Shackles and Friendship
Prologue
Dear Princess Celestia,
As you have requested, I have focused all my efforts in determining the cause behind this...bleeding of magic. Unfortunately, as time goes on it has become increasingly difficult for me to remain efficient, the simple task of holding up a book with magic quickly becomes exhausting. Other unicorns like Rarity have also started to feel similar effects. Going about daily life has become quite difficult for her. She, along with many others, have grown increasingly fearful.
The same could be said about other ponies. Rainbow Dash and other pegasi are finding it more difficult to control and manipulate the weather. The number of rogue weather clouds in the last week alone nearly doubled the past two months. But most of all they’re just as frightened as everypony else. Rainbow Dash told me that flying tires her out much more quickly with each passing day while she takes longer to recover.
So far the mayor’s efforts have been successful in quelling the panic. She has also recommended that Cloudsdale be lowered closer to the ground as a safety measure, in the event that the whole place breaks apart. If this magical bleed is not stopped soon, I fear that is exactly what will happen.
At first I believed the earth ponies were the least affected, but unfortunately I was wrong. The Apple family has informed me that they’ve become weaker all around. They are now unable to maintain the whole farm by themselves, though Applejack certainly gave it her all. Finally the final proof comes from Pinky Pie, earlier today I caught sight of her trotting. Trotting! No skipping, no singing, no hopping. Just, trotting. I fear that earth ponies are slowly losing their natural vitality and endurance.
What will happen if this phenomenon start to affect their affinity in flora? If it does, how is our food storage? What will happen to us unicorns who rely solely on magic? Magic makes us special! Imagine the chaos if we lose control of the weather and-
I apologize Your Highness, I did not mean to lose focus.
Fortunately, despite the many problems and distractions, I have been made some progress in uncovering something. By comparing how each city and town have been affected, I hoped to find some differences or irregularity that could point to an origin, and I did.
If my calculations are correct, Ponyville is losing much more magic than any other place this phenomenon have affected. Which strongly suggests that we are closest to the cause.
Alongside the mayor, I've coordinated search teams around town and beyond but to no avail. They found nothing that had any connection let alone explain why we’re losing magic. So I went back to the data, hoping that I might have missed something. With Spike’s help (actually it was he who noticed it first, as he is now bragging), I noticed the phenomenon radiates outwards, like a ripple when you throw a rock into a pond. With this new understanding, Spike and I have managed to calculate what I believe to be an origin point.
The Everfree Forest.
Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and myself are preparing to travel there as soon as possible. The origin is deeper than any of us have ever travelled, but should still be reachable in a day or two. Although I planned on bringing Spike in order to keep Your Highness update in our progress, I believe he is still too young for the journey. Which is why I will use a beacon spell, the same one you taught me, in order for you to locate and teleport once we’ve reached our destination.
Hopefully we will find the reason behind this. Based on my calculations, the rate at which magic is bleeding grows with each passing day. We are quickly running out of time.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S - I had to right this report several times as Spike kept burning them when he tried to send it. He’s losing magic as well. All the more reason to leave him behind.
Executed without a hitch.
1050366 Why don't you GTFO? love and tolerate please...
1050366 i know im 8 weeks late (space travel and such huur duur) but HOLY WALL OF TEXT BATMAN!
1050366
Bravo, good sir, for giving such a useful critique! I wish all readers were as critical as you!
The worst audience an author can have us one that offers nothing but praise. The only way for one to grow is to be challenged, and as an author is bound to be biased towards his or her own work, such demands for improvement are greatly appreciated.
1050366
*ahem* calm yo tits.
please and thank you.
1050366 You never learned the meaning of "politeness" did you? Also, that wasn't very constructive. You basically gave him some very generic advice (get an editor and make your story longer), while insulting him left and right. Also, when in the hell did the show ever give out information on the more advanced inner-workings and details of spell casting? I don't believe they ever did, which would give the author the right to do whatever the fuck he wants with magic, since there are very few rules about it in the MLP:FiM universe.
Hmm. Intriguing. Carry on.
Read first line out loud "Dear Princess Celestia" My masculinity just shriveled up and died, good read though.
Pinkie pie walking? WALKING!? OH GOD IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD
the pictures never show up for me, pinkie take it away
2035838
no no one should ever read that line out loud.....EVER!!!
>> crimsonkiodpyro
now you tell me
holyshi* this sound epiccccss!
2072645 ...... <.< >.> oh is this the time to freak out sorry. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLUPmJON9jLN5Scp7XjhyGT4IDi70rdz5JkXaDTCIhfQe0hWua makes sense huh I mean how is Luna gonna hold up the moon
1472097
but please don't be a dick
Welp, time for my well known re-read of stories, to get back into the story and to understand it better. Time for some fun.
1050366
You said all the things I had in my head so I wouldn't explode myself!
Thank you very much.
Maybe next time a little less cursing/putdowns would be nice.
1050366 shut the fuck up you piece of assholynes.
just get out you absolute asshole if you're so good at grammar and making stories.
then maybe you should help him not insult.
and yes I made the word assholynes up... SO SHUT UP YOU MUDDA FUCKKING GRAMMAR NAZI
That was a very good prologue.Just reading it created an interest and as such I have favorited this story and intend to read more.Please keep up the good work.I will comment more when I have read enough to understand the elements of your story.I promise to give you my honest opinion.
AMAZING
"which" is a pronoun. Here, it is being used to refer back to the prior part of the statement so that we know what it is that they are "doing"
The "so" at the end does the exact same job. Choose one, "which" or "so", and stick with it. Keep in mind that using the word "so" would make the above quote a full sentence which would be separated from the rest of the current sentence by a period.
2072645 It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. End of the world as we know it.
You thought we had forgotten... you thought we had forgiven.... DEATH TO ALL MAGIC, AND DEATH TO MAGIC USERS!!!
4347198 But think about what we good do with magic. Think Arcanepunk. We could speed up research and development tenfold! Building a base on Mars or the Moon would only be ten years in the future, not a hundred!
4347198 I don't know about you dude, but if magic could make me fly I would soak up that shit!
Drop the 'S'
Well, I found this in the mass of stories on the site, it has an interesting description and a good rating, so I figured I'd give it a chance.
After reading this... I don't know that I will. Grammar is important for a reason. An occasional mistake her or there is one thing, but when I can pick out at least one error in every single sentence something is seriously wrong. If you don't care about your story enough to polish it, then why should I care about it enough to read it?
1472097 It's not as much a useful critique, then an angry rant, about what he disliked regarding the author's writing skills, which aren't really that bad, as he's throwing a hissy fit for nothing severe at all, and also complained about the general development of this story, while he is also doing it in a very impolite and offensive wording.
In addition he insults other readers as well:
In the description of this story, the author explicitly tells us
That means he informs us of the fact, that he is aware his writing skills aren't the best, implying there may be spelling errors.
Secondly he tells us that this is indeed his first try to write a story, which should make clear to us that we better not judge him too harshly for it.
That guy's so called "review" is anything but considerate, it's a hissy fit put in a rant, about things he personally dislikes, and only those which he himself explicitly dislikes, while making it seem as a general rule for everyone. He's talking about cliches and tropes he is fed up with, while demeaning, with constant insults, the writer's effort to write a first story attempt, which in the eyes of many other readers wasn't even that bad, more so it is pretty satisfying.
If he is of the opinion that this isn't a good story, or will be a good story, for grammar reasons, even though they really aren't that noticeable, personal dislikes and other subjective opinions, and sees it fitting to inform the author of this by offensively degrading his attempts, then he didn't make a good review either, if you can even call it that.
Reviews, are supposed to be unbiased, he is writing a rant as unbiased as a troll on youtube.
Judging by the amount of thumbs down on his comment, no he obviously can't.
1050366 thank dude for chopping at an NEW inspiring author at the knees
*gasp!* Twilight really is losing magic if she is having spelling errors!
5914070 I bet the author is thinking 'Yea sure lets go with that' or maybe its true? Twilight is losing her magic!
1050366 Despite your admirable grasp on the English language, you seem to have forgotten how to "calm yo tits" as is said in the common vernacular.
Having the prologue as a letter to Celestia was a fantastic idea. It fits so well I read this in twilight's voice in my head.
Hey, Twilight.
Twi: Yes?
How are you going to use your becon spell if your right next to the magic sucking anomily?
Twi: ...
That's what I thought...
1050366
...
Wow.
That was incredible rude, and nothing in that rant offered any help... I guess you have the most up tight standards on what's good and what's not, in my humble opinion, your a jerk. If I was I'd reduce the amount of insults and cursing and put in advice that would be more helpful than your whining.
And I highly doubt you have the ability be nuetral, let alone nice.
I have one thing to say bout the rant and the arthour freedom of speach and well its the internet its full of assholes
Just a tiny issue there... ;) Please pick either "last week" or "the past two months" -- otherwise, I would suggest something more like "nearly doubled, not to mention in the past two months" as a bridge?
This is one of the better prolouges ive seen here, it adds some tension to which could be an otherwise mundane beginning