(Update: 11/5/2017 - Major shout-out to Rock-Mint-Swirl who was incredibly nice enough to do a fanart for this story, which you can see right here. It contains story spoilers so please read the fanfic first though.)
The Cutie Mark Crusaders have dealt with all kinds of ponies having trouble finding their true calling in life, but none can compare to the special request they receive from Princess Twilight Sparkle herself, or the shock they receive on discovering who it is: Fizzlepop Berrytwist, possibly the most hated and feared pony in generations. Can a pony who's spent most of her life rejecting her true calling possibly find it now? Can the Cutie Mark Crusaders help a pony who almost everypony else in Equestria has rejected?
Movie Spoilers.
Cover art is property of Hasbro and DHX Media.
This is the first story I've ever read where I wish I could see it as an actual episode for the show, which is commendable. It's well written, with care for the character's personalities, and the problem does seem probable for Fizzlepop (which is still an awesome name in my books). So, kuddos to you.
My only suggestion would be is to find an editor to iron out some small grammar mistakes here-and there. They're nowhere near enough to distract me from the story, but they are noticable and can easily be fixed. Other than that, great job! 8/10
I thought this was really good. Could definitely see it as an actual episode.
Usually chapters of over 10,000+ words have a had time to keep me interested in it, especially one-shots, however this was not the case for this story.
I literally felt like I was reading the script for an actual episode of the show and not a fanfic.
I have been on both sides of the Soda/Pop argument. That actually goes down in some places.
Well done!
Of the hundreds of fics I've read in all my years, only three have ever managed to be good enough to be put on my Favourites list. And now this is number four. Amazing concept, fantastic execution. Bravo.
well congrats, you succeeded! I'd totally be able to see this as an episode! A good one at that.
Pitch perfect for the show. It takes more than one fireworks display to forgive what Fizzlepop did, and that applies as much to her as anypony. Years of hard living and emotional scars aren't cleared up in an instant... but given time and effort, one can move forward.
Thank you for a great take on the softer side of a very prickly character.
Feels like a genuine episode.
Let's hope Hasbro steal your idea, eh? (With permission)
The only downside is:
It's too long for one episode. More of a two episode thing. Maybe season 9 still needs two opening episodes.
You made the name Fizzlepop Berrytwist make sense. That's not easy to do!
Very well done!!
P.S. Sweetie Belle, the word you're looking for sesquicentennial. But even that isn't correct, since you're not counting years or anniversaries.
This is probably the best movie-based fic I've read so far. The first half was laugh-out-loud funny, and the second hit me right in the feels.
Also, #TeamSoda forever!
Definitely going to read this as soon as I get a break. I saw your blog post on the movie, now I want to see the other side of the coin.
*Cough cough* reminds of StarLight Glimmer *Cough cough*
Everyone...wow, thank you.
I came home from work today hoping to see some comments...and I'm featured on the front page. I'm a mixture of happy and amazed right now. When I was finishing this fanfiction, I was shaking my head. "Ugh, what the heck am I doing? I'm taking one of the series' best villains and I'm having her end up a soda jerker and I'm expecting people not to hate it. Everyone's going to think this is silly..."
I'm beaming like Fizzlepop right now. Thank you everyone, again.
I'll agree with the others, this could easily pass as a legitimate episode. Not just that, but a good episode too.
Heh, this does feel like an episode of the show as Nugget so kindly pointed out. Actually, and I'm not sure why here, but Tempest/Fizzy almost reminds me of Nebula or Gamora from the Guardians of the Galaxy movies in some ways here. Maybe it's the way she speaks, or the fact that they're former right hand women for a mad tyrant, Tempest just does here. Also, I'll be damned if that calling out Apple Bloom gave the older ponies wasn't awesome. Just like her big sis when it comes to telling the truth.
I was not disappointed. I can understand how you're a bit concerned about the ending, but it isn't bad, and it does fit in the spirit of the show. I wish this was canon honestly, and will assume it is until I see something that proves otherwise. You definitely caught me by surprise with Fizzlepop being a blank flank still, I kinda thought that could have been another motivation for her to get her horn back if she thought it was a side effect.
Excellent work, have a like and favorite.
your story wasthe best of the best !it was pure enjoyment!beautifully written ,beautifully done ! well done to you!
I find it funny that I have a story with this name...I'll check it later
I like it. I can see it as an actually episode.
Perfect story! Very much in character, and very well written. It honestly felt like a real episode of the show, 15/10 for sure!
And then, on a day nopony ever expected, in an event none could have imagined, she met the pony who made and sold a thing called, "Mentos."
It was amazing.
Excellently done! It really felt like a potentially canon episode. Well, maybe the angry crowd was a little much for TV-Y, but that's it. Though of course, my first thought was, since it's ponies we're talking about nine times out of ten nominative determinism is the way to go. But then again I also had assumed they had sodapop already. Too many Button Mash fics cluttering up my notion of canon I suppose.
Also humorous mini-headcanon:
And in the future, one day, she has a daughter to help her carry on the carbonation tradition. Unfortunately, little Whizzpop Frobscottle never quite got the method down right, and all her sodapops have bubbles that go down.
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Equestria is inherently a mix of silly (Pinkie I'm looking at you-AGH SHE"S LOOKING BACK AT ME) and disturbing (see also: Pinkie Pie, a Health of Information). It's fine.
*inhales deeply and unleashes a nuclear-grade squee* EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Yes yes YES! Take all my yes! I love it!
I cried. I genuinely had a lump-in-my-throat, raining-from-my-eyeballs cry. This was such a good story touching on points that got me weak in the knees. Definitely a favourite for ages!!
I found that I found this particular story undoubtedly prodigious due to th-
I cant be a fancy pony for this
I really loved your story in so many aspects, how had it was for fizz to get accepted and adjust to a normal life and how she tried and succeeded to find her true tallent. which by the way... can I have some of that soda pop?
I cried. This is better than the show writers could ever do. Honestly I'd love to see a little more to this, just a more thorough epilogue. A look forward and Twilight's reaction.
Glad to see I'm not the only one who came up with the Tempest Soda idea. :D An adorable fic, well done.
And so Fizzlepop re-connected with her natural calling, earned her cutie mark and introduced the tooth-rotting wonders of soft drinks to Equestria. Wonder if pony dentists will love her for increasing business or hate her guts for starting a rapid tooth decay epidemic.
Joking aside, this was a delightful change of pace from what usually gets featured on the front page. I'll admit the epic-length sagas and crossovers do have there appeal, but there's something wonderful about a story that fully adopts the show's core themes and structure without reservations. In this creative section of the fandom that's something truly special.
Aside from the spot-on re-creation of the show's episodic formula, the trails and triumphs of the CMC and Fizzlepop were a joy to read. The contrast of youthful optimism and persistence against hardened cynicism built up the stakes to a wonderful revelation without feeling cheap or out of character. Past mistakes and their consequences aren't resolved instantly, but for those willing to open themselves up and make the effort there is room for a better life. Fizzlepop still has a ways to go, but she's taken an important first step.
A few grammatical errors and sentence structure hiccups, but those are minor spots on a sterling story. Thumbs up, added to favorites and highly recommended. Well done.
P.S. - While the flashback explaining Starlight's absence in the movie wasn't needed it was a great bit of backstory that, once again, fit the setting and its characters wonderfully. Starlight may be a powerful friend willing to help Twilight at the drop of a hat, but that gets thrown off-quilter when Trixie enters the equation. Still, props to the egocentric magician for conjuring a stun spell that laid out one of Equestria's most powerful unicorns for three days, even if Starlight wasn't the intended target.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders sat on the front stoop of the boutique, looking out over Ponyville as the sun slowly descended. It was a thoughtful moment, worthy of deep consideration, which was promptly ruined by Scootaloo speaking up.
"So... All of those bottles from Twilight's lab were supposed to be empty, right Sweetie Belle?"
"Yeah." Sweetie Belle heaved a deep sigh. "I know, I should have checked the bottoms first."
"It's not your fault," said Apple Bloom with the practiced cadence of somepony who was used to saying those words a lot. "Anypony could have missed the precip.. prepec..."
"Precipitate," said Sweetie. "It's what's left at the bottom when a potion is mixed."
"Ah knew that," said Apple Bloom. "I just couldn't remember the word." She lifted her head to look around the quiet town, then heaved a matching sigh. "Obviously, this is Twilight's fault for leaving unlabeled bottles around."
"Not ours," said Scootaloo. "Most certainly not our fault. Again."
"It was a pretty impressive result, though." Apple Bloom looked at the Ponyville paths with oranges scattered on them, the restaurant with oranges sitting on the seats, and the marketplace, which was practically covered in oranges, all with slight color differences that matched the ponies they had been before. "You don't think they'll all be mad at us when Twilight comes up with a counterspell, do you? Since it's really her fault."
Bro, someone better either make cover art for this, or do a fic audioplay of this amazing one-shot story here! This is pretty much what i NEED to see in S8 of MLP:FiM. Well done!!
This felt exactly like an episode of the show. Thank you. I loved it.
Very cute story ^^,
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Especially with the filly's name!
Best. Headcanon. Ever
A STORY WITH AN INTERESTING CONCEPT?!?!
Slams 'Download Button'
for later reading purposes. Duuh!8493668
Eh, Equestria is already loaded with cake, pies, and ice cream sundaes as big as ponies. What's a little sodapop-based tooth decay?
Although now that you mention it at one point I considered in Fizzlepop's "sodapop origin story" that she initially intended to turn the water into coffee to explain how the sodapop would also be caffeinated, but I wanted her to have first done it when she was a filly (as I don't think "Tempest Shadow" would have had much interest in sugary drinks unless it was a holdover from when she was young) and I don't think many little kids care for coffee.
And I couldn't let this story go by without throwing in a scene with Fizzlepop and Starlight explaining her absence (save for the background) in the movie. (I know full well the real reason is the movie script was written at the end of Season Four, long before Starlight joined the cast.) That's probably the one scene that would have appeared in both versions of the story.
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I would absolutely love it if someone did fanart of this story. To be honest, that's my dream for any fanfiction I write. I can't draw myself so I hope someone who can draw will like it enough to do fanart of it.
I wouldn't mind possibly making it the new cover image either. I grabbed this one from "Crusaders of the Lost Mark".
Although for an audio-fic, heh...I think I'm going to still have to wish someone would do Two Background Ponies Eating Cookies for that one.
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Oh, I'm sure Twilight Sparkle is just the sort of OCD pony we know and love that she washed all those bottles out at least five times over.
8494306 Well, you know the age-old saying: If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Loved this story, it did indeed feel like an episode of the show. If you are concerned with 100% show appropriateness though I'd take out the torture reference. Also, it kind of felt like the name "Soda" came out of nowhere.
Fizzlepop Berrytwist will return...
Great story, felt very much like an episode. Only suggestion I would make is divide it into chapters as one large chapter can scare people away. Makes it easier to revisit favorite spots too.
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With how naming conventions in Equestrian work having her discover a taken for creating sodapop is really consistent with the show. Fizziepop Berrytwist sounds like a soft drink after all. Also the explanation of where Starlight was was funny and seems like a mistake Trixie would make in character.
That's it. This fic settles it. I demand they move tempest onto the show as an occasional guest character, or at the very least give her a larger role in the comics.
10/10, would work as an actual episode of the show. Well done!
If this was a series I would read it.
I like the idea that she created Soda Pop in Equestria. Could even lead that into a Fallout Equestria fic as her being the one responsible for Sparkle Cola, at least being the one who came up with the idea by doing what she did in this fic, taking some berries, water, and a bit of her own magic and BAM, soda. Also called Cola. And because of the sparks from her horn, it's called Sparkle Cola. And of course, Rads are added for Sparkle Cola Rad and so on.