Celestia hoped this would be the one. Her suitor's profile seemed encouraging, and he was actually a pony, which was a definite plus. She just didn't seem to have good luck with humanoids.
Also, she was running out of restaurants. No dining establishment in Canterlot would dare ban a princess, but quite a few of them were still rebuilding.
"Celestia?"
The question shook her out of her internal monologue just outside of a charming little bistro that had yet to experience a clash of titans. The questioner got her newly available attention.
Oh, he was a handsome one. An alicorn, of course, a few inches taller than her, well-toned, his mane all reds and oranges and yellows. The close-cropped beard and mustache would make most ponies look like lumberjacks, but it worked for him. Celestia smiled. "Solaris?"
He nodded, offered a smile of his own, and tilted his horn towards the bistro's entrance. "Shall we?"
Celestia held up a hoof. "Just a moment. I'm very sorry about this, but I just need to get a few questions out of the way: are you married?"
Solaris flinched back a bit, his eyes widened. "I wouldn't be here if I was."
"Okay. Any children or archenemies? Or children who are archenemies?"
"No, no, and definitely no."
Celestia released a sigh and a great deal of tension. "Then I'm sure we'll have a wonderful evening."
The two alicorns shared a laugh as they finished another story. Neither was sure who had started it, and neither really cared. The empty bottle of wine might have had something to do with that.
"You know," Celestia mused, "it's funny. I go through this whole wide multiverse for possible partners, and I never thought of the colt next door. Relatively speaking. How can our worlds be so close?"
"My brother explained it to me." Solaris smirked. "Well, more like I managed to pry him away from his latest murder simulator long enough to get a few words out of him. Something about quantum spacetime fluctuations and my ruining his K/D ratio."
Celestia shook her head. "He'd probably get along with Luna. A millennium in the moon, and somehow she's gotten a better grasp on science and technology than I ever had. I don't know how she does it." She noted her date's oddly distant look. "Is everything alright, Solaris?"
"I… I just thought of something. Your sister…" Solaris bit his lip. "I'm sorry if this is a touchy subject."
"The past few years have taken the edge off of those old memories, Solly. Ask away."
"Well, I take it she tried to create eternal night because she felt unappreciated?"
"Yes."
"And before that, the two of you defeated the spirit of chaos with the Elements of Harmony?"
"You also faced Discord?"
Solaris wingshrugged. "I knew her as Eris, but I suppose a being of chaos could easily have more than one name."
"'She'?" Celestia's muzzle lost its hint of pink, going bone white. "Oh. Oh dear."
"You thought of it too?"
"I…" Celestia swallowed. Suddenly it felt like her linguini primavera was crawling out of her stomach and constricting her tongue. "Luna called herself 'Nightmare Moon.'"
Solaris answered the unasked question. "Artemis declared himself 'Anarchy Apollo.' I think I like Luna's better."
Celestia scowled. "Well I certainly didn't."
This got a wince. "Sorry. My faithful student, Dusk Shine? Lavender unicorn, magenta streak in his mane?"
"Twilight Sparkle. My niece, Princess Cadance, the alicorn of love?"
"Prince Bolero. Married to Gleaming Shield, former captain of the Royal Guard."
"Shining Armor in my case."
Two pairs of ears flattened. Two heads drooped. Two voices chorused, "Shit. We're the same pony."
Luna mulled over the retelling for a moment, telekinetically-held controller bobbing in time with her thoughts. "I don't see the problem."
"Don't see— Luna, it literally doesn't get more incestuous than that!"
"Nah, if it's yourself, then it's just masturbation." Something exploded on the screen and Luna crowed, "Ha! Suck it, Timmy!"
"Fuck you, Woona!"
Celestia blinked. "Is that—"
"Your date's little brother, yeah. Kinda cute, but he can't play for shit." Luna's character suddenly slumped over, dead.
Spoke Prince Artemis: "Take that, whore!"
Celestia groaned and left the room, unheard over the increasingly vulgar pronouncements of the sovereigns of the night.
best...chapter...evver
I love the moment of .... horseapples
That was hilarious!
This made my day!
This is just rich xD
I've gotten into that argument before. I say it counts because of the different chromosome, or however it works with ponies.
Also, Luna and Artemis playing against each other. I want to see that. Sounds fun, and vulgar, and probably replay-worthy.
Ha ha! I knew someone out there agreed with me about dating your gender swapped alternate self... my friends are kinda weird. Great chapter!
Alidade from either Hellsing or Castlevania, Molag Bal from The. Elder Scrolls, or Jorgen. Von Strange from Fairy Oddparents
Or Sauron from LOTR
Damn... what I would give to see her go on a date with Jesus. Then again, he wouldn't exactly be the dating kind...
4200633
I thought he was married to the tooth fairy.
4200636
Eh, Sauron really wasn't immortal. Once the ring was gone, what little bit of life he had managed to cling to went with it.
4200666
He was one of the Maiar, he is actually immortal.
He's not actually 'dead' either.
+=
Is this cloning?
I think this is cloning.
So. Freaking. Perfect.
This totally blindsided me, I'd never thought to include Solaris. This may be the funniest dating screwup yet!
Have a moustache, good sir.
Princesses Kenny!! South park !!!
I fail to see the problem.
4200664 Alucard, not what appears, and maybe this is pre marriage?
Its not even incest... its narcissism in its most extreme form...
4200732 Likewise
Between the age-old question of 'Incest or Masturbation' and borderline narcissism, I barely see much wrong in someone dating a rule 63 of themself, especially if one is desperate enough.
hahaha! the ending is genius.
4200789
4200792
Oh guys.
That's the best part.
I'm guessing Solaris is having all sorts of (mis)adventures trying to get laid with R63 immortals
4200815 It does depend on how desperate Celestia and Solaris are... perhaps they will reconsider...
Everyone here is wrong. It's Science!
Satan. Just fudging Satan, alright?
I think it should be the dragonborn. Tekinaly he is immortal because if he dies he just respawns and just becomes more ticked off. Fus ro DA everypony!
one. long. name. Sheogorath
4200815
4200827 Only one way to find out
OMG PERFECT 10/10 *dead*
Cpt. Jack Harkness. You know you want to.
I'm not gonna lie, when it read the title of this chapter, I thought her dat was going to be Terry Crews.
Could she date a "Leviathan" from the Mass Effect world. They are the massive immortal (well to ageing, and probably any attack we could dish out seeing as they can kill a 2km tall genocidal reaper machine with a thought) aquatic beings that built the reapers. Their immortality is more like the elvish immortality, in that they could be killed, but not by time.
… I've listed all the immortals I can think of so fa- wait a minute… IDEA! The Black Dragon of the Book of the Apocalypse… The King of the Dragon Festival… He was once a man, a Dragon Slayer, who participated in the Dragon Civil War 400 years ago… He helped some dragons try to liberate humans, and when the war ended, he slew hundreds more on both sides… bathing in the blood of hundreds of dragons, until he became one himself...
th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/279/a/7/acnologia__chapter_301__by_akilachione-d5gxst5.png
Fucking. Lost it
4201058
No way.
Tyreal! He'd be perfect! He's the Archangel of Justice, after all.
4201118
Why not both?
Well, if I can suggest a "technically immortal" (let's be honest, Deadpool was a "technically immortal" too) I'd like to suggest Dell "the Engineer" Conagher.
After all, due to the respawner machine, he can't be killed... Not permanently, at least.
You know, when I saw the title, "Double Sun Power." I was expecting the Old Spice Guy breaking the laws of physics by turning off Celestia's Sun and then saying it is too cold and thus making two suns in the universe. I bet everypony, especially Twilight Sparkle and Luna, would have flipped out.
4201008 Rest assured that you are not the only one. I too thought Celestia would be dating him. It would be amusing, to say the least.
It's so wonderful to see my suggestion from a few chapters ago actually written.
4138988 Here, unfortunately the image of Grim from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy was lost.
Wait a minute, If Solaris and Celestia Mate, would the offspring count as clones? Because They would have identical DNA.
4200683 4200666
Wroth is correct. Sauron actually is immortal. Just because he was killed after he lost the ring (mostly killed) doesn't disqualify him from immortality. I think I've explained it multiple times so far.
An immortal is essentially one of two things. A: A being who cannot die from natural causes, such as old age or sickness. B: A personification of some sort of reality guideline, and therefore technically not a real and separate entity, but an eternal existence.
Neither of these things preclude said immortal from /being killed/. Being immune to getting killed is invulnerability, not immortality. You can be invulnerable and die tomorrow from a really bad cough and heart attack. You can be immortal and someone stab you in the brain and you die.
You know, I remember reading somewhere that, when you meet your exact duplicate, you have only two options: You can fight them, or fuck them.
Celestia did neither, and as such, must be erased from history as an embarrassment to all ponykind.
Hilarious chapter, but odd reaction from Celestia here.
4201162
Immortal or not, I'd like to see Celestia go on a date with the old spice guy.
Masturbation, Luna?
Aw come on, Tia. Selfcest is AWESOME!!!
'bout time this happened.
Ok, now, what about ... Hades?! Lord of the Underworld?! Eh, who's with me?!
31.media.tumblr.com/f784bd715fae960b4811f9b4e11fb5fa/tumblr_inline_n2p4allZzl1qlha5h.gif
Reading the title, I trought Terry Crew was Tia's date. :p
Moon based immortal of some kind. Any kind really.
Actually, I just had an amusing thought. Nyx's Avatar from Persona 3. Not Ryoji, but the actual form of Nyx's Avatar.