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Wings, Wonderbolts, and You

The following is a Choose Your Own Adventure story. Please resist the urge to read ahead or to read sections out of order. By all means, though, please re-read the story to find all the alternate paths and scenes. Enjoy!

This started as the single most awesome-tastic day in the history of – well, of really awesome days. The Wonderbolts – yes, those Wonderbolts – finally got off their turkey-feathered flanks and sent you the letter everypony knew you’d be getting. They want you! They totally do. Not that you actually applied for the job – staying Ponyville’s Regional Weather Director means free naps for life, after all – but hey, let’s face it, you’re awesome. Of course they’d come looking for you, application or not.

You haven’t actually read the letter yet, but what else could it be? You won Best Young Flier (as if there were ever any doubt), you graduated their little Academy (naturally), you rescued their Captain (and copped a feel - don't tell Twilight!), and let’s face it – you’re the fastest flier in Equestria! Why ruin a day like today with details?

If you read the letter, go to 5.

If you skip the letter and go find somepony to brag to, go to 7.

Off you fly, bolting through the warm afternoon sky, amazing onlookers and your adoring fans with a series of death-defying loops, spins, dives, and Immelmare turns. They’re cheering for you! The trophy is yours, medals aplenty clinking and clanking around your neck while Spitfire and Princess Celestia engage in hoof-to-hoof combat for the chance to “thank” you for your performance. “Girls, girls! Chill! There’s plenty of Dash to go around,” you remind them. Celestia’s mane is soon wrapped around you, soft and fluffy and a little moist.

Actually it’s much like the cloud you wake up on, drifting lazily over Ponyville after a hard afternoon of showing off. Naptime over, you stretch legs and wings and drop off the cloud into the early evening air.

If you’re finally ready to brag to somepony, go to 7.

If you decide to read the letter after all, go to 6.

You flash your perfect smile. You flex your wonderful wings. You waggle your eyebrows, which may or may not be as stupendous as your wings, but they let this fine little unicorn know exactly what’s on your mind, and that’s… well, honestly you’re not sure what comes next, but she doesn’t know that, right? Carnal knowledge, schmarnal knowledge, what matters is that you’re excellent at everything excellent, and Twi’s read enough books to be excellent at whatever it is you’re trying to get done here. She smiles wider and beckons you closer. Oh, you’re good. No, you’re great! It. Is. On!

“Dash,” she purrs, glancing at the letter, “do for me what you’re about to do for your Wonderbolts, and I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” She’s grinning. You’re panting. Life is perfect!

If you let her have her way with you, go to 8.

If you read the letter in case you need to do this twice, go to 6.

Twilight takes her sweet time reading the letter while you strike what will surely be the first of many heroic poses. She looks up and smiles at you, giggling a little. That mare’s head over hooves for you, right? “Dash, this is great! I’m so proud of you,” she says, beaming. “Even if it’s not a full-time position, it still means they’re keeping you in mind. I’m impressed that they offered you an opportunity like this, and even moreso that you plan on accepting.” Yep. She’s hooked, your ego’s stoked, and it’s time to seal the deal.

If you sweet talk her into some hot wing action, go to 3.

If you read the letter to see how awesome you really are, go to 6.

You’re torn between gently easing the flap open to preserve the authentic Wonderbolt smell and ripping the envelope to shreds to get what you know you completely deserved. Patience… for the loss! You rip the flap open. “Dear Miss Dash,” it reads. “Blah Blah impressed by your style, blah blah, honored if you would report to Headquarters this Friday at Noon for blah blah.” Perfect! You feel so informed.

If you go find somepony to brag to, go to 7.

If you rocket off into the sky for a celebration stunt, go to 2.

“Dear Miss Dash,” you read aloud. “We are not able to offer you a spot on the team at this time. However, we were impressed by your style and your persistence at the Academy. We would be honored if you would report to Headquarters this Friday at Noon for a spot in our promotional photo shoot. We’re producing a pamphlet for our new recruits entitled Creepy Obsessed Fans and You. Should you choose to accept, you will be filmed in the role of ‘Crazed Stalker #2’. We have a selection of your fan letters available if you need source material.”

Oh, horseapples.

THE END.

Who could best appreciate your newly proclaimed awesomeness? Pinkie – no, she celebrates everything. Anti-climactic. Fluttershy or Rarity? Wouldn’t appreciate the achievement. Applejack? Nah, she’d try to one-up you. Probably try to compare this to her giant apple that won “best giant apple” at the giant apple fair. Twilight? Hmm, excitable, smokin’ flank, genuinely appreciates everything you do, connections in Canterlot, smokin’ flank…

Streaking through Ponyville at treetop height, you land with perfect precision at the Library. Then you extract your head from the flowerpot and dust yourself off with a flourish, because you totally meant to do that. “Egghead!” you call, busting through the door in a tinkle of bells and chimes and overturned stacks of books.

She looks you over with a mix of revulsion (she taught you that one!) and what can only be described as perfectly understandable wing envy. Yeah, that’s definitely the face she’s making. “Featherbrain! Not that it’s not great to see you, but I’m in the middle of a reshelving marathon, isn’t there a Boutique you’d rather crash into?” she asks, one eyebrow raised above her ever-present stack of checklists. “Or maybe a cottage, or a barn, or bakery?”

If you find the confidence to put the moves on her, go to 3.

If you flash her the letter and a smile, go to 4.

She takes you by the hoof and leads you into the Library’s basement. Bedroom would’ve been your first choice, but hey, whatever turns her on, right? Twilight races toward you to claim her sweet blue reward. With a hoofful of wires and sensors. Okay, maybe she’s planning to tie you up, or hooking you up to an awesome-o-meter (she has to have one, she’s dating you, right?), or… Or not. Hours and hours and not a single nibble or grope or grunt later, you’re a living experiment, detectors and gadgets and a nest of cables draped across you and plugged into bleeping, blinking, magic-powered whatchamacallits while Twilight mumbles about “theoretical effects of inflated ego on wingpower.” Worse, she’s got photos of everything. This is so not what a flying feast of fantasticness like you deserved.

Maybe you should have read that letter after all. Go to 6.

Author's Note:

TMP Prompt # 322. The Prompt: Write a story in the second person in which the perspective character (i.e. “you”) is one of the Mane Six or Spike.

I grew up on Choose Your Own Adventure and Wizards, Warriors, and You books. I couldn't resist the prompt TMP gave me, though it took some serious planning and outlining to squeeze it into 30 minutes. And notecards. Lots of notecards. The TMP version was written as RariDash (sort of). I think the original worked better than the TwiDash version here, but it was still a fun experiment.

Immelmare Turn = real acrobatic maneuver.

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The Princess Rarity

The Princess Rarity #1 · Nov 26th, 2013 · 3 · ·

OHMYGOD YOU AREN'T DEAD.

Blue_Paladin42

Blue_Paladin42 #2 · Nov 26th, 2013 · · ·

HAHAHAHA!

HAHA!

MY SIDES!

Actually managed to make a run through hitting every option except 4. Dat letter.
Poor RD.

NikitaKitten

NikitaKitten #3 · Nov 27th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Hmm. It's interesting to see someone on this site attempt a "choose your own adventure" story, but really, I think this is more of a "choose which parts of the story you want to skip 'adventure.'" There's only one actual story thread here (1-5-2-7-4-3-8-6), and if you make the "wrong" choice, you just end up at the end faster than if you chose "correctly" (and no matter what path you take, the ending is obvious from the very beginning).

I always thought the fun part of these was seeing what sort of ending you ended up on, then rereading the story multiple times to see what else could've happened. I can understand how that would be much too difficult to do in a 30-minutes challenge (a proper Choose Your Own Adventure story is actually several different stories, after all), but it would've been nice to see you take the time to turn it into a proper CYOA story for publishing here.

So, interesting for the fact that you attempted something I haven't seen done on here, but much too simplistic in its structure, and without an interesting premise to make up for that. Sorry.

Timaeus