Celestia hoped this would be the one. Her suitor's profile seemed encouraging, and he was actually a pony, which was a definite plus. She just didn't seem to have good luck with humanoids.
Also, she was running out of restaurants. No dining establishment in Canterlot would dare ban a princess, but quite a few of them were still rebuilding.
"Celestia?"
The question shook her out of her internal monologue just outside of a charming little bistro that had yet to experience a clash of titans. The questioner got her newly available attention.
Oh, he was a handsome one. An alicorn, of course, a few inches taller than her, well-toned, his mane all reds and oranges and yellows. The close-cropped beard and mustache would make most ponies look like lumberjacks, but it worked for him. Celestia smiled. "Solaris?"
He nodded, offered a smile of his own, and tilted his horn towards the bistro's entrance. "Shall we?"
Celestia held up a hoof. "Just a moment. I'm very sorry about this, but I just need to get a few questions out of the way: are you married?"
Solaris flinched back a bit, his eyes widened. "I wouldn't be here if I was."
"Okay. Any children or archenemies? Or children who are archenemies?"
"No, no, and definitely no."
Celestia released a sigh and a great deal of tension. "Then I'm sure we'll have a wonderful evening."
The two alicorns shared a laugh as they finished another story. Neither was sure who had started it, and neither really cared. The empty bottle of wine might have had something to do with that.
"You know," Celestia mused, "it's funny. I go through this whole wide multiverse for possible partners, and I never thought of the colt next door. Relatively speaking. How can our worlds be so close?"
"My brother explained it to me." Solaris smirked. "Well, more like I managed to pry him away from his latest murder simulator long enough to get a few words out of him. Something about quantum spacetime fluctuations and my ruining his K/D ratio."
Celestia shook her head. "He'd probably get along with Luna. A millennium in the moon, and somehow she's gotten a better grasp on science and technology than I ever had. I don't know how she does it." She noted her date's oddly distant look. "Is everything alright, Solaris?"
"I… I just thought of something. Your sister…" Solaris bit his lip. "I'm sorry if this is a touchy subject."
"The past few years have taken the edge off of those old memories, Solly. Ask away."
"Well, I take it she tried to create eternal night because she felt unappreciated?"
"Yes."
"And before that, the two of you defeated the spirit of chaos with the Elements of Harmony?"
"You also faced Discord?"
Solaris wingshrugged. "I knew her as Eris, but I suppose a being of chaos could easily have more than one name."
"'She'?" Celestia's muzzle lost its hint of pink, going bone white. "Oh. Oh dear."
"You thought of it too?"
"I…" Celestia swallowed. Suddenly it felt like her linguini primavera was crawling out of her stomach and constricting her tongue. "Luna called herself 'Nightmare Moon.'"
Solaris answered the unasked question. "Artemis declared himself 'Anarchy Apollo.' I think I like Luna's better."
Celestia scowled. "Well I certainly didn't."
This got a wince. "Sorry. My faithful student, Dusk Shine? Lavender unicorn, magenta streak in his mane?"
"Twilight Sparkle. My niece, Princess Cadance, the alicorn of love?"
"Prince Bolero. Married to Gleaming Shield, former captain of the Royal Guard."
"Shining Armor in my case."
Two pairs of ears flattened. Two heads drooped. Two voices chorused, "Shit. We're the same pony."
Luna mulled over the retelling for a moment, telekinetically-held controller bobbing in time with her thoughts. "I don't see the problem."
"Don't see— Luna, it literally doesn't get more incestuous than that!"
"Nah, if it's yourself, then it's just masturbation." Something exploded on the screen and Luna crowed, "Ha! Suck it, Timmy!"
"Fuck you, Woona!"
Celestia blinked. "Is that—"
"Your date's little brother, yeah. Kinda cute, but he can't play for shit." Luna's character suddenly slumped over, dead.
Spoke Prince Artemis: "Take that, whore!"
Celestia groaned and left the room, unheard over the increasingly vulgar pronouncements of the sovereigns of the night.