• Member Since 28th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago

MorpheustheDream


This is not the end, this is not the beginning.


Featured In1

T

(Alternate Universe. Here, Sunset is actually a human, and Equestria doesn't exist.)
Canterlot High and it's residents are going through a real hard time after the truth of Anon-A-Miss comes out. Now they're regretting their actions, all of them are.

In memory of Chester Bennington, vocalist for Linkin Park. He passed away 3 months ago, and he's still missed. After all; "Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do."

[Popular Stories List : 10/13/17 Friday the 13th? Not sure if this is bad luck or not. :T)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

Nice Story! RIP Chester!

8483767
Thank you, and I'm glad to see that you miss him too.

I have no words to describe my emotions. Well written.

8483806
Thank you for the kind words.

8483812
You are most welcome!

Very well written story.

This was great! well written. well-said.. i feel sad... thanks 4 writing this

Extremely well written. You hit me right in the feels, and hard enough to let some out.

Okay, I have to say this. And please take it as constructive criticism. But this isn't a story. It's more like an outline of a story.

One of the most important aspects of writing is 'Show' versus 'Tell.' And there's no 'Show' here. There's no dialogue. No interactions. No descriptions. No showing of anything. It's all 'Tell.' "X is doing Y and feeling Z." Each character gets their own (single) paragraph 'telling' us just how bad they feel and what they're doing about it. It's like you're hitting each item on a bullet pointed list.

There's no real descriptions of how the student body reacts. No description of emotional responses. No descriptions of how her friends lean on each other in response to the tradgedy (or fall away from each other?) Hell, there are no real descriptions of the funeral, potentially the most emotional part of the story, aside from "People said nice things about her."

I understand that this is supposed to be "In Memory" of someone, thus giving it a 'deeper' meaning. But I neither know, nor care about the individual in question. And standing on its own, without that connection, this feels far more like an empty framework of a real story, waiting to be filled in and fleshed out.

Comment posted by MorpheustheDream deleted Sunday

Damn...that’s just beautiul. I should show this to my girlfriend she loves Linkin Park and was hit pretty hard when Chester died.

Comment posted by MasterBlaster deleted Sunday

This needs a sequel.

8489533
Who knows? That may happen one day. :raritywink:

Login or register to comment