Urist McWriter
Joined 12th Jun, 2013 ·
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Good so far, will be interesting to see where this goes.
*Pulls up a chair and some popcorn*
Let us see where this goes.
Bruh, This is everything i've ever wanted out of an AU, a stuttering (never get rid of that), socially inept and scarred Twilight who has mass amounts of power.
You are now free to ravage my body as you please.
This looks very good so far, and I am very excited to see where this goes!
I can't help but think of Sam from Lord of the Rings. "If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been."
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Thanks, I appreciate the comparison. Does that make Shining Frodo?
9596896
I'm glad you like the stuttering, I was worried it would be overbearing. Maybe that's not the right word, annoying? Either way, I'm happy it came across well.
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9596868
I'm glad the two of you enjoyed the chapter!
9597370
I felt as if the stuttering gave her more character, and it's kinda cute.
9597370
Hmmm... Nah, I can't see it. If anything, I'd say Shining is more like Aragorn.
That slight tweak on why Twilight admires Celestia so much... this is one of the best intros to an AU I've ever seen. The character interactions are well excecuted, with everyone forming believable, informed, but imperfect assessments of the others, Twilight's imposter syndrome pairs with her genuine social anxieties wonderfully. I eagerly await more.
9597479
You're making me blush.
9597370
Spike is Frodo.
You have my attention.
9596868
Same.
Celestia understands. Everything is going to be fine.
9597629
I'm glad!
9597557
Twilight: Throw it into the fire!
Spike: It's just a letter.
9597644
What?
9597659
*Twilight like a goof fails to throw the note into the fire like a proper person*
This looks really, really neat! Part of a great AU is giving us a character we know and putting your own personal twist on it, and this certainly checks the boxes. Really excited to see where your portrayal goes next!
I personally find it jarring when the tense constantly switches between present and past like this. Maybe it serves some kind of literary purpouse, but for me it's annoying and immersion breaking. Other than that, I think this is a great story so far and I'm looking forward to updates. Thanks for writing!
Looking forward to seeing where this goes. Love a chance to view someone else’s mental problems.
Rereading, caught a minor error
"She capable," should be "She was capable,"
Been a while since I read a good AU. Twilight always seems to get the best and most fleshed out ones, at least of what I've found.
I like that we get multiple perspectives up front to give us a well-rounded sense of what each character focuses on and what they don't.
Magesight is fucking magic synesthesia and that's pretty badass. I bet ponies that have it make great painters. I imagine it looking like water color, fading out the older or weaker the magic is. Is it limited to just unicorns or does everyone have auras?
Twilight is fascinating; the sheer intensity of her phobias and their rapid onset makes me wonder just how dark the event really got. My mind is going to some really dark places. Her way of breathing, or not breathing, I guess, is as disturbing as it is perfectly in character and was a seriously good intro.
Very strong
Looking very promising and intriguing! However, I have to second 9597881 in that the rapid tense shifts are jarring and distract from the story.
Something was definitely wrong in that class room.
Is the teacher the bully?
Also, Twilight = age 10
Here in the USA, if she was applying for 1st grade, she would be 5-6 years old
If it was High School, 14-15 years old.
I don't think that she'd be 10, that would be 4th grade.
A very odd time to enter school, unless you just moved into the school district
9597659
Maybe I'm reading too much into things. That happens a lot. Don't worry overmuch.
Gonna read this soon when I get the chance, but for now I just have to say this because of the author xD
''Urist McWriter is taken by a fey mood!''
Let's just hope he doesn't claim the magma forge >.>;;
Eagerly awaiting the next one. One of my favorite Twi stories so far.
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Is it possible to learn this power?
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I hadn't even noticed it honestly. I'll go through and edit that sometime today. It was less advanced 4D storytelling and more I have the bad habit of switching when I write and forgetting to go back and fix it.
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Thanks, I'm glad you caught the synesthesia thing. You'll be learning more about that and the event in further chapters when the POVs allow for it!
9598075
This Equestria has a school system that operates on different standards than ours, I'll be filling in those details in further chapters when the POVs get around to it.
Edit: Also, I just realized what you meant by that. If it wasn't clear, she's been homeschool for the past two years. In addition, entering the Celestia's School requires an exam and isn't a public school you are just let into.
9598141
Let's hope I can find some ivory paper or we're all doomed.
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The idea of this Twilight was built up over the like 8 half-finished first chapters I have where I realized I didn't really want to write a crossover or HiE, I wanted to explore an AU Twilight.
You get aLike, Fave, track and follow just for the description.
So an author named Urist McWriter posts a story about an AU Twilight. It was inevitable.
Joking aside, I don't have time to look at this now, so I'll Read It Later.
You have me deeply intrigued. Looking forward to more, especially learning what happened to Twilight since Shining left home.
You have my attention, and interest. Great potential. Let's see where it goes.
9598075
Human and equestrian life spans. Its magic.
I am extremely interested in this story. Can't wait to see more!
Ok, got around to reading it now and I have to say that it's managed to grab my attention o.o looking forward to see how you take this forward o.o
Only problem would have to be the constant slipping between past and present tense :/ the first few times it was easy to ignore... But it's quite prevalent in the chapter which is a shame :/
Seems like you've got your Ivory paper right here :P now let's see what kind of craftsdwarf masterpiece you create ^^
this is such a fantastic first chapter! I can't wait for more!
Intrigued, definitively.
My curiosity is certainly roused.
I'm interested, and this is coming from someone who hates reading.
Bravo! Another excellent chapter! Also, is it hinted that Twilight is related to Luna?
good lord, Twilight is adorable!
Why can I only upvote once
i hope sun but gets a hold of that bitch that tormented twily and rips her a fucking new one im going to assume its shimmer
You need to work on not switching between tenses again and again.
I was far too enraptured by the story to have noticed any minor slips in tense or not. Far too enjoyable to nitpick over.
9601650 Agreed. Whoever it is needs their spine ripping out through their nostrils.
Was her parents in the exam room or not? It was clear they weren't there for the written exam but they might have been off to the side in the practical, like in the show.
Twilight REALLY needs therapy.
Too bad Celestia probably won't give it to her seeing as how she's still a neurotic mess years later.
Really wondering about how no one questioned a volume of foals being homeschooled thanks to trauma from one location.
9601974
You'll be learning more about that in future chapters, it hasn't even been looked into fully yet ICly.
9601930
I mean, this IS an AU. It's possible!
9601897
If they were in the exam room they would have been mentioned, that is sort of an important fact.
9601827
Well, I'm glad you thought so!
9601721
Like I said in the AN, I'm working on a solution. Talking to an editor right now and hopefully, progress will be made over the weekend.
9601645
Unfair, isn't it?
9601624
What exactly is adorable, out of curiosity?
9601614
Glad you enjoyed it!
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9601838
Glad you two enjoy it enough to be so invested in the protection of Twily, an admirable opinion!