• Member Since 1st Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Baal Bunny


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Angel Bunny knows he's bad for Fluttershy, and he knows that she's bad for him. But how can he leave her?

This has been expanded from its entry in The Writeoff Association's October 2014 contest, "Just Over the Horizon."

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 31 )

5178153
Since people seem to be liking this one, maybe I should write some more.:twilightblush:

I enjoyed this in the writeoff, and it's great to see it posted. Even better to see that it's your first story. This promises good things to come! :twilightsmile: And I certainly look forward to seeing what you can do with next month's longer writeoff!

As for the expanded story: the prose gets somewhat purple for my tastes at times, but at the same time, I think that helps you deliver the mood impact of the piece. It made a smooth transition to the larger version — the shorter one doesn't feel like it was missing anything major, and the longer one doesn't drag.

At any rate: great premise, good execution, and keep it up.

I loved this story so much in the write-off, and I like it even better now. It really provides a good view of what Angel Bunny actually thinks of his caretaker, and it made me appreciate that the background animals actually have thoughts. :twilightsmile:

5178290
Hoping that's good?
5178642
5178773
I have to admit this isn't the first story I've written. It isn't even the first story I've had posted on FIMFiction. When I made this second account last spring, I had no idea what I wanted to do with it. Now, I want to see if I can write the sort of character-driven stories I don't usually write. I'll try to make the next ones a little less purple.:twilightblush:

5179782
It was a good holy shit. Well maybe good, depends. It was more like a "whoa that's deep" holy shit.

Also what is your other account? What do you normally write? :rainbowhuh:

5179782
Oh, cool! Good to see this giving you a chance to stretch yourself a bit.

Seconding 5179790, though I'd certainly understand if you wanted to maintain the divide.

5181223
5179790
Hope it's okay if I keep this quiet. I'm in a weird headspace right now and I like having this little place to go where I can just do stories and not worry about anything else. I'm thinking I might start working my way backwards through the Writeoff prompt and see what I can come up with.:raritystarry:

5181618
No worries! Whatever gets you writing. :twilightsmile:

5181618

Fair enough, I respect your decision. Though if you change your mind, let me know :raritywink:

Great story. Makes you wonder about the long term effects of Fluttershy's special talent on animals.

5208334
Or the long term effects of pegasus weather control and the princesses' control of day and night. Ponies literally create their own reality when you get right down to it.:twilightoops:

5209699 Pony Manifest Destiny puts the American West to shame.

I love the concept than pony magic shapes their world in ways they aren't conscious of. :rainbowhuh:

5319298

One of my favorite phrases:

Is "The Pathetic Fallacy," but ponies just do it by reflex. :pinkiehappy:

Mike

Great world building interwoven with an emotional character piece.

Woah. Again, an excellent story, that gives a whole lot of depth to Angel, and to the whole Fluttershy-Angel relationship. The idea that ponies are a species of well-intentioned, frequently unconscious, meddlers in everything around them fits very well with the show canon; it's not for nothing that we've joked about it being properly called My Little Terraformer: Nature is Tamed.

5364659
5366399

Thanks again!

I'd like to do more with this idea of Angel and the animals of Equestria, but it'll have to wait till at least next spring... :twilightblush:

Mike

5459756

Wow!

Thanks! I can barely even form intelligible words at 1:30 in the morning, and here you did a whole reading! Quite fancy!

Oh, and since you ask at the end there, I pronounce "Baal" as two syllables--"bah-ahl"--with the accent on the last syllable, but the way you pronounce it is the way the dictionary wants people to. So go with that. :pinkiehappy:

Mike

5460926 Oh, I see now. As for recording it that late, I'm just acclimated to being awake at such a late/early hour.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

the joyous misery of true, animal freedom.

That's a line for the books. I don't honestly remember this one from that writeoff; you must've changed it quite a bit. :O

5467403

Yeah:

I added about 400 words here and there, I guess. This was my first writeoff when I was still hiding under the pseudonym here, and the comments--including yours, actually :twilightsmile:--were instrumental in getting me to realize what the story was about.

Mike

Nothing like ponies reshaping reality unknowingly.

5703813

There'd almost be:

A whole story in Twilight realizing that she's affecting the results of her experiments just by doing them. It'd be the whole "double-slit experiment" on a macroscopic level--a pony observing any situation causes that situation to change--and as a scientist, Twilight might get a little freaked out about that... :twilightoops:

Mike

5704951

Someone needs to write a story where Twilight has an existential crisis because of this. Or in knowing that her observations affect things, wonders if there isnt someone/thing observing her thats affecting her in conducting her experiments.

but she'll never look up into oak beside the cottage

Missing an article.

They change the world, shape it and squeeze it mold it till it looks like them

Missing a comma, or a conjunction.

Very interesting idea, and really well written. :yay:

Damn. Have a like, good sir!

8259628

Thanks!

It's always nice to see the older stories getting some attention!

Mike

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