//------------------------------// // Gruberman // Story: Gears in the Void // by Lab //------------------------------// The interruption came from a distinctly canine biped, who stomped out from behind a boulder, clutching his ears and howling, “All you ponies do is talk, talk, talk. Just go away!” “Are you the Gem Hills welcoming committee?” Pinkie asked, bouncing up to him despite the resulting growls. "I didn’t mean to step on your paws." Around me, the ground erupted in a fountain of dirt as several more diamond dogs appeared, grinning wickedly. The one Pinkie was harassing had an air of superiority around him only a leader could have, not to mention his red vest stuck out amongst the crude armor and gray vests. “You’re Rover, aren’t you?” My legs twitched as I looked for a way out, but the diamond dogs had us completely surrounded. At least none of them were armed with anything other than their tree-trunk limbs. Rover stepped back like he’d been struck and sputtered, “What? How? Never mind. Leave now, ponies.” “Orrrrr?” Pinkie asked, grinning. “We make you leave.” It was Rover’s turn to grin, and his companions chuckled in approval. “This isn’t looking so good, you two. They have more than just the terrain working for them.” Dave cautioned from the cart. I sighed and started forward, only to be blocked by a behemoth clad in a grimy breastplate. He cracked his knuckles and crossed his long, trunk-like arms while shaking his head. “Excuse me, I’d like to speak with your manager.” Snorting in amusement, he shook his head again. “Right. There doesn’t need to be any trouble, you know. Just leave us be and let me stay in peace. In return, I’ll do my best to return the favor.” Rover waved me off, laughing derisively. “Ponies are weak. Go play with your weak pony friends, not on our land.” Pinkie bounced around him, giggling. “This is a weird welcome.” “It’s not a welcome! You aren’t welcome!” he shouted, covering his ears again. “Pinkie, maybe you should go get some help,” Dave suggested nervously. “This isn’t going to be pretty.” “Maybe you can get Rarity to come back.” That name made every last one of them wince. A diminutive dog to my right growled, “No! You wouldn’t dare. Don’t speak of her!” “Last chance, ponies. Leave. You’re lucky we don’t want any more po—workers down in the mines. This diamond dog land.” He was correct, that was the last chance, but not for me. Stomping my hoof and glaring at them, I said, “What is a diamond dog? A miserable little pile of bad breath?” My eyes narrowed, and I revelled in their wary expressions. “But enough talk. Have at you!” I launched myself at the huge dog in front of me, headbutting him in his unprotected face and laughing as he crumpled and whimpered while holding his bleeding nose. My head ached fiercely as I smirked at the gaping faces. “No! Don’t fight them, you dumbass!” Dave screamed. “Strength in numbers. And in case you forgot, ten is more than two.” “You a crazy pony!” The third and final vested diamond dog gasped. My head swiveled and locked eyes with him. Still smiling, I calmly said, “Hoof to the head.” Spittle flew from his mouth as my hoof made contact, spinning him into a pile of gravel, where he lay sprawled and making pitiful whining noises. “What you lot doing? Get her!” Rover ordered, gesturing angrily at me and shoving Pinkie aside as he charged at me. “Hey!” she exclaimed. Amusingly, she squeaked like a toy when she hit the ground. “You spilled my popcorn, you meanie!” Her eyes watered and she bawled literal streams of tears. The leader flinched and turned back to her, apologizing profusely. “Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean you.” Fake tears stopped instantly and she beamed. “Really?” In reply, Rover hurriedly nodded, ready to try anything to avoid another experience with a crying pony. “I know just how to celebrate!” “Huh?” His confusion was palpable. “A party!” Pinkie squealed as she unleashed the party cannon and sent Rover flying into my tree. More accurately, she sent him through it and splinters of withered wood rained upon the battlefield. “The pink one got the boss!” one of them shouted moments before I drop-kicked him, which is far easier, and probably funnier to spectators, as a pony. “Why do I even bother,” Dave grumbled as he sat on a rock to watch. He tried really hard not to laugh at watching ponies in a brawl. Each of the dogs had to be at least two meters tall, but hulking upper bodies perched on hilariously tiny legs meant they toppled easily. Clumsy blows swung out at me, and I ducked under them, though I could have taken the time to read a book before I was in any actual danger. My movements weren’t the definition of agile, nor did I have any idea what I was doing, but these dogs couldn’t fight their way out of a soggy paper bag. “Ack!” My tail was yanked into the air, and I dangled in front of an otherwise nondescript grunt with wet blood under his nose. The pulling sensation on my spine was definitely not something I‘d want to experience twice. “Hello again!” I smirked. The grunt grunted and bared his teeth in what might have been a smile. His breath should have been declared a war crime since it made me retch. “Dude, don’t make me sic Colgate on you.” I covered my nose and squirmed, though it did little more than make me swing back and forth. He chuckled and leaned forward to blow a noxious cloud at me. I continued to swing. “Headbutt!” My forehead smashed into his nose once more, and I giggled as the hold on my tail vanished. I didn’t find it funny when I landed on my head as he roared in pain. Personal safety, shmersonal shmafety. The few hits they’d landed were starting to catch up to me, and the world tilted as I pushed myself to my hooves and scanned the battlefield for Pinkie in case she needed help. She had somehow procured a lawn chair and was watching me while messily eating popcorn. Noting my incredulous look, she giggled, spewing hulls. “What? You looked like you were having a lot of fun, and I’m on a union-mandated break.” Around me stood several diamond dogs, though they looked less battle-crazed and more terrified with each passing second. One turned tail from just a feint, using his long arms to run much like a gorilla would. I glared at the others and targeted one who was ready to strike. Bellowing my war cry, I charged him. “Hoof to the heeeeeaaad!” The dog seized up and fell over before I even touched him. I blew a raspberry and mumbled, “Spoilsport.” “Boss? What do we do?” the tiny, bulldog-like one I recognized as Spot cried. Hearing no answer, he looked around nervously and wailed when he spotted their leader slumped upside-down against a rock, “No more! No more! Just take our gems and go! We surrender!” He threw himself prone and covered his head with his paws. My hoof barely stopped before it connected with a shin, and the owner of said shin halted his haymaker as well. “Gems? Why would I want your gems? If I wanted gems, I’d dig them up myself.” The other diamond dogs looked at me with befuddled expressions. “Not want gems?” Spot looked up slowly. “Then why come and attack us?” “You threatened me, and I totally called dibs on that tree and the area around it. There was nothing else to do other than declare hooficuffs.” He wiped the tears and sniffling from his face and approached me. “Crazy pony is crazy.” “I get that a lot.” “Me too!” called Pinkie. She looked at her watch and proudly exclaimed, “Woo, break is over!” Guzzling the remaining popcorn like it was a drink, she kicked the chair out of sight and sat down to play tic-tac-toe with Dave, who had all but given up hope of making sense of the day. All of them shifted uneasily, and I realized I was still standing like I was ready to knock some skulls together. I relaxed and they did as well, but only momentarily before they went to nurse wounds and check on those knocked out. “I really didn’t feel like fighting.” Or expected to win, for that matter. Huzzah for pony-fu, but I would feel it in the morning. “Why come out here though? No ponies around, just diamond dogs.” I chuckled. “I tend to get a bit messy with my tinkering. And loud. And explodey.” I extended a hoof and introduced myself. Hesitantly, he returned the alien—to diamond dogs—gesture. “Spot.” The armored ones looked at him expectantly, and he added, “Guess you can stay then. Just no more hoof to the head.” “Absolutely not! No ponies!” Rover growled as he painfully stood up and supported himself on what was left of my poor tree, refusing to put any weight on his right leg. “Not now, not ever!” “But boss, we lost,” Spot whined, his ears drooping, “What about Pack Law?” A bloodthirsty snarl erupted from the former leader. “And? Pack Law doesn’t say anything about losing to ponies.” “It doesn’t say ‘no ponies’ either.” “Ponies are weak, dogs are strong.” A couple of the armor-clad dogs nodded in agreement while the rest weren’t so sure anymore. Pinkie leaned towards me, startling me with her sudden movement. “Psst, what’s Pack Law?” I had to shrug. The vested one I had knocked down early in the brawl pulled himself into a sitting position and wheezed, “Pack Law is Pack Law. Law say alpha or beta lead until beat by new alpha or beta.” He clutched his ribs as he limped over to Spot. “What the what?” Dave gasped. “You two shouldn’t be allowed to have leadership of anything.” “Ponies can’t lead a pack! What will everydog say?” Rover shook his head in rage, “No! I will not be in a pack with ponies. I will leave! Who with me? Fido?” A few dogs warily joined him while he smiled smugly. When no others moved, even Fido, the previous beta, he growled again. “You lot don’t deserve to call yourselves diamond dogs. More like mud dogs. The ponies will ruin the pack and you will have nothing! To Tartarus with all of you!” “You mean I get a recurring villain?” Equestria was proving itself to be quite awesome. “You’re supposed to wait for him to say he’ll be back.” Pinkie giggled, loudly whispering behind her hoof.. “She’s right.” Dave shrugged. “Not exactly recurring if you never see him again.” Rolling my eyes, I looked back at Rover. After a few moments of silence I impatiently demanded, “Well, get on with it!” “I’ll… be back?” “Close enough, now say ‘you will rue the day you crossed Rover,’ and then you can leave if you really want to.” “Shut up, pony.” The disgraced diamond dog and his depressed dissenters deftly dug down into the dirt. After a few tense minutes, it was clear they weren’t going to return for an ambush. Out of my peripheral, I saw pink movement and turned to see Pinkie in the middle of what could only be a combo. She nodded, looking in the direction of Ponyville. “Floppy ears, tail twitch. I must go, my people need me.” And with that she bounced off. “Boss! What do we do now?” Fido called after her. “Just listen to Gears!” she shouted back. “She knows what she’s doing. I promise I’ll try to be back tonight for the New-Alpha-And-Beta-Party.” Concerned, Dave shouted, “She most certainly does not know what she’s doing!” All of the diamond dogs turned to me, waiting for orders. It took me a bit to figure out what’d just happened, and my mind raced to come up with something decent enough for a first order. “So. Uh, how bout a tour?” Half an hour later I found myself far below ground in a dank cavern. The pungent stench of mildew emanated from the walls. “And this is the dungeon. Nodog has been sent here in a while though. We’re very nice.” Spot nervously explained. “We use just for storage now. Plenty of room for rock ale now.” “You brew ale from rocks?" Ale? Diamond dogs must have been Equestria’s stinky dwarves, which would probably mean they had a smithy, which meant I had a smithy, which meant I had loot. Also, supplies. “No no no. Rocks are just for flavor.” He tapped a keg and passed me a slightly dirty stone mug. “We use cave mushrooms.” I downed the mug and coughed violently. Rock ale was strong. And gritty. And I should have probably gone to a hospital. On the other hoof, it was fairly flavorful, though I hoped the coppery taste was from the rock they seasoned it with. Dave scoffed. “Teetotaler.” Fido clapped me on the back, broadly grinning, “Good to see you like. You first pony to try. Spot is good brewmaster.” Watching a diamond dog blush still wasn’t the strangest part of my day. Unable to talk and unsure if I was bleeding internally, I merely nodded and motioned for us to continue onwards to the next room. The next cavern was beyond humongous, with a ceiling shrouded in darkness despite the soft light of the crystals and sporadic bioluminescent fungi. Natural pillars of stone wider around than a house stretched upwards, and several stalagmites vainly struggled not to appear miniscule near them. A waterfall from an underground river splashed down into a small lake, and a small, sparkling mist constantly billowed outwards. Minecart rails that looked to be a mere afterthought snaked along the outer edge, darting in and out of the many other tunnels. “This main cave!” Spot shouted, laughing at his booming echo. “Right under the mountain.” “Looks natural and stable. The tunnels look sturdy too, so maybe these guys aren’t as dumb as they look. Or sound.” We approached several small huts, crudely built from stacked rocks. A couple diamond dogs growled at my approach until Fido stared them down and explained the situation. Nodding, they saluted me and returned to their tasks. “This where dogs live. It not much, but it home. This was Rover’s, so this Pink One’s now.” He gestured towards the largest of the huts, which, impressively, had more than one room and a makeshift door made of iron. As we came to a smaller hut not far from Rover’s, Fido quietly whimpered. He stepped ahead of the pack and said, “Let me get stuff out and you can have place.” “Nah, don’t worry about it, you can stay there,” I said nonchalantly, waving it off. “But this beta house.” “That rock over there says Fido on it. I think.” The small stone had some scribbles on it, though it might have just been a weird mineral vein. “I’m not about to kick any of you out of your homes, so that’s not the beta’s house, it’s Fido’s.” Fido’s tail wagged as he hugged me in a bone-crushing hug. Oh yeah, was definitely going to the hospital soon. He grinned as he loudly replied, “Thanks! But where you going to stay?” “I’ll build a place on the surface by the tree.” “You not want to live down with us?” The collective mood dropped a couple notches. “More like it’d be dangerous to all of you with my experiments. I wasn’t joking when I mentioned exploding.” “That explains singed fur.” The one I had headbutted twice, amusingly named Sunshine, nodded. “Right. Last thing we need is a cave in. Don’t worry, I’ll still be nearby.” I smiled. These guys weren’t so bad when they weren’t trying to toss you off their land. “I guess that alright.” Spot shrugged thoughtfully. “Nothing in Pack Law about that. And we can help build!” The rest excitedly murmured their consent. ”They’re certainly quick to change their loyalties. Watch your back, kid.” “Do you guys make your own tools and armor?” I asked, inspecting a yellowish deposit of hematite. It wasn’t far from the huts and was mostly untouched. “Of course! We on own out here. No other dogs to take from. I do most forge work.” Fido grinned, proudly pointing at himself. “Mind showing me? I might have a few requests to make.” I returned his grin, hoping they wouldn’t notice the glint in my eye.