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When the deposed king of the Diamond Dogs is brought before the court of Celestia, the story he tells is far too much to believe. For if it is true, the Equestrians' conquest of his nation has been a terrible mistake.
* * *
Audiobook by Illya Leonov.
Proofread by GaryOak.
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Tis an excellent read, and very intriguing point of view you used. Riveting!
So Leviathan woke up, saw that the ponies took all his food, and is tired and grumpy?
Aw, they upset the nice primordial horror from beneath the earth, how mean of them.
Ah well, I am sure he can whip something up.
"He is the heart that beats in the darkness, he is the blood that shall never cease. And now he will rise."
Oh, kratos where are you when a big ass monster thretens the world?
Good story, now..... I want to see what this thing will do to equestria. :D
Seems that Rarity doomed everyone...
5051372 I know if I was in that situation I'd probably start messing stuff up.
Hmn, someone seems to have neglected to make any disaster recovery plans. If your species-wide mission is that vital, you should probably spread word of it a little better. Or, you know, at all.
Perhaps all hope is not lost. If Behemoth or Ziz exist in this story's universe, then there's still a chance of overcoming Leviathan. They, meaning Fluttershy, just has to befriend one of them and fight back.
But all the same, this was a most excellent read, dear author. Have a fave and a like.
Diamond Dog story? Diamond Dog story. This is what I look for in writing.
We're gonna need a bigger rainbow.
Very interesting read. Best part, in my opinion, is that you never actually say what Leviathan looks like. That's a classic rule of horror, the "jaws" rule: the less the audience sees of a monster, the scarier it becomes.
5051696
well, considering they their race has seen numerous species come and go from what is Equestria while they have existed in peace from the goings on above Underground, save for having to feed a massive Eldritch abomination so it does not cause the genocide of possibly several species in its hunger, I think they had more important things on their minds than the latest settlers on the land above them.
5051923 And that plan seems to have worked out splendidly right up until it didn't. In this case the disaster isn't even unforseen given that they are clearly aware of the consequences of not having the proper gem stock on hand.
Rex here is spinning up some good PR of this event being anyone else's fault other than his, but disaster planning is everyone's responsibility and it's especially the responsibility of the people who actually know about the potential disaster.
5051969 Right on the money.
Good to see this doing well. Nice job with the revisions following our brief online workshop.
Awesome story, but it kind of feels like it belongs as part of a bigger one. Don't get me wrong, it's really good as it is, but the whole concept of "Leviathan" feels like it could be explored more in depth.
and everyone died, the end
5052241
That was actually the biggest thing I said when I looked at the first draft. I'm really glad a lot of people are enjoying this story as-is.
5052241 ho ho, bitty wastard. But i agree, this does feel like an excerpt or epilogue or even prologue of a much bigger story.
This one I certainly feel merits an upvote, for ancient beasts of massive size are always delightfully fascinating. Although such a beast, however big, I doubt will do much more than wreck a city. After all, the story says the ponies took the entire horde of gems, meaning that they found use for all of it. Meaning that it's not -that- much in Equestrian terms. So if it starts snapping things up, well, yea. Definitely a lot of things what will be broken, probably, but not so much as 'Doom upon society'.
A rampage of the Tarasque is nothing to laugh at, but neither is it something that will end a nation so large as Equestria, though it may end the pony version of Robert Putney Drake.
Short sweet and simple, but it left me craving more.
I would not reject further examination of this premise.
Great work. As many people have stated, it feels like part of something bigger. It was an interesting story, and I'm glad to have read it. Also, I get the feeling it was inspired by a certain Disney movie with a similar beast.
typo
5051390 Just have Twilight cast her 'change this creature's diet' spell so that it doesn't want to eat gems. I'm sure nothing bad will happen if she does that.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/328/813/8d6.jpg
That about sums up my thoughts. Besides "Wow, that was great!"
5051388
From you, I can always count on an appropriate quote.
5051669
Ironically, the story of mine with an actual biblical monster... is not Biblical Monsters. Confession time: In preparation for writing this, I read several translations of the description of Leviathan from the book of Job. The smoke-breathing was from one of these.
5051774
+1 Internet for knowing about Ziz.
5052241
5052323
5052396
I wouldn't say no to this either, but I have no ideas. That's not to say I'll never get any ideas, of course.
5052466
Inspired by Job 41, actually.
How embarrassing. I'm drawing a blank as to which movie you refer.
5051388
I just realized you commented at about one minuet after me. You where this close to being this storys first comment.
Darling, this is quite beautifu, almost as if a lore of sorts.
5052598 Uh, what about Bob and Zyrian? They got there long before both of us.
5052466
Was that Atlantis?
Can't get behind this one. I have a great deal of difficulty seeing Celestia commit to a war without first attempting to reach a solution peacefully first. Doing so breaks what few tenants of her character we know.
5052611 What!? Then...... Then that means my life has been a lie! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Wait, i think i was only the first to comment on chapter one..... Wait, no dammit.
5052468 yes, that way it can eat the trees in the everfree forest.
5052468 You want it to the planet then??? Your insane!!!!!!
Hmm, I wouldn't say this needs an entire novel written around it, or even something much longer than the original piece, but one more story written from the perspective of a pony, be it Celestia, Luna, Twilight & Co., or even Rarity as Leviathan rampages would be interesting. Two main things most people will do while they wait for the end is seek comfort with loved ones or attack (verbal, physical, or both) the one who they feel is most responsible, and seeing everyone turn on Rarity would be hilarious. Heck I wonder what Discord would be doing while this happened.
I like it. The style would probably have gotten boring if it had gone on too long, since it's pretty much just exposition, but this is short and sweet. Good job!
wellp, that sucks for the ponies.
Oh, he certainly reminds me of another beast of legend.
qph.is.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6cdd744c89ea9ed06e98259767d57480?convert_to_webp=true
I really like, but I'd personally much prefer if there was more buildup. While I don't see how to do this outside of a oneshot, I don't feel like the true horror of the situation was given enough attention. Unimaginable monstrosity that devours all in its path. Good. Was its physical description left just ambiguous enough to induce fearshits? Good, it's not scary if it's described in full.
But that's about all I can say for it. Rex seems to be describing his tale as if it were on cue cards. He's quite possibly resigned himself to death, but every bit of fear that is missing from his retelling is also taken away from Leviathan. He's both the reader proxy and the narrator, the one who describes what he sees and a general impression of what the reader sees. But he's not afraid enough to induce fear by proxy, and his retelling gives off little more than the usual apocalypse fluff. Perhaps it's the sheer scope of the horror I've read and written, but it feels like there should be at least a little more horror for this beast.
Did anypony else think of this song while reading this fic?
P.S.
Excellent job. Horse Voice
5052295 Oh, I wouldn't say that. Modern-day Diamond Dogs have only super-duper ancient writings of unknown authenticity about how tough Leviathan is. For all we know the next paragraph of the story would have described Celestia one-shotting it with a sun to the noggin or Twilight & Co. "Friending" it into a particularly large statue, and then the King going "oh. We never tried that."
5052750
Hrm, alright. I'll consider this the next time I try first-person horror.
I well and truly loved this story. I like how you do horror. Keep up the great writing!
you know I would like to see the ponies reaction to the leviathan as a chapter it'd be nice
5052613 Yes it was.
5052846 he said primordial that thing is like Godzilla it is from a time where magic was probably so abundant the thing burping was equal to the harmony blast
5052846 Yeah, I have a hard time imagining an animal, even a super-humongous animal, outmatching Celestia. Even Chrysalis had to plan a little to beat her. (Besides, a creature that's slumbered in darkness for millennia is unlikely to be prepared for the power of the sun.)