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Source

Five years ago, a storm brought a strange winged pony to The Village. Now, she lives at the edge of this small society, cast out, but unable to leave. As a year of terrible misfortune befalls the Villagers, they look for somepony to blame, and long-standing tensions begin to come to a head.

Soon, one side must break, for in The Village, there is neither friendship nor magic.

* * *

Special thanks to Sabrina "Sibsy" Alberghetti, for granting permission to use her character.

Thanks to GaryOak, AugieDog, Bad Horse, v-invidia, Derpmind, Randomreader-001, Reia Hope, and A-hardie, for editing and proofreading.
Reviews:
PresentPerfect
The Royal Guard

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 71 )

Finished reading your tale that you and your friend have woven, I must say that this is quiet deep though I guess I wouldn't expect anything less from you Horse_Voice.
The stories pacing is really smooth, very good transitions from past to present during those scenes. Structure wise I can't really see anything wrong with it. Everything held well together, the characters were well defined enough so that the reader would know who's who and which character to go for.
No spelling errors, though that was pretty much a given since you already took the time to smooth out the edges of it and fixed anything that needed to be fixed. All in all you and Professor did an excellent job.

Ok, upon reading it, I get what he said. Something, imperative word there, is just a little off. Don't get me wrong, you've done a wonderful job of the story. In my opinion though, she doesn't SEEM like someone who'se been treated as a witch to me. She seems a little too stable. I give this three days before it hits equestria daily.

>Moonsnail beamed. "We've thought of calling her 'Albatross'," she said.
>A murmur ran through the assembled Elders. Even a casual observer could tell they were not particularly impressed.
>"We have no foals of our own," Stanchion said. "Surely, she was sent by the gods."
>A few of the Elders glared at him. He had spoken out of turn.
If he spoke out of turn, so did Moonsnail.

>The hunters would follow the whales through the dark, but killing them at night was too dangerous.
I thought this meant killing the hunters at night was too dangerous. It took me a long time to figure out my mistake.

Hmm. I need to know something about this OC to understand why you wrote this story. On its own, I can't figure out what it's about. It's more like a tragic backstory given to a character as part of another story, than a story of its own. If we go by the standard theory that a story is about the protagonist changing/learning something, or failing to do so, this story has the protagonist learning that she isn't helpless, and that she can be brutal. That seems more like the opening of a novel than like the point of a story.

3095090

All good catches. I'll fix them presently.

This is the OC of Sabrina "Sibsy" Alberghetti. There's a lot of fan art, but no stories, so I thought I might write an origin story. A friend of mine who goes to a lot of cons mentioned the synopsis to her in person, and she said, "Yeah, I can see that". Well, what was I supposed to do?

Thanks very much for the feedback.

At Everfree Northwest this year, I totally got Sibsy's permission for this story to exist. :rainbowwild:

3180516

Horse Voice:

I'll tell you, but you've got to promise not to tell anyone until the final version is out.

I'd seen a lot of fan art of the character Wild Fire, but no stories. Now, one of my favorite bands has three songs called the Wildfire trilogy. I put the two things together, and came up with an origin story. I told my pal GaryOak about the idea, but decided not to write it, because there was no way I would ever get permission.

GaryOak goes to lots of conventions, and makes a point of meeting as many people who work on the show as possible. Sibsy was one of them. He mentioned my idea to her.

He thought about it for a second, and said, "Yeah, I can see that."

It really is a funny world.

I like how you've expanded the world to included non-Equestrian ponies. The hints of a more ... primitive society are interesting and how it all ties into the backstory is great. There really wasn't much in the way of twist or surprise but that's not a bad thing per se (though a bit odd from you Mr. Shamalama-dingdong). I could tell where it was going from fairly early on - though where the tire came from was a mystery to me until it appeared. They have those and still clipper ships? Scitzotech indeed.

I mean, there is nothing that I can see that is intrinsically 'sub par' about this at all. It is good - very good - and it tells the story with feeling. It's a slightly darker take on a Cutie Mark story (rare itself unless it's wrist-slash emo or 'grrrr manly violence grrr') with a pretty damn rare character. It just feels like it's missing something.

I think I lack a catharsis about the Village. What happens just doesn't seem like it was enough. Or maybe because you stopped writing about the Village after the event (EDIT: because the Village stopped being important to the story and I realize that) and I don't see the effects of that action, it hasn't hit me how much of a just or unjust act that was. Ah, there we are - I lack a feeling of true justice-as-I-see-it (emphasis very much important) and closure. Like many of your works, it mirrors life a bit too well in that - sometimes (often) - bad things happen that are wrong but there are no real easy answers to how to right those wrongs. And even when 'righted' we still might not feel that it was enough or it may feel distant and unreal. Another author had a similar reaction from me though I felt he went too far in seeking justice (Eakin BTW, in case you were wondering). So yeah, I'm glad I could find out what was bugging me because now I feel satisfied in giving this the praise it deserves.

Though it does beg the question - what IS her special talent? Working with fire or revenge?

Fantastic story:fluttercry:
Horsey Skull does it again!

New Horse Voice.

Drop Everything.

This was a nice little story; I enjoyed reading it. Poor thing.

Scapegoat stories can be fun, though they're always a little bit depressing.

He speaks for the pones, the Vox.

Not bad, man. Not bad at all. Surprised! Pleasantly so--to see something from you!

3180798

There really wasn't much in the way of twist or surprise but that's not a bad thing per se (though a bit odd from you Mr. Shamalama-dingdong).

Rest assured, there would have been one, if I had thought of a good one. But it's better to go without, than to shoehorn in a bad one out of habit.

They have those and still clipper ships?

I, er, really like the aesthetic of wooden shipwrecks. :twilightblush:

because the Village stopped being important to the story and I realize that) and I don't see the effects of that action, it hasn't hit me how much of a just or unjust act that was.

I actually have half a mind to write a second part, in which exactly that is covered. But I don't know--not many people are reading his one. We'll see if I can't bring in some more people from EqD.

Like many of your works, it mirrors life a bit too well

It's the drawback to having a background in creative non-fiction. I won awards for my non-fiction in college, but my first not-crap fiction was "The Savage Way". This was after years of trying to get it right. Well, I appreciate the in-depth feedback. Someday, I swear I'll learn to write good closure.

what IS her special talent? Working with fire or revenge?

This sketch by Sibsy seems to suggest the former.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/11/13/151179.jpg

3181228

:twilightsmile::heart: Loyal readers like you are too good for me. Especially since...

3181822

...I write another story about once in a blue moon. It's true, it's true! :raritycry: I'm going to try and get back into writing amusing blog posts during dry spells, to show I really do care.

Yay!
The last couple days of my life have felt too much like a country song for my liking. The Imaginary woes of fictional characters is just what I need.:pinkiehappy:

A good rewrite:

And a congratulations for getting it to the point where you felt comfortable setting it out for folks to read. Sometimes I find the hardest part of writing is convincing myself that I've actually finished whatever story I've been working on... :twilightblush:

Mike

3184774
Actually, it was me threatening to kill him if he published the story before it was ready. He kept saying he wanted to publish it immediately, and I kept insisting he wait two weeks. Two weeks later, he was thanking me for that advice.

3184798

Threats either way:

Are always good. Cookies, too, but they're just a different kind of threat when you get right down to it.

Mike Again

Augh I suck. I am a bad pony. I completely failed to preread this after our back-and-forth, despite your patience.

I am, however, glad to see this posted. Having only read the finished version, it seems that your rewrite at 3184774's suggestions turned out very well. I'm drawing a blank on suggestions for further improvement, which mean that your edit cycle definitely did its job (or this was perfect to begin with :raritywink:). I enjoyed the story itself, and constructive criticism-wise 3180798 has already covered that ground better than I would have — although given that it's explicitly an origin story I think that sense of lingering incompleteness is necessary (this IS a prelude, it's just a prelude to stories that are Sibsy's to write, rather than to something you'll do).

Fun fact: Carnivorous behavior among horses is not unknown, although it would presumably be odd to have meat be a substantial portion of their diet. Magical talking ponies, though? Who knows.

> Albatross
I see what you did there. :trollestia:

Best,

H

3184774>>3184798

Couldn't have done it without you guys. Thanks again. :pinkiesmile:

3185811

No harm done. Really, it's me who should be making a point of commenting more on others' stuff.

I see what you did there.

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about. :raritywink:

3186232
>Ancient mareiner.

3185453
If you consider cookies to be a threat, I need to have you threaten me more often. :pinkiehappy:

… or … wait. Were you implying something about the quality of your cooking?

4.bp.blogspot.com/-svG4PXVYMa0/TaPjIRvTLSI/AAAAAAAADVs/NGGmA7By8dw/s320/7.jpg

:applejackconfused: :pinkiesick: :facehoof:

3180798

They have those and still clipper ships? Scitzotech indeed.

The first practical pneumatic tire was made in 1887.
Our own world's seaways were still rife with windjammers in the 1930s. The last square rigger merchant was the Omega. She sank on a cargo run to Huacho in 1958.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7e/StateLibQld_1_144023_Omega_(ship).jpg/300px-StateLibQld_1_144023_Omega_(ship).jpg
Our world is usually stranger than fiction.

3188195
Tires weren't really common until the demand for them skyrocketed thanks to cars and by then - while there were clippers still around - clipper ships were rather a bit more rare.

Still, I actually think that kind of adds to the pony-esque feel. They have movies and photographers but still use plate armor? It fits - it's just kind of scitzotech-feel.

3186835
3186883

I'm sure:

It's been done, but I'm seeing Applejack standing on her hind legs and glaring at the viewer, an oven mitt on one hoof, an apron around her waist, a desert landscape behind her with the words "Baking Bad" superimposed over the blue, blue sky...

Mike Again

I always love that in your stories you present that individuals don't always come up with the best solution to things when the time is right like in most stories, and just sometimes their decisions can sometimes be really rash but they can still live with themselves at the end of it...sometimes. Truly objective decision making is tough, especially when it goes against what's easiest.

I always love your stuff, I reread Writing on the Wall constantly, I love it so much, despite being totally non-sequitur to what I just wrote :twilightblush:

3189232
The internet has you covered. :ajsmug:

The Internet is a pop-culture remix machine. It impressed me, though, that there are even mashups of MLP with Buffy, which came out while the average MLP fan was in kindergarten. (If you've watched through the whole series, this parallel is hysterically beautiful.)

3189125

This was filmed in 1914.

This picture was taken in 1914.
greatwar.nl/kleur/cuirassiers.jpg

Scitzotech competition scores so far:
Equestria: 2
Earth: 2

Name any example of mismatched tech in MLP, and I will find you an example of the same from our own history.
Anyone else who wants to play is welcome to. C'mon, show us what ya got! :rainbowdetermined2:

3189796
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/2/21/Royal_guard_didn%27t_notice_S2E25.png
Spears - in a world that had radios and fireworks.

EDIT: Better image though it's not exactly from the show:
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/281/1/2/unicorn_royal_guard_by_x_celestia_x-d5h91i7.png

EDIT2: And I mean in the sense of actual, usable weaponry not just for show or ceremony. Show me an industrialized nation that still uses spears.

3189811

The time: 1918
The place: Germany

Radios - Check
Fireworks - Check
Industrialized - Check
Spears - Check

alamy.com/thumbs/6/%7B0891DA95-1330-4A48-9E11-F7863DEE95AF%7D/BFNN5F.jpg


Ditto Poland in 1939.
polamjournal.com/Library/APHistory/Cavalry_Myth/p-cavalry.jpg



Besides, so far all the spear bearers in MLP have looked pretty ceremonial themselves. More like the below picture than the above ones.
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110530185308/deadliestfiction/images/7/7c/SwissGuard.jpg

For all we know, the standard equestrian infantry(or would that be cavalry? Cavaltry?) weapon could be the No. 4 Mk. II light plasma rifle.

Bring it on!:rainbowwild:


*Edit*
The Eqestrian's spears would appear to be far less of an oddity than our own because we have yet to see them use gunpowder weapons.

3189963

weapon could be the No. 4 Mk. II light plasma rifle

The fuck it could. They have their entire capitol under lockdown and guards at every possible opening. They brought out the big guns, the best of the best, the best they had ... spears.

EDIT: Beyond that quills, a very prestigious play in the center of their culture using grade-school special effects, carts and carriages instead of motorized anything ... you're pointing out EXCEPTIONS in humanity's case, I'm talking about massive and widespread inconsistencies.

3190002
The plasma rifle idea was just an amusing thought that demonstrates our limited exposure to the show's world, not a serious suggestion. I do however submit that if we had not figured out how to weaponize gunpowder, our soldiers would probably be using spears today.

As for the special effects, our special effects of a century ago weren't a lot better. Besides, how are we to know it's not a traditional theater style? There are plenty of theatrical traditions in our wold that date back hundreds of years, and are preformed today with almost no change.

If my real wold examples are exceptions, how can we say the examples from Equestria aren't? And even though my examples may be exceptions, they're pretty long ones. The overlap of sailing ships and tires is 70 years after all. Those Polish lancers(most of whom watched movies) may have been an anomaly by 1939, but the European cuirassiers of 1900(who also watched movies) were less so, and their predecessors form 1800(no movies for them =( ) were certainly not. Even then, effective individual gunpowder weapons had been in use for over 300 years.

My point is that technological progression is not a neat, clean liner line, sloping up the graph at a constant pace. It's usually messy an illogical. Just like humanity. :rainbowwild:

Woah, quite dark and nicely done. Glad I saw mention of this, er, somewhere.

3346748

:twilightsmile:!

If you remember where, please let me know, because no one aside from my followers seem to be talking about this one.

3346857 Fairly sure it was a blog post here by one of the authors I follow, but that doesn't narrow it down much. My initial guesses were either Bad Horse or Augie, but glancing over their most recent blogs I'm not seeing a mention of it, so who knows. I use the fav system here as a have-read-this/read-this-next tracking list, so I only got to this story at lunch today despite fav'ing it going on four days ago. Apparently that's the outside limit to my short term memory.

3347071

Aww. Thanks anyhow. :pinkiesmile:

What I found the best in this tale was the ability to create and ultimately engross the reader in the atmosphere. You create a really engaging air for the story, along with a picturesque setting (and I'd add 'vivid', if not for the generally bleak of the mood :pinkiesmile:). The ability to accomplish this is a huge boon to writers, and most every one of them should aspire to reach it.

The plot was rather predictable, though it was because it's what I would call "the classic tragedy" if not for the fact that (spoilers) our protagonist actually survives and the story ends on a somewhat happy, or at least bittersweet tone. I honestly cannot tell if a few twists would do good for the storyline, but it's an idea to play with.

So, I'm the first one who admits the skillfulness that went into this piece (upvoted, by the way). The fact that I, in reality, didn't actually like it was more because of personal preferences than anything else, for I don't, usually, go for the tone you so expertly painted here. Why did I read, then? Good question. :rainbowwild:
Also, I like Sonata Arctica as much as the next guy (probably even more), but I felt that reference was a little cheesy. Again, personal preferences. And I probably shouldn't mention that stories that feature innocent protagonists suffering from the cold masses are almost like a pet peeve of mine... Well, now that I think about, I should really hate this story. Yet I don't. I just didn't like it, but I have no doubts that those who like this kind of atmosphere a little better will have a real good time with this story.

Finally, I should mention that even though this story was probably not written for me, I still spent a bit of time thinking about it after finished reading, so it was by no means a waste of time! I'd actually call it a success from your part as an author, and that's why at the end I decided to give it a thumbs up.

3574312

It's true, there were not a lot of surprises in this one. There would have been if I had thought of any good ones. But if, like M. Night Shamalamawhatever, I tried to cram a twist into everything I did, I would eventually end up using bad ones. I seem to be adept at writing original stories about characters' deaths, but when it comes to origins, it's back to basics.

Believe it or not, I've been toying with the idea of a "Wild Fire Part II" (this one would have less to do with the song of the same name) that might have a few more twists. But since almost no one would read it, well...

I was hoping at least one person would get the Arctica reference. But now that you mention it, sneaking in all those references probably wasn't such a hot idea.

But it's a pity it didn't resonate with you like my other stories have. Perhaps my next one will suit you more, as it will be a very different animal. Now, if only I could speed up production a bit...

I liked the narrative style. It reminded me of a fic you wouldn't have read. Not pony.

But anyways, the character was actually relatable.

The small-minded will always be ruled and rule by fear, and will seek to cast blame for their own failures on others, while greedily accepting accolades for actions they took no part of.

The elders in this tale had to blame evil spirits, or witches, on misfortune because they claimed the blind luck of weather and animal migration as their own doing.

I enjoyed it greatly.

Well, as a resident of Oregon, I certainly enjoyed the setting, at least.

The whaler ponies are intriguing, though. How did they end up as they are?

3826283

You mean, in the creation of this story? I've always been interested in old cultures, and since I needed a way for Albatross to burn the town, and whale oil was the only handy thing, I soon found myself researching how they hunted whales in those days.

3826523

I was thinking more in-universe, but that's interesting too. It's the most striking piece of setting-flavor, but it came very late in the concept process, then?

3826979

Hell if I know how their civilization got started, but one part that got cut was a scene where Albatross visits a series of caves and finds paintings which hint at the Village's origins. But the story didn't miss much through its absence.

Truth be told, I don't remember whether the whales showed up early on or later in the conceptual stage. Thing is, all of my serious stories are heavily influenced by stuff I'm already familiar with. That's why three of the four take place on islands or coasts. So the history and landscape of the Northwest Coast was a heavy influence on both this story and Monsters.

Further background here.

3827150

Random question pursued via PM.

The logic I followed in figuring the whales came late is that, if the whale oil came in as a device to burn down the village, then the idea of burning down the village would have come before, and possibly some of the reasons for burning down the village--pretty far along in conceptualizing the parts of the story that relate to the character arc.

3827162

Well, yes, more or less. I admit, everything was in aid of the big pyrotechnical climax. That it brought in subject matter not usually associated with ponies was a bonus.

Unfortunately, I could never quite get this one right, no matter how much I polished it, and no matter how many people gave feedback. It's sort of the red-headed stepchild of the Horse Voice bibliography.

4161856

You guys always seem to release these just when I'm having a bad week, and need a good distraction. :twilightsmile:

I consider this the weakest of my four serious stories. The production was troubled, and I was trying to do too many new things at once. The reading of it was made more difficult by my accidentally making the story too Canadian. The terrain, flora, and fauna in this story resemble those of the Pacific Northwest. All of the OCs are named after creatures that live in the ocean here. For example, I used to collect the shells of dead moon snails from beaches. I wrongfully assumed that all species of birch shed thin, pale bark, but this seems to be regional as well. Finally, the name "Albatross" is a reference to a rather famous poem.

It's a little-known fact that real horses have been known to eat meat, and even exhibit predatory behavior. One of my great weaknesses is that my stories are too informed by the weirdness of reality.

As for a sequel, I had actually wanted to do it. But, as I said on my blog post on the subject:

"Wild Fire: Part II"

The Pitch:
Fifteen years after the events of "Wild Fire," our heroine is happily living in Equestria with her coltfriend. One evening, she comes home to find him missing, his mandolin laying shattered on the doorstep, and a dead albatross nailed to the door. She must return to The Village to save her stallion... and maybe burn the place down again.

The Problem:
"Wild Fire" didn't make much of an impression, one way or another. I got exactly one new follower from "The Great Purple Unicorn Troll," which is one more than from "Wild Fire". Ouch. Writing a sequel might be fun, but maybe a dozen people would read it.

Besides:
In good conscience, I would have to get MandoPony's permission to not only use his OC, but rename it ("Mando" is no name for a pony). It's too much of a hassle.

Despite having given her a hard copy, I never heard back from Sibsy, so I assume she didn't like this story. Sadly, a second part is just not in the cards.

In any case, if you do intend to grace another of my humble works with a video, I will look forward to it with great interest.

Cheers!

MtM

Well I guess it's my own fault for not being well-versed in Canadian folklore. None the less, I believe this story is a small gem that deserves some attention... And you know, you could usually write a story about her adjusting to Equestria and learning about her past. You don't need to bring her back to THE VILLAGE, you could have her face new adventures as well.

What I'm saying is, you don't need MandoPony or a coltfriend ;)

But alas, we'll definitely read more of your stories.

¡Those villagers reaped an harvest of the hate and anger they sewed!

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