Daring Do and the Chapel Perilous
Twilight tapped the ragged stack of papers with her hoof, her expression steely and her voice sharp. “Keep reading, Dash.”
“I don’t see what’s so bad. I mean,” protested the pegasus, “sure it’s a little rough, obviously fan-written, and it’s definitely rushed. But…”
Twice more Twilight rapped a hoof on the papers. “Keep. Reading.”
Daring Do and the Chapel Perilous, Chapter 11
Stones from the shattered facade crashed to the floor around the two trembling ponies, every tremor threatening to unleash a hail of stalactites from the cavern roof above. Crouching under a fallen slab, Daring coughed as the masonry around them was reduced to dust and pebbles. “If we can just get to the temple opening, we’ll be okay! I think we can time our run between tremors, so on three, we’ll - “
“Sorry, Daring, my ankle - it’s twisted.” The diminutive unicorn winced, her dusty and overlarge glasses magnifying her grimace. “I’ll never make it to the temple. Go on without me, I’ll stay under the slab and take my chances.”
“No can do! If we don’t make a run for it, we’re toast.” The tan pegasus flinched as another chunk of the temple’s intricately carved frieze collapsed and fell to the cavern floor with an echoing boom. “Sweet leaping Luna, who builds a temple in a cavern a day’s walk inside a cave tunnel, anyway?”
“The ancient Svise’M’oacha cult, that’s who. They worshipped a goddess of gluttony and hid their temple here to avoid persecution by the outside world.” The lavender mare put a hoof on Daring’s shoulder and shouted above the din of disintegrating stonework, “Now get out of here. I’m serious! I’m just a Curator, not an explorer. I’m not cut out for this kind of adventure. Get to the temple, find the Staff of Nes-Tele, and get us out of here before the entire tunnel complex fails and buries us!”
“I can’t do it without you,” the explorer pleaded, “I’ll carry you, I - “
From the temple’s dust-clouded entrance a chilling cackle rang out. “MWWUAA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”
“Daring,” gulped the curator, “this temple should have been abandoned centuries ago! I’m guessing that laugh came from whoever or whatever is causing this cave-in. We should - “
Dash stared at the sheet of paper, holding it first one way, the another, as if the letters suddenly made even less sense. “You’re joking, right, Twi? This is a prank, it’s gotta be. You mean she actually wrote ‘MWWUAA HA HA HA HA HA’ when the villain laughed?”
The lavender mare closed her eyes and sighed, a hoof to her temple. “Yes. With three exclamation points. Skip ahead a paragraph or two and keep reading.”
Daring Do and the Chapel Perilous, Chapter 12
One pink hoof tightly gripping the glowing staff, the High Priestess swirled her clashing candy-striped robes around her and grinned at the two trapped ponies, wild-eyed and laughing manically. “Dare disturb the sacred feeding and nom-nomming grounds of the Svise’M’oacha, do you? You shall feel the wrath and possibly the indigestion of most holy Nes-Tele, interlopers, and soon the entire surface world will follow! All of you heretics who deny yourselves Her sweet goodness will suffer, especially the assistant bakers, for gluttony is the path of the righteous and the really really hungry! This declare I, Carnation Tart!”
“Really? The evil High Priestess is a pink earth pony named ‘Carnation Tart’ who preaches gluttony and wants all Equestria to be on a permanent sugar high? First, I’ve read Daring Do fanfics based on us and our friends before, but this is ridiculous. Second, Twilight, this is half an hour of my awesome life I’ll never get back! I - oh, all right. Only for you.”
“…I think I have a plan! I’ll use the dust and debris to sneak around behind that babbling idiot priestess if you can distract her for a minute. One, two, three.. go!” Without looking back the tan pegasus launched herself at breakneck speed, winging her way through fallen columns and buttresses, darting through dustclouds and darkness toward the temple and its pink protector.
“Daring, wait! Distract her with what? Harsh language?” Shaking her head, the unicorn cleared her throat and shouted, “Oh most wise and holy Tart, in exchange for our unworthy lives, may I offer you the recipe for the sweetest concoction ever devised by the surface world, a beverage of unsurpassed syrupy goodness known as Arcturian Fizz?”
Carnation Tart stamped her hooves on dusty stone, her unworldly pink mane blowing behind her like a cotton candy halo. “Cower before the might of… Oooh, Fizz! Even just saying Fizz feels yummy on your tongue, try it! Fizzzzzzzz… Yes, the mighty Tart will hear your recipe and…”
“Rainbow, stop banging your head on my desk. You’ll break either the desk or your head, and I can’t replace either one. Now read the last couple of paragraphs where the hoofwriting gets shaky.”
There on the ancient temple’s altar they lay, dust and the Priestess’ lifeless pink body forgotten in the throes of passion. Sweat dripped from the pegasus’ brow as she held her lover in shaking hooves. In the glow of a magical grip the unicorn levitated the Staff of Nes-Tele, and angling it behind her paramour, eased it gently into
Five minutes later Twilight and Rainbow stood in the foyer of a small woodland cottage, staring at a quivering mass of yellow and pink which could have been mistaken for a paint stain had it not been feathered and whimpering.
Twilight’s muzzle wrinkled and her eye twitched visibly. “First, Fluttershy - we know you wrote this, because we recognize the hoofwriting. We also know you wouldn’t have written this abominable tripe on your own. Who put you up to it?”
The pile of feathers quaked and squeaked, “It was Spike! He offered to feed my animals for a whole month if I did it but he wanted it written in an hour and I’m oh so very, very sorry!”
Leveling a hoof at the trembling mare, Dash asked, “Second question, Shy. Why was Pinkie the villain in this story?”
“Um, I think she promised Spike a batch of cupcakes yesterday but then she burned another batch and had to use Spike’s cupcakes to fill a customer’s order and he was, well, a little miffed. A bit. Okay, a lot, and he asked me to write her that way. Can I hide now?”
“Last question, Fluttershy.” The offending papers shook in Twilight’s magical grasp. “Why in all Tartarus is there a sex scene in this? We know it’s supposed to be Dash and me, but for the love of Celestia, why?”
Yellow feathers flew from the pegasus as her shuddering became violent. “Oh, Spike thinks that…” She mumbled a few words but seeing the glares from her accusers, repeated, “mare on mare is hot. And every time you two read a Daring Do book, or even a fan fiction, you two get, well, um… frisky. Like bunnies in spring kind of frisky. The next Daring Do novel isn’t out until next month, so he was hoping that if you had some, um, reading material in the meantime, that, well…”
Dash leaned over to her purple marefriend and whispered, “You know, Twi, now that I think about it, they’re right. Say, do you think Pinkie might have a real Staff of Nes-Tele we could borrow?”
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... I don't know what I just read.
Your Homeworld references give me a good bit of nostalgia!
Also, this chapter had me giggling like a fool.
Good one sir!
It's official. Spike's a perv.
Bizarre though it may be, this ongoing thing with Fluttershy being a writer of cheesy romance works perfectly.
(Also, I shall never again be able to look at a bag of Toll House chips without snickering.)
On a scale of 1-10 on how much trouble Spike is in, I'd say he's a solid 13.
'Nd now Ah do have a backup scenario in Th' case th't ya' can't provide a subject matter for ya' soon ta' be gifted digital painting.
Swiss Mocha and the staff of Nestle?
So Spike´s watch them when they are "frisky. Like bunnies in spring kind of frisky."? And made a fic just to make sure that they would continue and not wait a month? And it actually worked given RD´s whisper?
Well that was interesting.
Really Spike? Mare on mare is hot, huh? You seem to have conveniently forgotten that one of those mares IS YOUR MOTHER!
... if anypony would have a staff of whosama whatchathingy it would be Pinkie Pie.
God, I miss Homeworld. Should play it again.
Oh Spike.
imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/oh_you.jpg?w=720
THat was highly amusing, if just a little ridiculous. The idea that that was all SPike's idea is hilarious. I wonder how Pinkie will react when SHE reads it.
1960221
Er, they act more like brother and sister, but neither of those are technically true. Besides, that makes it better
Oh Spike.
damn i wish me and my marefriend got 'frisky' whenever WE read together. my life would be 200% cooler!
1960055 I think it's slightly higher. If only there were a meme I could abuse.
i45.tinypic.com/2zizhfk.jpg
Well, I got Homeworld, Aliens, Swiss Mocha, and the
minecraft Survival MultiPlayerSexty Minute Ponies references.Yay culture!
Okay, makes me a horrible person, but I agree with Spike: Mare on Mare is hot.
Oh crap, she was listening...now Pinkie, just because you have an idea doesn't mean-
No I wonder if Pinkie's ever used her Pinkie-ness to jump into a Daring Do novel...
No, Pinkie! Don't do it!
1960559
"Muwa HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" 
IMHO Pinkie would Absolutely Love it!
Tomorrow we see a gravestone.
Here lies Spike. Spike was an idiot.
Now Spike is dead.
Well, that was entertaining. XD
I agree with Spike, "mare on mare is hot",
Spike the Pervert? Well, no, Spike the Dragon and dragons really don't have the same moral and ethical framework as ponies. He knows what he wants so he goes and gets it. I think that this is the first indication that Twilight has got that he is beginning to mature and develop a more draconic view of the world. The next step will probably be him conning ponies out of gemstones he can use to try to seduce Rarity.
Spike's hide is going to get tanned
From the looks of it, he's been spying on Twilight & Dash... Not a smart move Spike...
1960916 Thanks^^ So far, I am^^
Lol well that was interesting but all I have to say WTH Spike!
Eh I guess kids will be kids or pre teen I would say 
The ending line was priceless though, RD you are a freak. 
As for Spike "YOU ARE GROUNDED!" 
Or at least he will be thinking twice before spying on those two again 
Oh my god.
Now that I have finished them all, bless you BrunnenG.
this.... was epic.
1960221
Or maybe he didn't!
Dash and me (or, technically incorrect but better sounding: “me and Dash"). “I" is the subject, “me" is the object.
1965801
Yeah, he BETTER HAVE, because then the unfortunate implications start to kick in...
twentypercentcooler.net/data/51/75/5175503e09ffb891d40e022ec80c6e2c.jpg
....
....Steamy. This story is so adorable. Poor Flutters. I like how you described her visibly accelerating levels of terror. It was most entertaining. Also, Spike might be in the teeniest tiniest bit of trouble.
1964024 Your comment sums up exactly how I felt about this chapter.
Dude!
DUDE!
That's, like, his MOM!
Dude!
*gasp* Another TV Tropes trooper!
1960666 That's good. I mean, that's really good. Very clever.
Fluttershy's recurring shitty fanfiction is my favorite gag in this story.
Making Sigmund Freud proud there Spike