• Member Since 8th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen 55 minutes ago

RuinQueenofOblivion


Dashite forever!

E

All Scootaloo has ever really wanted is a family, and the closest she ever got to it growing up in a foster home was an older girl named Sunset Shimmer who became her big sister. But once Sunset started to go to Canterlot High School, she vanished for a couple of days before coming back, different than the younger girl remembered.

She later finds out that the Sunset that returned wasn't the same Sunset that she had become close to. She tried to ignore it and move on, but the same question kept nagging at her mind.

What happened to her big sister? And what will she do now?

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 58 )

This looks like it'll be emotional to read.

Did Equestrian Sunset do something to EqG Sunset? I hope we find out what happened to her. Please.

good first chapter and ouch at that end

8480103 Well, to be quite honest I haven't decided yet, its certainly possible yes, I may not even address her fate.

shot through the heart

8480172 And I'm to blame? I give love a bad name?

Okay, Bon Jovi jokes aside, I hope you liked it still.

I am intrigued and would appreciate it if you could continue. :twilightsmile:

Hm, this one seems different. Going to keep an eye on it.

8480214 Yes, I love doing things differently.

8480213 I'll try to.

hmmm ima trying to think
1st thought, other worlds
2nd thought, amnesia
3rd thought, something else

8480343 It'll be explained next chapter.

Interesting premise so far, I haven't seen any stories where these two characters interact much outside of Anon-a-miss retellings.

That being said, I am noticing a few things that could be improved on. There is a saying when it comes to storytelling called "Show, don't Tell." The idea here is to be specific, to flesh out a scene instead of just giving a basic description of what the characters did. Take a look at this paragraph:

Scootaloo was nervous at first but she told Sweetie about her life at the foster home and that she had lost her parents when she was younger. Sweetie had been understanding and even gave Scootaloo a light hug, it at least made her feel a little better.

Since we as the audience don't know much about Scootaloo's life at the foster home, why not use this opportunity to go into detail, as Scootaloo has a reason to do so for Sweetie Belle right now. You could get away with several paragraphs of conversation between these two on this and related subjects, and by doing so you show us how they are becoming friends. This is how you go about really fleshing out a story and how you get an audience invested in your interpretations of the characters.

8480597 Yeah, sorry... I'll try and do better with that.

8480606
No need to apologize, we are all learning.

8480611 Still I hope you liked it otherwise, and I can always expand on it more in future chapters.

8480614
I did indeed, it is a good start all in all.

8480632 Okay, I actually went back and added a bunch more to the classroom scene, check it out.

8480648
That's definitely the right idea. Now we can see how their friendship began and can get more invested in it. One minor error is that you called Scootaloo a filly when this is set in the human world, but other than that it looks fine.

8480676 Easy enough to edit, sorry force of habit.

Right in the feels, man!

8481509 Glad you liked it though... and yeah, I tend to aim for the feels.

Really hoping that the real sunset didn’t meet with a bad end.

8483820 If enough people are interested I will explore what happened to her... after I figure out what happened to her.

8483829
Good to know. Looks good so far btw. I do like me a goods scoots fic

8483832 Thanks.

If I'm being honest I kinda wanted to focus on Scootaloo and Equestria Sunset, but I'm not against including more of EQG Sunset if people want that.

I think it'd be an interesting source of conflict later on; like when/if Equestrian Sunset is reformed, Scootaloo confesses to missing her original big sister, and Equestrian Sunset somehow brings EQG Sunset back and now there's this mess of relations, and potentially an unearthing of another crime on Sunset's part— exactly how much of Celestia's student is she? Enough to banish/seal someone away?

But that's just one of many, many possibilities, and I just don't want Scootaloo to truly lose her family again. I like me angst, but not that much tragedy.

Anyway, great start, interesting premise, and I look forward to where you'll take the story next.

Thanks for writing :)

8484686 I mean that kind of assumes that it was because of Equestria Sunset, as I said I'm still kind of deciding on what to do.

8484695
Merely pointing out a possibility; however, even if Sunset was completely innocent in EQG Sunset's fate, there's still conflict if EQG Sunset comes back because fears of Sunset's getting replaced again (hi, twilight). That and interactions with a 'better' version of herself probably won't be healthy for Sunset. And Scootaloo goes from having one family member, to none, to one, to two.

Theoretically. Again, this is the very beginning so who the hell knows what's gonna happen, but I'm sure you'll do something great :)

You just got me really excited so I'm swarmed with plot bunnies :P

8484700 I am seriously considering it, I just have to figure out all the details.

Poor Scootaloo. Instead of the warm, sisterly figure you grew up with, you're stuck with the power-hungry lunatic with mad dreams of conquest.

I think the "pony Sunset unknowingly entering human Sunset's life" holds more water, since this Sunset didn't bother to learn about human Sunset's life. If she knowingly got rid of Human Sunset, than she would have a faint idea about Scootaloo.

8488037 Well, until the second movie at least.

But yeah, this is going to be an interesting idea to explore.

I can see this being quite interesting. Perhaps when one Sunset appeared, they unknowingly swapped. This adds a tension and maybe Equestrian Sunset secretly learns of her counterpart's connection to Scootaloo and she tries to bond?

8498960 That's part of the plan yeah... also if enough people are interested I will address what happened to EQG Sunset.

8499009
You have my vote for it.

8499009
I, for one, would very much like to know.

dont mind me just sitting here waiting for the next chapter

8528505
l\good to know i would hate for this to be a one chapter story where its never touched after its published

massive time skip is massive but exceptionable

8530054 Well, I mean the first chapter was just to set up what's going on.

8530085
i should of guested but alas i am not a smart boy anyway is human sunset going to be well alive?

8530095 I have no plans to kill her, its just a question of what happened to her.

8530098
then i cant wait to see what happens next

Yeah, why would Scootaloo wait a year or so to bring this up.

The chapter was good, but I found the amount of time confusing. I would have been interested in seeing Scootaloo trying to befriend jerk Sunset, only to be put on an emotional roller-coaster.

Hmm, really wanting more!

whens the next chapter?

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