Celestia wants Twilight and her friends to loosen up a little bit around her. Luna just wants to try the hard cider. During a surprise visit to Sweet Apple Acres at the tail end of cider season, Princess Luna has just a bit too much to drink, and when she makes a rather inappropriate joke, Twilight comes to the very uncomfortable realization that she has never seen Celestia excuse herself to use the restroom.

Twilight Sparkle is a gifted student and scholar. When she attempts to harness her creative side by writing a science-themed sensual romance novel, however, things rapidly get out of hoof. Can her friends stage an intervention before she humiliates herself (and them) at a prestigious literature recital?

No. No, they cannot.

Rainy weather and a looming deadline drive Twilight Sparkle up the walls and Spike out of the tree. Only Pinkie Pie can save the day, by introducing the reluctant librarian to an unexpected new hobby. Astoundingly, sex does not ensue.

Princess Celestia asks Twilight Sparkle to accompany her on a picnic with plans to seduce her younger protege. Celestia X Twilight (nothing too crazy tho it's a T rating for gosh sakes) ;)

My life was never good. In fact, the only good thing in my life is my curse. But I'll explain that in the story. I was walking down an ally when I stumbled over a box. I look at the box, and decide that my curiosity got the best of me. So I opened the box, And my heart nearly stopped at what was inside.

Disclaimer: This story is somewhat based off of Rob's My little dashie, but I added many different things, so no this is NOT copyright. I own the human in this story and that is it. MLP:FiM is own by Hasbro. My little Dashie is owned by ROBCakeran53.

When your life is a stack of suckcakes covered in angst syrup and the world turns its back on you after it kicks you into a puddle of hate toast with rejection margarine and the marmalade of loneliness and your parents are completely and totally dead, being a brony can seem meaningless. God, I'm hungry now. Sometimes all we need is a horse -- a great big one -- in a cardboard box to reinforce our own self-imposed martyr complexes.

A parody of My Little Dashie, in case you couldn't figure that out. Read by Illya Leonov!

See what actual, living bronies are saying about My Full-Sized Goddess Horse!

"This is a stark commentary on the self-destructive and delusion-wracked nature of Major Depression, as well as the ephemeral routes of mental escape in which one finds some momentary relief from the endless downpour of despair and hopelessness they experience with this disorder." -Cupcakes

"Vulgar." -Mystic

"This is an actual, for-real quote from ROBCakeran53, author of My Little Dashie." -not ROBCakeran53

"I don’t think this story is fit for Equestria Daily, nor do I think that it will ever be acceptable." -Equestria Daily Pre-Readers

"You truly have a proper grasp of diction!" -MallaJong1

"...My Full-Sized Goddess Horse is a fundamentally entertaining, messageless tale with impeccably-crafted prose." -Amit

"This is the best use of unreliable narrator I've ever seen on fimfic! " -ocalhoun

"...you should probably not smoke as much weed as you did that day." -Lesolan

Reviewed by the actual, for-real Seattle's Angels!

Older Chapters now being edited by DerpyDash2131
When Canterlot has to be evacuated for a week Twilight offers her parents a place to stay.
Trouble is, while Twilight is a grown up, independent pony who has saved the world (At least three times) Her parents still treat her like she's a filly.
Her father is going through a mid-life crisis.
And her mother is trying to set her up with every single stallion in Equestria.

This is going to be a LONG week.

Friends, family, cutie marks. Everything seems to be changing around Pound Cake.

Twilight and Rainbow Dash, together? Must be that 'opposites attract' thing. Then again, maybe they have more in common than they're letting on...

An ongoing series of slice-of-life snapshots. RD, I said to keep the Library clop-free, not... oh, forget it!

All chapters originally written as separate entries for flash-fic blog Thirty Minute Pony Stories (TMP). I highly recommend a visit to TMP if you're looking for some of the best 1000-word gems in pony fiction. Many thanks to TMP for inspiring me to write!

Epilogue - The next Daring Do book isn't out yet, so Twilight convinces Rainbow to read a romance novel instead. That never works - does it?

Second - Twilight reads everything she can get her hooves on. Sometimes she finds things she'd rather not know, or in this case, that Dash would rather not know.

Becoming Daring - The latest Daring Do novel isn't quite what Dash expected, and her reaction isn't what a friend of hers expected, either.

Firelight - Not every schedule has to be full and not every list has to be checked off.

Lift, Weight, Thrust, and Drag - Dash's friends can't save her from an anniversary date with Twilight, at which she will show Twilight a secret skill she's kept from everypony. Twilight's definitely not complaining!

The Wait - Agony is knowing the one you love is standing hoof to hoof with danger and knowing there's absolutely nothing you can do to help.

Hoofing It - One day, Twilight will learn that reading Daring Do alone won't get Dash to do everything. That day is not today.

Variations on a Theme - How many combinations of Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash can there be? Plenty!

Reluctantly Yours - There's something Rainbow Dash doesn't want to lose, and Twilight refuses to let it go. Will this be the end of the awesomeness that is Dash?

Closer to Home - Giving up one dream to keep another isn't always a bad trade.

Wings, Wonderbolts, and You - Always read the fine print. And the rest of it, too.

Pinfeathers - Dash was all she ever wanted and all she'll never have. Twilight hasn't lost Rainbow Dash, but someone has.

Daring Do and the Chapel Perilous - Something's wrong with the Daring Do fanfic Dash and Twi are reading, and it's not funny.

Pew! Pew! Pew! - Rainbow Dash finds new and unexpected uses for the Elements of Harmony.

Less of Me - Twilight decides to help Dash's career along, but she might be getting ahead of herself.

The Ink Wasn't Even Dry Yet - Dash and Twi go head to head in a battle for the ages! And oh, the stakes...

Audience - Twilight Sparkle doesn't dance. We hope. Dear heavens, please let her not dance.

The Trip and the Destination - Dash took on one storm too many and Twilight's had enough of it.

A kind chap by the name of munngojerrie graciously offered to do a dramatic reading of Egghead and Featherbrain. It's done, and it's an hour of audiobook shipping goodness your ears will thank you for! Take a listen to part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE and part 3 HERE.

NOTE: Not related to the Luna's Librarian / Rustic & Romantic / If the Flight Suit Fits continuity.

Tonight is supposed to be special. Twilight, of course, cannot wait to see her marefriend. But when she arrives at the schoolhouse, on this most scrumptious of occasions, Cheerilee appears upset. But why? It is their anniversary, after all.

Slight innuendo toward the end. Slight...

Contains Twirilee for KrazyTheFox's new Twirilee group!