Prince Blueblood, after hitting rock bottom meets a mare that spends a single night with him that helps him steer himself into a better life.
Major Overhaul from the original plot but same concept and better writing. (Hopefully)
Chapters (6)
- Member Since 28th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
BioQuillFiction
I write the countless and troublesome story worlds that I see in my mind for you're enjoyment, mostly to just make them stop! GTFO out if my brain and onto the site! *SMACK*
BioQuillFiction
Joined 28th Sep, 2013 ·
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8373838
Agreed.
I'm going to be gentle and assume English isn't your first language. As such I was barely able to get past the fourth...lets call it a paragraph for context's sake. Maybe next time, find a proofreader or editor in one of the groups on the site to lend a hand.
8373838
Do you need to specify that you won't vote on it, having not read it? Are you telling me that there are people who'll vote based on descriptions, etc, alone?
8373838
Mocha, you gotta try it. Just trust me. You won't believe it.
Author, more chapters, please.
8373908
On your advice I read it.
I can tell the author has an understanding of what he wants conveyed and gets it across very roughly.
A few months of writing regularly and they'll be able to look back at this chapter and groan asst how they were.
So, just to be clear. Blueblood gets chewed out by Rarity and not one mare wants to give him the time of day, unless it's to be beat him upside the head with their watch, since? That's BS. Now, afterwards he becomes a drunk because he has no purpose or other desires in life, because no mare wants to talk to him? One night, he meets the one mare that was not only willing to have a conversation with him, but also sleeps with him that very same night? Now, two years later, the woman shows up with their child and now she and her child are royalty?
How soon after Saffron meeting Rarity and Pinkie does Saffron meet Blueblood?
Is Rarity going to show up? What will be her reaction to all this?
Has Blueblood changed at all since he met Saffron?
BTW, I will be tracking this.
8373997
...your comment scares me...
Ok, THIS is interesting! Iv'e been looking for a deviate story for a while, and now I have found one! Keep this up! I expect great things!
8373906
Yes. In general I don't but I thought this was a troll fic at first and almost thumbed down immediately. I didn't and now I know this is someone either fairly new to writing or whose first language isn't English - at least from the comments that's what I'm getting.
And I have read a description so terrible that the only thing I could do was to thumb it down. This description is bad but not so bad to get a reactive thumb like that. Overall, the description is the author trying to sell the story and if you can't get the description right, there's little chance for the story to be readable.
TO THE AUTHOR
8374055
Remember, white space is your friend. Most prefer a double carriage return a la above but tab stops are used by those trying for a more professional (and in my opinion, less readable but still better) look. Split paragraphs either where a complete thought has ended OR when someone different starts speaking. Search the writing FAQ for more info and good luck.
8374055
Why?
Hmmm...I see potential so I'm tracking this for now.
8374199
No idea
8373997
I'm rather shocked at how it took her two years to contact him again. He keeps dreaming of her and seems so taken with her, I doubt he did something like sneak out at night while she slept and vanish. Could be wrong, of course. Still she had the boy and only now the father gets to learn he has a son running about?
8374055
The part where people criticise the description is unfortunately very valid. The short description right now has as its fist sentence: "Blueblood was drink" and the third one "He found a nice restraint". You probably meant "drunk" and "restaurant".
8374840 Well, as far as I recall, it takes eleven months to give birth, so that accounts for one year. Judging by her reaction to suddenly finding herself married, she wasn't looking for anything from Blueblood other than him and his son knowing who they are. That might be why it took her two years to confront Blueblood.
Actually I wish… you did a lot of chapters about Blueblood improving himself then jumping 3 years later. I think it would have really been cool story I do love your writing
11029440
While I think that would have made a good mini arc, I was just remastering this chapter since I'm giving this whole story an overhaul. Figured I'd keep it close to the original but with a better... everything.
You could do a side story I guess? So far both chapters are really good and I like it just only that I felt the story is missing an arc with Blue working his way back up to be a better pony then the story gets to the part of that event of the 3rd year.
I think I read your old story once but barely remember but at least so far this is good.
Also, the reply button wasn’t working grrrr
Twilight I want to know all the codes because that’s so funny
When I found this story with two posts and the first one being from 2017 I wasn't gonna try but the second one being fairly recent made me want to try. I like where this is going and the explanation as where Blueblood gets his status from rather than just being vaguely related to Celestia. I'm glad to add this to my watch list.
11119784
Thanks, and yeah this story is actually older but I decided to to a complete rewrite (that's why chap one says 2017 and the next is more recent) of it since the original version wasn't very well planned out and poorly written.
Why does overlord start with a capital o in the synopsis?
Dude getting alien powers would be epic. I wonder if this place is actually more advance then anywhere on the planet? Like an alien living their had to change a lot for their lives for generations.
Glad to see the story back again. Can’t wait for more!
Watch Blueblood get his X-man power and it be something extremely ordinary.
Yoooo you are back! Woah, a lot to read it was definitely a great chapter that has answer somethings but add more mysteries to it. First off I have a feeling there will be a little new foal in the way and the whole place sounds crazy how the world didn’t just see that place does make the whole Equestria isolated from the world a real thing.
I feel bad for Rose… like it awful for anyone to be raise only to serve a purpose which to only end up in death… at least I hope the bad guy is dead? But since she only listens to him and her future husband which will be BlueBlood I hope Blue understands that Rose… probably really needs help. I kind of wonder if she will be rather silent all the time since it didn’t sound like she talks a lot and I wonder if she be nice or not sure what to do with Blue’s kid?
I now wonder if Link Heart is actually still around? Can’t wait to see more soon. Oh yea, the kingdom is doom since when Twilight learns about their being trillions of books 📚 no technology will stop the Egghead
11271744
I am trying to post semi regular. I have a lot of projects I will admit I shouldn't be working on all at once but two Im going to basically wrap up and merge over to a story that has them all take place in the same universe anyway so, might as well merge them to save time.
I hope to eventually shrink my list down to a certain amount of Projects at a time to have a more regular posting schedule.
Thanks for the support and have a wonderful day.
11271818
Take your time man to organize everything. No rush to get this story done when it only just started which yea I recommend focusing on few stories since you don’t want to end up stuck not knowing how to continue one story and to end up canceling it.
No problem! You have a good week man
Poor Ruby
though I think Saffron can help her be at least more happy like Blue is which would be good for her. Come on Blue, she doesn’t seem so bad and your wife is fine with another wife who really needs help and support
Oh, it’s over already? Not sure about the Multiverse part since I liked more of the alien part of the story, and it did feel rather off since it takes away what made the kingdom interesting. I kind of assume we would see chapters of Saffron helping Rose over time getting her to open up while struggling with the views of these kingdom ponies and overcoming challenges for her and her son. I thought that also his ancestor would come back for the end to save the day since I had felt like there were going to be ponies who would cause trouble for Blue to face in the story. Sorry that I am disappointed in this chapter since it did feel like there is plenty of missed opportunities for more chapters to build an interesting story.
Thank you for writing a nice romance tale between Blue and Saffron.
11372423
This story was always going to be a short one, but in the end the ending is something I can live with and the location and characters will make an appearance in another story of Mine later on in the plot.
Also the thing with the multi there and the purple changeling was a reference to a story I co-write with Xinrick.
While yes more could have been done I am trying to trim my..
Extensive writting list. Too many projects and I'd rather them not be left u finished so
Okay. New rewrite... New comment.
This is definitely an improvement. On all fronts. I
Twilight's reaction though. On to the next chapter.
11373294
Thanks. Figured when I came back to this is needed a... whole reconstruction from the ground up.
Celestia's reaction to Blue Spice was understandable. "Code Nine" had me laughing my ass off.
Wow. Just... wow.
Is it wrong that I want to see what that mug looks like?
Forgive me if it is.
While it was a good story, it feels….Unfinished? Like there was meant to be 20 or more chapters.
What they did to that poor mare.
They got off too easy.
I like where this story went and ended. Have a fave.
11381849
Yay
Great story! Just a question. Was the Isles based on Wakanda?
11382707
The Isles themselves come from The Chase, a really long fanfic here on Fim that sadly hasn't been updated in a while but had 900+ chapters.
As for the Isles in their operation and style I was actually thinking more akin to Castle in The Sky when I thought up the floating kingdom.
11382728
Okay. Thanks for letting me know. I need to watch that movie.
Tomb? Do you mean tome?
11390666
That yes.
11390676 It's all good. I still have readers finding typos in my stories too. Not a bad piece you wrote. It felt pretty rushed at the end though. Like there could have easily been ten more chapters, but I sometimes forget not everyone wants to read an 800,000 word story like the monster I am still writing. Sheesh, it is taking me forever to finish it. In that, you are fortunate, good sir/madam (I have no clue which you are)
11390678
I get that, and yeah it was a bit of a rushed job in the end but I can live with the ending and it's better than leaving it unfinished or I lose the point entirely making it longer. The latter being a bit of a bad habit of mine when writting longfics.
11390680 I understand completely. The Unity Pact has taken a FAR different direction than I had ever planned. It actually started off as a creative writing exercise while I was bored at work and just took on a life of its own. I know what the ending is going to be, but I hesitate to finish it because I know the majority of my readers are going to be upset in some way or another. I wrote only a single explicit chapter, really poured my heart and soul into it, and it got so much hate I actually cancelled the story for a while before continuing. Be careful writing explicit material, some people can get really pissy about their take on the situation. I would think that a husband and wife sharing their first night together would have been romantic and steamy, but it all but turned into a witch hunt. Most of the negativity was in the messages not the comments but there were a few there too. Please be careful with such things.
11390684
Never actually did that before. As for the hate, if they had the gawl to message you privately to complain about it rather than comment like a normal person, they're just a troll or know their views on it would be mass downvoted/deleted.
Don't let those people get to you, just write what you feel it right for the story and anyone talks shit, block and ignore. It's what I do and haven't had any major problems.