• Member Since 12th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Sunday


Me am chibi dwagon. Me am here to clean up after messy ponies. Also: To defeated the badponies.(Luckily my writing skill exceeds my character's speaking skills)


Pinkie Pie wakes up with a hangover after having too much cider only to find that her cutie mark has been stolen! What's more, it seems that a mystery pony is holding it for ransom for forty cakes. Forty cakes! That's four tens and that's terrible. Desperate for revenge, Pinke has a plan to turn the ransom around on the thief.

This occurs in the same universe as my story Substitute Harmony; reading that is not necessary, but these characters have been through those events; I've taken steps to avoid outright spoiling of that one though. Like Substitute Harmony, it was edited by Florentine.

This is also a very loose parody of the 1996 Mel Gibson movie "Ransom" (and thus of the movie that was based on). And that's terrible.

It's marked as teen because there are adult things strongly hinted at in comedic fashion, but nothing worth checking the sex box for.

This occurs after season 2 episode 15 (The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000), while Cider season is still occuring.

Features Blinkie and Inkie, for which there are no checkboxes. Cover image by me; I'm no artist.
EDIT: They have boxes for them now!... but I got their personalities completely wrong. ... Okay Blinkie's isn't THAT far off from Limestone, But Inkie/Marble is a complete miss. Strangely, my Inkie/Marble acts like Maud, who didn't exist at the time of writing this.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 45 )

Gave it a thumbs up, well written but a little too cliche with some of the characterizations.:pinkiehappy:
Blinkie and Inkie were nice to see, but why are they living in Pinkie's room?:pinkiegasp:
I did like the nerf bat though:twilightsmile:

Instead, I'm offering these cakes as a reward on you.

Oh you!

Of course, the number of times magic actually solved a direct problem for anyone in the Ponyverse ís non-existent already, so Twilight should have learnt that long ago. A better lesson might be: "When a friend of yours who is literally insane makes an ourageous claim, she might just be mistaken."

I agree with Trixie. Twilight really needs to get laid.

This was a fun read! Thumbs up!

This was pretty funny, if a little bizarre. It was kinda obvious though, you'd think somepony other than Trixie would have grasped that. :trixieshiftright: It was good to see the characters again, although something tells me Inky might be a teenie-bit upset. You focused a lot on the Trixie-Blinky ship, which is probably the only time those two have ever been shipped, rather than Pinkie being insane which was supposedly the crux of the story. Anyhoo, this was fun. Looking forward to more. :twilightsmile:

Oh Blayze, it's so good to see you again and get an update on our friends from Substitute Harmony. This was a lot of fun, of course, and pretty intentionally obvious throughout. Everyone loves the "forty cakes" meme, hehehe. Anyway, I hope for many more of these Substitute-universe stories, as I just love the characters. Here's hoping for Inkie and Twilight to find a marefriend (hint-hint), Helioblue and Rarity to give it another try, and for Derpy, Pinkie, and all the rest to have many more wacky adventures. :twilightsmile:


I gotta admit, with the people saying the solution was obvious.. I feel stupid that I didn't get it. At least I knew who the pegasus was.

Loved it btw. :heart:

443323 They weren't living there, they were having a drunk slumber party :rainbowkiss:

443421 If Batman was there, he'd end up accidentally maiming half of them and turning them into super-villains.

443422 Perhaps. There wasn't really a great lesson to pull from it either way I admit :pinkiecrazy:

443662 Doesn't everypony? :moustache:

443706 Yeah it was a ~very~ loose parody as I did get significantly side-tracked, but I did hope it would be fun. :trixieshiftright: Trixie had fun at least.

444129 You mean Inkie x Twilight? That would make for some pretty disasterous double dates :trixieshiftleft::twilightangry2: As for Helios and Rarity, I haven't come up with any great ideas for that, so if I did that story now I might end up resorting to sauce :duck: As for Derpy, I'm outlining a Doctor Whooves story now, which will probably be a bit more serious than this. I'm just wracking my brain over how to get them out of the mess I got them into.

444237 Don't feel stupid, when I roleplayed a similar scene at a mush game, a lot of people didn't realize, including our Princess Celestia. Or maybe she did and just wanted to see what happened :trollestia:


Hehe, it's your story, of course! SH was one of the first fics I ever started reading, though, and I feel bizarrely strongly attached to its characters. I do think a disastrous double date could be a good story in itself! :twilightsheepish:

Twilight x Inky. I'd ship it... :twilightsheepish:

Yay more stories from the substitute harmony universe. I'll read it later when I'm not half asleep.

It was my guess from the very start that somepony had just painted the cutie mark over and Surprise was on my suspects list before she actually showed up or the nerf-bat, something about demanding 40 cakes hinted it must have been some silly pony (no, not Applejack).

It was still a fun little story.

Dammit you bastard.

*pounds the floor with his fist* You actually, finally, did it.


Surprise is officially adorable now.

445879 Well I suppose Ponyville is used to rebuilding every other week.

446843 I think it's mainly just hard for me to imagine Inkie getting emotional enough to ship, but it's an idea.

447241 That'd be fine, I wrote part of it while half asleep.

447310 Well Applejack is a different kind of silly :applejackconfused:

447426 She is a bit more friendly when not possessed, yes :pinkiecrazy:


You need to write a sequal to Substitue Harmony... seriously, it was awesome.

I like the letters to Helios. And you had me going for a moment there with the wiffle bat. Good side story.

449903 I think I'm gonna do at least one more story, the sequel in mind needs a bit of build up.

453520 It's all fun and games until the water gets pregnant and sues you for child support.

453631 Helios doesn't particularly care for the letters to Helios.

As far as punishments go it's certainly not bad, although I suppose if I were getting overbearing self-righteous letters from Trixie every day it could get old really fast.

Eh, I didn't enjoy it. It rubs me the wrong way in a handful of ways.

In any case, it's executed well enough that it wasn't a pain to read through, and it doesn't feel like it depends on knowledge of the other fic to work. It's also built in such a way that the overall structure strikes enough similarity with the internal structure that it comes off as one fairly cohesive whole. And that's the opposite of terrible.

No rating.

456118 Well that's in addition to other things that he's been through over the past thousand years or so :P

459404 Even though its readable without, I suppose you do get a lot more out of it if you have read the other parts. I suppose you would have liked there to be more balloons and parties. :pinkiehappy: (Sure would like details on how it rubbed you the wrong way though)

459941 I'll try to keep it brief, but it's all personal tastes.
A) I'm not much into drunk ponies as a thing.
B) "Inkie sighed at the occasional squeal, thud, or crash coming from upstairs" Generally, I favor a full-on clopfic/fetishfic when these sorts of things get invoked. The very next line starts pushing towards romance thematic, which I stay away from.
C) The Fluttertree bit comes off more as semi-sympathetic somewhat dishonest-to-the-viewer dark humor akin to what's in the PS2 game Stretch Panic or the more recent Vocational Death Cruise arc of the Ask The Crusaders tumblr http://ask-thecrusaders.tumblr.com/ (Both things I liked for surface reasons, then dropped out of interest). FiM is generally presented as a very light-hearted feel-good sort of world, so invoking dark themes is considerably more intense by contrast. While that contrast is affected by a fic's own consistency to a degree, I personally don't read pony fics for dark, so I'm pretty much not going to get invested enough in any particular fic's world to swallow those themes and like it.

This particular fic wasn't all that long though. So following the whole thing through to the end wasn't that big of a deal, like it or not.

460426 Well to be fair, none of them were drunk during the actual story :applejackconfused: I'm not sure how much into romance it got, since neither Trixie nor Blinkie will ever be outright 'affectionate', but I guess I see that? I honestly didn't think Fluttershy's part was dark though, though I definitely don't recommend you reading my upcoming Doctor Whooves fic if you don't like dark.
Thanks for the input; I give you a dwagon as a reward :moustache:

And Trixie owns Twilight hardcore! Oh, this was brilliant, funny. You score major points for Trixie and Blinkie together, too. But seriously, this story was about robbery. And that's terrible. :pinkiecrazy::derpytongue2:

468778 Trixie and Blinkie are perfect together; they both love explosions. :trixieshiftleft::pinkiecrazy: And that's terrible.

It took me long enough to read this. *Looks at pile of unread fics* ...one down, several thousand to go. :applecry::fluttercry::raritycry:

Wasn't there an anime a little while ago based on that concept? IIRC, the offspring in question turned out to be some kind of freaky weregoldfish. :twilightoops:

Hahahaha! I totally did not expect that! It was pretty obvious that it was surprise though.

681358 Don't be silly, Surprise's expert disguise made her completely unrecognizable :pinkiecrazy:

Twilight needs to get laid, and Inkie's depressed that she hasn't scored yet. I think this is a case for 'two birds, one stone!'

Trixie's dating a pony with access to dynamite . . . that redefines "banging" right there.

907960 913870 You ponies are going to drive me to clop-fiction yet. :duck:

976849 If you write one with a Trixie/Blinky OTP, you must use the pun "explosive orgasm" at least once.

Just sayin'.

907960 Actually, I've decided that's a great idea and started the story, but you may be sorry when you read it. I think I'll find some way to involve a tub full of pudding too. Don't question my methods! :pinkiecrazy:

976857 That is bad and you should feel bad for writing it; I promise to feel bad when I put it in the story too.


Then we shall jointly feel bad about its inclusion in your story. And then laugh our asses off.


I just spent several hours rereading this and Substitute Harmony. They're both quite good, even though Substitute has some rough patches where it goes a little too dark, when it's on target it's great. If you ever write anything else in this series, it will probably end up in my favorites list as well.

2143342 I want to re-write these eventually and do it better. I've improved enough that these stories make me cringe.

Well, like I said, they (especially Substitute) are a bit spotty. When they're on, they're great, but they fall a part in places. Still it averages out to quite good.

I'd rater see a better written sequel than a rewrite, if only because authors that get obsessed with rewriting their old stuff seem to get caught up doing so a bunch of times and stop producing fairly often in the fanfic community, but I wouldn't mind seeing an improved version by any means.

Okay then.

Pinkie Pie was awoken by a pounding in her head...

Must it not be either "awaked" or "awoke"?

"...Didn't occur that someone would have came in and-"
"Stole my cutie mark!" Pinkie had went from despair to sudden blind rage...

Alright, what's up :rainbowhuh:?? Don't you speak English? It's either just "came", "stole" and "went" or "have come", "have stolen" and "have gone"!

"You came!" the happy voice of the white pegasus called out...

Rather they "have come".

And another end to the SubstituteVerse(name pending).
And I realized that Trixie is shipped with what's essentially Explosive Limestone. Which is a rarepair i haven't seen anything of.

Mostly Mauxie or Twixie.

Poor Inkie tho...hope she finds her somepony one day.

Oh wait.

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