T

"Mind thy work. Honor thy kin. Stay away from Holder's Boulder."

Marble disobeyed the warnings.

* * *

Audiobook by Scribbler Productions.
Edited by GaryOak.
Cover art by Mica Halligan.
Written for Scribblefest 2016.
Reviews:
Titanium Dragon
The Hat Man
PresentPerfect

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 125 )

Damn. Good work, Vox

6993224

Damn. You're a fast reader. :rainbowderp:

6993228 It's literally my only talent. It has served me well

Huh. I guess I never knew what HP Lovecraft's initials stood for.

Maud no!

The Holder? You mean like from that online series The Holders, The Seekers, and so on? I haven't read those in over a decade!

Bring back the thorn into modern English. So much more convenient than having to write 'th' all the time. Or it would be, if you didn't have to assign a key to it and press alt or whatever to actually use it in writing- I'm not that familiar with what would be needed to use it on a standard QWERTY keyboard.

Given how Maud is portrayed in some stories, I don't think she'd mind being a statue all that much.

Lovecraft, I wondered why that seemed familiar. :pinkiegasp:

6993495

Me neither. I just used the "insert symbol" function and copypasted the upper- and lower-case letters.

But yeah, giving the thorn up was a big mistake.

Quite interesting. Now for Twilight to hack her way into freeing Maud or something. But yes, certainly Lovecraftian in its vibing.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders clutched each other and screamed as Maud finished her story.

"That," Maud said, "is why you should not take marejuana. You will get stoned."

My one regret, is that it had to end. Wonderful, horrifying in the deadpan tone Maud would undoubtedly use.

6993373 I'd always a├čumed they stood for Hewlett-Packard.

Impressive. This is the kind of thing that makes mortals fight that which in aeons sleep... And I forgot the rest XD

With Twilight's magic she could easily fix the book... And know what this is all about. Well, damn, this is good. Would like more, but it wouldn't fit the story. Maybe a sequel, but then it wouldn't be Lovecraftian enough...

The Monochrome from the Boulder, eh?

Hark!

Huh. I should read more of your stuff.

This was a good read. Well done.

:pinkiegasp: That is a thorn. I am somehow even more deeply engrossed in this story than before... putting aside how I stopped reading to write this.

Wow. Magnificently done, especially the ending. Tragic, yes, but it's always nice to see people face cosmic horror bravely and intelligently. Seeing them win, even at a great cost, is even better. Thank you for this.

I never knew maud was a stoner

The local brood emerged every thirteen years, and for the first time this one was two years early.

Knowing that it's inspired by Lovecraft, I have a feeling that they're all gonna die.

The cicadas were making for Holder's Boulder.

Most certainly. I'd say it's some friend of the Colour Out of Space.

6994207

Now for Twilight to hack her way into freeing Maud or something.

Given it's Lovecraft we talk about, it'd probably cause the world to wither and slowly die.

6993495
6994204
Blame William Caxton. He brought printing press to England and largery set standards of written English (thorn was already getting out of fashion, but he definitely made it faster).

6995239

Good eye. :twilightsmile: Influences also include elements of Hypnos and The Dunwich Horror.

6995321

... :trixieshiftleft: No. I do not want any "friendship pellets."

6995453

Let me answer with another question: Is this your first encounter with Cosmic Horror?

6995575
I look forward to any feedback. :twilightsmile:

6995746
6995780

Ah, two of my favorite type of comment: the impressions-while-reading sort. Thanks for the kind words. (Also, the bit about William Caxton is new to me.)

6994204
There's always Icelandic.

--Spade

6996012

I wouldn't say my very first... :twilightsmile:

6995746

how I stopped reading to write this.

Either Horse Voice is an alt account of yours and you're being unbelievably self-inflating, or you messed up your sentence structure something fierce.

I peed a little.

Truly magnificent piece. Definitely worth the label of cosmic horror, if only such a label existed on this site.

6996654

He's referring to his comment. Some people jot down their impressions as they read, and it's my favorite type of comment when they do.

That said, I'm glad to hear the ending was so effective, since these types of stories rely so heavily on the stinger at the end.

6996674 Oh. That makes much more sense.

This was really good. You need to write more!

6996735

:facehoof: I know, I know. I'm trying, but today I did my taxes, and tomorrow spring cleaning starts, and, and...

Wonderful imagery!

Delightful, simply delightful!

Tragic and dark but well written indeed. And I did enjoy it.

This hit every note just perfectly, and although it differs by not following in first-person, without any doubt, it feels very Lovecraftian.

Thanks, you've made this Lovecraft enthusiast very happy. :twilightsmile:

You really have a knack for these. That was a great read. I kinda wish it had been longer, though, to draw out the tension a bit more.

6998047

You may be right. But I couldn't go over the contest's word limit.

6998127
Shame. Well, maybe next time. You could probably do some amusing things with The Color Out Of Space and equine vision.

This. This was fantastic read.

I spent the entirety wondering and dreading what was going to happen to one character I never even thought of the others.

And in true horror fashion, there are no explanations.

Maud's monomania is a great touch. Never heard of it before, but I really like it.

I teared up a little, too good.

Darkness is your special talent. Very well done.

The writing is decent, has good pacing and keeps a fine balance between events and details.

As far as the concept and execution goes, however, I must say that I'm not impressed. In general I don't think that Maud and co work very well for this kind of horror. It feels like there's a whole lot more obvious and interesting things ("rock farming", Pinkie's parents being the creepy Amish ponies that they are, her sisters being equally mental, etc.) to use as a basis for creeping out the reader, instead of the idea that Holder's Boulder houses a demon or whatever. When you already have a family that lives in Uncanny Valley, using them as the innocent little family that falls victim to *insert plot device here* just doesn't work.

And here we get to the main problem: nothing happens. Barely any mysteries are set up, there's hardly any extra lore to ponder/get nightmares about (which was the whole point of Lovecraft, as the actual plots of his stories are kinda... uneventful), and while it may feel obligatory to put one in, not having a twist gives even less payoff for reading this.

And no, I'm sorry that I put it this way, but you basically trying to pull a "Biblical Monsters 2.0" with the ending does not count as a "twist", nor does it tug on my heartstrings, or at least I'm assuming that was the intention. If not, then I honestly don't get what this story wanted to accomplish, as it just kinda begins, goes "boo" a few times, then ends. If I'm missing something, please enlighten me.

Like I said, the concept is interesting (Holder and that weird well both caught my attention), but the story doesn't really dig deep anywhere. Replace the Pies with the Apple family, and you'd suddenly make things a whole lot more eerie, but at the moment it's just Pyramid Head putting a bedsheet on his head to make himself "scarier".

6999073

You're too kind. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

6999146

When you already have a family that lives in Uncanny Valley, using them as the innocent little family that falls victim to *insert plot device here* just doesn't work.

Unfortunately, I'm not a good judge of that. Next to my family, the Pies look perfectly sane and happy. Explains a lot, no?

you basically trying to pull a "Biblical Monsters 2.0" with the ending does not count as a "twist"

Slander! This was me trying to pull "The Writing on the Wall 2.0"!

that weird well both caught my attention

Further reading may be found here.

6999231

Further reading may be found here.

Hmph. The story made that seem less natural than it is then.

I suppose that adds a bit of a twist to it. So is their Petrifying Well supernatural, or the same as the real deal? Once again: not dwelt upon. :applejackunsure:

6999268

I presume, if the mineral content were high enough and the object left long enough, it would naturally work as I specify. I wouldn't know, since literature on the matter is scarce.

6999185 going to any cons this year?

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