• Member Since 13th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Softy8088


I like stuff. I dislike other stuff. I frequently dislike stuff other people like, and vice-versa. I'm not a troll; I'm a contrarian. I also write stuff, sometimes. It's not very good.


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Source

After a recent cluster of calamities cursing her farm, Applejack's livelihood stands on the brink of financial ruin. Desperate, she asks Twilight Sparkle for a loan to keep Sweet Apple Acres running.

But when Twilight's unexpected answer inadvertently causes the two mares to butt heads, the stalemate threatens not only Ponyville's food supply but also their friendship.

With the two obstinate mares sticking to their principles come Tartarus or tidal surges, can Pinkie Pie bridge their ideological gap and save Applejack's farm?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 154 )

What a terrific story. I do love your stories, Softy. Don't ever change!
Also, you're featured on EqD!

The link is here: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2014/05/story-and-borrowing-dulls-edge-of.html

Perfect. Just gotta watch out for that compound interest. :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by TrollestiaSubject deleted May 22nd, 2014

Ah, ye olde "Wait until EqD feature then publish for auto-fimfic-feature" trick. No doubting it's effective, though...

Edit: after reading... Heh, this was actually rather fun, although I saw the twist coming from about halfway through. I'm sure I can speak for everyone who reads this when I say that we've all been done over by people when it comes to money before. I know I certainly have—I've been swindled out of thousands in my lifetime. On this note, I do agree with what Twilight said about loans ruining friendships, yet I can also understand Applejack's POV about the "charity" as well. Personally, I would have accepted the gift and made sure I put it to great use, but that's me. And I loved how Pinkie was just the awesome third wheel in this situation.

Now onto critiques.
There's a fair smattering of Burly Detective Syndrome (aka Lavender Unicorn Syndrome) in this story. Multiple uses of "the unicorn", "the farmpony", "the pink pony"... We get it, we know who they are and what they do. We don't need reminders. Their names will suffice.

There's a small amount of telly language here as well, though not enough to detract from the overall experience. I think you've used show-vs-tell quite well, actually. There was one instance that grated on me:

Pinkie waved her foreleg in a classic aww-don’t-worry-about-it gesture. “Aww, don’t worry about it.

This kinda killed it for me. I don't think you need the repetitive dialogue there.

I also noticed what I believe to be some plot inconsistencies early on. You said this had a season two feel to it, but then you go on to describe events from late-season three:

the disaster at her family reunion
not to mention the beavers causing flooding a while back

This kinda has me wondering when exactly this story is set in the timeline, since you have Pinkie say this:

I mean, what if next year something even crazier happens? Like maybe the Elements of Harmony magically misfire and swap our cutie marks and I end up with Applejack’s and have to take her place on the farm but it turns out I’m no good at it and the trees all die and the orchard turns into a barren wasteland?

There's a couple of instances of missing words, too:

but made no move restrict her guest’s actions

Missing "to"

her pleading, desperate eyes immediately fixing the unicorn as if she were salvation itself

Fixing "on"? Fixing "upon"?
I'm sure there was at least one other, but oh well.

All in all, this was an enjoyable read. It had good morals, interesting POVs and an amusing ending, even if it was predictable. You have my green thumb and a total of eight out of ten :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

I'm not sure this should end here. There are so many ways this could backfire on Pinkie. For one Twilight is terrible at keeping secrets. If the loan ever comes up in conversation between her and Applejack again it will only be a matter of time before Applejack finds out where Pinkie Pie's money came from. Then Applejack is going to feel deceived and get pissed at Pinkie. Then once the loan is paid back there's the moral implications of Pinkie having a ton of bits she didn't really earn and the decision of what to do with it.

This is very close to my headcanon for Twilight's finances. The only difference is that I assume that the librarian position pays a few bits in addition to the house and that she receives some research grants.

Pinkie ends up 45,000 bits (plus interest) richer in no more than five years. She made out like a bandit. :pinkiehappy:

AJ probably should have just asked Twilight to consign a loan with her... Would have saved a lot of trouble. Still, an entertaining tale!

What a recipe for hurt feelings all around...

Twilight could be feeling abused by Pinkie right now. It's a rough feeling when you let someone know that you would help them out of a tight spot, only to have them out themselves on said spot and force your hand. It matters little if you would have done so, having no choice sucks.

AppleJack will be pissed as hell once she finds out it's Twilight's money that Pinkie loaned her. But she put her name to it, so she WILL pay it back. And what will Pinkie do with that money? Twilight won't accept it back.

Pinkie has just inadvertently swindled her friends. And she's going to be hurt that they are not happy with what she's done.

Wait, so, is the Pie fortune a real thing or not?

This story was wonderful and seems like something that would come out of the show. I loved every minute of reading it! :twilightsmile:

CCC

Well, that's a workable solution...

I think the best solution to deal with the money is for Pinkie Pie to donate it to charity when the loan is up. I also think she should ask Applejack and Twilight for input on how to donate it. Maybe split it all up into three sums and they each pick a charity.

If Pinkie Pie accepts the money from Twilight, then everything could turn out just fine, unless Pinkie has a problem with honor.

Is it a loan from a friend, to a friend? Or a loan from a business, that is the Pie Rock Farm?

If the deal is a success, then Apple Jack will owe 56,250 bits by next year, Season 3, and 11,250 more every year after. Am I correct? No really, am I?

Unless Twilight spends all of her money before the Season 4 Finale, Golden Oaks Library can be turned into a private princess indoor tennis court rebuild-ed and then some.

By the way, I am loving this so far and it is amazing!

Edit: Is this really "Complete", as it says on the front page?

4428748
Since this is set in Season 2, it's quite likely that Pinkie's family fortune is real enough. However, given the state of technology in Equestria, and the distance between her family's farm and the Ponyville bank, it would almost certainly be impossible to wheedle a loan from her parents and then get the money moved to her account in time to have sufficient funds to honor the check.

That said, the Crystal Empire is about to return, which will a major financial crisis for the Pie family, as described in G. M. Berrow's reasonably canonical young adult novel "Pinkie Pie and the Rockin' Ponypalooza Party."

That's quite a bit of praise you are garnering, friend. Maybe you'll get a close nod like Pinkie Watches Paint Dry did. I could see this as an actual episode. Have a slow nod of approval.

1.bp.blogspot.com/-WYYF8OG3nqk/UFC52DElTVI/AAAAAAAAC3U/H8uvlvXwVQU/s1600/stanley-hudson-nodding.gif

dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8951-Pinkie_EVIL_GENIUS.jpg

Oh, I could totally see this being an episode.

I kind of want to see the sequel. You know, when Twilight :twilightangry2: and Applejack :ajbemused: inevitably find out the truth and things go sour for a bit before it all ends with a happy ending.

Oh, and sorry for spoiling the sequel guys. :pinkiehappy:

That fucking ending...

ONCE AGAIN, SOFTY FUCKING DELIVERS. I swear to god you are the only author that can release a fic and I'll just read it... (he says as he hasn't finished Winter's Child yet...)

Lol, shoulda asked Rarara first, Applebutt. :duck:

That whole story was worth it just for the ending. Fuckin' hysterical.

Oh man, this fic feels like such a missed opportunity. The premise is absolutely fantastic. The conflict at the heart of it all makes so much sense, both viewpoints are valid and fit the corresponding pony perfectly. At first I wasn't sure about Twilight, but when it turns out she didn't flatly refuse to help it all fell into place. Pinkie Pie as the mediator is a great choice too and really works out. Most of the story becomes build-up towards the solution of this conflict where you can't really choose sides because both sides are valid. You are invested because you are waiting to see how this gets resolved in a clever way that makes all parties happy.

And then it doesn't. It's not an ending or a solution that can't work, but it's weak. It's the most predictable ending probably. Both parties didn't want to lie to the other pony, calling it one thing but treating it as the other. Yet that is exactly what ends up happening, only with a middle pony. Applejack and Twilight both should have seen right through Pinkie's scheme, it's very obvious.

In the end, you feel this can only end in three upset and angry ponies, two of which also ending up feeling betrayed. Love the idea behind this but the ending really lets it down.

Pinkie Pie, you crafty pony! Applejack gets the money she needs, Twilight gets to help out a friend, and you get to keep all the interest! Pinke just tricked her friends into giving her a load of money!

Awesome and funny as hell xp

As most people said before, this could be an episode of the show. I hope some people from DHX could find this and steal take your idea for an episode.

:ajsmug:

PD: Bad english is bad english, I know xd

“Are ya kiddin’? I know a good deal when I see one and I ain’t about ta look this gift horse in the mouth.

But when the gift horse is a unicorn...
(No I don't really think AJ is a tribalist, :derpytongue2: I do however, note the irony of that statement.)
The thing that bugs me about this story is, well. It's a really huge case of honor before reason. I can understand AJ here, really I can, And she has a strong belief in her principles, which is good. But..."I would rather lose Sweet Apple Acres..." rather than accept a gift from a friend who offers it freely? There is principled, and there is stupid, and this crossed that line. Losing Sweet Apple Acres hurts not only Applejack, but her family, as well as Ponyville. Her reasoning is to accuse Twilight of treating her like a charity case, which is straight up insulting towards Twilight. She tries to dress it up for Pinkie (well, no, that implies she doesn't believe her own spiel, and she does. AJ isn't at her best her, but she isn't duplicitous.) and it ultimately just falls apart. While Twilight is making the very mistake she wants to avoid, ie, money issues splitting friendships, in the end, Twilight is simply being generous, if a might stubborn about it, while AJ is basically throwing away her life's work and her family's work for a simple point of pride.

On the upside, this story put the lie to you not being able to write Pinkie Pie. She was absolutely flawless.

This, I like. It feels smart, and I burst out laughing at the ending, even thought I could see it coming. Yes, maybe there will be problems down the road, but then again maybe there won't be. After all, Twilight really isn't giving a gift to Applejack via Pinkie Pie; if what Pinkie said about the Pie fortune is true, she could just as easily have told Applejack to wait a week or two before cashing the cheque, leaving Pinkie time to write her family and set it up without ever involving Twilight.

At any rate. 4429888 I think the point is that for many people like Applejack, pride isn't a simple or small thing. I can certainly see how it's not enough to justify this kind of behaviour for some people, but I can also see how it absolutely can for others. To people like the Apple family, I expect a definite strain of, "there's no gorram point in the job if you can't have pride in it."

People like that don't like charity, and the bigger the charity the worse it feels, because they can't stand to admit that they might need it. It's an admission of failure; that their own hard work and effort, the thing that they base their whole lives around, is... Not enough. A loan or a deal is different - that's fair. It has an expectation of restitution, of payback. It's a quid-pro-quo, and inherent in that is the compliment of trusting the loanee's talents and efforts to measure up to the task of paying the loan back.

But if you approach somebody to ask for a loan, and they refuse, offering it as a gift instead... Well, there can a lot of unfortunate implications there. For one, it can imply that the other party doubts your competence, your ability to live up to your own promises. Worse, it can imply that they don't view the relationship as one between equals; you are not their equal, they are the better person who deigns to take pity on you and, out of pity, they will shower you with charity, because the gods know you're far too incompetent to dig yourself out of your hole.

Those are ugly sentiments, and rarely valid. A lot of people would be better off if they didn't feel that way. But it's all too easy to give in to ugly sentiments when you're already in an ugly situation.

4428327 Yeah but we all know that Pinkie will keep the returned loan and use it to buy gifts for friends (since thats what the money is originally earmarked for) with the thought that 45,000 goes to gifts for Twilight and the interest to other ponies (probably mostly applejack)

Well, now I'm waiting for a sequel now. Tags: [Dark][Sad][Tragedy].

Actually, what Twilight should have done:

“With everything that’s been happening at her farm the last couple of years – the parasprite infestation, Spike going on a rampage, those two salesponies destroying her trees during the cider-making contest, the disaster at her family reunion–” Twilight tapped her hoof as she counted out the unlucky farmpony’s calamities, “–not to mention the beavers causing flooding a while back, a boom in the local caterpillar population, that hailstorm that accidentally got redirected over her farm, plus she said something about a real-life swarm of locusts…”

Spike is Twilight's charge. She should definitely pay significant compensation for the damage.
Parasprites destroyed the infrastructure due to Twilight's spell backfiring. Her fault, and she ought to pay at least some damages.
Beavers - Discord's doing, left in their charge on behalf of Celestia, that should go from govt. budget.

If that doesn't add up to cover the value AJ tried to borrow, then Twi can always go with some purchases, say, prepaying purchase of 2000 apple pies, to be delivered one pie per week. over the next... 38 years?

4429933 The fact that you have that exact picture to make this joke. :rainbowderp:

Anyways, this entire thing could of been curbed if Twilight would of just said "Sure, how does a 0% interest, unlimited duration loan sound?"
If AJ pays it back. Neat. If she doesn't Oh well. Or she could offer to buy the portion they would of sold as a sort of investment. Let them use the land for free then sell it back when they have the money, taking collateral works as well. These are the only type of loans i've actually heard of working well between friends/family with no hard feelings though. Regular types actually do tend to give way to hard feelings.

Though Twilight's by-the-book worldview wouldn't likely let her bend in her policy for "Loans to friends are bad" even ones with ludicrously good terms.:facehoof:

4429870

Would have to replace Twilight with Rarity since Twilight basically owns Equestria and could just order the bank to grant the loan.:twilightsmile:

4430308

I'm pretty sure AJ wouldn't go for that, since a "loan" of that nature is basically indistinguishable from a gift, and the rest plays out the same. That's sort of the issue with AJ, she's as stubborn as a donkey and has pride in amounts higher than could be considered healthy.

Granted, Twilight was somewhay unyielding as well, but at least her heart was in the right place - and given AJ's history, it might be prudent anyway not to place any expectations on her shoulders she feels she has to meet. Remember that rode contest whose would-be winnings she planned to dedicate to the town and what not? She basically ran away from home when she couldn't deliver on said wishful thinking.

She'd become nuttier than Lesson Zero Twilight if she actually owed someone money (her close friend no less, living up to whose expectations and self-image would be far more pressing) and it looked like she would be late for a payment or whatever - they may well end up chasing her all over Equestria again due to a self-imposed exile or something (or she'd pick up two more jobs trying to pay it back that would keel her over, or something).

In the end, simply gifting her the money was not a bad choice - if only AJ's pride hadn't gotten in the way.

4430308
How about a negative interest rate? Every year the loan goes unpaid, the amount due goes down.

4430091
Her parents are less likely to cover a loan of such lenient terms than Twilight is.

4430541 Maybe, maybe not. They might see it as an investment into a future partnership with another group. Or, yeah, they might set harsher terms... Which would still be more than Applejack would get from the banks.

The only thing I wish now is that you wrote a bonus story if Twilight fails to give 45,000 bits by Monday. Certainly Shotgun Crazed Applejack would be an interesting read. :ajsmug:

I can't stress enough how perfect the pacing is. When ponies talks about serious stuff like these, it always interests me (moreover on Applejack's side though). The way you've portray the characters are very smooth and definitely in character. The only thing that brings me back to reality rather than the story is that constantly unamusing mule. Too much of one thing isn't a good thing. In this case, 1 mule joke is more than enough.

4429836

Nah, it's a finders fee for being the one willing to not let principle stand in the way of a good thing. Middle men usually make the most profit. :rainbowlaugh:

Saw that ending coming a mile away - but it was still worth it.:pinkiehappy:

This is amusingly enough the second fanwork I've encountered to suggest Pinkie is secretly wealthy - though in this case we're not actually sure it it's true or not.

One thing I think a lot of the commenters missed about AJ's pride - the loan/gift isn't necessary to save the farm. Applejack has a Plan B. She can sell off some of the farm's land and use the proceeds to finance the rest of the farm. Then hopefully buy it all back in a few years when things improve (unlike us, poor AJ is unaware that her life is due to be interesting for several years to come). The loan is just a convenient means to avoid the hassle of Plan B - it's not like the Apples are about to become homeless. As such it isn't deserving of charity in Applejack's mind.

And so we finally learn how Pinkie Pie pays for all those partys.

4430846 In this Pinkie isn't rich but apparently her family is, but they won't give her money that's the reason she goes Twilight at the end.

Pinkie: Loveable goof on the surface, supervillain-levels of cunning underneath. :pinkiesmile:

The gift is a good idea Twilight, but you need to be subtle about it. Sneaky.
"Oh no, I appear to have dropped this giant bag of money in the street! And my head is too full of fancy big-city learning to pick it up again! Maybe if some apple-themed pony could come pick it up for me, that would be a favor I'd be willing to pay her forty-five thousand bits for!"

4431228 Hard-headed businessman as he is, Pinkie's dad probably expects her to make it on her own if she won't stay in the family business, and would insist on inspecting the farm himself to see if it was worth investing in and probably charge higher interest to boot...

Loans are evil things.

They are what allowed the Jewsians to buy the Fargle network and gain control of all the media in the galaxy!

:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

I wonder why Applejack didn't ask the Oranges. They seem well off.

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