Chapter 13 - A purple unicorn and a naked human
Shackles and Friendship
Chapter 13 - A purple unicorn and a naked human
Update: I did some alteration to the chapter so if there’s any inconsistency or problems that you notice please, PLEASE inform me. Thank you.
'Murphy's law, fucking you up no matter which world your in.'
I look around the kitchen trying to analyze the situation and find a solution, who knows maybe these ponies have a fire extinguisher or something. Looking at the intensity of the fire I figured it started from what looked like an old wood-base stove, 'which is built into the tree. *mental-facepalm*' by this time the rest of the group had caught up with me each giving out a sudden gasp when they saw the blazing kitchen. Judging by how fast it's spreading it'll reach the main hall with and all the books in a matter of minutes, if that happen the entire building will probably be nothing more than coal and char in an hour or two.
'Priority: 1) Purple-lizard-thing-that-thinks-he's-a-dragon's safety. 2) Containing the fire, if that fails bail out and try to save as many books and stuff as possible.'
'Agreed, levitation spell?'
'Never tried it on something living, but it should work. Just snag him outta there.' using my right arm I reached out into the air and focused on the purple dragon through the smoke and heat. So far I've only been able to control my spells strictly by visual or visible effects, unlike a physical body my magic have no sense to relay information such as contact, pressure, temperature, etc. Which is why it was difficult to tell if my spell was working properly since my magic blends perfectly with the fire, I could 'feel' my magic reserve draining but I wasn't sure if the spell was affecting the right target. Thankfully the little guy gave a sudden shout of surprise which hopefully meant that he was being lifted up. I jerked my hand back in a pulling motion and sure enough the smoke suddenly split apart as Spike flew past the fire, unfortunately by the time I realize that I didn't give much thought to which direction I was pulling, it was too late.
"OOMPH!" the impact blew the air out of my lungs and left me somewhat disoriented but fortunately I was able to catch him in my arms and keep my balance.
"Oh my gosh Spike! Are you ok!?" Twilight stood on her hind hooves while her front rested on my thigh, trying to get a closer look.
*cough* "I'm fine, dragon remember?" *cough* "But Owlowiscious...." I looked down and saw that Spike was carefully holding unto an owl the same way I was holding unto him. From what I can tell it had numerous singed feathers which weren't all that bad, the worse was one wing which was char black.
"Oh no, Fluttershy!" the yellow pegasus galloped towards me and took the same standing position as Twilight next to me.
"It doesn't look like there's any permanent damage but the smoke is causing most damage. We have to get him outside immediately." I lowered Spike down so that he could ride on top of Fluttershy who started galloping out the front door.
"Everybody out! Twilight and I will try to get the fire under control!" they didn't budge. "MOVE!" with a flinch they turned around and started galloping out of the library following Fluttershy.
'Right, options?'
'Water?'
Closest thing is the sink in the kitchen, won't get enough in time to douse the whole thing.
'We could always try stomping on it.'
'Dammit now's not the time for-wait. That's it!'
"Twilight! Can you make a shield spell that wraps around the entire kitchen? One that works like Celestia's bubble?"
"The one after you used that shampoo? Yes but why-"
"Don't have time to explain, just make one that wraps around the kitchen wall but keep the entry way open."
"What are you-"
"TWILIGHT! NOW!" she jumped back in fright but eventually her horn glowed and her signiture purple aura started to form around the walls in the entire kitchen room except for the entry way. "Now Twilight, on my signal I want you to close the entry way and seal the room completely, understand?" she nodded.
'How much magic we got?'
'Not a lot from the looks of it, Luna's kick really drained our reserve. But it should be enough.'
'I'm using it all just to be safe.' I channeled all the remaining magic in my into my stretched out palm where my raw magic started to form slowly into the size of softball.
"Ready Twilight?" she nodded with a look of realization on her face, her horn glowed brighter and so did the purple aura around the kitchen. I threw the fireball into the entry, "Now!" Just as it passed through the entry way the purple aura closed in and separated the kitchen from the outside world, trapping the air inside.
BOOOM! WRUUUUUSH!
Following the explosion was a surge of rushing flames and for an instant the entire kitchen engulfed by an azure inferno, the purple layer in the entry way bulged out threatening to break. But it held on and just as fast as it grew it shrunk back to it's original size once the inferno inside died out, the explosion instantly consumed all the oxygen in the room. In other words I used fire to fight fire. From what I could see pass the purple bubble there were no open flames, all that was left were a few glowing embers here and there. Unfortunately the kitchen was now completely black with char, ash and soot. It would take considerable renovations to get it back up and running, but it was a small price to pay to save the entire structure and it's contents.
"My kitchen!" Twilight screamed.
*exhale* "It's called Murphy's law Twily, anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
"This isn't suppose to happen! It can't happen! I personally weaved the fire-proof spell, it was perfect." both of us walked into the kitchen to inspect the damage. Other than what looked like a fridge everything else was burnt, even the pots and pans were deformed by the heat.
"Maybe it expired or something, when did you cast it?"
"Not a chance, I design it to recharge itself a bit every time I walk past the front door. There's no reason for it to just suddenly.......*smack*" Twilight facehoofed.
"Figure out what happen?"
"YOU happen Rodney!" my eyes shot wide and I looked at her with a mix of surprise, confusion and even anger at her sudden accusation. "You drained the spell out of my house! The moment you stepped inside every enchantment and ward I put up around the house is gone! In other words it's all your fault!"
"My fault!? Your supposed to be the braniac around her, aren't you supposedly Celestia's prized pupil? You should've thought ahead!"
"Uhm...excuse me."
"You should be the one who's more aware, its your freaky powers after all!"
"Uhm....Twilight I-"
"I don't know jack shit about my powers! You told me physical contact affect non-living objects, this tree looks pretty alive to me!"
"Please, we-"
"That’s why we need to do more research and training! If you had just-"
"TWILIGHT!" both of us turned back to the entryway to see Fluttershy which suddenly shrunk into a nervous fit upon our gaze. "Oh, uhm...so sorry to bother but, uhm... I really need to get Owlowiscious back to my cottage. If you don't mind that is."
"Oh my gosh! Owlowiscious!" with that Twilight galloped out the kitchen and out the front door, as she passed Fluttershy she lifted her up with her spell and dragged her along which made her squeal, which sent me into another twitching convulsion.
So there I was standing in the char remains of the kitchen alone with a twitching right eye and having absolutely no idea what to do next. 'I could just walk around town.'
'And possibly cause a town riot, we still don't know much about this town. And considering our initial arrival and nearly burning down the town's library, I doubt they'll want to do anything with us. Thanks to the smoke there's probably already a crowd outside, if they find out we're the ones that-'
'Got it, stay inside, stay out of sight.' still I didn't like the thought of laying about for Twilight's return. Seeing as this was a library I thought to just grab a book and start reading. When I walked out the kitchen though the white unicorn, Rarity I think, was standing in the middle of the room glaring at me.
"And where do you think you are going, hmmm?" her voice was light and she spoke like someone straight out of an old romance chick flick, don't ask.
"Well this is a library so I thought-"
"Do not tell me you are going to ignore that mess! Twilight told me to just keep an eye on you, and from what I over heard you were behind everything."
"But that's-"
"No buts!" her horn started to glow chalky white and out of a closet in the corner floated several janitorial equipment which see dump in front of me.
"Oh hohoho, heeellls no!"
"Ugh, so uncouth. And yes you are! Were you not responsible for this disaster?"
"Only because Twi-"
"And who caused that blue explosion earlier?"
"Well I did but that's becau-"
"And you're still going to stand there and deny you played no part in destroying Twilight's kitchen?"
"Now see if you put it like that..." she just continue to glare at me. "But I didn't..." still glaring. "If Twilight had only-"
"Now you have the gall to accuse Twilight of burning her own home!?"
'Dude even I can't see a way out of this, she's got that whole mother tone down.'
*sigh* "Fine." she gave a satisfied smile as I grabbed some of the stuff which includes a mop and a broom, again the familiarity of this world unnerves me. But not as much as the daunting task in front of me, how I'm going to get rid of all the ash and burnt furniture is beyond me.
'Probably shouldn't have used up all my magic, would've made this a lot more manageable.'
'Well there's a unicorn right in the room, why not leech a bit. I doubt she'll notice anything, plus we can test if these ponies can notice it.'
'Oh no, I've done enough damage turning Twilight's kitchen to cinders, I'm not gonna start leeching from her friends. Besides I still haven't had that talk with her yet.'
'I still think that's a stupid idea.'
'Noted.' so I began to labor about while Rarity kept watch. I started moving some of the remaining intact furniture to a corner, would probably be best to move them out but I didn't want to spread the ash or go out in public yet. By the time Twilight came back with Spike who was carrying a sleeping owl with a heavily bandaged wing.
"Thanks for watching overWAAAH! Rodney?"
"It's me Twily." earlier on when I tried to move what remain of the table it crash and kicked up a lot of ash and soot, now I look just as menacing as I did with my original clothes, probably more with the destruction around me. "I decided to-"
*cough*
*sigh* "Rarity decided it would be best that I try to clean up after the mess that the fire-"
*cough-cough*
"That I caused. Happy?"
"Quite." 'Wow, not one day and he already has you on a leash. Better not tell princesses, they would probably recruit her.'
"Well, thank you. That's very kind of you." she trotted next to Rarity. "I'm sorry you have to stay here all day Rarity, I'm sure you were busy with all your projects."
"Think nothing of it dear, it's the least I could do considering the situation. But how is Owlowiscious? Will he ever..."
"Don't worry Rarity, Fluttershy said that he the fire mostly burnt his feather which will grow back, his wing only suffered minor burns. The worst was that Fluttershy needed to pluck out all the damaged feathers to help start new feathers grow but with the burn it would hurt too much, that's why I had to put him to sleep with a spell. The rest of the girls went back home after, I guess they were exhausted with worry over him." Twilight went back to Spike and gently nuzzled the sleeping bird who reacted with a small 'who'.
"Oh the poor thing, I’ll think of something to cheer him up."
"Thank you Rarity but you don't have to-"
"Ah tut tut tut, I will hear nothing of it, it's the least I could do. The poor thing will feel absolutely dreadful being grounded for who knows how long. Maybe something for you as well." it took a moment for me to realize her last comment was directed at me.
"Excuse me?"
"Hmmm, yes your attire simply won't do. It was at most average and clearly made by somepony who never created something for non-ponies." before I could get any say however she started to trot towards the door. "Now for Owlowiscious it will have to be different, nothing too fancy and not hurt his injuries. For...I'm sorry dear but what was your name again?"
"Rodney, and you don't-"
"Interesting name, for you I'll make something similar but it should definitely have some more flare. I like the hood though, oh I could design some new ensembles with those. I could start using gems and..."she started rambling on as she moved beyond the front door until her voice died off.
'I just can't deal with that one.'
"Spike could you get Owlowiscious up stairs, let her rest in your crib for tonight." Spike nodded and went up to the second floor by some nearby stairs. "Now then." she turned and looked at me. "You will be sleeping down in the basement, I've setup a small bed there for you." she suddenly pointed a hoof at me and glared. "Do NOT touch any of my equipment!"
"Look I'm sorry ok? You were right, I should have been more careful, who knows what would happen the next time I accidently erase a safety spell. This time we got lucky, really lucky." her eyes widened in surprise.
"Wow, I guess you can be mature."
"Don't get use to it." I replied flatly. "How did the fire start anyways? I thought my touch was suppose to only affect non-living objects."
Twilight let out a sigh, "In all honestly half the things I know about your powers are based on observations and assumptions. It’s not like I never make mistakes before, just a lot less than anypony else when it comes to magic."
“Very modest of you,” I replied sarcastically causing her to laugh lightheartedly.
“I suppose your touch only affect non-sentient beings then instead of on-living but that’s still a guess. If the everything else still holds true you should only drained the enchantments on the tree itself so some spells around the house should still work. But my main point is your power is unique and unless we both put more effort into research and training something like this can easily happen again.”
"Alright you made you point, we’ll dive back into that once thing settle down a bit ok? So how did....Owlowiscious was it? How did he get burned like that? Being an owl he could just fly away."
"From what Spike said he was sleeping near the fridge to keep cool, the freeze spell gives off a cool air around and it was quite hot today. By the time any of them realize the fire was already spreading, before he was able to take off the fire licked one of his tail feathers and, well if Spike wasn't there it could have gone a lot worse." I could she her hold back some tears as she imagined other outcomes. "Thank you for pulling him out of the fire, I was surprise how fast you acted and took control of the situation. It was actually kinda cool."
"Think nothing of it, truth be told I was trying to save Spike. I wasn't really convince if he was really a dragon at the time." I rubbed my hand over her head. It wasn't like I was petting her like an animal, but being a pony and all it was hard not to. And by the look on Twilight's face I think she's actually enjoying it, maybe a bit too much.
"Mmmmmm that feels nice." I stopped. "Aww don't stop." she pleaded at me with puppy dog eyes and considering how big her eyes are, it was a force to be reckoned with.
"Sorry Twily but unless you want to end up like me," I spread my arms wide to show my ash covered body. "I should probably take a bath."
*giggle* "It's upstairs but it's a shower though. I don't have enough space for a bathtub."
"I prefer them actually, simpler and more efficient."
"Let me show you where it is plus I need to check up on Owlowiscious." with that I grabbed a fresh set of clothes and followed Twilight upstairs.
[Upstairs....]
"Spike, how is Owlowiscious doing?" as Twilight and Rodney took the last step upstairs they saw Spike standing over his crib which Owlowiscious was sleeping in.
"He's still asleep, I'm worried how he'll react when he wakes up." Twilight went over to the purple dragon and gave him a comforting hug. As she him she looked at the human and pointed to a door which lead to the bathroom, seeing as they needed some time together Rodney left them alone and went inside.
"Don't worry Spike, I'm sure Owlowiscious will be fine. You heard what Fluttershy said, he'll grow his feathers back."
"I don't know what happen, all I did was start the fire in the stove and-"
"It's ok Spike, I'm not angry and we stopped it before things got worse. I'm very proud of you for saving Owlowiscious." they parted and stood over the crib.
"I didn't do much, if you hadn't pull me out I-"
"Spike I didn't pull you out," Spike looked at Twilight with a confused expression. "Rodney was the one that saved the both of you. Didn't you see the blue fire?" Spike looked down and scratched his chin with a claw.
"I think so, that time I thought the fire finally caught on me. Is that his magic?" Twilight nodded. "Dude that's....actually kinda cool. What else can the monkey do?"
"It's Rodney Spike, don't be rude now. And yea his magic is, different. He can actually.....oh no." Twilight's eyes widened and her ears dropped flat with dread, Spike took notice of this.
"Twilight? What's-" but before Spike could finish Twilight lifted both Spike and the crib with the owl and sent them hovering above the main room, she then made a sudden dash towards the door the human had just went through. She had forgotten that the shower was not all installed into the building, having water in constant contact with the living tree other than the roots will only harm and damage it. Thus the shower had a faucet that sprayed water with gravity which flowed through a hose sticking through a small wooden covering. That covering hid a great amount of water which was floating and wrapped in magic keeping it from touching and damaging the tree. That magic was controlled by a spell which uses the dials on the shower to control the flow and temperature of the water, if the human came into contact with any of those dials he’ll siphon and terminate the spell.
"Rodney wait! Don't touch the-"
BANG!
Luckily Twilight wasn't close enough for the door to make contact with her as it suddenly swung open and crashed into the wall, the large torrent of water that came gushing out was a different matter. It flooded the second level and flowed down to the first like a waterfall soaking up the books below and eventually flowed out the front door, carrying some books with it.
As well as a purple unicorn and a naked human.
AN: Finally testing out my ability to describe and tell an intense moment, well maybe not that intense but it helps me test out how well I write out these types of situations. So please comment and criticize me, I'd like to know how to better bring out the story as much as I can. I wanna make my epic scenes in the future as best as possible.
As you know I want to hear your opinions on the chapter as w hole as well, and please point out any grammar mistakes or confusion in the story.
Now then, *shake-shake-shake* let's see if I can spray my 360 back to black.
Pinkie: HI! How ya doing!?
WAH! *SPRAAAAAAAAAAY*
.........Now Pinkie, let's talk about this.
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Uhhh....Right...Rodney is banned from touching everything!
...And this crap got 131 upvotes, how?
Ah, now I see where the whole dragon thing went. Clever. For feeling out/ writing out an intense experience/ action-y type scene, its a good start. I'm hoping to see you grow more as an author as you gain experience and boost your ability to transform your raw ideas into something increasingly interesting and comedic. I'm liking where the character interactions are going, and just your overall writing style. Great job! Keep up the good work.
PS I've been mentioned twice in pre chapter ANs now, I almost feel like I'm an minor character that exists outside your written story, lurking in the wall between the title and the chapter.
PPS You make my day with your chapters.
Well, that solved the mystery of the last chapter. Poor Owlicious.
1034278 Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, he's the guy that sang the song.
1041622 Hopefully that means good story can overcome crappy writing skills.
1041621 But where's the fun in that?
1041626 And I get this feeling you'll be there all the way.
1041628 Don't worry, I'll make it up to him somehow.
Awesome chapter.
Don't worry I'm not mad.
No reason. *Sound of Chainsaw*
The descriptions were fine, you didn't spin one moment three times like other authors i know.
And finally
- Black Coated Pinkie -
Author: Your not .... then why is your left eye twitching?
Personally, I wouldn't have let that bitch *cough* Rarity *cough* be such a... well, bitch. I would have smacked the arrogance right off her fucking face.
1041622
It seems you have reddit lingo in the wrong site good sir, it is but a single thumbs-up, not an upwards arrow.
1041622 Oh wow holy crap I just realized who you are.
heh sorry. Right now I'm reading all you stuff on your blog and I gotta tell ya, your a force to be reckoned with.
..... and now I'm scared.
1041622
because its good....jackass
1041747 Abort! Abort! Tell Pinkie to ready the escape pod(s) and prepare for immanent impact!
motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/1012/murphys-law-shoe-untied-demotivational-posters-1292276170.jpg
1041650
Guess I'll have to read the rest of it and find out for myself, now won't I?
1041733
Upvotes, thumbs-up... The difference is so slight I don't bother to differentiate. I leave that to nitpicking morons.
1041747
Pffft. Pussy. -__-
I'll leave you a relatively nice review. Since you seem to be of a decent sort, and because you got a chuckle out of me for that moment of realization.
However, I can't say I'll be nice to your more fanbrat-like commenters. *coughmoltenidiotcough*
1041763
Nah, more likely due to illiterate twits such as yourself with little to no understanding of decency in terms of literature who decide that it'd be fun to upvote a story just because you're into bondage sex and the title happens to have the word "shackles" in it. Freak.
Now kiss my ass and shut your gaping excuse for an oral cavity, because everyone can assume a man is wise, until he opens his mouth to reveal himself a fool.
1041747 Bah, pay no mind to Acidic Din, I've read his blog and I'm more inclined to belive he's an ass instead of a "constructive critic".
1042519 If you want to help someone, help them with understanding the english language, don't say "your story idea is bad and this is why" say "I may not like this story, but I am going to help the author make this legible and point out inconsistencies."
And if this is crap, then where were you when THIS was made?
Ooh. As much as I feel tempted to take a poke at Mr. Din, I'd rather not point fingers and call names. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, after all.
As far as I can tell, Mr. Din is good at what he does, providing strong opinions and backing them up with strong evidence/ principles/ examples. He may not be the gentlest of critics (massive understatement), but the things he says may be perhaps necessary. Someone out there has to be that guy who doesn't pull any punches, right? He appears to know what he is talking about, (He knows leaps and bounds more than I do, plus he can make cohesive points without being extremely vague while trying to communicate an idea) so taking things in he says will probably/ noticeably help improve writing skills. (If you can take what he has to dish out, that is. It's a certain flavor of advice, like a baptism by fire)
On the other hand what he says can be (possibly) incredibly discouraging to a fledgling author, especially if one isn't very confident in themselves/ their ideas to begin with. If I knew more about 'proper' English skills, I would probably take a more encouraging route, praising what an author has done well (or 'right') while reviewing/ challenging the author to think about things that weren't so great. (I'm ever the optimist such a thing is possible) I feel that words/ criticisms have more of an impact when you're trying to be a friend rather than a cold error slaying machine. (At the same time, I know its probably a necessary evil) Realistically, it probably takes both to really build up a new author into a grizzled veteran.
I agree that Mr. Din is a little harsh for my liking, but I'll put that off as his self proclaimed love of literature, plus a good dose of a healthy, opinionated personality. However, I don't want to butt heads with him, as he can probably make arguments that make sense, and is extremely passionate/ knowledgeable about what he does.
That's it.
AWESOME! =D I'm really loving the story, though you really should read over the chapters after you read them (which I feel you must not do); there are quite a few petty mistakes where things just don't make sense, or you forgot a word, or added one, etc. XD But, overlooking that, it's fantastic! =D The story is fairly unique, the characters are engaging, events seem fairly believable, and the humor is great XD Keep up the good work! =3
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=I4754593891025572&pid=1.5
1042519 "everyone can assume a man is wise, until he opens his mouth to reveal himself a fool."
Not always true. I often act like a sarcastic idiot, yet im one of the top students in my class. However, the rule does sometimes work. For example, you sound like a pretty big fool to me.
1042640
Additionally, your spelling is for shit.
You do realize you just restated what I've said of myself many times? That I'm an ass?
As for helping people, that's what I do, in my own caustic way. I say, "Your story is complete and total bullshit, here's why, fix it with suggestions A, B, C, and D, ass hat." You can be a nice guy, if you'd like, but I gave up on that tactic a while ago. This is so much more fun, and it still means I'm doing my job. If you don't like how I concrit, then stuff a sock down your throat and stop reading my reviews.
My alibi is that I was busy trolling a group of pissy white knights that were hanging around a certain moron's supposed corpse account. ^__^ I'm stickin' to it.
Well, that, or clopping to it. Take your pick. XD
1043552
And cue breakdown, only for Mr. Freeman~
Not always true.
Not always true? Well, it seems that you're an exception to that little rule.
I often act like a sarcastic idiot, yet im one of the top students in my class.
You know, you sound similar to me, excluding the fact that I don't make nearly as many typing errors. ^__^ So, honestly, I don't believe the bit about your being one of the top students in your class.
However, the rule does sometimes work.
On you, for instance?
For example, you sound like a pretty big fool to me.
I sound like a fool? That's all? Holy shit, I must be getting smarter!
Yesterday, I was informed that I sounded like a mentally retarded pre-schooler with a speech impediment, so "fool" is a real improvement for me. :D
Regardless, the same, right back at ya~
___________________________________________________________________________________________
A note, for those who might intend to continue this nonsensical argument of ad hominems: I'll give as good as I get, but honestly, I'd rather be reading and reviewing at the moment, so replies will likely be delayed.
1044008 ......... For some reason, this level of sarcasm should of made me mad.... yet for some reason i'm not. Huh..... Either way, anyone who can take it like that and dish it back out (minds out of the gutters people) is alright in my book.
1042519
wow rude much? you think that a story need to have perfect literature to be good? why cant you just see a story for what it is, a good story regardless of literature. if the story itself is intriguing and fun to follow then why shun it? and why insult the people who enjoy it? it makes no sense
1041805 Glad you like it, and by the looks of it you've only just started reading, enjoy the trip down my wonderfuck imagination
1041890 HA! I've seen that poster in school. Shows how legit it is.
1042168 I hope you enjoy it as much as 'What's love got to do with it?', he did after all inspired me to start writing in the first place. Props to him.
1042395 I was actually trying to find 'The most annoying song' song, but I stumbled on that and, well, it was pretty damn annoying.
1042443 Could you elaborate on which part confuses you? I'll fix that ASAP. And sorry.
1042939 I'll admit, I probably should have spent more time editing it. I'm just too addicted with the comments, I need my fix bad
Promise to put more effort next time.
1042999 Neither can you run from it.
Was actually thinking of using 'shit happens' slogan, but since Twilight was an intellect it fit and sounded better.
1043092 Really? Since the movie was a comedy I thought it was a joke to put black Jesus there. Wow talk about a swing and miss.
And don't think I'm avoiding you Acid, you're getting a whole entire comment block just for your self.
1042519 Did I just get some mercy from you
? The planets must be align that day.
1044008 "...I'd rather be reading and reviewing at the moment, so replies will likely be delayed." I'm actually looking forward to my first review, then again it is you. Sooooo.......
And to my fans (can't believe I actually get to say that
), thanks for trying to defend me and this fic. Unfortunately after reading some of Acid's blog, I have to admit he has some actual legit shit to say, some I agree to. Now that's not to say I disagree with you completely, Acid is an ass, but he still has good shit.
...... yes I realize how that sounds, no I'm not changing that cause its funny.
I kinda see Acid as Zero Punctuation (which is hilarious, watch his vids), I can just as learn from a negative feedback as I do a positive one, sometimes more since it gives me a drive to prove otherwise.
So I hope we can all agree to disagree, this story was never meant to be a literary masterpiece, just a trip down my imagination. In the end eveyone is entittled to their opinon, I agree a lot with Noxxels. 1042841
Remember, what would Twilight do?
almostdumb.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/i-will-tolerate-and-love-the-shit-out-of-you.jpg
1042841
Stop stroking my ego; the damn thing needs a diet.
Oh, and do me a favor by writing something.
1044132
Then you're alright in mine for stopping our little spat before it elevated into a time-consuming flame war. Keep being Gordan, and I think we'll manage not to kill each other.
1044776
Congratulations. You get a nicer review, and a more hardcore one to boot. While Noxxels is correct in that my style of review can be discouraging, I'm fairly sure that you aren't the sort to drop a project just because an ass is being, well, an ass about it.
*shrugs* You passed the first test, being that you didn't react like a fanbrat I'd rather troll than write a review for.
In any event, I am guaranteed at some point to recommend that you get your hands on a decent editor/proofreader, so I'll get that out of the way now. You need a fucking editor. There are a few groups on this site that are dedicated to writers such as yourself, and one of the ones I mostly recommend is Author Support. They're fairly organized, but a fair number of their active members aren't as skilled in terms of writing/editing as I'd like, so just ask if you require a suggestion. Otherwise, you could choose one of your followers for this sort of crap, but I rarely encourage that because there's a large risk of getting a fanbrat editor that doesn't know shit. I suggest that you offer Noxxels the position, in the event you decide to go with the latter of the two ideas. He's got a decent head on his shoulders, just based off first impressions, and I like having my ego stroked.
Ugh. Love and tolerate. Those two words are the bane of my existence in the modern iteration of this fandom. Let me ask you this: Have you ever once seen those two words paired in the show? I've got an entire rant on this, but I'll leave it be, since I've already crapped up your comments with enough unnecessary bullshit.
1044615
Now, despite the fact that you are most certainly a Grade-A fanbrat, I think I'm going to be nice, since Zai, Gordan, and Nox have all managed to put me in a reasonable mood. With that said, I'm only going to abuse you as much as Rarity abuses Silver Spoon.
Now, let's have another marvelous breakdown, so I can taunt and insult the living fuck out of you (you can't say you aren't deserving, really).
wow rude much?
Rude? Pffft. I much prefer the term "acidic".
...And I don't see you denying any of my allegations.
you think that a story need to have perfect literature to be good?
Only a dumbass such as yourself would make such an imbecilic connection, and then use the wrong word for it. There is no such thing as a perfect story. There are only bad stories, good stories, and better stories, when it comes to having proper "literature" (I can't even manage to fathom how you can possibly believe "literature" can replace "writing" in this context). Bad stories are ones such as yours, with a plot that is contrived at best, rampant technical and grammatical errors, and with no attempt made to fix them. Good stories are those with few enough errors that I don't spot one every ten words, and a plot that, while somewhat cliched or in need of editing, is engaging. Better stories...I'm not even going to waste my time trying to explain the last category. It'd be a concept lost on the likes you, I'm sure. Just know that a fair example is something like Nonagon's immaculate Death Note: Equestria. There are, of course, other attributes that must be examined in determining whether or not a story is good, but I'm not going to bother writing them here. That's blog-worthy material.
A story doesn't need perfect writing to be good, but it must have less errors than the first story ever placed on paper by a seven year-old who was dropped by his mother a few too many times during infancy. Remind you of someone? Say, a certain dipshit fanbrat with a very terrible story in need of an overhaul?
why cant you just see a story for what it is, a good story regardless of literature.
Between the two of us, I'm the one that does see a story for what it is, and more and more often I find myself coming under the impression that I'm the only one on this goddamned site that does. A story is not meant to be judged solely on the concept and plot, but also on characterization, correct grammar, proper punctuation, description, world-building, and a whole host of others. Judging a story based upon a few prominent attributes while ignoring the more subtle ones causes the story to suffer in terms of feedback. You have to touch all the bases if you want a review to count, not just a few.
A story cannot be good if one disregards its base component, writing.
I'm not in the least bit surprised that you adhere to any believe other than.
if the story itself is intriguing and fun to follow then why shun it?
Because shunning it means I don't have to associate with halfwits such as yourself, perchance?
and why insult the people who enjoy it?
Because you have no literary taste, and even less knowledge in that moldering temple of ignorance you call a cranium? Because I find it amusing to watch you flounder for a comeback in the sea of my insults?
it makes no sense
Take another look at who you're talking to, twit.
1046123 By the way, I was wondering something. I read something about you often reviewing other stories here on the site. Where could I find these reviews?
1046399
That means I'd have to go looking high and low for reviews I've done in the past. I'm not as fanatical about keeping track of my reviews as certain other concritters I could mention, so I don't archive 'em anywhere. *shrugs*
1046123 Thank you for showing me where to go, I've tried going to 'Proofreaders and People willing to proof-read' group once but at the time I didn't think I was in any real position to require one, didn't expect a lot of people to enjoy my fic. But I guess I can't go one like this anymore, I've already sent a few PM's for editor positions and hopefully I can get one relatively fast. Again thanks for the feedback.
1046399 I'm actually quite interested in that as well. I would like to know what to expect.
1046436 Darn. Honestly, I'm interested in what other people think about the stuff I watch. I like to see how they react to it at key moments. I guess that's why I watch blind LPs. I need to have my interest feel validated....... I'm so very lonely.
1046439
Feedback? I haven't even started, and at the rate I'm going, it's going to a be week before I finish this story thanks to all the replies I keep having to answer.
1046475
I tend to read through a story, then give my feedback at the end. I'm not one for chapter by chapter reviews.
Though I'll tell you this: I would delight in ripping out Sharky White's throat, stuffing his full of razors and explosives, and then rolling him into the HiE group, fuse lit. ^__^
1046508 Meh. I kinda like his story. Its not the best, but I still read it.
1046740
*shrugs* He's by no means a good writer, but I do admire his...persistence, noisome though it may be.
To each their own.
1046802 Truth be told, I'm kinda in the same position as you are, I still haven't read the last 3 chapters of your fic yet.
LOL good job man!!!
1041622
crap? and what, good sir are you implying?
What a wonderful way to be introduced to Ponyville!! Try to burn down the library, then soak it instead!!
1041747 Um, why are you worried about this guy? I may not be a writer on here, but you seem to make it like
we all should know who he is, and this is the first time I've seen him on here!
floods and fires are fun :D
2205421
You sir are a genius.
2205421 too bad they didn't happen simultaneously :/ would have saved alot of effort and created an amazing steam room
This guy is gonna need to make his own house. Since he's one big magic-vacuum to anything inanimate he could cause ALOT of problems otherwise.
"Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain..."
Shouldn't that cause differences in pressure? So shouldn't he be affected in any way, especially because he kind of needs air to breathe??
I hate it when ponys take advantage of the human...
Murphy is having a fucking field day with Rodney.
Murphy can be a ass sometimes
1046123GOD DAMMIT DUDE, why did you reply so calmly, I just got my popcorn ready for the flame war!
(JK you know what your doing bro)
WOAH WOAH WOAH! Rarity how dare you have the gall to say that it was Rodneys fault. You did nothing in this situation except watch your friends house burn and spike get engulfed in flames. Great way to pay back all of his fawning hard work bitch. More importantly you and twi grew up with magic and knew a magic eating being was going to live in this tree. why did nobody do logistics checks? at any fucking time?
"Well it should work this way"
Bitch do you know what prudent maintenance is? Have you ever checked the state of the place in which you live?
"Hmm.. y'know i THINK i locked the door. oh but i'm sure magic will keep me safe. after all there's no way anyone could affect that in any way"
EVERYONE PASS AROUND THE IDIOT BALL!!
Wait, how did Rodney drain the spells from the library? I mean, that was the whole point of staying in Canterlot so that he would not accidentally drain spells unintentionally. He would know what it would feel like at that point with all of the training that he was doing.
*Some random person* "But he doesn't have full control over his powers yet, so he could still drain the spells."
And that's what the shackles are for! Celestia said it herself and that is why they still remain there.
By the way, seeing, hearing, and/or reading someone interrupting someone else is the fastest way for me to want to kick his or her teeth in. And it also didn't help that Rarity also just stood there the whole time doing nothing!
2:00
Wow. Rarity is quite hard on him. I really feel sorry for him. He didn't know and he saved Spike and Owlicious, if anything he paid his debt/guilt by saving those two.
I doubt that he will stay in the library at this point!
He needs a home without magic. Probably the Apple Family. They are rustic Earth Ponies and don't rely on it, like Twilight does.