• Member Since 13th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago


I like stuff. I dislike other stuff. I frequently dislike stuff other people like, and vice-versa. I'm not a troll; I'm a contrarian. I also write stuff, sometimes. It's not very good.


Scootaloo will do anything to be like her idol and mentor, Rainbow Dash. Her conviction is put to the test when, one day, Rainbow Dash shows Scootaloo something that can take her training to the next level. It's something Rainbow Dash has been using for a long time for that extra edge. It's something grown-up ponies don't talk about, except to tell the youngsters to avoid.

Will the young filly stick to what her parents and teachers had taught her and stay clean — or will she follow in the hoofsteps of her surrogate big sister?

Cover image by OTfor2.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 54 )

Wait a minute... could it be? A vague summary that suggests something untoward will happen in the fic, but manages to avoid mentioning it directly? Oh boy, a fakeout fic! I love this game! ^_^

EDIT: Rats, you win this round. I wasn't able to guess the nature of the fake-out until it was too late.

:moustache: "Look Rares, I got it from Rainbow Dash it's..."
:raritystarry: "SALAMI ! OH my Precious scales !"

:rainbowlaugh: works everytime !
:scootangel: Yummy !

:twilightoops: Spike!
:moustache: All the best deli shops in Canterlot have it !:raritystarry: CANTERLOT?!

Rainbow Dash. The Lance Armstrong of pegasus

Oh my gosh you got me. I guess fool me once shame on me...

I did not expect that ending!

I wouldn't take drugs if I was offered them really because I have absolutely no need for it. My hobbies are for the most part mental and my skills are as an artist, and I take no interest in physical sports.

Or for that matter, any kind of physical activity.

Because I'm a potato.

You really got us there! We all thought it was steroids, but it's actually meat. Good one!

5617138 so nether of you drink coffee tea or soda? Avoid chocolate and other caffeinated beverages.

Fun Fact: Most herbivores can, in fact, digest meat, but lack both the instinct to hunt for it and the right kind of teeth to chew it, which is why they stick with plants. However, red deer are an exception to this rule, and will go out of their way to hunt birds and other animals of that size. They've actually been called the world's most bloodthirsty herbivore.

5617192 Yup. That said, horses, deer, etc are opportunistic carnivores. Deer are routinely caught eating carrion, and there is plenty of youtube coverage of horses eating chickens or other birds as examples.

Now the salami thing was a great twist though.

nice twist lol i was totally convinced it was something else lol

Dat protein though. :trollestia:
Jeez, getting the kids started so early. Rainbow, how could you! What;s next huh? Huh?! Ham? Burgers!! BACON?!

Next thing you know, she'll mainlining egg yolk. Another life destroyed by Rainbow Dash.


Also, you pretty much pegged my headcanon here. Namely that ponies can eat meat and in fact it would give them greater strength and such, just it's a cultural thing resulting from all the intelligent little animals in Equestria. So good jorb there, Homestar.

Nice twist! Fav'd.

And here in this story we have a Rainbow in her natural environment, smoothly preying upon the smaller Scootaloo. Using her hero worship to convince her, Rainbow coaxes the smaller pegasus into putting her salami in her mouth

Well, at least it wasn't chicken...

Pfft, this is totally meaningful! Dash is a terrible influence and it's gonna bite her in the butt.

Yes! I managed to guess what was up when Dash mentioned griffons. Poor Scootaloo -- once you've tried it, you'll always want it.

For a moment I thought it was going to be an energy drink or something like Red Bull.

Cause you know, Red Bull give you wings. :trollestia:

5616702 Ah, that's the term I was looking for all this time: "Fakeout fic"! And, yeah, I love those.

5617512 I wanted to throw in something about working Scootaloo up to beef brisket at the end, but it would've been too tacked-on.

5617192 Correct. In some historical cases horses being prepared for long expeditions where fresh food was scarce were trained by humans to eat meat, since it was easier to carry.

5617580 Thanks, coach! :pinkiehappy: That is my headcanon as well.

5617747 :rainbowlaugh:

As soon as we gained the ability to make bookshelves, I made one dedicated to Fakeout Fics.

You magnificent bastard.

I was expecting an anti-drug message at the end as the fakeout, like Scootaloo opens the package and there's a note that says "You shouldn't look up to me so much that you'd comprimise your morals" or something like that.

Instead, comedy out of the blue (or more like ruby-beige)!

Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!:twilightangry2: how did rd get that!!!!!!!!

I was expecting Rainbow would tell Scoots to binge on protein bars or something else that was stupid and probably unhealthy, but that a really obsessed athlete would do.

I do like this twist better though. Even if I personally don't buy that there would be a stigma against meat in Equestria, I also don't buy that Rainbow would give Scoots something illegal, and that sure doesn't make it any less funny.

And where exactly did that salami come from, Rainbow Dash? We are dealing with a dangerous possibly illegal substance here.

So...was it Tawny Flower? (hint: read her biography)

Oh my god! HAHA! I just now read this. Salami!? Whatever. I don't know what I would do without my meat... Although I don't like salami. But seriously, that was a really funny, unexpected ending. (To me, at least; I don't know about you.) I thought it was gonna be saying some kinda drug at the end, so I looked it up, and then thought, "wow. I didn't catch that."

I have written a review of this story; it can be found here.

Nice.... Very nice..

5617192 Other, only tangentially related fun fact--the panda actually has a carnivore's digestive system. They move so little and eat so much because they get virtually no nutrition from bamboo, and can't spare the energy needed to hunt (although they'll eat small animals that get too close).

More on-topic, there are a number of points in history where meat-eating horses pop up. The most famous/awesome/horrifying was the Man Eater of Lucknow, who killed and ate a number of people in the Kingdom of Oudh in India during the British Raj. When he was eventually captured, the maharaja ordered it to be fed to a tiger--except the horse kicked the tiger's ass and sent it running away.

¡Ponies! ¡Salami is made of ponies!


I can't imagine that the ponies would have a taboo against eating eggs. Against eating FERTILIZED eggs, yes, but normal eggs would be fine.


Indeed. Pinkie uses them for baking. I was originally going to bring up the fact that eggs/beans/soy/tempeh could take the place of meat in her eating regime but that'd just undercut the story's joke.

Got me. Now you just need to correct spelling mistakes.

5649657 I will if you point them out.

5650069 As you wish.

She even threw in a teasing eye-roll before locking back on her mark.


“But, I do know it’s you best chance. And I think you owe it to yourself to at least try. Life’s about pushing yourself harder and taking every chance you get.”


Thanks. I changed "you" to "your".
The first thing you mentioned is not an error, though. You can lock on to something with your eyes.

This... actually makes perfect sense. Suspenseful, yet entertaining. Well done!

OK. Just looking at the story, I knew it was going to be a fakeout, and I suspected something terribly stupid. This is actually pretty clever, though. I am disappointed I didn't catch the Griffin thing, which is the biggest hint towards what the fakeout is.

Also, your specific word choice on that last line is spot-on: you're right about the viewers are morons bit. I wouldn't have gotten it otherwise :derpytongue2:

really meat and here i was hopeing it was steroids

I got as far as the Gilda before I figured out it was meat. Good story.

This story continues to amuse me more than it should.

Nice fakeout. Now I'm gonna go and eat some salami.

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