty, Celestia and Sunset contributed to the problems the latter had.

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