Cynewulf
Joined 5th Dec, 2011 ·
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And yet unlike life, this was a joy to read.
Can confirm, a mental breakdown is a lot like that.
7064562 she was grump cause I was writing l and not snuggling
7064575 yup. This one was kinda tame
7064698 that's because writing a "bad" one is really hard to do, right? I mean you'd have to mentally relive one to piece it out and put it on paper. Which is part of the reason I stopped trying so myself.
A part of me really liked the way you closed the story, but I feel there is so much more to discuss about her situation, her future, her feeling and so on...
Yes it is a mess, but somehow, it is also its greatest strength.
Regardless, it certainly is a great piece of work, thank you for sharing it!
And I have a kitty that can sit on my lap and purr loudly while I read your story, what else could I ask for?
7065287 aww! Mine is napping somewhere
You can always make another home. Not going to be like the old home but it still will be a home. Part of growing up and out.
This story very good but the title doesn't really make any sense for this story.
fuck I think our sunsets are merging together
This was a definite joy to read. The overall structure may be a mess as you put it, but it so fits Sunset's situation, and you really explored her misery with her current state-despite her friends-very well. Honestly, I'd love to see more written in this vain.
But, Sunset seems to have forgotten that you can always make a new home. It won't necessarily be the easiest thing, but nothing is impossible.
7066396 Perhaps.
I've found making a new home is harder than we think
I really liked this fic. Even after Sunset's been reformed and has gotten most of her confidence back, she's still in a world alien to her. She still has that regret, or pride, or just that hurt holding her back from returning. Before, with the time limit, she didn't have a choice, but now having Princess Twilight offering her that chance in some ways makes it even worse. Which is probably why she can't just bring herself to accept Celestia's forgiveness.
Some parts of this fic remind me of an old movie/book, with how Sunset said she can't remember her old life as a unicorn anymore. Right now, working on some insignificant homework in a human body, its a long, long way from Equestria.
At least Sunset is keeping the Twilights separate, although if they teamed up to drag Sunset out of her depression, that might work. Good portrayal of Sunset falling apart. The last movie came close to showing that part of Sunset, the longing to go home but still reluctant to actually do so. Until then, this fic is a great way of showing Sunset dealing with that kind of emotion.
7066453 same person but not--different lives breed different attitudes. SciTwi seems more timid and awkward than pony Twi who has become a lot more outgoing
7066434 I can personally attest to this
The story captures a lot of the feelings pertaining to the things I've gone through and are going through at the moment. I find myself empathizing with Sunset's struggle to adapt and her feelings of loss towards the things she feels she cannot have anymore. It's written terribly well and it offered some relief (for me at least) to see that someone else understands or has gone through the things I'm going through.
7066484 in my heard her apartment complex looks like mine, down the street from Ole Miss
Being a stranger in a strange land is a harsh reality
Interesting story. I liked that it skipped around. This all felt very real. I don't mean plausible, but raw, true to inner views and ideas. Everything was so interwoven into reality that being a pony was just another of life's problems, which was dealt with in a perfectly reasonable and lifelike away. I really respect this kind of story for what it is. Good job, man.
Also, I can't *completely* tell on mobile, but did you source your cover art? You should; it's good. For quick reference: http://bakki.deviantart.com/art/Sunset-Shimmer-493340960
This story may have been a bit of a mess, but it was greater for it. A great read.
7066690 I did not--I published it on mobile and working this little screen can be frustrating. Thankya, I'll add that in the afternoon when I can access wifi
I haven't even read this yet, but your title alone has me wondering if you're a fan of RahXephon.
7066715 can we be separate people please
This is wonderfully paced, and so dark that one appreciates the lightness in it.
A question of where do your memories end, and your imagination, your desire to make it real begins.
Unfortunately or fortunately (Depends when you ask) I can't tell where this line is. Nor, do i ever want to, I suppose.
7066806 never watched it. But I have listened to the OST and a friend of mine loved it and that phrase lingered with me
7067012 sorry we are one now
Title is a RahXephon reference?
Edit: Derpderp, just read down. Damn RahXephon was a good show.
Just how long has Sunset been trying to write that book report? Sometimes just gotta put your nose to the grindstone and do it. For me, having a multitude of stress got things done even if it was unrelated to school.
Clearly Sunset needs a kitty to sit on her.
7068012 of guess two weeks. More of a final paper--it's actually supposed to be Doestoevsky's Crime and Punishment, which I read as a high school senior
She should get a cat named Celestia
Also funny you should say that as my cat is currently snoozing. On my face. Dumb cat
7068044
Twilight visited a lot.
Would Sunset be tempted to flick cigarettes at her cat then? Maybe Rarity would see it as her having a crush on Principle Celestia.
I don't have inside cats, only barn cats. They are very annoying when putting on shoes.
Yeah, if you were going for a mental breakdown, that sums it up rather nicely. I especially like that breaks between sections. Seems to help everything slow down whilst everything is happening at once.
Beautiful.:twilightsmile
Random question: Was the final choice for the artwork going to affect how this story went at all? Because I definitely feel that a Sunset artwork was a much better choice for this story given the content.
7069083 it would have changed the perspective it was told in. A Twilight choice would have had more of Celestia-Twilight
Beautiful story, though. One of my top favorites thus far.
>>Cynewulf Are we sharing a brain? The feels in this one just resonates so hard right now.
A fitting end to a truly wonderful story. It's messy and it leaves things unresolved on what happens next, but it fits. Life is often messy and leaves a lot of things unresolved on what happens next.
I like the structuring. The over large page breaks were, I don't want to say annoying but perhaps offsetting, at first. After finishing, however, they work. The act of turning a page is a manner of punctuation all its own, and that's difficult to emulate in digital format. Intended or not, that's the feeling I got from them and I think it worked well.
Disjointed but not broken. Fits Sunset well, I think.
Wow. Just wow. This story is a cut above your already amazing fare. The meandering flow of it perfectly fits a mind trying to peace together thoughts as it jumps seemingly randomly but in hindsight with perfect purpose. The imagery in of the scenes where Sunset is sitting on the front steps was some of the most vivid and easy to digest that I've read in, well, ever. I couldn't help but see the red glow of Sunset's cigarette, or the bobbing of Twilight's umbrella, or Twilight tucked underneath Sunset's chin.
And the raw emotion in this story. Damn. I feel drained yet unable to sleep due to a feeling that there is something I need to resolve yet I don't know what. I've been staring at the wall for almost an hour now while being distracted by a dusty cobweb drifting in the circulating air of my house trying to puzzle out just what it is that's evading me.
Damn. Just, damn.
7069733 sometimes its nice to sit
I miss my backporch light. I used to sit out there and read with a pipe or a pack of cigs, and watch the little sun at the edge. Pipes are more like volacnos--ashy tops with furious fire below and smoke billowing forth. I read through Project Horizons on that porch, doing much the same as Sunset does here.
It is...
Nice.
I'm forcibly reminded of my time at college, sitting on the front steps of the dorm, smoking. I still remember the taste of Camel Turkish Golds, the way the smoke would slowly rise and collect about the hazy orange light beneath the short roof over my head, on the rare still nights that would allow it. Sometimes my roommate would join me. Sometimes I was alone.
You've perfectly captured what it felt like when I was alone.
I didn't like smoking when it was raining, although I did it anyways, for the same reasons that Sunset does. The humidity added a sour note to the drag, and the smell of rain turns to wet ash in the mouth when combined with the smoke (I imagine menthols mitigate this, somewhat). But there are no better conditions for feeling sorry for yourself, or, if necessary, forgetting why you're feeling sorry for yourself.
This is beautiful, and brilliant, and a little painful, in a lovely sort of way.
Thank you.
7070082 Heh. I can't smoke Camels anymore. Not sure why, just can't. Stuck on American Spirit blacks--ain't nothin' like perique.
It was actually not the steps for me--nonsmoking campus, private Baptisty college. For me it was the Smoking Hill, which was just the ground that sloped up towards the highway (public land). Or the brick-laid streets of old Clinton, where I discovered you can smoke those Black 'n Milds rather well under the brim of a cowboy hat when the rain starts to come down.
7069684 I've been weirdly fascinated with the idea of the effect of blank space on narrative since reading House of Leaves.
So unlike fictional lives, real lives have cats that sit on you when you do things.
... Okay.
7070542 I have a cat named Luna. She was being my writing buddy so I thought I could mention her and make some followers smile
Mm-hm.
rly nice story specially when you are siting outside with you laptop and listening thunder clouds closing in with a cigaret washing away all dally worrys.Overall i get the feeling that Sunset mentality here is close to broken and mental brakedown is close by.She can torn btw going back andfacing Celestia and sucking up the pain it brings and starting new life over or staying in a world still alien to her where she where she already built a home and always have that felling of longing or missing something.Oh and Cigarettes
Hmm...
Maybe it's purely the title that made me think of this song, but I feel like this is the general mood of the story. Or maybe I'm crazy? Yeah, that's probably it. Still a pretty good read.
Nice story. I think I have more to say, but my phone is not the place to write it.
I'm glad both Twilights were there for her, because Sunset needed that hug.
I misread it as that being her ringtone. Which would've been kind of hilarious.
Pinkie, I'm afraid asking Sunset on a motorcycle not to be cool is like asking the Pacific not to be wet.
You know, Twi, I didn't hear a "no" in there.
7071789 I wish my phone ringtone was just someone screaming my name obnoxiously. I'm not even joking that would be hilarious.
It's a relief when she finally says it after hiding from the other Twilight
...
dear god this story
and this ending
This reminds me of the last episode of Teen Titans (2007) where they all come back home, but it's not really the same.
Well, that and what it felt like the first time I really spent time home after college (only two years away; the first summer break was still sorting out everything), and everything I was expecting to be there was different. The park had changed (new trams, new play structures, new road layout), old haunts were shutdown or moved, new rules in the places we used to go that meant you couldn't do the same stuff anymore.
Not to mention the changes in the people that were there. Old friends that failed me, and my family. New ones made in my absence that I didn't know.
Nothing maybe quite as serious as living in self-exile, but similar enough to feel familiar.
I like the breaks in the writing. Chapter breaks work too, but they always take me out of it because FIMfiction displays the most irrelevant of ads, and I try to keep AdBlock off for knighty & co. The spaces work better than line breaks, too (those ______ things between sections) because it forces me to scroll down, and I don't immediately know what's coming next, or even if it's a proper break and not just some mistaken Return key held down too long.
And ah, proper dreams. I haven't had proper dreams in a long time. It would be nice to have those again. Usually I'm so tired at night I fall straight asleep, and feel nothing until morning. But not having nightmares in a long time is kinda nice too. Adult nightmares are a lot scarier than the childhood ones.