'What is it about humans that urges them seek out so many endeavors in order to feed their desires? Greed, power, family, friends, philosophy, knowledge; infinite goals and infinite reasons behind them. Whoever or whatever created these beings are either cunning; to create self motivating creatures that will constantly push the limits of what's possible, or downright cruel; never truly allowing them to feel true fulfillment or satisfaction. The point is humans were created with a void, a missing piece left intentionally empty never to be filled, an undying hunger.'

A bit grim right? The names Rodney, and in case you're wondering, this is the story of my life. A life of Magic, Gods, and regrettably, Ponies. Yeah, freakin-multi-techno-collored-goody-ponies.
But it's not all bad really, got way healthier with a more green diet. Though the lack of meat can be painful at times, that one landed me in less than desired situations. I get to screw with innocent ponies on a regular basis. Didn't kill myself or everyone else with me either. So not a bad deal really, even ended up retiring as teacher.

Teen for language and some adult themes.
This takes place before season 3.

HIATUS: Currently at a programmer's boot camp. Will be done late June 2015.

AN: If you can see past my cruddy writing skills there's plenty to tickle your funny bones, I hope. First attempt at writing a fic.

Pinocchio wasn't the only wooden puppet to become a real person.

There are other puppets out there, animal-like beings controlled by quasi-intelligent trees. Ponies call them timberwolves and know them as nothing but beasts. But what happens if one of those beasts were to gain the intelligence and ambition of one of the most successful hunters in the universe, a human?

This story loosely shares continuity from Split Second: An Eternity Divided. Reading that is not required at all.

Has a Tv Tropes page.
Featured on EQD: 10/2/2015

John is alone on this world and has not seen a single soul in a long time. His only companions have been the ghosts only he can hear. Driven by guilt, he goes from town to town, searching and doing the only thing he can do:

Give the dead their final rest.

Discord once gave him a gift. It was given in grief. John has yet to understand what this gift means. He has lost track of time and madness and sanity wage a constant war in his mind.

For John, the greatest terror in his heart is facing the Goddesses.

He's about to meet one of them.

What did you expect when a two hundred and fifty pound horse hits you at the speed of sound?

In a world ravaged by the living dead, one man has outlasted those with far more strength, speed, and experience. His only advantages are his uncanny luck and peculiar inspiration. This inspiration has never led him astray and even promises a fresh start. All he has to do is build a strange device that follows no earthly science.

While Earth’s story might be over, this cog-jockey’s has just begun.

This story is a sequel to Sunsplit

"...okay, ow. My head hurts. I wonder how long I've been--oh, who are you?"

For as long as the citizens of Ponyville had been graced with the presence of the apelien menace known as "Humans" they have wondered why they bothered wearing clothes. Today they learn.

A stupid idea that I had a couple of days ago. Thanks to Ephemeral and various Anons for editing.

"Hey, you used to be Celestia's student, right? Did you know Sunset Shimmer?"

I was once a human. Now I'm a really strange pony. I think I'm a pony anyway. Ponies don't have weird eyes like mines though.

I don't know why this is happening. I miss my friends and family.

Above all, I think I miss my sanity. Will this nightmare ever end? Will I be set free?

Maybe it'll get better.

Suddenly struck by a car, tragedy ensues as 'Screwball' tries to find out what happened to him, and why was all of this is happening.

Rated "T" for language!

Drone 319, Queen Chrysalis's top spy in Ponyville, finds himself hovering over Ciderfest tied to a balloon. Why? He doesn't know. When asked what he's doing, he says the first thing that comes to mind to keep his cover.

"I'm a Zeppelin."

Picture art https://derpibooru.org/301934

[Featured 11/11-17/2016 ]

(Now with audio reading https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqaOKuSnH1I&feature=youtu.be)