//------------------------------// // Chapter 7 // Story: Just One Week // by englishwitch //------------------------------// Just one week. Fanfic by englishwitch Edited by DerpyDash2131 Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show. I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction. Chapter 7 Day 3 Several things happened at once. Loud knocks hammered at the front door of the library. Twilight Sparkle fell out of bed. Spike almost singed her mane with a burst of magical fire, which swirled around in a whirl of smoke and ash then formed a scroll bearing the royal seal. There was the warm smell of cinnamon and baking in the air. And a call of "Morning, kiddo!" in a voice far too loud and upbeat for the hour. Twilight groaned as the knocking came again. She opened her eyes to look at her father. And immediately wished she hadn't. "What the hay happened to you? You lose a bet?" Night Light wasn't wearing his shining coat, but the substitute was hardly an improvement. He was wearing a body-tight spandex outfit, like a Wonderbolt flight training uniform, only this was coloured bright red with black lightning bolt accents. Twilight didn't know much about fashion, but she could see it clashed horribly with his fur and mane. Night Light however seemed oblivious to the colour disaster. Just as he seemed oblivious to the fact that a stallion of his age, with his wide and sagging middle age belly, shouldn't be in anything so tight. The tightness of the outfit had made an ordinary paunch look huge and unhealthy. "Funny you should say that," Night laughed casually. "I was out at the bar last night, playing cards with the guys and-" "Hey, Night, you coming or not?" A hoof tapped at the balcony window. Rainbow Dash was trying to get in. "Cool outfit." She commented. "Hey, Twi." "Morning, Rainbow Dash." Twilight opened the window with her magic and looked between Dash and her dad. "What's going on?" "You didn't tell her?" Dash looked at Night Light. "I was getting to it." He looked to Twilight. "You see I'm-" "Your dad signed himself to the Rainbow Dash Program of Awesome!" Dash flared her wings, rearing back on her hooves. Twilight suspected that, in her head, Rainbow was hearing a fanfare. "Program of Awesome?" Twilight sighed. "You don't have a Program of Awesome." "Well I do now." Dash smiled. "We thought it up last night." She wrapped a hoof around Night Light's shoulder. "It's all about teaching ponies to be Awesome, like me. Through a heavy regime of Speed, Guts, Thrills and X-Treme Sports!" Twilight didn't know how she knew, but she knew that Rainbow had said X-Treme instead of Extreme. Even if they were pronounced the same, that was the word Dash had used. "Extreme sports?" Twilight looked at her father dubiously. The most extreme she'd ever seen him was choosing to go swimming without waiting an hour after eating. Until he had crashed into her with a scooter yesterday, that was been as sporty as she had seen him, too. "Yeah!" Dash pumped a hoof in the air, psyched up and excited. "But don't worry, Twilight, we're gonna be gentle. You don't from Zero to Awesome in ten seconds. Well, not unless you're me anyway." She laughed at her own joke. "We'll start small and work or way up." "Well that's-" Twilight began, but Dash interrupted. "Today is hang-gliding." "Hang-gliding?!" Twilight jumped up to her hooves. "Dad, you hate heights." Night Light laughed and shook his head. "What kind of pony would I be if I let something like a little fear get the better of being awesome?" "A smart one." A voice came from the doorway. Twilight Velvet came toward them. She took one look at Night Light in his outfit and shook her head. "If you're going to go, then go. There are two pegusi and a unicorn downstairs who keep pestering me for a cinnamon bun." "Is that what I smell?" Dash took a deep sniff. "They smell great." "Thank you, Rainbow Dash." Velvet smiled and nodded her head. "But they aren't for guests, I'm afraid. They're by way of an apology to that delightful Miss Quake who works at the spa." Dash snickered. "Oh yeah, I heard about that." She put a hoof over her mouth, but her smirks and snorts betrayed her. Velvet's smile faltered a little. "Anyway," Night Light spoke up. "Let's get going before we get old." He laughed and hurried past his wife and daughter and then ran down the stairs. They heard his voice echoing back up at them. "Are we ready to rock?" There were loud chants of agreement, the loudest being an almost frightening, "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" Dash beamed at the two mares. "Well, I gotta go. Catch ya later, Twilight, Twilight." She nodded her head to Sparkle and Velvet respectively. With a jump she was out of the window and sailing on the wind. Twilight Velvet's horn glowed. The covers of her daughter's bed moved and made themselves neat and tidy. "Mum, I can make my own bed." Sparkle groaned and moved over to her mirror. Levitating a brush she started attacking the tangle and frizz that had settled into her mane during the night. "I'm just trying to be helpful dear." Velvet said. Her eyes betrayed her disappointment. Twilight sighed. "I know mum." She looked herself over in the mirror. She was as presentable as ever. "And I appreciate the effort. I also appreciate you apologizing to Quake." Velvet blushed. "Yes...well...that was my fault. I don't know how I could have made such a mistake." Twilight Sparkle shook her head and chose to say nothing about how her mother was getting so obsessed over finding a stallion, she was just looking at anypony with even the vaguest of masculine features. Instead Twilight headed down the stairs and into the library. The smell of the cinnamon buns was stronger down here and made her stomach growl in anticipation. "Twilight." Spike called after her. "You forgot this." He came running down the stairs with a small scroll in his hands. Twilight took it her magic. In all the confusion, she'd forgotten Spike had burped up a scroll. "Oh dear, what could the princess need from me? I hope the parasprites aren't causing trouble." She unfurled the scroll, reading it as she walked across the library room, expertly avoiding all obstacles like the table, her desk, a stack of books, and even the baby dragon who was hovering around her, trying to find out what the news was. Twilight smiled and set the scroll down of the table. "It's from Shining. He says the extermination is actually ahead of schedule. They might be finished in another couple of days. They're going to send a couple of ponies inside the field later today to check that the parasprites haven't found some protected hideaway. If they haven't, then Mum and Dad might be able to go home in two days, rather than four." She sighed with joy and relief. As much as she loved her parents, it was nice to know there could soon be an end to her mothers matchmaking and her fathers embarrassing antics. She made a mental note to visit them in Canterlot more often, so they wouldn't be tempted to come and visit her in Ponyville and embarrass her in front of the whole town again. Velvet came down the stairs and noted the look on Twilight’s face. “Good news?” Twilight levitated the note over the Velvet. “It’s from Shiny.” Velvet took the letter in her own magic and read. While her mother read Twilight levitated several books off the shelves and over to her work desk. These last few days had really made her studies suffer, and she was determined to at least make an attempt to catch up. Before she could even ask Spike for a quill, Velvet appeared in her peripheral vision. “That is good news.” The mare said with a smile. She placed the letter onto the desk and looked at the small stack of books. “What do you have planned today?” “I have studies.” Twilight opened the first book. Velvet closed it again. “On a beautiful day like today? Oh no, that won’t do. Come now,” using her magic she pulled the unwilling Twilight toward the door. “You go outside and enjoy yourself.” “I’m not a filly who needs to go play with her friends, Mum.” Twilight tried to break free of the magical hold, but Velvet wouldn’t let her go. “I know. I know.” Velvet said dismissively. “But you should go and meet your friends all the same. Your father and I have eaten into too much of your time already. But let’s meet for lunch. Noon at the café?” Twilight found herself pushed out of her own front door and in the street. “Great. See you then.” The door was slammed in her face. Twilight didn’t know what had just happened, but she didn’t think it was good for her. “I think I need a drink.” She sighed and shook her head. “I sound just like dad.” She took off toward Sugarcube Corner. Instead of a drink, a nice sweet treat and a Pinkie Pie smile would help her a lot more that getting drunk. “Twilight, darling.” Rarity beamed and trotted up. “Just the pony I was looking for.” “Hello Rarity.” Twilight's tone was pleasant enough but in her mind alarm bells were starting to ring. “Why were you looking for me?” Rarity moved her head to flick her mane, her diamond bright smile was put on full show. “Darling, I have some new outfits which I know will look fabulous on model ponies, but I need to know how they look on the ordinary pony on the street. I know you don’t care much for flash and flair, and desire function over form. You’re so wonderfully practical like that. If they can look marvellous on you, they will look good on anypony.” Twilight stared, trying to figure out if she’d just been complimented or not. “Thank you?” She decided to choose Rarity had been trying to compliment her. “Come along, darling.” Rarity turned with a flourish. “We have many outfits to try on.” Twilight didn’t remember actually agreeing but she followed anyway. This seemed to be the way the day was going; better to just ride it out and go back to bed as soon as possible. And pray tomorrow made more sense. ...***... Inside Carousel Boutique Twilight found herself put on Rarity’s table, which doubled as a stage when needed. The next few minutes passed in a hurried and frightening blur. Against her will, bright coloured dresses and various fabrics were wrapped around her body, pulled on, adjusted, and then taken off only for the process to repeat with a whole new set of fabrics. “Rarity-” Twilight was cut off as a royal blue summer dress was yanked over her. Rarity took one look at it and yanked it off again with her magic. “Rarity-” She was cut off again. Rarity places a saddle on her back, light in both colour and fabric; it was decorated with a variety of small gems. It took her breath away. Literally. Rarity pulled the strap too tight. Just as quickly as the fashionista had put the outfit on her, she yanked it off Twilight again. “No, no, no.” She was muttering to herself. Twilight was getting annoyed at the rough treatment. “Rar-” She was thrown into silence again as another saddle was roughly pulled onto her again. A deep rich Luna blue, with silver and pink filigree atop a patch of teal. A royal blue chest piece, decorated with a line of colours beads held the whole thing together beautifully. “Yes.” Rarity exclaimed joyously. “Maybe some slippers.” she levitated over some plane silver coloured silk slippers and Twilight found them placed onto all four hooves. “RARITY!” Twilight finally lost it. Jumping down from the table she glared angrily at her friend. “You’re not trying new fashions. You barely look at me before you pull the outfit off again. You’re trying to give me a makeover aren’t you?” Rarity looked aghast. “Whatever could you mean, darling?” She actually sounded surprised, and shocked, that Twilight could suggest she was lying about her motives. “I’m just-” “Just nothing.” Twilight looked at the clock and was shocked at the time. Surely Rarity hadn’t really kept her here that long? “Now I’m late to meet my mother for lunch. Get me out of this thing.” “Oh, no, Twilight.” Rarity started pushing her to the door. “If I’ve made you late for a lunch appointment with your mother, then I insist you wear the ensemble for the rest of the day. If your time has been wasted you should have something to show for it.” Before Twilight could protest, she was outside, and Rarity’s door was closed. Twilight sighed as a feeling of deja vu came over her. “It really is one of those days.” She sighed. “HEY KIDDO!” Twilight looked up. Her jaw dropped as her father soared by in his bright red bodysuit. He was holding onto a hang-glider. The wind was carrying him over the town. Rainbow Dash and Cloud Kicker were following, calling instructions and making sure he didn’t crash into anything. Twilight sighed again. She wondered if Celestia would accept her help if she just turned up at the Canterlot camp. Any little task would do, as long as it kept her away from here. ...***... “Oh dear Celestia, no.” Twilight’s heart dropped as she approached the café. Her mother was there, just as she had promised, but she wasn’t alone. Sitting next to her was an earth pony stallion with a tan coat, brown mane and a cutie mark of a feather hovering over a sofa. Twilight knew him well, Davenport, owner of Quills and Sofas. He was Twilight’s supplier of quills, and she was his best customer. Velvet brightened up as she saw Twilight. “There you are dear. Come along, come along. I hope you don’t mind but I invited dear Davenport here to join us. He was eating alone, I was sitting alone, so I thought it would be nice to sit together.” Twilight’s expression was as fixed as a statue. “Nice to see you again, Davenport. Those new griffin feather quills arrived yet?” Davenport smiled but shook his head. “Not yet, I’m afraid.” Twilight nodded. “Shame.” The she turned to Velvet. “Mother, might I have a word in private?” Without waiting for an answer she turned and marched across the street, standing under a tree. After a second to excuse herself, Velvet crossed over to her daughter. “You look wonderful, dear. Where did you get that outfit? It looks-” “You know where I got the outfit.” Twilight snapped. “You and Rarity cooked this up, didn’t you? All to try and set me up with some single stallion again.” Velvet tried to play innocent, using her ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ voice. “I simply saw that Davenport was alone and thought it would be nice if he’d join us. The fact he’s single-” “I’ve had enough of it, Mom!” Twilight said through clenched teeth. It was taking all her restraint not to shout and scream. “Any relationships I make will be my own doing. I don’t need you trying to interfere in my life. I’m sick and tired of you trying to talk to every stallion you see on my behalf. It’s embarrassing. Especially when it’s a mare you think looks like a stallion.” “I did apologize to-” Velvet began, but was cut of again. “I don’t want or need you help” Twilight could feel her voice trembling, a few sparks from her horn glittered to the ground “If, and when, I find my special somepony it will be my way, when I’m ready and IF. I. WANT. TO!” “I understand, darling, but who knows how long it will be. I’m trying to help. I want you to be happy with the stallion you deserve. And Davenport is very nice. And he’s available.” Velvet looked over to Davenport and could see a few ponies at the café staring at them, even thought neither of them were shouting it must have been obvious a heated discussion between mother and daughter was happening. Turning back to Twilight, she said “He is quite handsome-” “DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?” Twilight couldn’t help but shout at the top of her voice. The water was boiling, the kettle was screaming and it was going to take every window with it. “Ever since you came to Ponyville, you’ve said one thing and done another. I love you, but I don’t need, or want, my hypocrite of a mother setting me up with every stallion and just loudly and casually declaring to everypony I’m single. I don’t need you interrupting my studies and forcing me out of my own home, especially to set me up on a blind-date. And how could you think about setting me up on a blind-date?” “Well it wasn’t-” Velvet began again but was cut off for a third time “How can you try and set a relationship up for me?” Twilight started pacing back and forth, the annoyance and stress and humiliation of the last few days were spilling out, and she couldn’t stop herself. Some part of her knew she was going to regret it but the words were in her throat, shouting a battle cry and stampeding forward like raging buffalo. “You can’t even stop your own husband from making an ass of himself and get him to act his age. Before you try and sort out my life, try sorting out your own first!” Twilight Sparkle galloped away from Twilight Velvet and the shocked audience of bystanders. She raced hard, not caring that ponies were staring at her. She raced past them, giving no attention. She galloped without slowing until she saw her own front door. Her horn glowing the library door burst open. Twilight raced inside, skidding across the floor and coming to a stop just before hitting the bookcase of the far wall. Her magic slammed the door behind her. Then she got to work taking off the saddle around her middle. The catch burst under her fury, and she unceremoniously threw the garment into the corner of the room. Spike appeared at the bottom of the stares. “Twilight? What-” He was cut off by several rapid knocks at the door. Twilight gritted her teeth, her magic pulled the door wide. “Mother I’m -” It wasn’t her mother. It was Night Light. He looked pale, his face a grimace of pain. Rainbow Dash was at his side, supporting him. “Hey Twi.” Rainbow grunted. She was carrying the majority of Night Light’s weight. “We had a little accident hang-gliding. I think your dad threw his back out.” “Oh for Celestia’s sake, Dad!” Twilight beat her hoof against the table out of frustration. “You are a grown stallion, not some colt fresh out of high school. It’s time you acted your Celestia-damn age. Why are you doing this? These stupid stunts and all the drinking? Do you think you look young? Look cool? You don’t. You look like an idiot. You look like an old nag who’s stupid enough to try and convince himself he can keep up with ponies half his age!” She pushed her way past the stunned Rainbow and Night Light, their wide eyes and dropped jaws followed her on her route out of the door. “Let me know if you decide to grow up!” Slamming the door behind her, Twilight raced away, turning sharply and heading toward the Everfree forest.