• Member Since 30th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen November 24th

Pearple Prose

"A cheeky idiot tweedling around the moors." ~ Aragon || Avatar by Aragon and Mousse


Saving the damsel in distress is less impressive when you're the one who ruined her life in the first place.

Pony Joe is going to try anyway.

Now on Equestria Daily!

Thanks to Aragon, MrNumbers, and Themaskedferret for editing.

Thank you to SilFoe for letting me use her wonderful art, and to ThePoneDrome for the colourful additions.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 73 )

One wonders how you can spray paint a giant sign in broad daylight without anyone noticing.


Look what finally turned up.

This caught my eye because I just watched Spice Up Your Life yesterday (that keeps happening to me, but hey it's cool), and this is a wonderful follow-on. The various cultures and cuisines hinted at here are great detail.

The only sour note, to my mind, is the one-note "mob boss" character. I know there has to be some reason why Pony Joe would act so cruelly to a fellow restaranteur, but it would be interesting if it was more strongly tied to the restaurant business itself -- like say The Tasty Treat's tea started cutting into Joe's morning coffee business, and he acted out of a sense of defensiveness, not realizing the consequences. If you did decide to keep the mob angle, then the "boss" needs to have some kind of distinctive flaw, some reason for having become the local heavy.

Other than that, this is wonderful. Keep it up!

(P.S. Can somepony help me get "It's Gonna Work..." out of my head, please? :twilightsmile:)

This looks fun. Seeing some more Saffronwords, a rare pair, and some cute foodhorses tossed into a story looks like a good blend to me.

Also, Pearwords. Pearwords are good.


Good stuff.

Looking forward to more!

“Great stallion,” Saffron intoned, in a tongue that Joe didn’t understand, “teach me your ways, for you are a master of your craft.”

This is magnificent.

So is much of the story as a whole. Fascinating premise with some woefully underutilized characters. I especially love how you present Coriander Cumin.

That said, the whole mob-induced sabotage thing feels a little flat. For one, we don't know what leverage Capone has with Joe. I can speculate, and we'll presumably find out in good time, but right now, Joe's reason for knuckling under isn't clear. For another, it didn't really work. The whole point of this kind of operation is to send a message, and it doesn't seem like that message was recieved. Saffron doesn't understand why the Tasty Treat was wrecked, nor how to prevent such misfortune in the future. Chasing out a restaurant rather than making it a valued tenant just isn't good business for the discerning legitimate business-stallion. (There's also the matter of Saffron being two degrees from royalty and one from Equestria's premiere paramilitary force, but it's not clear if Capone is aware of those connections. And there's the question of how a criminal underbelly festers right under Celestia's nose, but then we're getting deep into headcanon stances.)

In any case, definitely looking forward to more. My issues will likely be addressed, and I definitely want to see how the story develops.

9092455 Because when the painters are a couple of bulky stallions who could break you in half for just looking at them, and have a reputation around town of leaving those broken bodies in places where they can educate ponies who don't know about them, innocent bystanders become the most unobservant individuals in order to remain unbroken.

Lol... was this written before SMILE? Because there was gag that impled Joe is actually SMILE contact, agent of sorts.


Uh. What is SMILE, actually? Is that an episode that I just forgot about?


S.M.I.L.E is the agency BonBon came from (and Lyra gets sucked into later during some changeling shenanigans). It's in the books, rather than show episodes.

Well, once at the bottom, why not start digging? It couldn't go worse, right?

I'm quite curious where this will head now. And Saffron is adorable.


Surely he could confide to his customer Sunny Smiles about the bind he's in and things would get done.

I find myself in the rare position of wanting to hug the main character and kick his butt at the same time. Excellent work!

Well, Joe may not know how to play pool, but he would certainly made a great secret agent.

Finally! I've been waiting and dying to have a straight shipping fic featuring the beautiful Saffron Masala!

Oh, Joe, all that lying may end up costing you in the long run.

They’ve probably taken a break to play cards or eat donuts or something.

Thus do we sow the seeds of our own downfall...

Though I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, the ongoing misadventures are proving to be hilarious indeed. Eagerly looking forward to more, especially since the horrible web of lies will likely collapse any second now.

Saffron had never stolen a book from a sleeping pensioner before. She wondered if it was anything like taking candy from a baby. At a guess, it seemed pretty much the same – except, if you were too grabby, you got murdered by gangsters.

Oh my word I laughed so hard at this and the whole rest of the chapter the book launderer oh my WORD YOURE GREAT KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

Ah, so it's not the end yet? Hurrah!

:twilightblush: That's some very high praise, haha! I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story!

After the comedic chase, now comes the drama! And what drama it is!

I am! I do have a question, though: why didn't Saffron try going to the Guard before Joe told her it was useless? They got the whole place cleaned up before she even considered it (which would kind of ruin the crimescene, if nothing else). I wouldn't have minded a mention of her at least filing a report, even if it got "lost" later. And of course there's the mention someone made of wondering what exactly Cuckoo's hold on Joe is. But overall, the story is heartstring-tugging and hilarious at the same time, which is an excellent feat. =Dd

What a lovely ending to this chapter! I do hope that's not the end; I want to see them reconcile. ^^ And I see now the explanation of what Cuckoo had on Joe and why you waited to show it; it was part of the big reveal of the rather literal "web" of lies and destruction throughout the town.

I'm really enjoying how this story is playing out, and looking forward to where it goes

This was a night for collapsing webs. Now to see who can rebuild in the aftermath.

Really good and a sweet story, veri naisu

Concerning the last bit: Whatttttttttttt the heck


This was my favorite line.

You know, I'm most delighted that Pony Joe managed to bring over Princess Celestia in order for him to speak with Saffron, apologize to her, and reacquaint himself with her too.

That was most wonderful! You are a master when it comes to romantic stories between two ponies! I especially love it when they kissed and started dancing!

By the way, I love the title of the chapter. Of course, you just need to careful not to add any extra ingredients to the concoction. Such as, shall we say...Chemical X?

Bravo! Bravissimo! Well done with this sweet and wonderful story! You deserve an award for it. It's also very nice that the Royal Sisters appointed Donut Joe as a special agent for them. I just hope it doesn't interfere with his date with Saffron.


I wasn't certain I was going to write anything to follow this up, but then the next thing I started to write was a follow-up to this. Only a small one! For now, anyway.

Thank you so much for your comments, it's made me very happy to see people enjoying it.

Basically I was like "Okay she keeps referencing a sister, I feel like I'm supposed to KNOW these ponies, let me look these up - wait wasn't Sunny Skies the name Celestia used in a fanfiction where she was in disguise-- OH MAN IT'S CELESTIA HAHAHA"
SO yes that was a great twist and I loved it. XD Probably would have been even more fun if I'd been shocked by the reveal but I'm still proud of myself for figuring it out.

I love that Joe used Celestia's reveal that she was Sunny Skies to realize how Saffron must be feeling. It was an excellent analogy and kind of helped me understand her perspective, too - it really must be very jarring and hurtful to find out that the person you thought someone was just kind of... doesn't exist, in a way. The closest I can compare to that was when a character I really liked in Agents of SHIELD turned out to be a villain the whole time and it felt like that character had just been erased from existence because he never really "existed" and MAN that was a bummer. This, fortunately, isn't QUITE as bad as that, but still. I'm rambling. Great chapter, I laughed many times again. You have a great talent for comedic dialogue! :D Keep up the great work!

Sometimes, dreams come true. Or at least true dreams. Having the right ponies help.

This chapter goes back and forth between Sunny Skies and Sunny Smiles even more than the first chapter.

Oh, darn. They must have slipped through somehow. Sorry!

If you could point out in a comment or two where I called her Sunny Smiles here and in the first chapter, I'd really appreciate it.

“Well, yes, but – perhaps you shouldn’t base your moral compass on a time when we still thought soap was made out of demons? Maybe?”

"Is yours not? I find this modern stuff lacks the lather provided by the rendered substance of Tartarus given flesh."

In any case, wonderful stuff from start to finish. Thank you for a fantastic read. Quite literally in a few places. :raritywink:


Sunny Smiles is a dentist company...
It's funny that I thought of Tia when I was reading first chapter and found Sunny name. Did you borrowed it from story titled Celestia?

Occasionally I will read a story with fascinating bit of headcanon that I want to adopt into my official idea of My Little Pony. Like earth ponies having a grounding magic that gives them temporary super strength, or the changelings having a true uncorrupted form (I kid you not there was a fanfic that came up with that way before the show did and I was SO EXCITED when that idea became actual canon. :D)

Now I am going to add this idea of Princess Luna doing elaborate shows in the skies. It was beautifully written, it gave me a sense of awe and power and majesty, and i loved it. I havent seen anyone more than lightly touch on the idea of Luna moving the stars before this, but you made it feel so mysterious and playful and demonstrative of her person. Wonderful job, Im definitely keeping hold of that one! And good job on the story overall; I havent laughed that hard and often at a fimfic in a while. XD

Gods, this was lovely. Excellent from start to finish. Witty and dry narration, fantastic character work and relationship-building with Joe and Saffron, a vibrant miscellany of well-realised secondary characters and a colourful Canterlot, and the Sunny Smiles reveal had me grinning in my seat. Very well done indeed, Pear. You're not half-bad at this writing business. :twilightsmile:

Coriander looked like he was ready to break him.

Saffron looked heartbroken.

I'd forgotten just how good you were at words. It's so very clear that you have the soul of a poet, and it makes your works a joy to read.

Oh my. I remember when you first told me about that interpretation of Celestia. I'd been planning on pestering you to write it to see how it'd be executed. Didn't realize you'd already done that in this story. I must say, she's an absolute delight and I'm 100% on board with this version of her.

I've seen bits and pieces of this story as you wrote it, so I knew it was going to be amazing.

Turns out the whole was definitely greater than the sum of its parts.

I'm so glad you returned to writing. I look forward to reading anything you might write in the future.

Mob ponies!

Time to call in Swelliot Nest and his G-Pones to take em out!

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