• Member Since 4th May, 2013
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On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


In many ways, Mr. Cake has become accustomed to Ponyville's eccentricities. You can't expect to run a business in this town without dealing with some oddity now and again, especially when the usual epicenter of weirdness is bunking in your attic. And so he thought he was ready for anything anypony had to kick at him.

And then he changed a diaper. In public. A simple action, really. And how was he supposed to know just how much insanity that would set off?

But to be fair, he also had no way of knowing it was still Crackfic Week.

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 55 )

Author's Very Public Note: as should be partially indicated by the Teen rating alone, the central focus of this story does not concern adult diaper fetishes. Because some of you were going to automatically downvote based on that belief. And now you can automatically downvote because your belief was wrong.

Never say I don't look after my readers.

Mr. Cake is obviously one of the smartest ponies in town I dare say. Hopefully this mare will choose to leave on her own accord this time around, either that or Twilight can just send her to some other town, like Starlight Glimmer’s.

This story stinks!
(Hey, somebody had to make the pun.)

"What do you take us for, Goldberg?" Flitter sarcastically asked. "Some kind of rube?"

I think I swallowed my tongue when I fell off my chair...

his arrival had put Ponyville's total population for that rarest of fur traits at two.

Does he have a brother in Ponyville named "Heath"?

"Buck the lot of you," Mr. Cake smiled. "We're moving."

Yes! Good for him.

Fun story. We parents can relate.

Because wild bursts of lunacy can happen more or less at random, but true madness requires planning and, ideally, at least one committee.

Sir Terry would be proud of this sentence.

Oh, that's how a species without thumbs pinches itself. Makes sense.

...a familiar-looking outline, which Sun had granted light green fur, black mane, and a permanently-upturned snout.

Oh dear, Filly Anon grew up...

They say if you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door. There are two catches there: One, they have to agree that it's better. Two, they had to have asked for a mousetrap in the first place.

And in the town of the mad, the half-sane stallion is king. Or at least knows when to delegate matters to the princess. And I can't help but think that Celestia was at least as concerned about the Cakes moving further away from Canterlot as she was about Pinkie.

Brilliant bit of madness. Thank you for it.

Rube Goldberg built a better Mousetrap! Darn, FoME beat me to it while I was reading.

Nice crowd scene, with implied reveals of personal matters!

And brilliant Mr. Cake!


Lol at the time travel spell because it doesn't change the past.


Mayor Mare has a daughter? Is this the first we've heard of her??

And Mayor Mare has / had a husband, presumably?

Or a wife?


We parents can relate.

No kids of my own (yet), but I have had the beginner parenting "trial version" after being drafted to help care for my infant nieces and nephews.

"-- or rather," she finished, "there may not be until I reach Town Hall again. If we can't settle this peacefully . Which in this case, would mean your taking a very solemn public vow to never do such a thing a second time, followed by my leading health inspections through the bakery and proving that you use mouth guards and mouthwashes." She paused. "There will also be random follow-up visits. They can drop in frequency after the first three moons. I'm expecting Ms. Loomer to insist on accompanying them, and I suggest you watch her very closely to make sure she doesn't steal any food, largely because she will then accuse you of having planted it in her mouth. So can we go out there together and settle this?"

Yes, there WERE Health Inspectors. For some reason, they died after watching the Cakes change a diaper & then carry food (Baby Cakes)

I had a Mousetrap game when young (Well, one of my little sisters did. But, I played it)

No, that was referring to the Cakes' adopted daughter :pinkiesmile:

Ah, there's nothing quite as irrational as logic, yes?


Wut? :applejackunsure:

No. This:

You've got a daughter, Marigold: I've seen her, I've sold to her!

You're right. I just sort of blanked on that :fluttercry:
I was thinking of this:

"Mr. Cake!" the young mare who was his eldest daughter desperately protested, tears already beginning to fall from blue eyes as a curly mane started to collapse. "My friends... you... I can't leave you, but I can't leave them

He generally didn't deal with the citizenry: he dealt with customers . There was a crucial difference. And for a stallion whose priorities for sorting out exactly what was weird to begin with had been steadily, invisibly warped through years of living with a fully armed & operational Pinkie, it could take just a little too long to realize when things were about to go Saddle Arabian.

"go Saddle Arabian" reminds me of "Vimes will go totally Librarian-poo" in a Diskworld book.

I'm a little surprised it doesn't end on a "Here we go all over again" about public breastfeeding, but this was a good Estee romp through ridiculous.

I'm not a parent but I've seen it done in public. Not the most pleasant experience, but *shrug* life happens

"What do you take us for, Goldberg?" Flitter sarcastically asked. "Some kind of rube?"


After so many depressing and controversial stories on fimfiction, I really needed to watch local equivalent of a Simpsons episode.

Estee, I love you. I needed a nice little bit of silly with all the personal problems I'm going through right now. And this was perfect.

"What do you take us for, Goldberg?" Flitter sarcastically asked. "Some kind of rube?"

oh, as in Rube Goldberg! :derpyderp2:

The image of this pony harassing Luna has entered my brain, and now it won't let go...

"Sister! Wonderful news!"

"Luna, every time you say that, I need more aspirin. Please tell me what the news is."

"A pony has just done something that I can use the Moon Door for!"


"But, 'tia, there's statements and witnesses and even physical evidence! I've even checked to make sure there's nothing that could be harmed once we throw her out into the world by the Moon Door. I even had the hinges oiled and the locking mechanisms checked."

"Luna, if we started to throw every pony that annoyed us out the Moon Door, in very short order the door wouldn't work anymore. And, which pony are you thinking about tossing out the Door this time around?"

"An Earth pony named Ms. Loomer."

"...don't you dare throw her out the Moon Door without me getting some popcorn first. Definitely a good seat."

We give a warm welcome Mr Goldberg to Ponyville. A fine addition to the madhouse. He sounds like he already have kid. Can we learn more about him in the future please?

Now... a meeting with Ratchet seems in order. Between two great inventors like that, they might manage to threaten Equestria with a doomsday invention under a week.

There is nothing quite as funny as an angry mob having trouble figuring out a chant.

And thank you for the nightmares of the CMC trying for a Rube Goldberg Machine mark. Yay.

A daring move, threatening to leave and going with the princess power play. It could just as easily have ended with them being offered a posting in Canterlot. The Sisters have expressed interest in stealing them before, after all.

I came here to basically make that Sir Pterry comment as well. Curse you and your fast fingers and weird timezones that happen when I'm asleep!

This is the weirdest first-day Referrals column I've ever seen.

The lesson: people can't spell, because it's a fairly safe bet that we're looking at several hundred Google users who couldn't manage to search for 'diaper pail.'

I guess Ms. Loomer has something in common with Pumpkin's diaper...

I think the saddest part about this is the fact that people like Ms. Loomer exist. It's a very sobering thought

Gross, diapers.

That's one confident stallion at the end there, going out in front of the whole town in a diaper. And then putting on a new one to boot. Amazing.

Mr. Cake for best pony and dad confirmed?

So, confirm that this is part of the Triptych Continuum?

And that the other Metallic in town, is basically the only known Metallic in that has ever lived in Ponyville?

Well, seeing THOSE people getting served always gets a good laugh. Also... You're evil.

This was a LOT better than I expected :pinkiehappy:

diapers and in the featured section. I click I read. Also funny jab at diaper ponies.

I'm not really Democrat OR Republican. My hatred for the pumpkin man doesn't really have much to do with politics, I just think he's an idiot.

Well, that was a rather satisfying ending. XD Also I'm proud of myself for guessing Rube Goldberg's inspirational influence.

Every so often, it'll occur to him that somepony is using the place where he set up shop as a sort of dumping ground for the mentally unstable. He'll have help thinking that. Help with a visible deformity and a buttload of misanthropy.

Thanks be to Celestia for her intervention. Ms. Loomer can go screw herself with a hot poker.

My brain is so jumbled right now I can barely put together a coherent thought from that whirlwind ride. What I can tell you is two things:

1. Your words on sanity are fantastic and I applaud you strongly.
2. Ms. Loomer got her just desserts and it was awesome for me.

Good job all around!

One might say you’re better at reading a crowd than Mister Cake.
Ahh, mousetrap, the game that almost never worked because us children were very good at breaking the Rube Goldberg device. Also, that game should have been called New York Sewer Rat Trap; the “mice” are knee high on that diving guy.

While I have been around a good many babies (being the oldest, both of my immediate family and of the circle of friends, and Mum being a child-minder at one point, so sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces and other unrelated small children), I have always, at least, managed to avoid that dreadful task myself, to my eternal relief.

People like Mrs Loomer drive me to excessive, concussion-related, rocket-launcher inflicted violence.

In which Carrot makes use of The The Bigger Stick.


This story existed just so you make that one pun, didn't it...?

"What do you take us for, Goldberg?" Flitter sarcastically asked. "Some kind of rube?"

That line...

I believe the correct term is “pear-shaped”

I’ll set up cameras... and the livestream!

Pumpkin pie, anyone?


Mayor Mare impresses me, here, really.

I don't for one minute think that the bit about the "second authority" was in any way an accidental slip-up.

Hehehehe. Oh my sides... I love this universe.

I almost want to see what Celestia would do if one left. I seriously love this universe.

Why a shop which had just opened wasn't in a good position to make change for a thousand-bit coin...

I imagine the thousand-bit coin to be one of those over-large stone discs with four holes where a pony threads the straps needed for carrying it around.

By always arriving when a business can't make change for it, some ponies manage to live quite comfortably on a single thousand-bit coin per year.
And it's the same coin.

She exists herself. This is practically RPF. And I'm here for it, because she deserves it.

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