• Member Since 18th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

fmriver


T

It's the first week of school, an Fluttershy couldn't be more overwhelmed. Starting High School, and trying to get herself out of her very small comfort zone is exhausting. Sometimes she wishes something would happen like one of her mangas, where someone magical would show up, become her friend and just help her get out of her own shell... But she knows that's not how things work.

At least, she thought so. Then she sees Sunset Shimmer fall out of the Wondercolt Statue.

==
Basically a what-if story, where Fluttershy witnesses when Sunset first exits the portal from Equestria.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 18 )

A little bit more tell than show here at the moment, but the premise is interesting for sure. As for the manga.... was that first one essentially The Devil is a Part-Timer!? Anywhoodle, I'll keep up with this, infrequent updates or not. Good luck!

8823152
Yup! You guessed right! And it did feel a bit too tell not show, but that was probably influenced a bit by my desire to get enough on paper to kickstart the premise, along with my lack of writing experience.

I'll try to keep it down for the future, probably by not writing so much about what the characters are thinking. I'm not very good at doing that without it becoming too exposition-ish I guess.

Interesting premise. Needs some editing work, as there are quite a few typos scattered throughout. I am curious to see where this goes.

8823295
Well if it helps you get that down pat, I say keep doing it. Though maybe limit your perspectives on each chapter? Might make it easier

very good story so far i got the sailor moon refrence but what where the other 2 manga sunset saw?

also id like to point out that comic for sunsets past is none canon nothing has even suggested she was ever banished in the films special or shorts but minor nitpick still PLEASE update soon dont make me wait a month

I finally managed to read it and I think I like it. To be honest I skipped the sunset escpade part since I feel I get the idea what happened there, but this chapter was good enough and so far I have no special wishes for it. Just to see Fluttershy actually being shy in the rest of the story, not something like a sudden solution.

8839200
Texus, I can see where you were coming from. I had felt I was rehashing a bit of the comic 'fall of sunset shimmer' there but FYI, the point of divergence here is that Sunset found the 'Canterlot Castle A History' book earlier than in canon, so she began prepping for her expedition, and was instead caught when she was trying to figure out a way to extend past the 3 day limit, a bit earlier in the late afternoon rather than evening. I debated pointing this out as quite a few AU fics I've read do, maybe I should have. You don't really lose much info though. The big thing is Sunset was slightly more prepared for going to earth, and she met fluttershy.

That difference meant Fluttershy was still at school, and so forth for the story, and the bag of stuff will allow Sunset to prove something's later on.

As for not writing Fluttershy shy enough, this was a struggle too... I tried to convey that she went into a bit of 'hurt person/animal' mode, which helped her overcome her initial shyness, along with 3 years less of bullying? But you're right, I can try dialing that up a bit more. Just remember that her kindness does trump her shyness (at least that's my mantra when I write her ;) )

8824632
The Devil is a Part Timer and the last isn't manga but a comic from disney's Star VS The Forces of Evil, which I highly recommend.

8839695

I can try dialing that up a bit more. Just remember that her kindness does trump her shyness (at least that's my mantra when I write her ;) )

I understand it, but as an example I think at least once she meets sunset in her room, calms down and maybe understande what she did she would go suddenly silence and stuff, what she does when she is shy.

I guess it was more or less alright in this chapter, but I was suprised that she had no problem with her greeting. I normally like it if they do something different with the characters, but I probably expected her to get all Fluttershy on her.

Good I wait what you are going to do with it, I think I would just be a bit dissapointed if her character would suddenly change completely, it sounded like you understood what I meant trough.

8839715
your thinking to much of pony fluttershy not human fluttershy the 2 are different human flutter shy is not near as well shy

8840267
How are they different? I mean in the movie she already had friends and some point and yes maybe the human school is more stuffed with people, forcing her to get used to it, but I think she can still turn out shy. In your story Fluttershy has still a problem with the human main six right?, well I just think her ability to get along with other people doesn't has to be great just because she get's along with them.

I try to explain it better next time or tomorrow if I remember it, but I don't think that human Fluttershy in such a better situation.
To be your explanation that she somehow felt more brave or something in the story after what she had done, makes me at least believe that she is just trying to get better and out of her shell.
I'm not saying that the movie shows Fluttershy as the bravest, I still believe she is or can be shy if she doesn'T has anything to do with her friends but I want to say I take everything I see with a grain of salt anyway. (do you say it like that?).

I mean I think a bit about it instead of "oh Fluttershy is dancing and everything".
I stop here because I should at least know why you think they are different before trying to say more about my opinion on it.

Despite me believing that she can still be shy and everything, this is your story and "alternate universe" or you saying "my Fluttershy is not that shy" would be already enough for me to accept it. I'm just not easily believing that they are so different.
The Fluttershy in the human world probably had her own character development to make if we would have been shown her side of the things.

Long story short, just because maybe her first impression in the movie showed her as not that shy or whatever ( I need to look again), is probably not exactly a proof that she was like that all the time.

8840431
uh im not the writer i just saw your latest comment and shared my thoughts i did not mean to interupt your conversation with the writer

8840502
Thanks for the comment! I'll be honest and say that I do focus more on Fluttershy being kind scenes rather than being pathologically shy.

I took Texus's comment as well cause it was something I was telling myself even before posting the story. The big issue with this story's version of Fluttershy is that on one side she's younger, which in MLP means she hasn't learned to come out of her shell, BUT in EQG means 3 years less of bullying pushing her INTO her shell... so it's hard to quantify exactly what Fluttershy was like.

Now personally I just don't like writing her as shy to the point of paralyzingly social anxiety, particularly in EQG since she's shown to be more open going than Fluttershy was in the start of MLP. This makes sense since they wrote her with the then current Pony version, whom wasn't as shy anymore.

Prime example is that she HANDS OUT FLYERS to ALL THE STUDENTS, in a pretty large high school, and TALKS BACK to Sunset as she is being bullied!

Also, she doesn't have all the racial stuff Fluttershy had to deal with (fear of heights, weak flyer, etc as a Pegasus). Human Flutters is living in a city and dealing with bunch of people, whereas pony flutter had moved to the edge of a dangerous forest and was a half step from becoming a hermit at the start of mlp.

8841015
she feels just right to me so keep it up i say

8841015

Prime example is that she HANDS OUT FLYERS to ALL THE STUDENTS, in a pretty large high school, and TALKS BACK to Sunset as she is being bullied!

Because I know how I was or others in my school time, I would still say that only means so much, but like I said if you like her better that way then it is good enough for me.
It is just always odd to me it they suddenly look out of character since I haven't exactly seen Fluttershy like that too often I believe.

I can only say the thing with the flyer doesn't really have to make the bravest woman on earth out of her.

I look forward to the next chapter. and hope that there will be some fun reactions from fluttershy when Sunset counts gold coins and complains that she does not have so much money :facehoof:. and later wondering what she is going to do with the now useless diamonds which she would normally use for enchanting and other types of magic but can no longer do :fluttershysad:

I hate being "that guy" but is this story canceled or on indefinite hiatus?

9624444
Not cancelled, but it may go to hiatus. I'm still deciding which project to focus my energy back onto. TBH I've been writing in a couple of fandoms, and have gotten a bit distracted. When I began this and the shattered Sunset series I was going through a lot of emotional ups and downs and once I got on different medications I saw my creativity plummet. I've been writing slowly since the start of the year, but I want to get a good backlog before I start posting.

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