Just like the previous morning, the sun woke me up. The tree my cart had been parked under turned out to be nothing more than a dead trunk, its appearance the previous night masked by the oppressive dark.
Sleeping in the wooden cart was uncomfortable and it would take all day to work out that kink, but I couldn’t bring myself to rest on the cold ground. It was hard enough falling asleep with how terrifying everything felt. Looking back on my jumpiness the previous night, I couldn’t help but laugh. I shouldn’t have been spooked or surrendered to my paranoia that easily.
Around my tree—I’d called dibs—the ground was cracked and dry, and the few plants in sight were scruffy, stiff-leaved things. Large rocks dotted the terrain, jutting out of the ground like crooked teeth, and one incisor dominated the mouth: Mt. Dragonshy was far larger up close, and it towered menacingly. Rocks aside, the area would have been relatively smooth if it weren’t for the craters and dirt piles reminiscent of Camp Green Lake.
If my mental map was correct, Ponyville was to the southeast, and a quick glance at the sun revealed which direction I needed to travel. The town would have been visible if it weren’t for the hilly terrain blocking my view of the low-lying flat land.
“At least I know where the storm didn’t hit that night,” I grumbled, jumping down and stretching my sore limbs.
My chapped lips and rumbling stomach suggested I make another trip into town. There were only a few bits left inside the little coin pouch, but it would at least be enough to purchase a meal. If I was lucky, there’d be enough left over to afford some flint and steel, though it was probably a bad idea to start a fire in such a dry place. I could handle blowing up quite well. Burning? Not so well.
The ruts the heavy wheels left in the dirt were simple to follow, and I quickly found myself just outside of town. A couple of the ponies who had recognized me nervously drifted to the side of the road. After a brief argument with my sense of humor, I resolved not to scare them further and left the cart in a grassy field, although I did take the accelerator with me.
As full as Mane Street was yesterday, it was nearly barren today, although the market stalls were still staffed by vendors. As I walked through the market, taking great pains to avoid Applejack’s stall, it turned out to be the better choice to just walk. Ponyville was even more pleasant when you simply walked through it, and the other ponies greeted me more often than yesterday.
The last of my bits went towards a simple salad, which I guzzled a complimentary, thankfully, pitcher of water with as well as purchasing a moth-eaten tent that was on clearance for only two bits. Surely such a fine piece of work should be worth far more than a paltry two bits! The stains and obvious inability to keep the rain out add character, after all. My excursion was ultimately peaceful and therefore so boring I almost cried.
My plans were to do some heavy digging once I returned to my camp, in order to fund a more hospitable means of shelter. Idly, I recalled the uneven terrain and wondered if it had been the work of diamond dogs, and for a moment I thought about dragging Rarity along, as extra insurance, with the promise of digging up some gems for her.
When I returned to the cart, I found it the same as I had left it save for a lone apple that lay in the center. It looked like somepony had decided the stink eye wasn’t enough. For a calling card, it tasted pretty good.
Sighing, I looked between the distant mountain and the road behind me. With a curt nod I trotted back to the market quickly and found the orange pony, Applejack, peddling her apples to any pony that would listen. Any pony who stopped at her stall—either because she called them over or they headed there in the first place—walked away with a purchase.
“Howdy!” She greeted me with a smile her Stetson couldn’t entirely shade. “Say, I don’t think we’ve met before.”
I extended a hoof, knowing full well what I was about to get. “We haven’t. I’m Sterling Gears.”
“Applejack.” She replied simply as she attempted to pull my foreleg off. “Well, Ms. Gears, what can I do ya for today?” When she finished, she retamed some of her hair that had come loose from the vicious hoofshake.
“About five bi—no, wait, sorry. You did walk right into that one though,” I said, flinching slightly. I gathered my courage and added, “I’m here about the message you left me.”
She looked away, muttering under her breath as she mulled over my words. With a gasp and a small blush, her eyes narrowed and she growled. “That’s mighty inappropriate of you.”
“Did you not want to talk about it here? Oh, you meant what I almost finished saying. I apologized though, didn’t I?”
Applejack sighed, “I suppose you did.” After a moment, she chuckled. “Did Rainbow put ya up to it?”
“Nope. Seriously though, you gave me the stink eye yesterday and the message today. I don’t think I’ve been here long enough to cause any property damage, so mind filling me in?”
“Stink eye? What are you talking about?” Her confusion looked earnest enough to make me hesitate.
“When I saw you yesterday, you looked like you were ready to truss me up and toss me into the Everfree.”
“You were that mare in the cart.” Recognition dawned on her face, but her smile quickly turned to a frown. “Was wondering what spooked you enough to turn tail like that. You weren’t getting any mean looks from me. I swear it.”
”What are you talking about, kid?” Dave yawned and scratched himself. ”All I pointed out yesterday was she actually wears a Stetson… If there’s a horse pun for that, you won’t hear me saying it.”
“What’s the apple you left on my cart for then?”
Applejack smirked as she gestured at her stand. “Brought you here, didn’t it?”
“It wasn’t a warning for me to watch my back?”
”Godammit.”
“Oh for— There is no bad blood between us. Shoot, this is only the second time I’ve seen you, and the first left me more mixed up than an apple in an orange tree.”
“Must have been a trick of the light then.”
”Or you putting enemies where there aren’t any.”
“I reckon you might be right. As long as you’re here though, would you be interested in purchasing some of these fine Apple Acres Apples? I’ll even give you a first-time customer discount.” The ease at which she switched from confused pony to savvy businessmare tempted me to reconsider what she’d said about not holding a grudge.
“Sorry, spent the last of my bits. Was going to break in the pickaxe today and see if I could find anything worth selling to Metalhead.”
“Now that’s some honest labor. Take an apple for the road, I insist. Think of it as an apology and a sample.” With her teeth, Applejack gently plucked an apple from one of the many baskets. After she had polished it and set it down in a practiced flourish, I noticed she hadn’t broken the skin. “If you enjoy it, and I reckon you will, come on back, you hear?”
“Thanks Applejack. It was nice meeting you.”
“Likewise.” She nodded.
”Tell me if something spooks you like that, kid,” Dave said once we’d returned to the cart. “I helped you figure out what was real back home, and that won’t stop just because we’re in Ponyland. We’re stuck with each other, remember?”
“Yeah, I know. There are worse people to have following you.”
The landscape rolled by as we travelled on. ”How’re you holding up?”
“I’m fine.”
”That doesn’t sound like fine to me. Is it the whole ‘becoming a pony’ thing?”
“Why would I care? I’m pretty much used to it by now.”
”You’ve become more stable on your hooves, that’s true, but I was more concerned about the transition from bipedal tool-user to handless quadruped.”
“I’m handling it just fine. I miss my hands, but I’m dealing with it.”
”Dealing with it isn’t the same as being comfortable with it! If you’re stuck in this body, you’re can’t just deal with it.” He took a moment to calm himself. ”What about becoming a mare instead of a stallion? How’s that working for you?”
“What do you want me to say? We went over this earlier. I’m not going to blubber about it. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, but it happened. I have more important things to think about.”
”Are you just dealing with that too?”
“Dammit, Dave! I don’t even know where to start!” Noticing the cart was powered by three more patterns than usual, I let up. “Combined with the pony thing, it’s just so far out there. What am I supposed to do, let it consume all my thoughts? I don’t even know what the gender roles in Equestria are or how important they are. Maybe I’ll figure out how I feel eventually, but for now, I’m just going to ignore it.”
”You can’t ru—”
“Run away from my problems forever, yeah yeah, I’ve heard it before.”
”Don’t be a smartass. Leave that to me. You know this isn’t something that will just fade away, and I expect you to actually try and figure it out, instead of continuing to ignore it. I’ll help, but you need to do this.”
“Oh look, we’re home. I need to figure out how it’s going to work living out here.” If Dave said anything else, I didn’t hear it.
Like a tower guard, I stood in the cart, glaring out over the dust and dirt. It wasn’t much, but this chunk of land was mine to improve. Who knows how long I’d be living out of that tent, saving up the bits to have a house built out here. Fortifying an already existing building was easy, provided the resources weren’t too far away, but constructing one from the ground up was a whole different challenge.
“Hmm, I’ve talked to half the Mane Six already, and Pinkie wasn’t one of them. She should have been the first pony to show up. Feel free to chip in anytime, Dave.”
”Hell no, I had to listen to her for hours yesterday, and if one thing’s clear, it’s how little you can predict about her.”
Then I had an idea of how to find Pinkie. After all, there was one surefire way to summon a being of untold power. I cleared my throat and said, “Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie!” If that didn’t work, I could always try “Marco.”
“You rang?” Pinkie leaned out from behind the tree like she was just walking by a room when she heard her name. “I was wondering when you’d figure it out, Gears. Also, Polo! And it’s Mareco.”
“Right, pony puns. What’s there to figure out though? You’re Pinkie Pie. Pinkie’s gonna Pinkie.”
“It’s about time somepony understood that.” She rolled her eyes and glanced at Dave, who was leaning against a rock while eating a slice of cake.
“Well, excuse me for trying to be reasonable,” he said through a mouthful of food. “By the way, this is great cake. I’m glad you cobbled the recipe together. As far as first meals go, I’m glad it was this.”
“It was no trouble at all, Davey! You’d be surprised how easy imaginary ingredients are to come by once you know where to look. But more importantly...” She bounced up to me and introduced herself. “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”
“Roll with it. It’s less of a headache that way.” Dave sighed, massaging his temples. “Trust me.”
“It’s a shame you and Twilight can’t meet. You two are like two peas in a pod. Wait, the peas grow in there, but how would you two get into the pod? You’re much too big, especially with the peas already taking up all the space, but there’s much more important things to find out.” She fell silent and expectantly stared up at me with piercing azure eyes.
What was she waiting for? Oh, right. “I’m Sterling Gears.” Something about her stance told me she would stand there all day if she had to.
“And welcome to Ponyville!” She posed dramatically, standing on her back legs with her front ones splayed out to the side. “Well, we’re not in Ponyville right now, but I’m the officially unofficial Ponyville welcoming committee, not the Gem Hills welcoming committee. I wonder if I can put in an application. There shouldn’t be too much trouble expanding out here. Anyway, you’re new to Ponyville slash Gem Hills, so that means I get to give you the welcome if you want!” Her mood fell slightly, as did her hair, and she quietly added, “Mayor Mare said I now have to ask before I give anypony a welcome, so no more surprise introductions.”
“I can pretend to be surprised if you want.”
“Perfect!” she squealed before pulling the bizarre welcoming machine out from behind the tree. It looked like a mechanical brass section and a kitchen had a baby. She took a breath so deep she should have puffed up like a balloon and floated off. “Wel—”
“Wait!” I interrupted. She pouted at me, her eyes watering as her piefro drooped again. “Are the confetti and batter in the correct places this time?”
“Good call. She nailed Berry Punch with the cake gunk when she sang it to me,” Dave laughed.
Pinkie narrowed her eyes at me and inspected the device. “Ooh, you’re good.” Her hooves were a blur as she corrected the ‘mistake.’ Then she began her song once more, and this time I kept my snout shut. At the finale, a burst of confetti shot from the instruments while the timer on the oven went off and a ballistic cake hurtled at me. On the plus side, I didn’t have to pretend to be surprised.
I don’t know how she baked it with the frosting and candles on it, but it tasted too good for me to really care. That is, the amount that actually made it in my mouth tasted awesome.
“Tadaa! So, what’d you think? Was it everything you expected from the show back on your world?”
I took my time finishing the mouthful of frosting, whose color matched my coat’s,. “Old world. We live in Equestria now. Dave, how much did you tell Pinkie?”
“Mostly just that she was a cartoon. Oh, and that home sucked. A lot. No details though, since I didn’t want to depress the poor girl. I spent most of the time telling her she didn’t make any sense and she also made science cry.”Pinkie must have made a good impression if that was all he said.
Pinkie took this as her cue. “Which made me upset that I made something else upset, so I had to find a way to make science smile again before it stopped working and then everything that used science stopped working. And Twilight would have been very upset that she couldn’t be a scientist anymore and then I would have had even more upsetness to fight.”
“She used frosting to write physics equations on cookies shaped like Erlenmeyer flasks.” Dave groaned. “But she insisted it worked. And that purple one you were chatting up last night, Sparklebutt or whatever her name was, bought them all today.”
“So close. It's Twilight Sparkle, silly. I didn’t know science’s address, and it didn’t stop by Sugarcube Corner, and I couldn’t just let them go to waste so the Cakes had me put them out today with the rest of the baked goods. Oh! Dave also said that you weren’t a pony or a mare, which sounds weird to me, but then again, I don’t know anything about interdimensional travel. Come to think of it, I don’t know much about regular travel either, but that’s why I’m a baker and not a travel agent. You look like you’re having fun at least, and that’s what really matters.”
It wasn’t just the Pinkie’s exuberance giving me a smile. Aside from the nights and the unavoidable fear they brought, my stay in Equestria had been a blast. “Being a pony is all sorts of excitement. Just a little over two days, and I don’t regret a minute of it, except maybe that storm I got stuck in. The exploding the following day was fun, but I don’t think I’ll purposely seek it out again.”
“What did you look like?” Pinkie gasped. “Did you have superpowers? Or were you a giant? Most importantly, did you have a bushy mustache?”
“Doesn’t really matter now, does it? You already know I was a human, like Dave is... somewhat, and male. I was taller than him—”
“And uglier.”
“It’s the hat.” I shrugged. “Either way, I’m not trying to hide it—it’s just not me anymore. I’m Sterling Gears now. A new life calls for a new name. I hate to ask, Pinkie, but you mind keeping this whole shebang a secret? Not exactly the kind of thing you want going around if you just want to live a normal life.”
“Relatively,” Dave added. “Don’t give me that look. Normal life doesn’t involve anywhere near as much as you put yourself through.”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” she solemnly stated. My response was to shake with glee over hearing a Pinkie Promise from Pinkie herself.
“Thanks, Pinkie. I get the feeling it’s one of those secrets it’s better to keep. No offense, but I don’t think you would have found out if you couldn’t have talked to Dave. You’re not part imaginary, are you?”
“That would make more sense than anything else I’ve seen,” Dave grumbled as he kicked at the ground.
“I don’t think so, but I’d have to check my family tree to see if I have any imaginary ancestors.”
Sitting in the corner of my eye, my pick glinted in the noon sun, and I remembered the reason we were having this meeting in the Gem Hills instead of a place that didn’t look like someone had forgotten to pay the water bill. “Hey, you grew up on a rock farm, didn’t you? I don’t know what you have to do on a rock farm, but do you have any tips for mining?”
“Just swing the pick, silly. We never broke any rocks—we just grew them, you know, because it’s a farm.”
“That’s it, I'm done. Nap time.” Dave sighed and hopped into the cart.
“Poor thing. Must have tired himself out eating all that cake.” She shook her head slowly.
“I can’t take it anymore! Shoo, ponies! Shoo!” A gravelly voice shouted as the ground began to shake.
I frowned. “Now that’s just rude.”