• Member Since 21st Sep, 2012
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"r5h, your story was also weird in that you had like some of the cleverest jokes in the contest and also some of the dumbest" -Aragon


Applejack can't hide her deep, romantic, pure, but also totally freaky-deaky love for Rainbow Dash one minute longer. But Rainbow Dash is training with the Wonderbolts—what is Applejack to do? The solution: Disguise herself as a pegasus, despite the fact that she can neither fly nor walk on clouds. What could possibly go wrong?

Absolutely nothing.

This story was cowritten by KwirkyJ, whom I thank for writing at least half of the actual words.

Entered into the fourth AppleDash group contest with the categories "Deepest, Darkest Secret" and "A Place Outside of Ponyville".

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 19 )

Well... it definitely stands out from the crowd. I don't know if I'm qualified to say if that's a good or bad thing.

This is utterly rediculous so far. i love it

It's different for an appledash story. It's... new.
I personally don't like it but it could be worse.
3.5 out of ten :pinkiesick:

This is beyond parody. This is a parody of parodies. I didn't really like it at all.

1/10 Sorry but, no just no.
I had NO IDEA what was going on at all.

Applejack pulled away, breathless. “But I ain’t yet made it to her—”

“Privates!” Soarin called to the other candidates.

I see what you did there.

:rainbowlaugh: I don't see why people reacted so negatively to this story. It's delightfully absurd. The only issue I have with it is that Dash appears to be in Academy training while Starlight is a thing. Beyond that, this is indeed the farce to end all farces. Thank you for it.


Well, this was written between seasons 5 and 6. At that time, Dash was not yet a full-fledged Wonderbolt, and Starlight's redeemed personality was not 100% established, so there ya go. Glad you liked it - people certainly had their doubts about it at first.

Applejack turned from hitching her rope to the legs of the very solid-looking bedstand. “What, you thought you and I were gonna just sleep after that? And just so we’re clear, I call top.”

that's ridiculously kinky and i love it

Applejack chuckled at Rainbow’s wings, spread to full mast. “Somepony likes?”


(Equestrian poetic language has long run into problems with flowery description. When burgeoning Romeos cried up to their prospective Juliets that their beauty was fit to part the heavens, a common response was, “Can we please not bring my day job into this? I’ve spent all afternoon moving clouds to let the sunset through and really I don’t want to think about parting even one more heaven, thanks”.)

that makes so much sense

“Mmmm,” Applejack said. “You can violate my airspace later if’n ya like.” She opened her mouth to take a bite, at which point everything (give or take) exploded.


“Every single one had a sticky-note on them saying, ‘do not use, sabotaged’!”

equestrian warfare can be stupidly creative sometimes

“Starlight Glimmer,” the pony deadpanned. “We’ve met. And I just saved Captain Suicide over there, so apparently you’re welcome.”


“His pastries,” Starlight repeated. “That is really, unbelievably dumb.” She levitated herself over Applejack. “Okay, so as fun as it would be to just blast that thing into smithereens, I think our Princess Autocratic Head Trauma would prefer it if I could say that friendship was somehow involved. Applejack, I’m gonna need you to use your true power to bring this thing down once and for all.”

starlight not taking any shit from the goofiness of this fight is hilarious

“Same thing, isn’t it?”


“ No it wasn’t !” Starlight shrieked, off to the side. “I was me! It was literally all me!”

you tell 'em, starlight

“S-Town it is, then,” Starlight mumbled, turning a hundred and eighty degrees and floating away at speed. “This one’s going to be—objectively—perfect.”

this is a hilarious ending to starlight's story

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