Sunset Shimmer's life has been on the up and up. She turned from her past, made new friends, and is now passing the magic of friendship to others, including this world's Twilight Sparkle.
Which is why, of course, this is all just a mistake. Things got a little out of hand, but it's over now. So now they can just move past this. Why, it'll be a funny story to tell in a few months.
------
Special thanks to the following:
SoloBrony, for being who he is.
CarcinoGeneticist, for his charitable contribution cleaning up the grammar.
Nadnerb who along with Solobrony convinced me to work toward publishing this stuff, even when I didn't want to.
And Skeeter the Lurker, Tourquillian, Nyerguds, and Prane for arguing in the Gdoc about what worked and what didn't.
The catalyst for, but not part of, The Shelf Cleaning Intiative
Now has a spiritual sister story in So You've Just Seduced Your Best Friend. For more details on that, check here.
That was cute. Although... I have absolutely no idea which Twilight this is. Clarification?
D'aww.... My face hurts from smiling. I like this.
Cute story. Just needs a little more room to develop.
6853120
Judging by Twilight's comments about being stopped, I would say Sci Twi, not Princess Twilight.
You did a great job of managing to tell an awful lot of story in 3,000 words. You built up all that backstory and "stuff that happened" with just a few deft strokes. Really excellent. And what you elaborated on explicitly was also very well-told. You only plucked a few strings but it feels like I've been sitting in the audience for hours.
6853120
Friendship Games is mentioned right at the start as a catalyst for this, Twi mentions Sunset saving her, and the description mentions Human!Twi specifically. I had hoped it would be clear.
6853165 It probably was, I have a bad habit of skipping details like that.
6853144
is that... is that a thing?
6853242
It's been a thing since the end of Rainbow Rocks, yeah. That's where she got that name, since her first appearance is in a lab coat and monitoring equipment.
6853165
I picked up on those details, for what it's worth. I still like this story, it's still fun and cute. I just feel like it's missing more details. More content. I'd like to see things fleshed out a little more with regards to Sunset's emotional outburst, and maybe give Twilight more material to work with when it comes to assuaging her fears and doubts. Plus, right at the end, I felt cheated out of a stronger resolution to their sexual tension.
I know there's only so much you can add until you need to mark the story as mature, but Sunset and Twilight really ought to more directly address the fact that they did have sex, drunk or no.
was it wrong that I... had several thoughts about this story between my... uhh... urges?
6853274
I agree with this. It was a good story, a really interesting and unique angle of their relationship to consider. Sunset feeling not worthy of being loved, and trying to let Twilight down gently because of it.
It's rare enough that Sunset is written as slightly out of her element when it comes to relationships, and I love that you wrote her that way. But some more development would have done this good.
6853602
Given the fact this there is nothing explicit in this (heck, it's rated Teen), I'm honestly not sure why the heck you'd think the story is not what it's all about
This was really cute! I'd love to see a continuation or sequel!
dam nice story i love the drama element plus it has really nice felling to it
the bad part is that it could be a bit longer and more detail
anyways i loved it have a like
Is this The Black Cauldron?
I think the "had found by the podunk village" is extra here.
I like how the story manage to have a fairly quick pace without feeling yanked or pulled around, that and Sunset's mental panic were pretty well done.
This one shot was a remarkable blend of deliciously awkward, with a nice cryfest for emphasis. While some issues persist in the construction, they do not detract from this piece.
It has earned the like! I look forward to more items from your shelf.
Wow, just wow! This was so wonderful. I had imagined that something dramatic would have to occur for these two to get together, but I never imagined this. But this feels so right. I seriously almost cried, very few stories have ever done that. There's just something so beautiful about two lovely, wonderful girls letting all their emotions out to each other.
The cuteness of this story is over 9000!
Awkwardness overload, then funnies overload, and later a heaping of adorable.
Lovely story
6854403 what this person said!
6853894
We have a winner!
(Yes, yes it is. I was going to leave an author's note making a game out of guessing the movie, but forgot to by the time I actually published it.)
6854048
Nah. Cadance taught Twilight that trick, and so I had the amusing idea of Sunset both having known Cadance (which makes sense) and having known her in a radically different context (which ALSO makes sense) and thus picked it up from her.
6854541 Oh, no, I get THAT aspect of it, and agree that she'd pick it up too. I'm just saying the sentence grammatically doesn't quite make sense. The phrasing is very off.
"Sunset remembered something that princess Celestia had found by the podunk village had taught her."
Essentially, she was taught something by Celestia, which she'd found in a podunk village? (which, Ponyville?)
It simply needs rephrasing.
6853274
6853751
Ah, well. This story has a bit of a history at this point (which is impressive given I only conceived of it's earliest incarnation two weeks ago), but to condense it, the earlier versions where much more about the whole humorous "We had sex, what do?" angle, but by the time I got into this draft the emotional pacing was so tight and so focused on Sunset's emotions that I basically didn't have the time to bring it up. Which is a shame in some ways. There's a really cute/funny moment from an earlier draft that just didn't make it in.
tl;dr the characters don't talk about the sex they had because they had other things to talk about right now.
Also, if it makes you feel better re: sexual tension; Word of God is that Twilight and Sunset are about to resolve the hell out of some sexual tension (and get some much needed emotional catharsis) all over Sunset's apartment.
That said, I might expand on this relationship in other fics. Not sure yet.
6854547
Oh.
Heraderp.
6854547
Changed it a bit. Hopefully better now.
6854588 Still a bit unwieldy, but it makes a lot more sense now!
Half a day. BOOM!!
In all honesty though, my joke sucked.
Great story though.
This is why you don't mainline 80s.
Sunset Shimmer was besties with Azathoth? That explains so much.
I'd go with "Exactly how much 80s did I mainline?"
And yet you still slept with her after that? I guess the depressed do often make bad choices.
If this isn't a euphemism for something filthy, it should be.
Only someone without a soul could sincerely enjoy romantic comedy.
6853894
I thought the same thing... The Black Cauldron is a personal favorite!
Twilight’s elbow collapsed into her half eaten scrambled eggs. Holy crap. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen!
Not the eggs!
Twas an alright story.
6854702
Go watch Love, Actually, heathen.
6854702
6854896
My thoughts exactly!
"Feel free to hit you up on Steam." Hmmmm, that seems like a very dangerous thing to say. How do you even be Princess Luna?
Titanium might want to work on his grammar some more. I spotted a few cases where the wrong words were used or sentences that just had added words.
As for the story content itself, it was cute. The awkwardness of waking up with someone you only partially remember sleeping with. I don't mind the SunLight shipping either; either Twilight is good in my book too. Just as long as it isn't Flash.
6855439
To answer your question: it involves lots of angst and talking funny.
6855442
As long as it hasn't resulted in any weird, eye opening dreams. Those can be a real doozy.
Small thing. "So, You've Just Slept With Your Best Friend"
*Later that day*
Applejack walks up to the door with the homework that Sunset didn't collect that day. After knocking a few times, she growls and reaches up at the door frame. Finding the spare key, Applejack opens the door to see Sunset and Twilight on the couch rutting like two mares in heat.
Sunset stops whatever she's doing and looks up. With wide eyes, Applejack dropped the books, stepped out of the apartment and closed the door.
Adorables.
Fun, awkward, backwards relationship... You're not supposed to sleep with each other first. Of course Sunset would be the type to put the cart before the horse
Also, Black Cauldron reference. One of Don Bluth's best and Disney's worst movies of all time, and a favorite of mine.
I wrote a critique/review of this story; it can be found over here.
Black Cauldron, I approve. You also write pretty decent horse words.
6856407
Nope, that was the movie that got him fired because it did so badly in the box office. (although I think he was encouraged to leave, not really fired)
Not working for disney though let him go his own way which is why we have awesome games like Dragon's Lair.
6853773 I think what I said came out wrong... What I mean is, Is it wrong to feel warm inside when I read this... That's what I meant.
6856671
Still baffles me why you would think that's 'wrong'; this is clearly a 'feels' story
*her
Very well done. You have made my pegasus wings pomf.
Did- did you just...?
You did, didn't you?
Well, that reference was very
*click*
noice.
Nice cute and well paced,you managed to find that elusive sweet spot in wich a short slice of life/love story manages to be long enough to let the characters react in an organic way and yet not so long that it feels drawn out.
A few minor grammar mistakes but nothing to jaring, like a said a truly good story