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Source

All my life, they ignored or insulted me. To them I was a dupe, a pawn, an object of mockery. They thought I could always be exploited.

Now judgment comes. I will destroy them all.

* * *

Audiobook by Scribbler Productions.
Edited by GaryOak and Reia Hope.
Written for Scribbler's Bronycon 2018 Writing Contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 50 )

9144022
Damn you, I was just going to post some quip about Apocalypse tanks

Edit: "I Cast a Deadly Shadow" is one of the unit voice lines of the superheavy soviet Apocalypse Tank in C&C Red Alert 2. So is "Soviet Power Supreme"

9144022
9144096
9144093

Okay, you got me. I wanted to use that quote as a story title for years, and the subject matter of this one seemed appropriate, though in a very different way.

I didn't expect people to catch it so quickly, to be honest. I chose it because it was memorable, but I guess it was more memorable than I thought.

9144130
9144096
My first name here was ApocalypseTankPony. My first profile picture / avatar was my ponified Apocalypse Tank OC, Vera. (She had a crush on Grizzly).
Pony references to C&C are rare but I'm always the first to point em out (like "high speed, low drag" in the Pony Swag Megamix)

Oof, that last sentence

👍

9144280
Of course I did. It was up for like five minutes before I made the comment.

This is so damn good! His downfall was somewhat sudden, but even so, it literally left me breathless! No story has ever done that to me! Bravo! Bravo indeed!

Rocks fall. Party dies. Roll new characters.

Gizmo should have known not to so foalishly enter Luna's dream realm. She is the protector of ponies and their dreams and such an intrusion would not go unnoticed.

Though I can well understand and empathize with Gizmo feelings of abandonment, loneliness and jealousy (I know I've had my own dark and twisted thoughts along this same idea), in the end karma would find a way to fix the wrongs. It was not my responsibility and not within my right to seek revenge. Justice, though it may take longer, is a much better path. And much of the time, one learns there are two sides to every supposed slight. Most are rarely intentional.
But here I am rambling...

This was a very well told and written story. I very much liked the desperate ending. Bravo!

Just think, if he'd had a kid, then he'd have cast a dadly shadow.

9145820
Hey, come watch my show tonight.

It was okay. I found Rarity's characterization poor, to the extent that it took me almost to her death to know who it was. After Shining Armor, I found the reasons for the murders to be really trite, and the general characterization of Gizmo dull and unfocused. The writing quality itself was good so I don't mean to be a party pooper, as it appears most enjoy it.

Didn't feel like the climax was climactic enough for my taste, but I thoroughly enjoyed the callback to the Neigh Anything comics. Perhaps if it were a suspense thriller told primarily from Luna's perspective (with Gizmo stuff as snippets between or appended to chapters), I would have found this beyond engrossing, because murder through dreams is a beyond sexy idea.

9147231

You're probably right, but that would have necessitated going over the contest word count limit. Ah well. :ajsleepy:

Another supremely chilling tale, courtesy of Horse Voice. I was getting plenty of Death Note vibes, given the mysterious nature of the killings and the corruption of the soul brought about by absolute power over the lives of others. Still, I must agree with 9147110, Rarity wouldn't treat anyone that poorly. She's the flipping Element of Generosity, if anything she'd insist she pay more than the usual rate out of gratitude.

9148503
Normally I'd agree, but this is actually how she treated a very similar character in the show which might even be the inspiration for this character. She flirted with the stallion and she either got the thing she wanted for free or at a reduced price. I'd need to double check the episode, but it is something she has done; granted, I would assume she didn't do so to be malicious or greedy, if that makes sense.

9148503 9148515

That guy didn't just inspire Gizmo, here; it's the same character, and that's pretty much what happened. Rares hasn't done something like that in some time now, but for a number of seasons we saw this sort of unscrupulous behavior from her fairly often.

(Of course, that's not to say Gizmo's response here is, well, proportionate.)

There may have been some way to clarify this, but that might have involved going over the contest word count limit, so perhaps it couldn't be helped. More's the pity.

9149112

While she has done so, I find the way this was done to be a bit trite. Not only have we not seen her do it in some time, we also know that she is the Element of Generosity. It is doubtful she takes without making it even (or more so) at a later point. She does what she always does and he does so as well, and then leaps to the conclusion that, "I'm going to kill her!". While I understand this is a horror story and you were working with a word limit, too much of this felt like it turned on dimes and leaps of faith in characterization. This, I believe, could have been partially solved if the focus was on just one murder and the aftermath of it. Three murders (though one is short) and one attempted murder complete with a confrontation with Luna may have been a bit much for the story to contend with considering the limitations imposed?

Which is a way of saying that I don't necessarily think your writing is at fault. I think the technical aspect of it is fanastic and I think the general premise is great. It may have been so overstuffed that the individual elements were left a little barren, but that doesn't reflect on you as much as it reflects on the impact limitations can have.

9153386

Perhaps, perhaps. Hindsight is always 20-20, and maybe focusing on one death would have worked better. I'll have to reconsider including this one in the print collection.

This probably means I'll be beaten in the contest by Admiral Biscuit or somebody. Ah well.

9153819
I'll say this: Look at your like/dislike ratio. The comments may be skewed more unfavorably, but it seems clear the silent majority realy enjoyed your story.

I like this story, but it does seem to have been constrained by the word limit. Do you have any thoughts (or even plans) to revisit this theme in a later story where word limits won't be an issue?

Alas, poor Rarity, she does have her faults... :raritycry:

9287740

Sadly, not at the moment. As a rule I try to keep story ideas as different as possible. If I do get an idea, you'll have some time to wait, as I'm now working on a book collection, which will take most of my free time for a while.

Thanks for the feedback. :twilightsmile:

Congrats! This is the (very belated due to awful IRL things) winner of the Bronycon Them's Writin' Words 2018 Contest!

A full cast reading of your story featuring myself, Goombasa, Neighrator Pony, Luna Farrowe and Wubcake is now in development. Thank you again for writing such an awesome fanfic!

9742563

Thank you! I can't express how thrilled I am to have won. Thank you ever so much for putting this on. Please pass my thanks along to the other judges as well.

And what a cast! I can hardly wait to hear the finished reading. I'll also be sure to send my thanks to everyone individually when it comes out.

Rarity… :raritydespair:

Congrats, though :duck:

9768792

Thank you! But oh dear, I had forgotten you switched favorite ponies years ago. I would have warned you. :raritycry:

I find you are good at building this kind atmosphere. Very well done

Congrats on winning :)

Welp that was dark. And very well done getting into Gizmos head

Gizmo is an incel isn't he? At least, that's what I thought of.

9875098

I thought so too, at first. But the more I got into writing this one, the more I thought he was more like any mass shooter, not just incels. For you see, his wish to be treated with basic respect is reasonable, even though his actions are not. Incels, on the other hand, are distinguished by their unreasonable sense of entitlement.

9875174
Yeah but not every Incel has unreasonable demands or entitlement. I've done some research on the topic.

9876935

Perhaps, but it wasn't my intent to throw shade on anyone in particular, except mass shooters. And the paranoid attitude I gave the character is more inspired by the unreliable narrators of E. A. Poe than anything. Maybe I didn't do enough research.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Fuckin' brilliant, dude. I especially appreciate the grim irony that he's so focused on his outward appearance, he never notices the ugliness inside him. Shining Armor was, after all, wrong.

Even in a land of friendship, some can be lost and forgotten. And once they've fallen through the cracks, in the darkness that neglect will fester into something so much worse...

Excellent stuff. Perhaps the greatest terror lies in how easy it is to see things from Gizmo's twisted perspective. There's a cold logic at work, flawed but clear in its reasoning.

Or maybe it's the implication that with Rarity dead, Equestria's probably doomed next time some monstrosity threatens it. That's pretty worrisome in and of itself. But hey, at least Best Pony got to live. :derpytongue2:

In all seriousness, wonderfully unsettling work. Thank you for it.

9985319

All very true. Thoughtful comments like this make the effort worthwhile. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

"“But now you’re here to punish me for the same thing. You’re nothing but a hypocrite!”"
"I never killed killed anypony for such a trite reason. You did."

9985319
"There's a cold logic at work, flawed but clear in its reasoning."

That logic might be clear, for sure, but it is still inherently flawed, though.

No doubt Discord will be mad about a friend dying and he'll bring the dude back just to kill him himself.

9148503
Yeah, I can't imagine her charming for cheaper drugs.

This is so damn good! I'm typing from my phone so please just pretend I wrote a super detailed, gushing comment ^^;

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