• Member Since 4th Aug, 2011
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How could you do this? And on Jueves?!


This story is a sequel to ...But It Often Rhymes

The year she's spent with Cheerilee has been the best of Sunset's life. So when she receives a secret love letter from a not-so-secret admirer, she figures it's just a small bump in the road. She doesn't know it's all about to end.

But Cheerilee knows. She's always known.

Second place in Oroboro's 2018 Sunset Shipping Contest

Pre-reading services provided by DannyJ, Dubs Rewatcher, Majin Syeekoh, and AndrewRogue. Cover art by SciSetDaily.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 38 )

Really good, really awful. I hope Cherilee eventually sorts herself out.

That was a brilliant twist/extension on the title of last year's entry. I'd love to see you win first place twice in a row, and I think there's a pretty good chance of it.

Oof. Self-esteem issues ruin so many relationships. Sounds like someone needs councilling.

This was awful to read. Because I knew what was coming, based on the final lines of the previous story, and because of having been in a similar situation myself. I kind of hate that you wrote it. I'm going to have to find something super-duper extra-sappy to read to fix the way I'm feeling after reading this. I don't care if I basically asked for exactly this story in the end of the comments of the previous one.


Posh #5 · Sep 5th, 2018 · · · Dusk ·

9154250 You did this to yourself.

You're still a jerk.

This story broke my fragile queer heart. But in a good way! But in a painful way.

"I'm fairly certain Cupid's gone and shot my sister through the heart."

This led me on a train of thought that concluded with the mental image of Cadance gunning down Sweetie Belle in a dark alleyway, and it made me giggle.

Then she lashes out with her leg, and strikes the bench hard enough to split the wood.

Hope Sunset isn't too hard on herself, she went into that with best intentions and as well as you could. We all like to think we can continue to be the mature one in the face of anything, but in the face of personal attacks on someone you love, attacks that come razor thin toward being threats? It would take Herculean effort beyond most mere mortals.

Is it weird I don't see this as possible with pony Sweetie Belle, but could 100% see this kind of development with EQG Sweetie Belle? Maybe the CMC in Equestria make me feel like they're much more mature, even though they're younger, than the counterparts that came up with Anon-a-Miss.

Probably for the best. Relationships are work. Take a look at Sunset's relationships with the girls. That shit's hard, sometimes brutal, work. Though you didn't exactly give a cross-section of the entire year Sunset and Cheerilee spent together, it sure didn't sound like there was any real effort in the relationship.

They were just two people that were kinda together because they meshed a little bit and liked fucking.

They used "adolescent" a couple times in that ending.... sounds about right.

Half of the relationships i have seen fail, either my own or close friends', have failed due to a crippling self doubt / lack of trust within one of the partners. It doesn't matter how many times one says "I love you", or how many ways one shows that love- if someone believes you will betray them or leave them, that belief becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It is... a horrible thing to see happen ir experience, becayse it often takes months or Years for things to finally break down from that particular issue.
You portrayed it well... better than i wanted you to. Brings back a lot of memories.

Wow... did not expect this to be honest.
So, i gotta wait a year for the sequel.
Cool... i am marathoning Sunset/XXXXX romantic happy endings after reading this BTW.

You're a right bag o dicks man, but still good stories..


Posh #15 · Sep 6th, 2018 · · · Dusk ·

9155091 ...th...thank you?

9155142 I... okay???

This is the most confusing batch of comments I've ever gotten...

It's because we love you.

9154827 Personally, I don't think the human CMC have gotten much focus or development, so it's easy enough for us to look at them and say that they'd fit into this or that mold. That's by no means a criticism of your point; I quite agree. It's the only reason I was able to write the story this way.

By contrast, pony Sweetie is a more developed and complete character who's learned more about life (and, arguably, love) than her human self. It's harder to see her falling into this same situation.

Unless mind-warping magic were involved.:unsuresweetie:

I liked the stories but am mad about....well the realism

I find realistic stories about relationship problems ENORMOUSLY stressful to read, mostly constant 'been there, heard that exact phrase' moments.

Doesn't mean I don't like them though.

That is very consistent with the characters as depicted, here and in the prequel.
But still, owch.

Finally getting around to reading this. I gotta say, Sweetie Shimmer is not a ship that I would ever have thought of. Then again, neither was Cheeriset.

On another note, I myself have actually tasted takoyaki the last time I was in Japan (didn’t know that was what it was called though, just called it “octopus balls”), and it was actually pretty decent. This could be because they were actually freshly fried rather than nuked, but keep in mind this is coming from a guy who usually hates the taste of anything from the ocean.

Well if I didn’t have depression before, I sure have it now!

Seriously, this was great. Your writing quality shined as always, and really managed to capture that uncomfortable tension of a relationship just teetering on the edge of collapse.

Part of me thinks that Sunset was a little hasty to break things off with Cheerilee right then and there. It seemed to happen specifically because that’s what the story needed to happen. It makes sense why she would, of course, but I can’t help but wonder if they could have tried harder to work it out once Cheerilee’s insecurity came into the light. Counseling is a thing.

However, this doesn’t detract from the quality of this story at all, and as always I’m glad to have read it!

9165482 I think that Sunset didn't consider the relationship beyond salvage until Cheerilee set the ultimatum for her. Her intention by suggesting that they "take a break" was so that they would both stay away from each other, to buy some time to work through their issues, before coming back and negotiating and trying to work through them.

But Cheerilee demanded an answer then and there, and so forced her hand.

(That said, if I'd given myself a bit more time, I think I could have added more strength and nuance to the break-up)

In any case, I am glad that you enjoyed it! I am incapable of writing any romance but sad romance, it seems. :twilightblush:

Oh geez, that ending gutted me. Well written. Thank you for sharing!

Poor Cheerilee just can't catch a break no matter what universe you're writing her in.

This one hurts, not because it's bad, but because it's too damned real. Cheerilee's a beautiful mess of issues, and Sunset's too temperamental to push through them once she's been slighted. Between the two there's a happy couple that dearly needs some counseling.

The magically possessed girl with some emotional problems to work out was also a delightful bit of authenticity.

if this contest comes around again next year I expect that sequel

I can't see this relationship having gone any other way without Cheeralie spending a lot of time working through her self-worth issues, and as deep seated as those appear to be that likely wouldn't be something that would quickly get better. I feel especially bad for her because while Sunset has a large support group to fall back on we don't know whether Cheeralie has any other friends. None have been mentioned that I can recall. Here's hoping she'll be ok.

Aww, man, you got depressing realism all over my happy, technicolor horses. Seriously, though, this was really good. I must have missed it in the raging Sunset storm Oroboro set off last month.

... yeah, I'm not feeling too bad about this one placing higher than mine. Fantastic dialogue, lovely prose, etc. Just good stuff all around.

I feel bad for my favorite moment being when the yutaka thing was corrected, since that was bugging the hell out of me.

But really, this was awfully good, even having not read the prequel (Which I need to do soon, clearly).

Congratulations on second place, and thanks for writing!


I feel bad for my favorite moment being when the yutaka thing was corrected, since that was bugging the hell out of me.

This was actually a mistake that I made early on while drafting, referring to the outfit as a yutaka, until I looked it up and realized the difference.

I decided to write it into the story after that.:twilightsheepish:

Ah, I'd assumed it was intentional the first time it happened, and was expecting it to be corrected in-story shortly, but when it kept going for a bit I had a comment primed and ready to correct you up until the last chapter :twilightsheepish:

Author Interviewer

Microwaved takoyaki should be illegal. D:

So you ponified krav maga, but not Japan? Also, Sunset and Rarity are learning krav maga? @_@

She and Timber won't be home for at least another two weeks.

Found a typo. :V

Author Interviewer

" La Bouche de Cheval , huh?" Sunset mutters. "They're taking that to its logical extreme."

I forgot to say it earlier, but I love this name, and you made it even better. XD

Holy crap, but that took a turn. :O

Author Interviewer

Oh shit, that ending.

You definitely outdid yourself with this one. :D

9324436 did you know that I misspelled "cheval" for months on end? that I only noticed long after the contest was over?

"No part of loving you has ever been easy for me."


But, isn't Cheerilee much older than Sunset?

10434547 Addressed in the previous story.

But also yes.

EDIT: Sunset is not a minor, nor was she when the relationship began.

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