• Member Since 5th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago


Occasionally exists.



For centuries, ponykind thought Princess Platinum's splendorous silver crown lost for all time, but it has been found. Twilight Sparkle, the self-proclaimed Princess of Thieves, has tracked it down to the long-fallen Diamond Dog kingdom of Erebark, and means to enter the mountain to retrieve her kin's lost heirloom and settle scores with Princess Celestia.

Unfortunately, there are one or two details she didn't realize going into this mess. Namely, that she'll need to steal from the gilded gallery of one of the mightiest dragons ever to walk the land.


Preread by RossbyWaves, Cynewulf, Timaeus, Undome Tinwe, Brasta Septim, and Beltorn.
Special thanks to the aforementioned six for enabling and encouraging this story, along with a few other friends in the most exalted and dedicated purple girlfriends chat server.
Artwork brilliantly done by Lilfunkman.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 126 )

What is this? :rainbowhuh:

Pure awesome of RariTwi

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That is some beautiful typographic work on the cover art.

8873350 Dude, Funk killed it.

This was really cute. I try to avoid reading the tags, so the Romance bit really caught me off guard!

a few pictures of a dragon Rarity snuggling her favorite smol princess

Share the love, man! I'd love to see those pictures~

Stealing from a dragon is a Bad Idea. Stealing a dragon's heart? An audacious crime indeed. This was a beautiful story. Truly worthy of a place in any hoard.

Shrek did it first!!!

It had to be this particular set of words. It had to be one of that well bitten music. Im reading right now, and well, because it needs to be said. "Curse you cara!! Cuuuuurse you!"

Just have to put this orchestration here: :twilightsmile:

This was great. I was thinking Smog the whole timeuntil that birdge scene then I just went EEEEKKKKK!!!

Why do the good storeys always come out/update just as im anout to start Uni for the day? I dont want to wait, I want to read it now.

Twilight vs Smaug, Rarity, Hakuna Matata!

Ah, to be a young she-dragon with a crush again! “Next time, give her something sparkly when you tell her she’s pretty. Then, when she takes it and punches you and tells you to shut up again, throw something hard at her head and tell her she’s not pretty, she’s beautiful.”

"What does the male do?"
"He ducks a lot".
-TNG, on Klingon Mating Rituals.

You should be ashamed of these puns.

Fun and silly, have an upvote.

Oh, this was a fun read! The little glimpses you gave of this world were fascinating, Erebark was an inspired pun -- the only one I've ever managed to come up with for Diamond Dogs-as-dwarves was Canid-dûm -- and the bit with Spike at the end there really makes me wish we could get more interaction with adult dragons in the show... or at least something to do with dragon courtship, because chucking hard objects at each others' heads sounds exactly how dragons would flirt with each other.

That being said, I do have to admit that Rarity also being an amoral dragon who knowingly caused the collapse of an entire civilization for the sake of riches was a bit of a... I guess a bit of a hurdle to get over? I mean, I fully get how it's necessary for the story's concept if she's going to stand in for Smaug, but it was there.

On another note -- if I may ask, where does the name Hadkhûna come from?

I'm also just going to leave this here -- it was playing in my head for half this fic.

Vanya quenta, tecindo. I parma valda Valaro. Yétan ompa tengwië ambë lenya.

You and Mono are converting me to RarTwi with every story I read. (you are too damn good with words)

Quirky and cute. Nice work.:raritywink:

8873441 I am honored~!

8873457 Where do you think I got the inspiration for that line from? I mean what?

8873461 No regrets, Strato. Not a single one.

8873464 You're a good pone o7

8873506 Hehehe yup! Smaug was the inspiration, the rest just kinda flowed through.

8873534 Aaaaaaaa that's unfortunate :/

8873560 Hehehe it just seemed to fit the culture there.

8873577 I have no shame for puns. None at all.

8873582 Hehe, yeah, like I mentioned above. It seemed to fit dragon culture oddly well, especially from what we've seen in the canon dragons. As for Raridragon being murderous, yeah, that's a bit of a hurdle to get over in this verse. I sorta built Hadkhûna with Smaug in mind, then weaved in some of Rarity's flirtatiousness and figured how I could apply that to an angry dragon finding a thief in their midst. I'm glad you liked the little glimpses of the world involved ^^

I wasn't sure what I'd get when I read this story, but it was written by you so I had to give it a try.
Also purple girlfriends.
Anywho, that was marvelous. You seamlessly built this world up from the start, details revealing themselves one line at a time. Love sarcastic bookhorse, love the sass. Introducing the dragon was fantastic, I didn't even think that she might be sleeping UNDER the largest treasure pile. The fight/chase had me on the edge of my seat. The rarity-esque flattery. Brilliant. The spike x ember thing at the end was gold.
You didn't even need to add that last little bit at the end, but I'm very happy you did cause it just adds to the story and its great and I love it.

This was beautiful, it truly saddens me that I cannot give more upvotes.

8873423 yessssssssssssssss

One more thing, Twilight....we said slay the dragon, not lay it. :trollestia::facehoof:

Oooh the references! There's so much of a world implied here!
And what of Rohan? The flag is a little egocentric if it remains unchanged. Maybe a wing, for the pegasi of the grasslands? Minas Tirith is also an interesting one, as it stands a monument to the horns of the race who preside over it (of course, their ancestors were the earth ponies who consorted with the unicorns).

Aaaaand I went too far into that aspect of the story didn't I? Where were we... oh yeah! Raritwi! That was epic too. Nice characterization of both of them really, and one that was both fresh and familiar. With the Purple Girlfriends... (I hesitate to call it a cult) around, there is a lot of quality content and seeing a little something really different is an interesting experience.
Keep on shippin' on!

EDIT: That said, I forever resent your story title, as it has caused a specific segment of a specific song to become lodged in my head.


EDIT: That said, I forever resent your story title, as it has caused a specific segment of a specific song to become lodged in my head.

I. Regret. NOTHING.

Also I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

8873602 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Okay, time to get a translator :twilightsheepish:

8873628 I am but her humble understudy in the art of writing purple girlfriends~ But I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D

8873647 Hehehe yessssss. The serverfolk who enabled this were quite helpful in getting me to keep going. I had a lot of fun.

8873679 It was, admittedly, a rather odd thing to start with. Just sorta cute/funny picture that spurred a silly notion, so I had to figure out how to work both characters with respect to the new characters for this verse, but in a way that worked in a simple oneshot. Not gonna lie, I would like to write more self-proclaimed Princess of Thieves Twilight. Maybe something with her meeting a few monsters who seem oddly familiar.

8873696 Aww, well, I appreciate the sentiment regardless! Glad you liked it :D

8873706 To be fair ... I mean, look at those eyes? They are rather gorgeous, no?

Tolkien probably would strangle you, a strongly worded letter, and critique maybe...

HAHAHA! That was good one. Keep up the good work.

I have been waiting for someone to write a story Rarity as a dragon and Twilight and this was so worth the wait.

Hnnnnng, I loved it! :rainbowkiss:

I'd love to see spike wooing ember though. That's really all I can ask for after reading this xP

Awesome story, awesome cover art.

Is it better to be loved than feared? Darling, why not have both?


And as it so happens, another fandom has gifted me with an appropriate response. Let's visit Beast Boy and Raven to check in on their budding relationship, shall we?


Even months later, Hadkhûna’s cheeks heated at the memory. How she found herself transfixed, besmotten, unable to speak above a tiny whisper, “Tell me more about my eyes.”

I’ve heard this line before. Did you pull this from an old Looney tunes episode?

8874045 I don't believe so, but it's possible that's been used in some episode.

This was amazing!! I want more like this!:heart::rainbowkiss:

Fun, though unfortunately I know the Hobbit lines well enough that I found the direct quotes distracting. It's an especially nice touch that one of Smaug's lesser known powers is detecting treasure, just like Rarity. And it's nicely ironic that one world's Element of Generosity is another world's powerful being of Greed.

Also, love the idea for the ancient Diamond Dog culture before they were reduced to their current state.

Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears. He charms Mama Bear when she has him cornered about halfway through, and regrets it the rest of the cartoon.

Kinda wish Twilight’s return included “She followed me home. Can I keep her?”

Hah, yes! Though I didn't find the blatant Hobbit references too distracting, rather, I enjoyed it. I also kept rendering the sentences into the 'original' version in my head.

For example, "Celestia (as in the expression) = Valar", "Erebark = Erebor", and the most obvious, "Hadkhûna = Smaug".


This was a thing of beauty. And now I want to see more of Twilight and her magnificent dragon.

For the love of all that is Raritwi, I would give you my left lung if you would continue this. Or prequels, with the adventure of Twilight, Princess of Thieves. You and Mono...before you two I never even liked Raritwi and now I can't get enough of it. Damn you! (Also I love you)

Well, it's definitely the best Frodo x Smaug fic I've ever read. :raritywink:

In all seriousness, wonderful stuff. The Middle-Earth elements are smoothly woven in to enrich the world without distracting from the narrative, the action is dynamic and well-paced, and the romance never forgets that one of the partners is a giant freaking dragon.

And, since this does feature a blue-eyes white dragon, have a trading card:

Twilight, Princess of Thieves 2UU
Legendary Creature — Rogue
Alicorn (This card is a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Whenever Twilight, Princess of Thieves deals combat damage to a player, gain control of target historic permanent that player controls for as long as you control Twilight. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
(Translation: If Twilight can infiltrate well enough to bop your opponent in the face, she either steals a bauble, makes a very powerful friend... or grabs a book your opponent was in the middle of reading.)

All told, thank you for this.

Before I even read this I need to get this out of my system.

This is actually significantly better than the polarised black/white view from the original. Good stuff.

“I have one last job for you, Twilight,” she hissed shakily, as she glanced over the edge of the parapet to see a near endless chasm below, a nice, ominous mist obscuring the bottom so she couldn’t see what awaited. “One more, and then all accounts are squared, my dear wayward student. It will be long and arduous, but I have faith in you.” Snorting, she turned away and began slinking down the crumbling bridge toward an open archway. “My deliciously toned flanks you do!


Top notch. I especially like the idea of Twilight as a master thief for some reason. More would be quite welcome in my opinion.

Rarity makes a beautiful dragon.

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