//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: Just One Week // by englishwitch //------------------------------// Just one week. Fanfic by englishwitch Edited by DerpyDash2131 Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show. I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction. Chapter 3 “Twilight Sparkle!” Twilight spun on the spot, her eyes widening in shock. “Princess!” She bowed low as the tall and magestic form of Celestia approached her. “Arise Twilight.” She looked down at her pupil with the warm, motherly expression Twilight had always known. “What are you doing here Princess?” Twilight asked nervously. Something was off. Did the princess’ pastel mane usually have that much pink in it? “Twilight Sparkle, I am here to offer you a position within my royal court.” Celestia’s wings had disappeared, though she didn’t seem to have noticed. Her mane was more pink than ever and not as long as it usually was. It didn’t look like shimmering light and cloud anymore, much more solid. Like real hair. “A position on the royal court? To me?” Twilight beamed, her hooves clapping together in excitement. Clestia’s horn had vanished now. Her hair was looking more like a wig of cotton candy on her head. “No you silly filly.” She laughed in a high pitched squeak of a voice. “Not you. Pinkie Pie!” Twight stared at the pony in front of her. No longer Princess Celestia now a giant, regal, Princess Pinkie Pie. “She’s going to be my baroness of PARTIES!!!” ...***... Twilight Sparkle stifled a scream as she woke. The scream became a groan as she clutched her head in her hooves. Her head throbbed like an Ursa Minor had landed on it. It hadn’t hurt this much since...well (coincidentally) she’d dealt with the Ursa Minor by getting it back to sleep and back to its cave. “Bad dream.” She said with a voice that was not her own. It sounded like she’d been gargling gravel. “Very bad dream.” “Mornin’ kiddo.” Her dad came up the stairs, a happy and bright expression on his face and a large mug of coffee levitating in front of him. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was limp, but none of the signs of hangover showed in his body language or voice. It just looked like he hadn’t slept well. It was at that second Twilight began to notice her surroundings. This was not her bedroom. She was lying on the table in the middle of her library. The horse head bust that usually sat there was nowhere to be seen. It could still be in the library, but there would be no way of knowing until the place had been cleaned. Even Twilight’s extensive vocabulary didn’t have a word to describe the state of the library. Trashed just wasn’t adequate, destroyed might have been going too far, but only just. The books were in total disarray, piled high in whatever corner they had either been thrown or kicked. The tattered remains of streamers and balloons lay like shrapnel of a party cannon explosion. Speaking of which, the remains of the party cannon lay blocking the door to the basement. The barrel of the confetti firing weapon had a deep jagged crack running down its barrel and one of the wheels was missing. “What the hay happened?” Twilight looked at her father who just smiled and sipped at his coffee. “Now that was a party.” He laughed lightly. Twilight rubbed at her eyes with her foreleg. Her headache was getting worse. Now the Ursa Minor hadn’t just landed on her head, it had decided to dance a jig before moving off. “Why aren’t you in pain?” She rubbed at a temple with a hoof. In answer Night Light hovered the coffee mug under Twilight’s nose. As well as the invigorating earthy smell of caffeine Twilight caught the sharp, acidic, tang of alcohol. He’d put rum in his coffee. “Splinters of the Timberwolf.” He explained. “You want some? It’s just a shot to take the edge off.” Twilight’s stomach turned. “No.” She groaned as she climbed off the table. Her sense of balance seemed to be working with inverted controls and one leg had fallen asleep. She hobbled along while she felt the warmth return to her back leg and prepared herself for the pins and needles. “Suit yourself, kiddo.” Night Light shrugged his shoulders and turned back down the stairs, heading to the kitchen. Twilight slowly made her way upstairs toward her bedroom. Her thoughts were beginning to clear but her head still hurt. As much as she tried to think she couldn’t remember what actually happened last night. She went over the mental check-list of what she did recollect. She remembered meeting her parents at the station. That embarrassing mix up when her mother had thought she was pregnant. They had made it back to the library. There had been a party? Yes, Pinkie had been there. After that everything was just a blur of noise and colour that she couldn’t put together. Her train of thought was derailed as Twilight bumped her horn against a wall that hadn’t been there before. She stared, her hungover brain taking a few seconds to piece things together. This was the top of the stairs, and there hadn’t been a wall there before. In fact this was supposed to be the doorway into her bedroom. Now that she looked at it this didn’t look like a wall, but a smooth wooden surface, like a table. In fact there was a coffee stain in the top corner. This was her table. Somepony had tilted it on its side and barricaded the door. Twilight bet she knew who. She focussed her magic. Her horn barely sparked before she had to stop. The pain was too much. She resorted to the marginally less painful option of knocking loudly against the wood. “Spike. Let me in.” There was a noise from behind the desk of heavy objects being moved. With grunts of effort the table was pushed slightly to the side. Spike poked his head out. He looked sleepy and frightened. He clutched a broom in his hands and had a metal pot on his head serving as a helmet. “Is it over?” His voice trembled in fright. “Yeah, it’s over. Let me in.” Twilight pushed her way past him. She wasn’t entirely sure what ‘it’ had been but, considering the state of the library, ‘it’ had been a doozy. Except for the things Spike had moved to barricade the door the bedroom area was mercifully clear of any mess and chaos. Twilight Velvet was sitting up in the guest bed with a book resting in front of her. Unlike Spike, she looked like she’d slept well. “Morning, mum.” Twilight groaned as she walked right past her parent and into her bathroom. Out of pure habit, she tried to turn on the tap of the water basin with her magic. The pain was like a nail in her forehead. After massaging her temples for a minute, she did it the earth pony way, with her own two hooves. “Poor dear," Velvet said, without the sympathetic tone that the statement usually required. “A little worse for the wear, are we?” She stood in the doorway of the bathroom and watched her daughter fill the wash basin with icy cold water. “Sorry, mum.” Twilight Sparkle groaned. “Dad spiked my drink with that rum of his.” She performed the unfamiliar procedure of turning off the water with her hooves. Magic made things a lot easier. “Which one?” Velvet shook her head in a disapproving fashion. Twilight looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean ‘Which-’” She stopped as a portion of the manically colourful blur of her memories came into focus. “Oh, no.” Twilight sighed and plunged her face into the freezing cold water. ...***... FLASHBACK The falling bottle was caught in a blue magical aura. Night Light levitated the alcohol back over to him. “Pinkie, are you okay?” Twilight looked over the pony, who looked nauseous. “That didn’t taste very good.” She pouted. “It hurt my throat and made my tummy feel rumbly.” She prodded her belly and giggled. “But it does feel all warm and it's making me feel all cozy inside.” She giggled more. Twilight couldn’t tell yet if the mouthful of insanely strong rum was having an affect, or if this was Pinkie being Pinkie. Unseen by Twilight, Night Light was pouring the last half of the rum bottle into the giant bowl of punch. Twilight shook her head. She could feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading through her and it was getting harder to think clearly. “Dad, are you insane?” She rounded on her parent, who looked at her guiltily and tried to hide the now empty bottle back into his saddle bag. “Pinkie is uninhibibi- uninhibleee-” she shook her head. She was having trouble with her words, that rum was much stronger than anything else she’d ever had before and it was hitting her hard. “Out of control!” she yelled finally. “Out of control at the best of times. You can’t get her drunk.” On the floor Pinkie was laughing, her face was flushed and her hair was poofier than ever. “Drunk.” She laughed. “Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrunk!” she rolled the R, laughing as it tickled the roof of her mouth. “Brunk, crunk, frunk, grunk. Hunk.” Her eyes opened and she smiled manically up at Night Light and Twilight Sparkle. “Hunk,” she repeated. “Hey Twiley let’s go pick up some stallions.” Twilight let out a long sigh as her father laughed. “Not now, PlinkiPlinkie.” she shook her head again. “I mean, Pleeky. PINKIE!” Night Light levitated a large mug of fruit punch in front of his daughter. “C’mon, kiddo. It’s a party. Have a drink, and loosen up.” The alcohol had made Twilight thirsty, and she’d just seen her dad fill this mug from the punch bowl and float it over to her, so she knew that it was only filled with fruit punch and nothing else. Taking the mug in her own magic she drank the sweet punch down in several huge gulps. She coughed slightly as she caught the after taste. “Great, my taste-buds are ruined.” She muttered. “I’m probably going to taste that rum for weeks.” ...***... Spike grabbed Twilight’s mane and pulled her head out of the water. She gasped, her eyes wide and alert. She took several deep breaths. The cold water ran down her mane, face and chin, running down her front and legs, dripping on the floor. “Put me back.” She gasped. Spike obliged and lowered her head gently back into the basin. He jumped off the back of the mare and wandered back into the bedroom. Twilight Velvet was already helping clean up. She’d made the bed and was using her magic to put the table back in its proper place. “How is she?” Velvet asked. Concern was entering her voice now. She watched her daughter, face down in the sink, slowly releasing bubbles of air. Her poor child was hurt. Even if it was a hurt of her own creation the mother still didn’t like seeing her daughter going through it. “I think she’ll be okay.” Spike looked back at Twilight for a few seconds. This hangover was a lot worse than the one she’d had after Shining Armour’s royal wedding. He didn’t know what she’d been drinking, but he made a mental note to find out and never touch the stuff. “She’s just...” He drifted off. He had no idea what she was doing. Twilight finally came up for air. The cold water had numbed her head and eased the pain a little. Her insides felt chilled and her stomach wasn’t as angry anymore, she’d taken a few mouthfuls of water while she was face down. Slowly she plodded up the small number of steps and crawled onto her bed. The pillow was a blessed comfort for her sore neck. “Mum, what the hay is wrong with Dad? Spiking drinks? Heavy alcohol? Wild parties? This doesn’t sound like him.” Twilight Velvet came to stand next to her daughters bed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a old and familiar stuffed toy on a shelf. Using her magic she brought Smartypants over to Twilight. The mare smiled and took the old companion. The toy had been a comfort to her when she’d been sick as a filly. Even though this was a hangover, not an illness, there was still some comfort to be found in the old patchwork donkey. She remembered fondly the time she’d had to retrieve the toy from Big Macintosh. An experience she’d Pinkie Promised never to share with anyone. “It’s just a phase dear.” Velvet said gently. She kissed Twilight on her horn, which made her giggle. The elder mare was in full mothering mode and ready to care for her ill child. “You know what stallions are like at his age.” Her head shook and she realized Twilight might not know that. She knew books, not ponies. “I think Shiny’s wedding started it. He finally realized his foals have grown up, old enough to leave home, old enough to get married. Start having foals of their own.” She added with a grin at Twilight. “It’s just making him feel his age and he’s trying to grab back some of the youth he thinks he’s left behind.” “A mid-life crisis?” Twilight exclaimed. “This is a mid-life crisis?” She’d read about the phenomena. But, like so many things in life, the experience was different than the research material had suggested. “I thought it was all wearing flashy clothes and trying to chase after some stupid hobby or dream the pony had in colthood.” “He’s been doing that, too, dear.” Velvet responded with a deep and exasperated sigh. Her expression was both bored and bothered at the same time. An odd look. She had clearly been tolerating this for a while and was just trying to ride out the phase until the end. “But once he saw the price of the popular clothes young stallions are wearing these days, and after he realized that he still isn’t going to become a famous drummer, you know your father, no sense of rhythm or timing, he fell into the old cliché of wild parties. It’ll pass sooner or later when the wild nights and drinking finally catch up to him. He’ll realize that he’s not a young colt any more. In the meantime, I’d be very cautious of any drinks he gives to you, and don’t let him take you on a night out.” She shook her head. “It’s a mistake you only make once. A quiet drink in a nice restaurant turned into two, then four and before I knew it he was dancing on the table and I haven’t been able to go back to The Green Dragon since out of shame.” “That’s your favourite restaurant.” Twilight stared, shocked. “You love griffin cuisine.” “I shall just have to find somewhere else.” Velvet said with a sigh. “I doubt Razorbeak would let me in anyway. At least not with your father with me.” She shook her head and put on a brave smile. “It’s not your problem, dear. Now, you just rest your head and I’ll bring you something to eat. It’ll help.” “Thanks mum.” Twilight watched her mother go then stared at the ceiling. The more she heard about this phase of her father’s, the less she liked it. All night parties, heavy drinks, getting her mother thrown out of her favourite restaurant, getting Pinkie drunk...Where was Pinkie anyway? So much of last night was still a blur, but Twilight found the image of the pink pony flying through the air had stubbornly stuck itself in the front of her brain. ...***... FLASHBACK. “Wheeeeeeeeeee.” Pinkie swung from the ceiling by a long paper streamer that shouldn’t have been able to support her weight. She flew over the heads of the party guests and slammed into a book case. Volumes flew in all directions. Ponies yelled as they were hit by hardbacks and paperbacks respectively. Twilight and Night Light rolled their heads laughing as they clinked two cups together then drank deeply. “That pony,” Night Light laughed “is so random.” “That’s just Pinkie being Pinkie.” Twilight laughed as she watched Pinkie struggle to climb out of a pile of the Encyclopedia Equestria. She didn’t even look scratched. “If you wanna be smart!” Pinkie yelled gleefully, “You gotta hit the books!” Ripples of drunken laughter passed through the room. The rum laden punch bowl was almost empty, and the dozen ponies who’d remained as the party started to turn wild were now in states ranging between struggling to stand and struggling to stay conscious. Spike and Twilight Velvet had taken shelter upstairs by that point. Pinkie crawled along the floor to the table and slurped up the very last mug-full of punch that was left in the bowl. She laughed, throwing her head back so far her whole body tumbled. “Twileeeeeee” Pinkie laughed as she looked over at Twilight. “I fell down.” “Yes, Pinkie. I see.” Twilight laughed. She climbed to her hooves and staggered over to Pinkie. Offering a hoof Pinkie, Twilight helped her back upright. “C’mon, everypony!” The party pony yelled loudly. “Let’s dance!” She staggered to the middle of the room, her legs tripping over each other, but somehow managing to keep her upright. “You reach your right hoof in You reach your right hoof out You reach your right hoof in And you shake it all about You do the Pony Po-” Pinkies hooves finally tangled together during the shaking part of the song. She spun around a few times and fell flat on her face. ...***... Twilight Velvet came back into the bedroom. The scent of pancakes reached Twilight’s nose, making her stomach growl and her mouth drool. “Some pancakes and apple juice.” Velvet said. The tray hovered up to Twilight Sparkle and landed lightly on her lap. Twilight couldn’t help but grin. The pancake had blueberry eyes, a line of maple syrup for a mouth, and strawberries to make a mane. Her mother had made a smiley face pancake just like when she had done when she was a filly. “Well this brings back memories.” Twilight bit into a forkful of the fluffy breakfast treat. “Hmmmmm.” Twilight Velvet lay on the double bed opposite her daughter. “I’m glad I haven’t lost the touch.” “Ah’ll shay.” Spike’s muffled voice came from the seating area where he was stuffing his face with several pancakes dripping with syrup. “Now Twilight.” Velvet looked to the young purple pony. “Once you’ve eaten, why don’t you go out and enjoy yourself today? Your father and I can clean things up.” Twilight shook her head. “I couldn’t make you do that, mum.” “Well, I insist.” Velvet interrupted. “Go to the park with Spike. Enjoy yourself. Meet new ponies and talk to them, get to know them. Maybe a nice stallion.” The fork stopped halfway to Twilight’s mouth. “I’m starting to notice a theme with our conversations.” She crossed her forelegs and looked across the room at her mother with an annoyed glare. Velvet shrugged innocently with an ‘I don’t know what you could possibly mean.’ expression on her face. “I know how hard you like to work.” She said with perfect innocence. “So I just think it would be nice if you took some free time and did something for yourself.” “Like try and meet a nice stallion?” Twilight said flatly. “If you like.” Velvet grinned slyly. “You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, but if you do that would be so wonderful.” “Why don’t you bother Shiny and Cadence about foals?” Twilight asked. “They are married after all.” “Who said anything about foals?” Velvet shrugged her shoulders. “We were having a pleasant conversation about you meeting a nice young stallion.” She looked down at her hoof for a second, rubbing it against the sheet to wipe away some invisible speck of dust. “But since you brought it up some grandchildren would be nice.” Velvet laughed to show she was joking. “Besides, Shining and Cadence are busy with this emergency at the moment.” Twilight Sparkle looked out of the window toward Canterlot. The city sized pink sphere was much more opaque than it had been yesterday. Whatever the princesses had planned they had probably already started. She wondered what was happening in the front line camp. Were Celestia and Luna okay? Was the spell working to remove the parasprites or was more time needed? Twilight Velvet rose off the bed and stood next to her daughter, placing a hoof on the blankets over her leg. “I know you’d be there in a second if they needed you.” She smiled. “You are always so loyal and dedicated like that. I’m proud of you, dear.” Twilight smiled proudly. “Thanks, mum.” “But I do hope you’ll be more careful when you get foals of your own.” Velvet laughed lightly and hugged Twilight. Twilight returned the hug and found herself laughing too. She had an image of herself running from a dragon with a little filly sticking her head out of her saddlebag. The image was amusing, but only as long as it never came true. Their embrace was broken by a loud crash from outside. The mares broke apart and stared at the balcony. A huddled mass of blue feathers and rainbow hair slowly unfurled itself. Rainbow Dash looked terrible. There were dark marks under her bloodshot eyes. The quiff of her rainbow mane now hung limply in front of her face. There was a large saddlebag strapped to her back. Twilight climbed off the bed and out to her friend. “Rainbow, what happened to you?” Rainbow Dash blinked slowly several times before responding. “Twilight? Oh thank Celestia I found you. The last three houses weren’t helpful at all.” She staggered slightly and rubbed at her face with her hoof. “They won’t stop, Twilight. The babies. If they’re not crying, they’re crawling around, getting their hooves on all my stuff.” She put her hooves on Twilight’s chest and looked at her desperately. “They have their own toys; why do they have to play with my stuff?” She sounded on the verge of tears. “Why not just put your stuff out of their reach?” It sounded like a simple question but Twilight suspected there wasn’t a simple answer. “There is no out of reach!” Rainbow cried desperately. “They already know how to make stuff out of clouds, they can climb and they can baby glide!” “Baby glide?” Velvet asked. “A baby pegasus can fly out of instinct,” Twilight explained. “Just like most animal babies can instinctively swim. Their wings are large, relative to their body size and weight, so for the first few months they can actually achieve a rudimentary flight for brief periods. As their body grows larger than their wings they lose the ability and forget how to fly. They have to re-learn when their wings catch up to their bodies around early adolescence. Although, I don’t know why they call it a glide, since it really is more like flight.” She looked to Rainbow for an answer but the pegasus had fallen into a doze. Rainbow liked to nap to conserve energy to move at such awesome speeds. At least, that was her excuse. Clearly one sleepless night, combined with the stress of keeping her things out of the reach of foals, combined with two crying babies, equalled a Rainbow Crash! She nudged the blue mare with her hoof. Dash jerked awake with a snort; she looked around in confusion. She’d forgotten where she was. “Rainbow, come inside. Take a nap on my bed.” Twilight guided Dash inside with a hoof. “No thanks, Twilight.” Rainbow protested without any conviction in her voice. She allowed herself to be led indoors. “I only came here to ask if I could store some of my stuff here. My Wonderbolt figures are collectors items.” Twilight lifted the burdensome bags from Rainbow with her magic. “Of course you can, for as long as you need.” She pushed Rainbow onto the bed. The pegasus was out like a light the second her head hit the pillow. Out of curiosity Twilight looked inside the saddlebag, just to see what Rainbow considered valuable enough to keep away from strange ponies. A full set of Wonderbolt dolls, or action figures as Rainbow preferred them to be known, a selection of autographed pictures of the Wonderbolts, a picture of the six friends together in their Grand Galloping Gala dresses and three Daring Do books. Twilight recognized them as the copies she’d given to Rainbow for her birthday. Twilight let the bags down and rubbed a hoof against her forehead. After a nice breakfast her headache had been less noticeable but even the brief burst of magic had made it return with a vengeance. “Urrg.” She groaned. If her dad ever offered her any alcohol again she, would hurt him. “Come on. Let’s go before she starts snoring.” ...***... FLASHBACK “I...have alwaysh luvved yur hair!” Pinkie slurred to Twilight. She tried reaching up a hoof to brush Twilight’s mane but overbalanced and fell to the floor. Twilight threw her head back and laughed raucously. Pinkie’s hooves waved in the air like a turtle on its back. She tried and tried, but she couldn’t right herself. Night Light staggered over and helped Pinkie up with his magic. Pinkie let out a big cheer as she hovered in the air, six inches off the ground. The party had all but died down now. Including Twilight, Pinkie and Night Light, there were seven ponies remaining. For the last few minutes Twilight had been pushing away the increasingly demanding advances of a plum coloured mare by the name of Berry Punch. The hugging and nuzzling of the cheek Twilight had been able to tolerate but the nibbling on her ear had been a step too far. Right now the plum mare was half asleep, leaning against Twilight’s shoulder, but still nuzzling her with her cheek. Night Light put Pinkie down. She laughed and staggered into a wall, spilling more books from the shelves. Pinkie didn’t even seem to notice a particularly thick history book smack her on the head. “Twitchy tail.” She snorted. The laughter suddenly stopped and she stared across the room at Twilight. “Twilieeeeeeeeeeee.” “Pinkieeeeeeeee.” Twilight fell apart into laughter. Pinkie snickered. “I’m hungry.” Berry pushed herself off Twilight. “Me too.” She stated flatly. A voice came from the back corner of the room said something garbled and slurred that might have been an agreement. Carrot Top had stopped making sense a while ago. Pinkie clapped her hooves together. “Fritters!” She cheered. “FrittersfrittersfrittersFRITTERS!” She moved in a zig-zag line across the room, tripping over the broken wheel of the party cannon. The still smoking remains of the confetti weapon were jammed in the doorway to the basement where they’d come to rest. “We need fritters!” Pinkie held a hoof up in the air. “YES!” Twilight held her hoof up in the air. She didn’t know why her hoof was in the air, but everypony seemed to be doing it. “Fritters. Let’s go get fritters!” She pointed to the door, which she opened with her magic. Pinkie crawled to her hooves and made another attempt for the door. She bumped off Night Light. “Ooopsie” She giggled. He laughed too and staggered on behind her. “Where can we get good fritters in this town?” He stopped long enough to help Twilight. The mare had been trying to walk to the door while forgetting her back legs needed to move too. “Sugar Cube Corner!” Pinkie cheered. She hopped out of the door and into the free night air. “OOOH!” A grey stallion, named Lucky Clover, was close behind her. “Yes! And we can get cupcakes!” “Yay cupcakes.” Berry Punch cheered. Pinkie was bouncing along, her movements more manically random than anypony had ever seen her make before. “Cupcakes! So sweet and tasty! Cupcakes! Don't be too hasty! Cupcakes! Cupcakes, cupcakes, CUPCAKES!”