• Member Since 19th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen January 31st



Anybody could tell you that a high school worth of students would never be enough to conquer a whole world right? A part of Sunset wanted to die the night of the Fall Formal. In a way she succeeded.

The magic did its best to put her back together again, but there's a reason everybody notes that Sunset is like a new person after the Fall Formal don't they?

It's almost like a new Sunset was born that night... and she needs help in becoming a real person again.

Trigger warning - At some point in the story, characters may discuss heavy topics, such as suicide, cutting, violence, teen pregnancy, homelessness, among others. This is the story I will be channeling my darker side.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 61 )

Sorry, adding it now! Thought the suicide and violence warnings covered that, my bad!

I like it. Explains why sunset tried use mind control to take over the school. Looking forwards to more.

This seems an interesting start to things. I hope we get to see where this is going. Too many stories on this site have good starts, but are never continued.


Well, that was...unsettling. Is the new Sunset really in a better place than old one?


Geez. She's a mess. I'm not sure the magic exactly did a good thing to her.

Not really. In canon, Sunset goes through massive changes between the Fall Formal and the Rainbow Rocks movie. When someone talks to her about her past, it's to tell her how much she has CHANGED, or how DIFFERENT she is, or that she's NOT THAT PERSON anymore...

people don't use that kind of language unless someone's personality changes radically. This is showing that the magic did exactly that to Sunset...

Pardon, typed on my phone

The magic did not really do a good thing to her, particularly the first time, where the element of magic wasn't tempered by the others. The rainbow blast actually did repair as much as could be done, but power without kindness, joy, generosity, loyalty, or honesty can be... jagged.

She is basically the mental equivalent of Humpty Dumpty after the fall. The girls will have to try to put her back together again.


But all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again! How can they?

With the magic of friendship, dun-dun-duuuunnn. :pinkiecrazy:

It looks like this story knows where it’s going, and that’s always good to see. Looking forward to the next chapter

Hmm, it seems you're taking an approach where it shows how the magic went out of control and corrupted things on Sunset rather than flat out hate levels and rejection. Curious to see how it goes


So they've ALL been brainwashed? That's...scary.

This is really good! The pacing flows well, and the characters come across as genuine. I really hope there is another update soon.

Thanks Esorial! I hope I can keep it flowing well one we hit the meat of the story as up till now it's really been set up of the premise. The really hard part will be timing the interactions, and developments going forward. I've noticed I have a tendency to want to over explain my character's thoughts, or over foreshadow, which I'll then have to delete out of the final version.

So that's the rub right? You can't undo what happened. The magic did what it could, but it had to fill in bits and pieces to get Sunset close to sane again ; This also explains why she changes so drastically from her previous personality.

The Humpty metaphor only goes so far though. Another component is that even after tremendous trauma, human minds are able to heal themselves to a functional state.

I completely agree with Esorial. This is an amazing premise written very well. This darker take on the familiar events is definitely something I really want to see more of. You have a hooked reader in me and I can't wait to see more. I read a lot of mlp fanfics and I have to say I haven't seen anything quite like this before. That uniqueness alone would be worth alot even if you hadn't written it as well as you have. An easy 10/10 thus far.

Thank you for the kind words! I'll try to keep doing my best! I really appreciate the feedback. I am definitely trying to go a bit darker tone, and experimenting with a very 'introverted' style of writing. Everyone at this point is stuck in their own heads a lot, because they are trying to process all the 'action' from the fall formal fiasco.

Also, here are some great fics that also try their own hand in writing about Sunset after the Fall Formal:

  • Full Circle (the moon of remorse arc is almost the same concept, except the characters have no problems with being brain washed)
  • Long Road To Friendship (Sunset is under a geas to be honest and follow any request)
  • A New Sun Rises (just awesome writing. Sunset reads like a lost teen in this one, dumb decision making and all).

Thank you for the list. Long Road to Friendship I have read. As for a New Sun Rises I am rather leery of reading a story that has went with out update for so many months. Far too many unfinished stories and I try and avoid getting into anymore. I'll keep an eye on it though and if it picks back up I'll likely give it a read. Full Circle I will defiantly take a look at. It's intro blurb alone makes it seem in the same vein as yours and that in itself catches my attention.

Damn, I honestly am in love with the sheer scope this can entail. Mental magics used in any regard to affect another are something that sour mynstomach due to just how they can explode beyond the intent so easily. A way tonality others making them giddy pleasing husks that would slit wrists if asked just on a joke or ones where a person is made assertive could spiral into a tyrant with sadistic joy at control.

This covers more in the former with the latter happening during the 'she-demon' form. I've studied aspects of psychology for the id, ego, and super-ego and how the tie in with the concious and subconscious aspects of decisions. Not to mention how command interpretation goes beyond desire with self-evolving tasks.

You're doing good here and I look forward to more. If you need a psych viewpoint feel free to ask.

I like the tone of this. Interesting to see a version where everyone questions why things ended in such a fashion.

Interesting to see someone touch on the probable side effects of (what looks like) dark magic. That magic can't fix everything.

I'm 43 chapters into Full Circle and I have to say its a good story but I still like yours better. Its more unique. Full Circle like Long Road and a host of others all have the elements/harmony magic be almost deific in nature. Not quite all powerful but defiantly the ultimate authority on what is good. If the magic does something then its right end of story. In your story not only is it not nearly as omnipotent its actually making questionable "decisions". You are not writing every act it takes as something that by the magics nature is right or correct and that makes it a much deeper and more interesting story. Your harmony magic seems to basically do its best instead of just be right. Always trying for the good outcome but maybe not in the ways everybody/pony would necessary approve of and I cant wait to read more.

Yeah, glad that came across! Like most of the fandom, I also saw them that way for the longest time, until their actual origin story came out, and they were proven not to be timeless OR foundational to Equestria.

Thry are a creation of Starswirl's, who is fallible, therefore it's magic should also be fallible right?

I completely agree with this person. This story is freaking fantastic and I can’t wait to see how everything will play out. Keep up the great work!

This is a really good story so far! I hope to see an update soon! I love your explanation of Sunset's sudden change in character and personality! It was really well done and thought out! And that description! Gold! I'm telling you, this story so far is genius!

I like what I see here so far, but you really need to profread this thing. Nothing drastic, but some light editing would do wonders for the story's over all presentation.


But that functional state isn't always the correct one, is it?

Interesting idea surrounding the Spring Fling. I always find a writer's compensation of events barely touched upon in show to be good reading because it varies so much from writer to writer.

Thanks for the comment! That was actually the problem with this... I kept going down the rabbit hole too much, and it could easily have overtaken this story I want to tell here.

Huh, talk about getting rough in perspective. Still always questioned what exactly the elements did to her. In all honesty, Celestia and Sunset contributed to the problems the latter had.

This was pretty rough around the edges. There were quite a few grammatical mistakes. The most common of these were errors in your dialogue tags. Here's a handy guide from a handy guy on how to do it correctly:

This is a recurring issue with your writing. If a speech tag follows after the dialogue, there should be no capitalization. If an action tag follows, capitalization is required. Here’s a very useful list of examples:

Attribution of Dialogue (Dialogue Tagging)

✖ "Hi there," the pink pony grinned. (It should be a period: ‘grinned’ isn’t a ‘speaking’ verb.)
✖ "Hi there." The pink pony said. (This should be a comma; no capitalization should be used)
✖ "Hi there"! the pink pony shouted! (Punctuation of dialogue belongs inside the quotes.)
✖ "Hi there!" The pink pony shouted! (Don’t capitalize "the"; treat the "!" as a comma.)

✔ "Hi there," the pink pony giggled. (She giggled while saying the words.)
✔ "Hi there." The pink pony giggled. (She said those words, then giggled.)
✔ "Hi there." The pink pony grinned. (The word 'grinned' isn't a 'speaking' verb.)
✔ "Hi there!" the pink pony shouted. (Exclamations and queries replace the comma.)

Beyond the grammatical mistakes, however, was an interesting prologue. I'm hoping the rest builds well on the little additions you've made to the ending of the first movie.

It'll probably get old real fast if I just mention the grammatical mistakes each chapter, so unless something drastically changes, pretend I'm complaining about them or something.

The story itself is looking interesting so far. The transition from Fall Formal to Rainbow Rocks is a favorite story hook of mine.

Huh. Celestia and Luna don't live together. I don't think I've seen that before.

Also, your take on the magical aftereffects is pretty interesting.

but we could all tell something more happened that night that none of us noticed until much later

Aftereffects, yo

Well that's a neat tidbit of information.

There was one last thing that Celestia could do today in hopes of finding more clues about the mystery that was Sunset Shimmer. As principal she could inspect the inside of any student's locker. She would take care of it today. She wasn't sure she would find anything that would provide clues, but it would also make her feel safer that the girl did not have anything dangerous in there either.

Well that'll go over well, especially when she finds the dimensional barrier breaking journal.

This isn't going to be another fic that turns Flash into an asshole, is it?

Oh dear, I just saw when the last update was. This is a really captivating story, and I dearly hope you continue it in the future. I'd really enjoy reading more. You have a wonderful talent of writing descriptions in such a way that I feel like I can almost physically see or feel some of the things you've written, especially in the first chapter.

The way you wrote Sunset's rise and fall scene gave me sympathy pains, which a story has never done to me before. Absolutely marvelous!

They're both in the "Correct" section. Check the parentheticals for why.

To be honest, I had no idea what grammar mistakes you were talking about in many stories until I saw your comment in a previous chapter. I’m not an experienced writer so I don’t know shit. I apologize for being an ass. 😂

Hey if you need help writing this story I'm more then willing to give you a hand and help brainstorm as co author it wouldn't be fair to boot you off this project this is your creation and I'd like to help you make it flourish if you want me to help let me know this story is good and I will help anyway I can.

Thanks Psinet

THe purple haired girl

MOre importantly though,

Aside from these a great chapter to read.

Is booting you in the story an option?

While a co-author or soneine to take over is better than letting it die it would not be the same as each head is a universe different from any other.

If I had more time in my schedule I'd love to help you. I think this story was one of the first ones to really get me into read fim stories. If you can't find more people for help I'll send a blog out to see if anyone is interested in helping you out. My fan base isn't huge but my story is doing decent so ill make sure to put something in the authors note.

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