I Don't Feel the Same

MrBackpack

MrBackpack #1 · Jan 21st, 2013 · · ·

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we shall be watching this with great interest.

Seether00

Seether00 #2 · Jan 21st, 2013 · · ·

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Hmm.. this is good slice of life writing. I now that S3 is winding down, the foals and the CMC have the most potential as hasbro is putting walls around the Mane6

Goodbye

Goodbye #3 · Jan 21st, 2013 · · ·

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I'll continue reading for Bran. I'm hopin for a good surprise or twist.

Stormblessed

Stormblessed #4 · Jan 21st, 2013 · · ·

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This is going to be great. Liked and Faved.

Alpha Scorpii

Alpha Scorpii #5 · Jan 22nd, 2013 · 2 · ·

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I agree, we need tags for Pound and Pumpkin.

So far this is very good, I'm interested I'll be watching this.

fluttershywriter

fluttershywriter #6 · Jan 22nd, 2013 · · ·

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Nice! I love the Cake twins. And yes, the twins definitely need their own character tags.

Casca

Casca #7 · Jan 31st, 2013 · · ·

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A nice fluffy story that could do with more in terms of plot development. Hmm.

Sirius_Face

Sirius_Face #8 · Feb 4th, 2013 · · ·

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Name of Story: Cake...Cake...Cake

Grammar score out of 10: 9 (I saw no problems at all)

Pros (list three pros)
OC: Pound and Pumpkin aren't OCs, but they should be considered the same as OCs since the show only has them as baby foals with no character to them. The way you write the twins is really well done, and Pound comes off as a real, fleshed out young boy that shows a talent for character development from you. The other OCs are also fleshed out quite well, with just enough detail that it's not an info dump and still enough to make them feel real. This is all very well done.
Pacing: The action moves steady, nothing too fast or slow that details are missed. For being over 4000 words long, the story felt like it took longer to read. It's not a bad thing, it just means that there was plenty of well paced content.
The Premise: This is a good example of what a Slice of Life fic should be like. I'm still wondering what is going to happen in this story, but I'm interested enough to keep wanting to read more. Stories about growing up and that typical YA pitch to readers always grabs my attention.

Cons (list three cons)
Imagery: The imagery is a little lacking, just enough that I noticed I had missed somethings in the story. You put a lot of attention on Mr. Dewey's cutie mark for instance, but you never mention what Pumpkin's cutie mark is. Maybe that was intentional? But if you mentioned Red Streak's cutie mark, I totally missed it. Since one of the conflicts presented in this story is Pound's lack of cutie mark, I would think he'd notice the cutie marks of his friends a little more. It's a minor con to bring up though.
Imagery again: There's another detail I want bring up which is outside of the cutie mark comment. I don't know what Pound Cake looks like aside from his color scheme. What's his mane style? How long is his tail? Same with his sister, and Red Streak, and especially Bran. They're fleshed out as characters, but their appearance is still a little vague.
I don't have a third con to offer up.

Notes: The cover pic for this story caught my eye and is what got me interested to give this story a read. I'm glad I did - you have a talent for writing. This was really well done and I look forward to reading more of this soon. Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Friendship has a Generous Heart. Given how you seem like a seasoned writer with some experience under your belt, I would be really interested to see what you have to say about my own story, if you don't mind giving it a read.

Chrome Masquerade

Chrome Masquerade #9 · Apr 19th, 2018 · · ·

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“Enough!” Mr. Cake slammed a hoof to the ground. His voice reverberated throughout the dining room and the rest of the house. Pound and Pumpkin stood still as stone while Mr. Cake marched over to them. “One more word and you’re both grounded. Pumpkin, you mother will grab you something on the way to school. Pound, you’re staying here to help clean up.”

Chrome Masquerade

Chrome Masquerade #10 · Apr 20th, 2018 · · ·

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Worse yet, he might have to personally see Mr. Dewey Decimal. Pound shuddered at the thought. In his head, he could hear Mr. Dewey’s monotone droning on and on, lulling everypony with a brain to sleep. Just thinking about it slowed Pound’s steps and made his eyelids heavy.

At a guess...