• Member Since 27th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago

BioQuillFiction


I write the countless and troublesome story worlds that I see in my mind for you're enjoyment, mostly to just make them stop! GTFO out if my brain and onto the site! *SMACK*

T

Wondering the streets drunk on an empty stomach was how Blue Blood spent his most recent days. After being told off by the element of Generosity rarely did a mare look at him. His nose caught the whiff of something exotic. His eyes spotted something exotic. Two years later his actions catch up with him. Follow Blue Blood, Saffron Masala, and their son, Blue Spice as they tackle forced marriage, raising an over energetic foal, and the threat that is Saffron's father out for vengeance!

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 37 )
Comment posted by Mocha Star deleted Aug 18th, 2017

I'm going to be gentle and assume English isn't your first language. As such I was barely able to get past the fourth...lets call it a paragraph for context's sake. Maybe next time, find a proofreader or editor in one of the groups on the site to lend a hand.

8373838

Do you need to specify that you won't vote on it, having not read it? Are you telling me that there are people who'll vote based on descriptions, etc, alone? :trixieshiftleft:

8373838

Mocha, you gotta try it. Just trust me. You won't believe it.

Author, more chapters, please.

8373908
:applejackunsure:
On your advice I read it.

I can tell the author has an understanding of what he wants conveyed and gets it across very roughly.

A few months of writing regularly and they'll be able to look back at this chapter and groan asst how they were.

So, just to be clear. Blueblood gets chewed out by Rarity and not one mare wants to give him the time of day, unless it's to be beat him upside the head with their watch, since? That's BS. Now, afterwards he becomes a drunk because he has no purpose or other desires in life, because no mare wants to talk to him? One night, he meets the one mare that was not only willing to have a conversation with him, but also sleeps with him that very same night? Now, two years later, the woman shows up with their child and now she and her child are royalty?
How soon after Saffron meeting Rarity and Pinkie does Saffron meet Blueblood?
Is Rarity going to show up? What will be her reaction to all this?
Has Blueblood changed at all since he met Saffron?

BTW, I will be tracking this.:pinkiecrazy:

Ok, THIS is interesting! Iv'e been looking for a deviate story for a while, and now I have found one! Keep this up! I expect great things!

8373906
Yes. In general I don't but I thought this was a troll fic at first and almost thumbed down immediately. I didn't and now I know this is someone either fairly new to writing or whose first language isn't English - at least from the comments that's what I'm getting.

And I have read a description so terrible that the only thing I could do was to thumb it down. This description is bad but not so bad to get a reactive thumb like that. Overall, the description is the author trying to sell the story and if you can't get the description right, there's little chance for the story to be readable.

TO THE AUTHOR
8374055
Remember, white space is your friend. Most prefer a double carriage return a la above but tab stops are used by those trying for a more professional (and in my opinion, less readable but still better) look. Split paragraphs either where a complete thought has ended OR when someone different starts speaking. Search the writing FAQ for more info and good luck. :heart:

Hmmm...I see potential so I'm tracking this for now.

8373997
I'm rather shocked at how it took her two years to contact him again. He keeps dreaming of her and seems so taken with her, I doubt he did something like sneak out at night while she slept and vanish. Could be wrong, of course. Still she had the boy and only now the father gets to learn he has a son running about?

8374055
The part where people criticise the description is unfortunately very valid. The short description right now has as its fist sentence: "Blueblood was drink" and the third one "He found a nice restraint". You probably meant "drunk" and "restaurant".

8374840 Well, as far as I recall, it takes eleven months to give birth, so that accounts for one year. Judging by her reaction to suddenly finding herself married, she wasn't looking for anything from Blueblood other than him and his son knowing who they are. That might be why it took her two years to confront Blueblood.

Your description on the home page

Blue Blood was drink. He got hungry. He found a nice restraint. He met an exotic mare. The two chatted. The two did the Woho! Two years later, Blue Blood becomes a dad. Now it's a family.

drunk
Woohoo (couldn't you have just said "They had sex"?)

If you added a bit more to this and spread it out more, this would be a really big success ! Well... bigger. Other wise it was a good quick read.

8399337
Yeah...i can't spread out stuff well/at all...

I added this to my fav. I cant wait for Ch 3 ^_^ Is Blue Spice a Unicorn too? I don't think you said if he was.

I can’t believe I haven’t found this before. This is just adorable! I want more of it! :yay:

YES!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE WRITING MORE!!!!!!!!!!!! I been waiting forever for a update!!!!! TY :heart:

8399350
That just means it's something you need to work on

Good chapter

tellikanisses

Telekinesis

8942570
Yes yes I updated it. I finally am getting over my crippling writters block hell-bent on murdering my fimfiction stories and account. This chap has been in the works for the lesser part of 6 months.

Love it. cant wait for more

I recommend correcting the title to Impureblood. 'Inpure' is not actually a word.

This is a really cute story, I like it:rainbowkiss:

YEAH! YOU ARE WRITING AGAIN!!!! Love your story :heart:

“So, now you’ve met the Stepfather. How are you gonna work that?”

Father-in-law. A step-father is when a child's nother marries another man,

YEAH! you updated more!!!! Im SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy :pinkiehappy:

9216012
Writting has been slow lately but it's happening.

Someone else who ships Bluemasala? I've gotta read this!

Attack of the Spice... ouch.

Uh oh. Blue Spice being around all those other ponies.

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