• Member Since 27th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 20th, 2018

Earl Grey


E

One-Shot: The annual 'Most Delicious Dessert Competition' has arrived and this time it's being held in Ponyville. Granny Smith has decided to step down and allow Applejack to take her place as the representative of Sweet Apple Acres. In her first ever competition, will she be able to prove that she's got the apples to win?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

I have a feeling i'm going to love this :raritystarry:

DESERT

Just so my comment can stretch out and stuff. I'm gonna comment on various things that I liked. As soon as I saw this on the front page I was all :pinkiegasp: and then I was all :pinkiehappy: because I mean, I've been so excited for it and I got hyped for it and everything and I'm so glad I read it since it was even better than I expected it to be! :pinkiecrazy:

“Hey, Crapplejack!”

Haha! I figured that was Carrot Top, yet I couldn't help laugh at the mockery of Applejack's name. I haven't read many AJ0 ficts.

Pinkie Pie however, she was a wild card if ever there was one, Applejack knew full well that Pinkie lived and breathed desserts, she could be one to look out for.

I would not ever mess with Pinkie in a baking contest. She'd be ridiculous at it. Seriously, she's on a whole 'nother level!

Speaking of which, I like how the whole cupcake fight was done. Twilight got owned! Even though Applejack was saving that last one to eat. That's ok. The double K.O. with her and Pinkie Pie was also pretty awesome. :pinkiesmile: It's fitting for that kind of contest to be a tie between them.

it's just that he might get into my... er, never mind.” Blushing slightly, Twilight rushed off

Woah, wait a second! No.. NO! You get back here and finish your sentence! :raritydespair: If only I could just insert myself into the story to find out... Then I could sleep tonight and make everyone cringe at the same time. I bet it's a bunch of indecent magazines.

The pink earth pony chuckled, “Then perhaps you would like to assist Pinkie in baking some cupcakes?” she struggled to contain her laughter.

You monster :rainbowlaugh: There isn't a pony in Equestria who's not gonna catch this! Also, Rainbow Dash's reaction? Priceless.

“Deserving of top marks wouldn't you say?”
“Absolutely!”
“Yes!”
“Quite!”

Oh my gosh, stop :rainbowlaugh: I hate Merit and Raffle. They're so hoity toity with their witty banter back and forth. Just hate them! :rainbowlaugh: (Obviously I like them)

I don't wanna pull quotes from the epic Carrotjack scene because spoilers. I didn't expect Carrot Top to come back apologizing like that. It was really nice that the pony who was all "Hey CrappleJack! I'mma beat you down!" turned into an affectionate, emotional mare. Then everything that happened after that was just pure gold. AH I gotta say something about this one quote!

“Now let's show you how we do it down on the farm.”

That's funny stuff to me! :rainbowlaugh: Pshh-- Think you're all that? Let me show you how we be doin' it on the farm.

I knew I was going to like the story, but I didn't know what to expect as far as Carrot Top's personality or how they would actually get together. You wrote Carrot Jack unlikable at first, then redeemed her later, making her just misunderstood about her previous actions. Oh and I loved Pinkie Pie in this. I think you got her personality down pretty well. I will defeat you evil apple queen! Hahaha ahhhh

Great read, man! :twilightsmile:

39119

You'd better love it! *shakes fist* :derpytongue2:

39167

TUNDRA!

I don't know what's going on, are we just naming geographical terrains? If so, RAINFOREST! This is fun xD

39338

Pinkie has mad dessert skills for sure. Although she really needs to pay attention a little more, how Applejack managed to put worms in some cupcake mix and not notice is beyond me :P

I loved writing the cupcake fight, I was inspired in part by Gears of War when writing it, the way Applejack would roll into cover and such, then BOOM. Cupcake to the back of the head. Then I had the stand off, to be fair Applejack and Pinkie would have won it anyway, but I thought it was good that the two earth ponies came out on top despite not being able to fly or do magic. Getting to quote Dirty Harry was just the icing on the cupcake... get it? Cupcake? Nah, forget it.

As for what Twilight is hiding, I have no idea xD I've toyed around with the idea that she's hiding something like that, dirty magazines or toys etc. But I'm sure it was merely her fanfiction or something, I love the idea that she writes fanfiction :P

OR MAYBE IT WAS A REMNANT OF TRIXIE'S BROKEN CARAVAN!? We'll never know ¬_¬

That Cupcakes reference is actually a plot point I leave open for another fic I want to write, Cupcakes: The SFW version. (It's part of a general Headcanon thing I've got going, F&V being the first part)

Merit and Raffle are best judge ponies. I just wrote them as typical posh British, monocle wearing, jowel quivering old men, who obviously say indeed and guffaw a lot. It suited their character far too much to not do it.

You could sat that it was pure GOLDen Harvest... *crickets* ... okay, I'll stop with the puns now.

Thanks for reading all.

39449 Don't you tell me what to do!
*reads and shuffles over*
I DO LOVE IT :rainbowkiss:

#6 · Dec 21st, 2011 · · ·

I'll open by saying that I love, love, love this! Fun and light and syrupy-sweet, then a bit heavier, yet still so heart wrenching-ly adorable! Love!
The transition is rather quick, but not jarring. Keeping the saccharine cranked to eleven on either side of the inner-conflict scene certainly helped, and you did an excellent job of just grazing the brooding without getting mopey. The romance is a bit heavy-handed, but somehow you've made it work quite well. You are to be commended!

My only actual criticism lays in the dialogue, which is, for the most part, very well done. If you don't mind my input, I'll list the lines that struck me the wrong way. Trixie critic face, go! :trixieshiftright:

“I suppose I did speak out of turn.” Very minor complaint, and only because it's Pinkie talking. Seems too... formal, I think.

“I'll just go sit in the corner and leave you alone forever.” Was just a tad over-the-top, and particularly jarring as it was otherwise a very well-done scene. Evaluating that sentence almost completely pulled me from the tension you'd wrapped me in. It's big, it's awkward, and it's just beyond the scope of things I can picture a person actually saying."I'll just go sit in the corner.", "I'll leave you alone.", "I'm sorry.", anything, anything else would be a big improvement, I think. :derpyderp2:

“There's no way that I'm not going to enter a rushed piece, I still have my dignity as a baker you know." A double-negative trap! Easy to fall into.

And just one issue popped out to me in the narration. "Rainbow Dash had flew over", when I think "Flown" would have been proper.

Anyway, I've gone on too long. Sorry that this now looks to be a very lopsided review, but I hope I've been even the slightest modicum of help! I eagerly anticipate more from you.

80284

How did I not see that double negative!? *dies inside*

Who doesn't like getting beaten with the Romance stick every now and then? I'll openly admit that I'm not the greatest at writing the actual romance itself, I'm pretty good at coming up with reasons why the romance should work, just not actually putting it into words.

Onwards to the dialogue concerns!

“I suppose I did speak out of turn.” Very minor complaint, and only because it's Pinkie talking. Seems too... formal, I think.

It is kinda formal and I imagine that it could work in another way, but my reasoning with this is that Pinkie was just being respectful after accidentally insulting someone. As I point out in that section of the fic (it's where AJ and Pinkie are talking before the judges come over, right?) Pinkie isn't always aware of the consequences of her actions, she's so impulsive that she doesn't think about what could happen. For example, using the word Ass (IRL, it's a term generally meaning idiot. An Ass is also a donkey of some description and because it's Equestria and lame donkey puns are canon "That pony is as stubborn as a mule. No offense." then it makes sense for that conflict to arise). I'd like to think that Pinkie is somewhat aware of this aspect of herself and always feels a little guilty whenever she indulges it... Ever since that day anyway...

“I'll just go sit in the corner and leave you alone forever.” Was just a tad over-the-top, and particularly jarring as it was otherwise a very well-done scene. Evaluating that sentence almost completely pulled me from the tension you'd wrapped me in. It's big, it's awkward, and it's just beyond the scope of things I can picture a person actually saying."I'll just go sit in the corner.", "I'll leave you alone.", "I'm sorry.", anything, anything else would be a big improvement, I think.

I think my reasoning behind this piece of dialogue (hang on, let me pull up the scene and read it through) Okay, just read it. I think my reasoning with it was that Carrot Top had done something so out of the blue that it risked breaking their newly discovered friendship, it also risked outing her feelings which up to this point were probably confusing as all hell. She just wanted to give Applejack some room and probably go jump in a hole to die of embarrassment. I thought it was a good blend of sad and awkward.

“There's no way that I'm not going to enter a rushed piece, I still have my dignity as a baker you know." A double-negative trap! Easy to fall into.

Hey Carrot Top! Any room in that hole of embarassment? There is? Great! *jumps in and dies* (any innuendo in this sentence is to be ignored and left well alone ¬¬)

And just one issue popped out to me in the narration. "Rainbow Dash had flew over", when I think "Flown" would have been proper.

Quite right, will be changed post haste!

You've been more than a modicum of help, you were at least one iota more than a modicum of help. Several maybe! More comments is always nice... this is probably my favourite story I've uploaded and it's got the least comments D: Thanks for pointing stuff out, always immensely helpful :D

:fluttershysad:
That was beautiful...

Curse you and your ability to make me feel emotions I thought I killed off long ago! :flutterrage:
...
Anyway, like I said up there, this was quite beautiful and oh so heart warming. I wouldn't say your not great at romance, I thought that that was pretty good. It did kind of come out of the blue, and it all seemed a little sudden, but under the circumstances I think you executed it well. I feel kind of stupid that it took me this long to read what is undoubtedly my favorite story from you, and I regret that now. You had so many different moments in here that had different feels to them, it was awesome. The cupcake fight kind of came out of nowhere, but it was still amazing none the less. The first thing that popped into my mind when you said she dove for cover was Gears of War, and after that my mind developed the whole scene into one giant locust attack, ponified version of course.

When you had AJ say that line, I'm going to be honest, I had to stop reading for a few minutes and let the laughter run its course. Then the cupcakes reference, that threw me off just a little, but it was well placed and it worked well. I also couldn't stop giggling (yes giggling -_-) when the judges were doing there thing. It was hilarious how you had them talk and communicate with each other, they were just so weird! I think I'm beginning to ramble now though...

So to finish this off: You're a wonderful writer, this story is amazing, Carrot Top is best pony (for now), It's funny when big mac gets flustered, Pinkie will no doubt win the competition, that poor stallion who wanted a book :fluttershysad: , etc., etc.

Yep :yay:

100859

Yup, ponies do that. I used to think I was a pretty emotionless guy, but then I took a Ponies to the Life. They've honestly made me feel pretty much every conceivable emotion under the sun and that's just the show. The fanon..? oh geez...

Everyone regrets not reading Fruit & Veg, they just don't know it yet xD

Also, Cupcakes fight was totally inspired by Gears of War. Think of the cupcakes as the Gnasher and you pretty much get the idea. Dirty Harry instantly flashed through my mind as I entered the last bit and I had to, it was too good to pass up xD I've said all of this is earlier comments.

YES, the pony who wanted a book. It took me a while to remember who you were talking about xD I've got this running joke that no one actually visits Twilight's Library to get books. (In the show, it's been used as a library for someone other than Twilight once. That was in The Show Stoppers when the CMC's got the ghost book) It's like the Quills and Sofas store as well, I have it that he sells a crapload of Quills, but no Sofas.

Thanks for the kind words. I might clean this up a little using the grammar skills you've given me and I might consider submitting it to EqD. Might as well, eh?

Fruit & Veg just hit 1000 views. Awesome.

As a treat, well not exactly a treat really... but I went back through the fic and fixed up as much grammar and crummy description as I could. The story hasn't changed in any way in case you were wondering. This wasn't an Adored style re-write.

I did change one line, in the barn, when Applejack is having the conversation with herself in her head, instead of her worrying about her lack of experience, I changed it to her worrying about maybe not being able to live up to the standards being set for her. It fits in better because I establish that Applejack has a problem with feeling inadequate and one of Applejack's later lines seems to disagree with her apparent lack of experience. So it works better overall.

Also, this picture I recently did has Carrot Top in it, so I think that counts. Carrot Top is best pony. The Mayor is also awesome.

>> Trill

TUNDRA!

I don't know what's going on, are we just naming geographical terrains? If so, RAINFOREST! This is fun xD

Counter troll is successful!
And the references! And the little bits that make the story great! :pinkiehappy:
I followed you for that Trixie story, but you have other stories, too! *yay*
Also nice art.

138403

Glad to see my counter-trolling worked. Seriously, why go into a fic and comment with such vehemence... only to be completely wrong? It's not that hard to do a quick internet search, hell dictionary.com would have told you in seconds.

Brohoof for picking up the references, I really wanted to work some comedy into this one. Sometimes it's nice to get a little silly. And yeah, I have many stories and even more ideas. I'm not the kinda guy to tie myself down with one super long story, I need distractions every now and then. One shots are perfect for that.

The picture was one of the things that gave me the inspiration for this fic. Sweet Apple Acres has an apple on their weather vane, the farm next to it obviously has a carrot, hence Carrot Top lives next door to Applejack. Let's not forget Sunshine and Celery Stalks, the video for that was a big inspiration as well. Seriously, go watch it and see (it's the "Just so much to do" bit xD)

CarrotJack > all other ships.

Cuter than a bucket of kittens. CarrotJack works for me!

This was a nice little story, thanks! :ajsmug:

Not enough Carrot Top on the internets.

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