Chapter 24 - I got close to her goods and lived to tell about it.
Shackles and Friendship
Chapter 24 - I got close to her goods and lived to tell about it.
Edited by Noxxels
Much to my relief the days that followed were calm enough that I’ve settled into a comfortable rhythm. I spent most of them either with Rarity at the boutique though I would save one day of the week with Twilight for our weekly training session. Rarity and I did drop by Bon Bon’s store the day after the incident but looking at how clean and refurbished it was, she clearly didn’t need any of our help. Thankfully the steady pace did a lot of good for my back, most of the cuts have healed up except for a few severe ones that will still take awhile to heal. The nurse from the hospital came by once to remove some of the strings she used to stitch me up and to observe my overall condition for the hospital records, I guess since I’ll be living it’ll be wise to let them have as much information of my biology as possible.
Most of my everyday routine with Rarity revolved around helping with the shop. Typically, I would help collect supplies from various stores or help her create some new ensembles, although it was mostly simple tasks with my hands. To my surprise she even let me handle the sales from time to time, I wasn’t sure if it was because she liked to show me off to her customers or if she wanted to help introduce me to new ponies. Whatever her intentions were, it did help me ease into town a bit by keeping myself constantly interacting with the townsfolk. So far, none of them have run out the store screaming, so I guess I’m doing something right.
For today my job entailed several minimal tasks that were more like chores, simple one but still quite laborious however I didn’t argue against any of it. She is after all my current provider and I can’t repay her by being picky. It actually helped pass the time by having to focus from one task to another and so far my back wasn’t giving me much hassle.
“Kay, that’s the last one,” I carefully placed the last empty trash bin on the kitchen floor. “Need anything else boss?” I asked while making my way to wash my hands in the sink.
“Ahem.”
“I’ll talk classy around customers but I am not keeping it up all day for your entertainment.” Unfortunately, someone had tipped Rarity off about my suave manner of speech and ever since then she kept insisting I use it whenever customers were around the shop. Now it seems she can’t get enough of it.
“We both know you can if you want to dear and it’s not hurting anypony.”
“Except for me,” I answered flatly, “feels like I died a little inside.” Rarity rolled her eyes irritably. “So anything else?” I asked again.
“Nothing for today at least. I plan on closing the shop and working on all my projects. Since Sweetie Belle is having a sleepover at Sweet Apple Acres, I plan to take advantage of the peace and quiet to finish several ensembles.” She sniffed the air around me as I approached her. “Perhaps a bath is in order,” she continued while placing a hoof to cover her muzzle, “or two.”
“Well if there’s nothing else I’ll be out for the day, will that be alright with you?”
“That would be fine dear, I actually prefer to be alone during my inspirational moments.”
With that we both exited the kitchen and went up the stairs. Rarity headed into her study while I made my way to my room for a fresh set of clothes before entering the bathroom. Unlike Twilight, Rarity spent a great deal of effort and money furnishing her bathroom to rival that of Canterlot Castle, although her choice of decor included much more lace and ribbons. She had a reasonably large bathtub-shower hybrid with a variety of accessories laid about like scented candles, high class shampoo and even bath salts as far as I can tell.
Luckily, I was wise enough to question Rarity about her collection of soap and shampoo. I had discovered she owned the exact same unscented soap that I had used back at the castle, the one that amplified my pheromones. Not only that, but she also has three other different types from the same brand, an ointment, a perfume, and even a toothpaste. I’m not sure how that last one would affect me, and if I had my way, no one will.
After a thorough shower I made my way to Rarity’s study and knocked gently on the door, “I’m about to head out, you sure you don’t need anything?”
“Quite sure dear and thank you for making sure,” she answered without looking back completely focused on her task.
“Alright then, could you leave my dinner out for me? Just in case I’m late coming back,” I turned around and closed the door behind me.
“Very well, I’ll see you-oh! Rodney wait!” I opened the door and poked my head in to see Rarity had moved to one side of the room and was rummaging through a chest. With her horn glowing, she lifted a small pouch that jingled in the air as it floated towards me. Instead of grabbing the pouch and risk touching Rarity’s magic, I held out my hand and waited patiently as Rarity dropped the poach into my open palm. Based on its weight and the jingling sound I had my suspicion, which proved true as I undid the strap and peered inside.
I knew she mentioned a salary once, but now that I was holding it in my hand it felt wrong taking it considering everything else. “Rarity I can’t take-”
“Ah tut tut tut, I’ll hear nothing of it Rodney. Yes, you owe me some compensation for the damages,” she spoke in a tired tone, “but anypony who works for me will have a salary. There will be no argument about this, especially when we both know I’ll win in the end.” She ended with a teasing tone in her voice.
I looked back to the pouch and let out a sigh of defeat, “Since you feel so strongly about this I guess I can’t say no.”
“No you can’t,” she replied with that same smugness, “and if it makes you feel any better I’ll simply cut your salary to pay for the damages.”
I chuckled and shook my head, “Yes that does make things easier. Thank you Rarity, you’re-.”
“Yes, yes I know,” she trotted back towards the ponyquin in the center of the room with a prideful smile on her face. “Now if you would be so kind....”
With the pouch in one hand I left the study and made my way downstairs. Seeing as the pouch was too large to fit in my pocket I grabbed a nearby string with a needle and used it to stitch the pouch to the right side of my pants. I’ve seen Rarity’s technique so it wasn’t like I was going at it completely blind, the end result was shoddy and wasn’t anything to be proud of but it did its job. With nothing else holding me back I exited the boutique with the pouch jingling in rhythm of my pace. Gazing up to the sky I noticed the sun had begun its descent, which didn’t really leave me much time till dusk.
‘So are we still heading off to Fluttershy’s?’
‘Far as everybody knows Fluttershy’s the only one that actually keeps meat around.’
‘Not that. We’ve got some money now so why not hit the bar?’
‘That’s....tempting, but it’s way too early in the day to get wasted, plus I’ve held this off for too long to a point I’ve started dreaming of burgers and t-bone steaks. You wouldn’t have anything to do with that now would you?’
‘No idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Ahuh, sure you don’t.’
Although I’ve only ever been to Fluttershy’s cabin once before, I was confident I could rely on my memory to guide the way. Since I’ve explored around some with the crusaders, I’ve seen enough to get a good layout of the town, so I can easily find my way back if I ever got lost. I also knew that my time with them had aided my reputation around town but I never knew how much, till now. Along the way several ponies would greet or holler out at me in a friendly manner with some actually walking up to shake and introduce themselves.
“Good afternoon,” greeted one earth pony.
“And to you too.”
“Hey I heard what you did at the candy shop, nice work!” Shouted one pegasus.
“It was nothing.”
“Come by my fruit cart sometimes, I’ll order in some bananas for you!” Offered another earth mare.
“Eh why not,” I replied with a shrug.
Although most were strangers, I met a few familiar faces along the way as well. I spotted Rose Luck, Daisy and Lily enjoying themselves in what looked like a restaurant or cafe some distance away. It was only when I got somewhat close did they notice me and started waving their hooves as I pass them by. I waved them back with a smile, which took on a more mischievous curve as I started wiggling my fingers, much like when we first met. Rose Luck and Lily froze with both their hooves in the air as their faces suddenly glowed bright red in embarrassment. Unfortunately for Daisy, she was right in the middle of drinking her beverage and whatever thought crossed her mind caused her to spew it over the other two mares. I picked up my pace and walked away with a big stupid grin just as the three mares started to create a commotion.
Soon the buildings started to thin out and the street became dirt instead of stone which meant I was quite close to the edge of town, a good indication I was going in the right direction. Eventually the buildings disappeared altogether, trees and other manner of bushes and plants taking their place. Once I saw a bridge going over a small river I knew I was on the right path and only had to stick to it to reach the cottage. Unfortunately, it still took some time to reach it, considering the distance. By the time the cottage came into view the day was already beginning to lose what little daylight it had left.
Most of the little animals that Fluttershy had already turned in for the day back to their burrows or small shelters. Remembering how timid and easily frightened Fluttershy was, I gently knocked on the her front door, which was more like tapping than actually knocking. Surprisingly, I heard someone descend the stairs and approach the door. How she was able to hear me knocking from the second level was beyond me.
“Is-is somepony out there?”
“It’s me Flutters.”
“Rodney?”
“The one and only.” Slowly the door creaked open, revealing a large teal-green colored eye.
“Oh, hello Rodney,” she greeted in a soft gentle voice. She pushed the door wide open bathing me in light and took a sidestep to let me in. “Uhm...it’s quite late, not that I mind of course. You’re welcome anytime.”
“Don’t worry Flutters I won’t be long.” I stepped inside her house and waited for her to close the door. “I’m here because Twilight mentioned you might be the only one in Ponyville to have what I need.” Fluttershy went over to her couch and beckoned me to sit with her hoof, which I gladly accepted before she took a seat on the other side.
“Oh...I hope so. It’d be a shame for you to come by for nothing, unless you just want to visit of course. I mean....if you want to.” She suddenly started frowning with her ears falling flat on her head as she stared to the floor. “I understand if you don’t want to after the last time.”
“Come now Fluttershy I’m not going to avoid you just because of that.” I reached out and patted her on the head gently hoping to comfort her. “I’ll be happy to come by and visit anytime you want me to. There’s no way I can stay away from such a pretty mare like you for long,” I teased in a cheery tune. She flushed bright red in embarrassment and tried desperately to hide it behind her hooves.
“I’m not that pretty,” she replied in softest voice I’ve ever heard.
“And adorable too, but I suppose that’s enough flattery for an evening.” With a last pat on her head I pulled back my hand let myself get comfortable on the couch, with modesty of course. “Now before I ask, I need you to stay calm ok?”
“You want to know if I have some meat to spare.”
“Yes,” I replied with a confused look. “How did you know?”
“Just uhm, promise you won’t get mad.” I might not have known the pegasus for long, but so far she hasn’t done anything to make me suspicious of her, quite the contrary even. Once I gave her a nod she got off the couch and trotted over towards a small table tucked perfectly in the corner. Turning around I saw she was now biting down on the edge of a scroll which bobbed up and down as she brought to me.
“What’s this about?” I asked just as I took the scroll from her. She took several nervous steps away from me without answering, so I just unfurled the scroll and began reading. Almost immediately I recognized the moon crescent symbol printed atop the parchment belonging to none other than the bane of my balls. Ignoring the sudden tingling sensation emanating from groin, I began reading.
To Fluttershy of Ponyville,
Bearer to the Element of Kindness,
Foremost, we hope that this letter finds thee well, dear Fluttershy, it has been sometime since our last meeting. We would also like to apologize the abruptness of this letter, “out of the blue” as thou would now call it.
As thou art aware by now there is a new resident living in Ponyville, a human by the name of Rodney (quite an interesting name yes?). Although we originally had our concerns, thou may be at ease. Both my sister and I believe he is of no threat to anypony, a hoof-full at most.
But now to the matter at hoof. It has come to our knowledge that thou art Ponyville’s animal caretaker. If we are correct in our assumptions, thou have experience dealing with several carnivorous animals. If this is true, then logically, thou should have a supply of meat in hoof in case one such creature requires your aid.
Thou may not be aware of this yet, and I beg you to remain calm, however Rodney consumes meat as well, quite enjoyably if his words are to be taken seriously. To be more precise he is an omnivore so a diet much like our own should suffice him for some time, in other words his need for meat is purely to indulge himself.
One that thou must not to grant.
“WHAT!?” I shouted with a mixture of confusion and anger, causing Fluttershy to squeal and dive under a table. I cursed under my breath and went over to kneel and peek under the table where she was shivering in fright while hiding her face under both her hooves. I was about to coax her out, when something hit me behind the head. Turning around I see Angel thumping on the floor with his paws crossed over his chest and a pile of carrots in front of him, offering plenty more ammunition.
“I know, I know.” Apparently even the pets in this world have far more intelligence than those back home, especially considering I just understood what Angel was thinking by facial expression alone. Turning back to look under the table I tried my best to calm the pegasus down with a calm voice, “I’m sorry about shouting like that Fluttershy, I was just a bit surprised is all. Could you please come out? I promise not to shout again.”
Slowly her shivering ceased and she gently peaked through her hooves to see me smiling gently at her. Once she eventually came out, Angel jumped on her back and climbed up her head to keep an eye on me. I gave him a mocking pat on his head which irritated him greatly before picking up where I left off.
Thou will not receive any repercussion or punishment if thou have already done so, however we ask that thou immediately desist. The reason behind our request are of private matters between him and I, it is merely a simple punishment for his past actions here in the castle. If however he becomes problematic, simply pass this letter unto him.
To Rodney,
Now listen here you immature uncouth monkey! Do not even assume that just because thou art beyond my physical reach that thou can escape my wrath. For thy ‘assault’ upon us we have deemed to extend thy punishment INDEFINITELY!
Do not fret thyself, we are aware that meat is a necessary part of thy diet. But we both know that is far, FAR into the future. Only until we see thee lying on a hospital bed suffering from a symptom of malnourishment will we consider giving what thou desire most.
If thou wishes to be free of this, thou must convince us with action. Keep in mind what I asked of thee before and remember why thou have moved to Ponyville.
Princess Luna,
Reagent of the Moon
‘Told you not to slap that ass.’
‘Oh please she’s only pissed because I got close to her goods and lived to tell about it.’
“Rodney? Are you.....”
“It’s alright Flutters I’m not angry, just a bit irritated,” I replied calmly without frightening her.
“I’m so sorry but I really-”
“There’s no need for you to apologize. It’s not like I can ask you go behind Luna’s back now can I?” Despite what I said, there was still a lingering hope that somehow this timid mare would find the sudden bravery to do just that.
“Oh please don’t, I-I don’t think I can.....oh.” Even the way she seemed to break down in the end gave me heartache.
“Don’t worry Flutters, I’m not going to force you to choose sides,” I paused with a heavy sigh. “I’ll concede to Luna’s wishes for now.”
“That’s very kind of you Rodney,” she looked up to me with a smile only to look away a moment later as she started struggling to say something. “W-would you, uh, like to stay for dinner? If you want to of course, I’m sure you’re probably um, busy with eh, something but...if you want.”
“I’d love to Flutters, but not tonight. Maybe next time.”
“Oh......I see,” Fluttershy’s head dropped down in disappointment.
“Now don’t go looking like that. I promise to drop by more often, ok?”
“Pinkie promise?”
“I....what?”
“Do you Pinkie promise?” she asked again a bit more loudly.
“Ooooookay.” With a confused look, I reached out with my right hand as a fist with my pinkie sticking out, not quite sure how she’ll respond without the correct number of fingers.
“Wh-what are you doing?” she asked with a confused look that rivaled my own.
“A pinkie promise?”
“That’s not how you do it,” she said in a giggle. “Here I’ll show you.” She took a step back and started doing several gestures while singing what sounded like this world’s version of Cross my Heart. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my-ow!” I flinched when she actually poked her own right eye with a hoof. “Oh, why do I always do that?”
“I think I get it,” I said with a light laugh before copying her exact words and gestures, except for that last bit. “Happy?”
“Yes,” she answered along with a giggle. We exchanged several more pleasant words before I excused myself and bid Fluttershy goodnight.
“Oh...my, it’s so...dark outside,” she shivered more from fear than the cold as she stared down the dark dirt path from the doorway. “Are you sure you’ll be alright? What if you get lost?” She asked full of concern. Instead of answering, I picked up a reasonably sized rock with a levitation spell from her front yard that, thanks to the nature of my magic, illuminated the area around it like a old lantern.
“I’ll be fine as long as I stick to the road. But before I go you wouldn’t happen to know where I can find the bar? I was told there was one in Ponyville.”
“You passed it actually, it’s the first building on your left once you reach the town. The entrance is over around the back, I think, in the alleyway.”
“You make it sound like you’re a regular there,” I teased.
“Oh no, I don’t drink that much. Just...well, sometimes Rainbow would ask me to come along so-”
“I’m just teasing you Flutters, you don’t have to be so embarrassed. Why would they have the entrance out in the back though?”
“Well, it’s kind of like the town’s little dirty secret. Most ponies don’t even know it’s there.”
‘A quiet place to get drunk? Sign me up!’
‘Plus if you do something stupid it won’t spread around town.’
“Well I guess that’s it then, I’ll see you next time Fluttershy.” With that I descended down the porch as Fluttershy closed the door behind her. Just before I got past her front gate something hit the back of my head. Knowing what hit me and who threw it, I decided to screw with the little guy a bit.
They say animals can instinctively sense a predator and are able to detect the intent of bloodlust. These instincts are especially strong in an animal like a rabbit, whose only defense is to flee. With my back still facing the cottage, I tried my best to collectively pool in all my frustration and desire to eat meat again. With a deep breath I turned around to face Angel, who was sitting by an open window in the kitchen with a smug look on his face. Once our eyes locked, I started picturing all the possible ways I could cut him up and cook him, turn his little legs into miniature fried drumsticks or maybe just chop him up to little pieces and make rabbit soup. On and on the images of every kind of rabbit dish popped into my head, which soon became just about every meat dish I could remember feeding and strengthening my bloodlust.
It only took a second before that smug look became that of petrified fear as his eyes grew wide and his ears fell sideways. What pushed him over the edge was when I slowly smiled, flashed my fangs, and started licking my lips. With a small high pitched yelp he bolted back into the house knocking down everything in his path and causing complete chaos in the kitchen. I could hear Fluttershy screaming and trying to calm Angel down as I continued to make my way back to Ponyville.
I did feel somewhat guilty causing trouble for Fluttershy, but at least with this the little guy will have second thoughts before messing with me in the future. The trip back to Ponyville, however, wasn’t at all peaceful like before. My improvised lantern kept making the shadows of the trees dance about, creating illusions like something was lurking behind them, add the supernatural blue light it emanated kept putting me on guard. It comes to no surprise then that it took me less time to reach Ponyville than it did to Fluttershy’s cottage.
Once I was within the town border I took several deep breaths to collect myself before starting my search for the bar. I had hoped to ask a few ponies around, but as far as I could tell, the street was completely deserted. I probably should have expected this, since hardly anyone hung around the edge of town, much less after sunset. With no other choice, I began searching and combing the alleyways nearby for something that stood out from the rest, though considering how it was sort of a secret, it might just look like any plain door.
Luckily, that wasn't the case. By the third alleyway I spotted a relatively simple sign hanging over a flight of stairs that led down to, what looked like, the basement of the building it was attached to. The sign above was basically a picture of a foaming mug with a wing instead of a handle. I’m willing to bet it’s an exact duplicate of that stallion’s mark.
As I approached the door at the base of the stairs, I could hear loud voices and chatter from behind the door. I tried knocking, but from the sheer volume of noise from the other side I doubted any of them could hear me. Seeing as there was no doorbell of any kind, I decided to test my luck and just strolled in like I was a regular. There were roughly three groups around the bar, each about four or five ponies happily chatting with each other. At least, they were before I stepped in. Like straight out of an old western movie, every single conversation immediately died down once everyone realized who, or what, just walked in.
“Sup,” I greeted the room in a casual tone.
“There you are! I’ve been wondering when you’d drop by.” I turned towards one side of the room where the stallion pegasus I saved at Bon Bon’s shop was attending the counter. His coat was a deep bronze color, much like the many beverages stacked up behind him, along with a bright blue mane and tail. His mark, on the other hand, was a more elaborate variation of the sign out front. Instead of a single wing, the mug had two wings in mid flight, as if flying across the sky.
“I’ve been busy, sort of,” I replied offhandedly.
“Well you’re here now. Grab a seat,” he gestured towards an empty seat in front of him for me to take. Although these chairs were much taller than what I’ve seen, they’re still far too short for me to use properly. The extra height seemed to be added mostly so that ponies could place their forehooves leisurely on the counter. As I walked towards the counter, my steps echoed through out the dead silence thickening the tension in the air. Thankfully, this did not go unnoticed.
“Now you all listen up! This here’s my guest, so I don’t want to hear any lip coming from any of you, ‘less you’d like to get banned from my establishment for life!” Considering this was the only bar in town, a life banishment pretty much meant getting hung out to dry. The entire bar exploded back into random chatter, as everyone now completely opted to ignore my existence.
“I like this place already,” I joked lightly. “Uh, sorry. I can’t seem to remember your name.”
“I reckon you wouldn’t on account we never introduced ourselves.” He held out a hoof over the counter. “Name’s Bronze Sky.”
“You can call me Rodney.” I reached and grabbed his hoof for a shake.
“It’s a pleasure Rodney and welcome to my bar, the Bronze Sky,” he shouted proudly, while waving a hoof in an arc over his head.
“You named it after yourself?”
“Why not?” he replied whimsically. “It’s a good name plus I’m lazy.”
“Fair enough,” I conceded with the same amount of humor. “No offense Bronze, but do you have anything taller for me to sit on?” I asked modestly.
“Yeah, I guess they would be too short, huh,” he commented as he eyed me up and down. “I think I’ve got a box or something that’ll work, if that’s alright with you.”
“Anything’s fine. Simpler is better right?”
“Ha! Precisely. I like the way you think.” With a hearty laugh he disappeared behind a nearby door giving me time to appreciate the bar.
It resembled a basement bar I used to visit back home, which gave a good homey feel, especially with all the polished wood. It was probably an unintentional effect, considering almost every building in the town was built with wood. Miscellaneous objects decorated the walls around from framed pictures of patrons to random knick knacks, some walls were scarce while others were completely filled from end to end.
But what stood out most was an impressive looking shield hanging in the center of the back wall, at least, it looked like one. It was longer than it was tall and looked more like a rectangular piece of metal, but it made sense considering it’s made for ponies. It was dented and damaged in several areas, but I could easily tell it was very well cared for. Aside from a scratches, it was polished to a point where it shone beautifully.
‘There’s definitely a story behind it.’
“Well, here you go. Hope this works.” Bronze Sky reappeared from a different side door, pushing along a reasonably sized wooden box with the top side of his head. I helped him pick the box, which wasn’t that hard since it was empty, and placed it on one corner of the counter. He threw me a clean piece of cloth that I used to cover the box, before taking a comfortable seat at one corner of the counter.
“You have no idea how long it’s been since I sat like this,” I commented with a relaxing sigh.
“I suppose they don’t make much of anything to accommodate somepony like you. So any preference to your vice?” He asked, after flying over the counter to take up his previous station. “First one’s on the house.”
“Depends,” I took out a few coins from my pouch, counting them carefully to get the right amount. I didn’t really want to get overboard, since I did promise Applejack I would spend half of it on her apples. And, I suppose, it would be wise to start saving some for a rainy day. “How many can I get for this?” I dropped roughly a quarter of it all on the counter.
“A few of the staple stuff, not enough to get drunk though. I’ll get you some apple cider, it might not be as flavorful as the Apple family’s, but it’s got a lot more kick to it.” Using his wings he took out a mug and placed it under a tap, where a golden brown brew started filling it up. Only once white foam started to spill over did he stop and offer it to me. “One hard apple cider. Enjoy.”
‘You know, in any other situation I would probably have questioned why these ponies have mugs with handles when they obviously lack the means to use them.’
‘Then again, we’re stuck in a land of techno-colored ponies as the world’s only exploding human. So shut up and drink it already.’
With nothing else holding me back, I grabbed the mug, tilted my head back and took a swig of the stuff. Almost immediately, I had to fight the urge not to choke and spit it all out, as what felt like hot coal travelled down my throat.
“Holy crap that’s hard!” I wheezed between coughs.
“You ok there?” Bronze asked somewhat amused.
“Yeah, just got caught off guard.” I swallowed a few times to help alleviate the sensation. “Exactly how much alcohol is in this thing?” Take it from someone who once tried to take up brewing as a hobby, even if you distill instead of fermenting the brew it would still take a considerably insane amount of alcohol to make a drink like this.
“Oh about thirty to forty percent, I’d wager.” I stared at the mug in my hand for several seconds as the numbers sunk in.
“Uuh, from one to ten, how heavy is this drink in general?”
“I’d give it a five or six, I suppose. Personally it’s a three, but then again I live with the stuff.”
“Damn these ponies and their digestive tracts,” I mumbled under my breath.
“Hmm?”
“Nothing just talking to myself,” I answered before taking a sip of my drink. “Hey Bronze, can you promise me something?”
“What?”
“Punch me if you ever see me join a drinking contest. You’ll probably save my life.”
[Several hours later, back in Carousel Boutique......]
Rarity kept staring at her cold cup of chocolate in front of her on the kitchen table in silence. She would occasionally gaze up to the clock hanging on the wall, let out a sigh and stare back at either her cup or the cold dinner across the table. For the past hour, the unicron had tried to keep herself calm, but her imagination had started to become wilder and less realistic the longer she waited.
‘What if he got lost? Or hurt even. Could somepony have ponynapped him!?’ There had been several moments where was about to leave and search the town for him, but everytime Rarity came close to the door, she would hesitate and question herself.
‘Calm down Rarity, he most likely lost track of time, is all. Afterall, it’s not proper for the lady to chase the stallion. Not that he’s a stallion, of course, but-wait. Why am I even thinking of him like that!?’ Such thoughts led to even more interesting ideas, which made things worse for the worry stricken mare. All those thoughts and worries instantly died out the moment she heard the ringing of a bell as her front door opened. With pent up anger, she trotted towards her front store, ready to give the human an ear full.
“Where have you been!? Do you have any idea how late it is!?” Despite her shouting, Rodney kept strolling inside without missing a beat, continuing to close the gap between him and Rarity. “Are you even listening to me!? Just what have you been-wah!” Out of nowhere Rodney suddenly bent over to wrap his hands around her and started carrying the unicorn in his arms much like how a gentleman should. “What is the meaning of this!? I demand you put me down this instant!”
“Calm yourself my lady, such anger will ruin your complexion,” he replied in a calm tone.
“My complexion is none of your business thank you very much and....wait, what is that sme-HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING!?”
“Now please Rarity, I-”
“All this time I’ve been sick of worry, while you-”
“Rarity, I...”
“were out there drinking in that disgraceful-Aah!” Suddenly, Rodney dropped the unicorn somewhat roughly on her large victorian couch. “How dare you-” Before Rarity could go into into another tirade, Rodney gently placed a finger over her lips.
“Yes, it was wrong of me to be out so late. Yes, I should have told you about my plans before I left. Yes, you have every right to be angry with me. This was is not something you deserve after all you’ve done for me, and that is what I want to talk to you about.” Rarity could easily tell how intoxicated the human was by his breath and unsteady steps, yet strangely it didn’t seem to affect his speech, quite the contrary in fact.
“You, my dear, have taken me in, clothed me, fed me and offered your home to me, despite what I have done.” Although Rarity had often heard him speak as a gentlecolt, seeing as she helped teach him, this was the first she heard it sound so natural and true. “And yet, I have done nothing to repay such generosity other than what is expected. So please, allow me to mend that mistake.” Rodney kneeled in front of the couch and gently grabbed Rarity’s right fore hoof. He immediately began kneading it with his fingers.
“What are youuoooOOH!” Rarity let out a loud moan as the sensation caught her completely off guard. Using his delicate, yet strong, fingers Rodney began massaging the muscles on her leg, doing everything he could to alleviate the tension. “Oh my, that’s-oh yes. Hmm, higher.” The human obeyed and began to systematically work his way up the limb, causing the mare to moan and hiss louder.
“I am not hurting you am I?” Rodney asked with concern.
“Don’t worry it-ah, it’s the good hurt,” she replied through heavy breathing as Rodney pressed down on another sore muscle. Rodney continued to massage the limb all the way up to Rarity’s shoulder, before moving on to her left fore hoof and repeating the process. This took even less time than the other now that he knew which areas to focus on. “That was amazing Rodney, thank you.”
“Do not thank me yet my dear, I have only just begun. If you could lay your head on the mattress I’ll show you what these finger can really do.” Rarity’s heart starting beating faster in anticipation, letting her head relax as she laid on her belly, allowing the human to roam freely across her back. “Let’s start here and move our way down.” He climbed on the couch to stand on his knees, positioning himself so that the unicorn lay between his legs. Reaching out, he wrapped his fingers around Rarity’s neck at the highest point and began to use his thumbs to massage in circles while being careful not to accidentally choke her.
“Oooohhh...,” Rarity moaned as she bit down on her mattress.
“I take it you enjoy this?”
“Less talking, more...whatever it is you’re doing. Ah, right there!” With a chuckle Rodney began pouring more effort to the task, removing every muscle knot he found. Soon, the only audible sound in the room was the heavy breathing of the mare and her occasional moans and words of bliss.
‘Lotus and Aloe may be experts but this is-OH CELESTIA!’ Rarity was completely overwhelmed by the sheer volume of pain, followed by relief as Rodney undid a particularly stubborn knot near the base of her neck. The hours that Rarity spent working on her projects had made her body sore and tired, which made the entire experience so much more intense and satisfying. What made everything so surreal was how his fingers did what no hoof can ever do, it went places the unicorn didn’t even know about.
As Rodney slowly inched lower down her neck and onto her back, the feeling of relief started to mix with pleasure. A pleasure that made her breathing and moans louder the lower he went. Eventually, he had worked his way down her back and was now teetering closer to her flank. One part of Rarity’s mind was unsure whether she should let him proceed, while the other begged to discover how intimate those fingers could be. Rarity’s hesitation, however, allowed Rodney to make the decision for her. Without any hesitation, he grabbed both sides of her flank and began massaging them with the same meticulous focus as before.
“Rodney wait I’m not-oh hmm oh yesss,” whatever lingering doubts Rarity had were completely washed away as a wave of pure pleasure assaulted her. Without realizing, Rarity’s tail started swishing to the side as her body started heating up in anticipation. Luckily, she still had enough clarity not to fully reveal herself. By now, Rarity’s coat was already glistening in sweat and her perfectly groomed mane was now a mess, but none of that mattered to her at this moment. Rarity’s moans had escalated to screams as the heat in her nether region was slowly nearing its peak. But just before it reached boiling point the strength in Rodney's hands suddenly disappeared, denying Rarity the satisfaction she desperately craved.
“Rodney why-”
“ZZZZzzzzzZZZzz.....” Rarity stared at the human for several seconds, not quite sure how to comprehend the situation. Rodney was now leaning over the couch and snoring loudly as he resigned himself to an intoxicated slumber.
“You have got to be joking,” Rarity asked incredulously.
“zzzzZZZZZzzz....”
“You are the most insufferable! Foalish human that I’ve-”
“Uhh Fluttershy,” mumbled the human as he started sleep talking. Rarity’s eye began twitching violently as she considered murdering him and ending the human race in Equestria. White vapor rose from Rarity’s head as the sweat on her body started to evaporate out of pure rage.
“Humph!” huffed Rarity as she pushed Rodney’s hand’s away from her. “Males,” she said with disdain before climbing up the stairs with a cold shower in mind, leaving Rodney sleeping on the couch.
“Oh you make the best burgers ever Flutters.”
Update: Got another pic for the achievement.
So.......yeeeeaaaah. Good stuff? Bad stuff? Is it appropriate for a non mature fic? Tell me if you’d like me to delve more into these types of situations or if I should just stop.
On a different note, it seems that chapters are coming out every week or so, but it’s still a bit hectic with everything that’s going on. So don’t expect a steady update anytime soon.
If you're wondering why there's no more picture for the achievement it's because Noxxels can't make them no more. Unless of course someone would like to make one for me, any takers?
Also I'm thinking of doing a Halloween special though I'm not sure how that'll turn out. Keep track of on either my post in my user page or in this fic's blog for more information cause I might be doing something with that.
Now then, ready to go home Derpy?
Ahuh.
Aright then, *cough*.....BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE STUPID!!!!
....
........
...........*rumble rumble rumble rumble*
I WILL DESTROY YOU!!
..... In hindsight, that was a stupid idea.
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Now would be a good time to possibly break out those emergency cupcakes.
... You did remember the emergency cupcakes, right?
Bro I'm in school, WHY YU NO UPDATE AT 4:00?!
1406832 Pssh please, you need the distraction. Besides if I hadn't you wouldn't have made a comment about it.
Will Rodney be taking revenge on Luna for stopping him from getting meat from Fluttershy?
Oh man a classic but still funny every time that I see it poor rarity and poor rodney denied meat 'sheds a manly tear'
1406906 Nothing's concrete yet but I have been playing around with the idea. Still on the fence on how it should turn out.
You could have just used that Forever! Gag to summon Pinkie. Though, this way will be infinitely more funny for us to watch. Proceed!
As to your question, I enjoy scenarios like that. It doesn't have to actually become sexual, but it can create exceptionally humorous and awkward situations that just don't match up to much else.
Great chapter, and damn Luna, that's cold. If you are taking requests, I vote for immediate retribution against the Lunar Tyrant, The Bane of Balls, Princess Luna.
I agree with BekasaurusRex, more scenarios like the ending would be fun to see.
Good show sir
i181.photobucket.com/albums/x95/shellnick2003/rainbowMeme.png
glorious
You know, I really hate it when humans are forced to give up an important part of our diet. It's like telling ponies they cant eat any fruit. Sure they can survive a while on vegies alone, but there are nutrients they need that they can only get from fruits.
I would love to see more awkward scenarios like at the end. Like if he started working part time at Aloe and Lotus' spa. Oh the hilarity that would ensue.
Awwww, poor Rarity, drunk humans can be such teases!
Alas, I don't know if you custom made those achievements, or if you used a site with that funky blue X for the Xbox logo. I am wondering a bit why you can't make them anymore, though.
But I figured, hell, I can throw an image up for it.
i.imgur.com/n245L.gif
The place where I made it is in the image, bottom corner.
Good work on the chapter, but I need more! You've had me hooked for a while, and the dry spell makes me crave more!
Also. Luna. Stop being so vindictive. You meanie.
1407380
Well she did mention he'd be allowed it when he gets hospitalized for malnutrition
. If he's been keeping up on his meat then it'd probably take a while before vitamin B deficiency starts kicking in. Besides this entire fic is pretty silly, I wouldn't take it too seriously.
That said the amount of characters in HiE fics who go, "Oh yeah I'll go vegan," is just mind boggling. Hope they enjoy their horrible vitamin deficiency.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw5711_small.jpg
...
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8118-myplace.jpg
VENGEANCE!!!!!! Or hunting. Nothing like timberwolf-smoked manticore steak...
...... Hey, wasn't he doing weed or something to that effect in the beginning? I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure he should of hit withdraw by now.
Interesting... I await more chapters in the future. While your stories is one of the best I know I find the updates to be spread too thin, but otherwise continue what you've been doing until now.
Actually, it's Females and their assumptions.
This was wonderful.
1407685 I made it using adobe illustrator trial version. The trial ran out so no more easy access. I could get it again, but I don't really have a lot of time to be fussing about with things.
1408478 Either way, we males can never, ever win. Still fun to try though.
Rodney should buy some weed from Zecora.
DAT TENSION! Glorious tease.
My soul begs for more.
Maybe something like this with Flutters. 
Don't worry i bet you'll like it.
1406920 Glad you enjoyed it.
1407091>>1407125 What I'm worried most is the rating on the fic, it's currently teen and I'd like to for it to stay that way. But like you said these scenarios are hilarious so I'd like to make more, just not sure where the line is between Teen and Mature (aside from the obvious of course).
1407214 I am pretty awesome eh?
1407380>>1407692 I could never really understand why there's wasn't much resistance in those HiE fics, I mean sure go vegan and all but should at least have a back story or something to it. I could never give up on meat, everyone has their vices after all.
1407685 Oh sorry, someone already sent me one. But thanks for the effort, I'll give that site a look.
1407722 Health wise that would be a good substitute but can you really replace chicken, beef, venison, bacon, all that with fish? I honestly don't think that's enough, nothing can replace a good old American burger. That's not to say Rodney won't try.
1407804 Ah....yeah, that guy. Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh, much as I enjoy and wish for criticism, he can be a tough one to handle. Don't remind him about this fic, luckily he has a short memory span or something.
1408148 I'm thinking of a whole arc around the Everfree and that idea crossed my mind, still working on it though.
1408189 You read my mind.
1409257 That's still something worth delving into a bit, or having some kind of substitute.
1407874 Is....is that an invitation for me?
1408348 I really want to believe me, earlier in the fic I used to pump out a chapter every 3-5 days but that was back during the holidays. I just got to prioritize other stuff like school and networking for jobs, its just more important you know?
1408478 Touche.
1408879 1409347 Yes I'm aware of those mistakes, I've yet to find the time to correct and edit my past chapters. I'm a programmer so a lot of my English skills got rusty, took a while for me to get them back but as you will notice I got better as I wrote more. Still a few kinks here and there but I stopped making those mistakes and I even stopped using *something* in my writing (ei. *giggle* "blah blah blah"). Like I keep saying this fic is still first gournd for me, still learning and all. Soon your eyes won't bleed anymore as you read on, or not as much at least.
1409554
It's all cool, the awesomeness of your story excuses you
“Come by my fruit cart sometimes, I’ll order in some bananas for you!” Offered another earth mare.
That line made my night
I would prefer it if you kept it to this at a maximum, preferably lower.
i.imgur.com/DygTo.jpg
Rodney better hurry up and find some vitamins if Luna is going to keep him from getting meat.
He'll end up with an iron deficiency and end up anemic or a protein deficiency, which is even worse.
I totally dig this story so anything you think you like, go for it!
I didnt mind the rated R material i think it adds a bit of realism and depth. I mean you aren't going to turn celibate overnight after getting trapped in Equestria and its even better if Rodney himself doesn't realize what he is doing to those poor mares.
it would suck not to be able to eat meat
not letting rodney have any meat is a bad idea luna what happens when he gets desperate but i guess if he really wanted meat he could go into the everfree forest and kill one of the animals in there its what i would do
I'm pretty sure alcohol has made people made pretty bad choices. I see it realistic that if there is no humans he would grow an attachment to the next sentient being he grows accustomed to. More scenes like that! Completely up to you how far you take them but I just want it to stay funny like it is now.
I imagine the bar looking something like this:real.theoffside.com/files/2009/07/led-zeppelin-in-through-the-out-door.jpg
Bonus points to anyone who knows what this is from.
i think rarity should make him give her more massages and eventually let slip to others how good he is. then once a lot of ponies are talking about it he can give massages at aloe and lotus's place for bits. or something like that.
Rodney is best troll. Even when he doesn't mean to be one.
1409554
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/309/380/026.gif
1410643
Don't know but it looks like a scene from an old chinese mafia film. or what I would imagine what it would look like.......... assuming the chinese would make retro looking mafia films.
more mature stuff will be good
it'll be more realistic if the man of his age had some mature desires. (as I think)
first I was like
then I was like 
That was great. The suggestive massage was hilarious, and Rodney passing out when things started getting steamy made it even better. I am really hoping you continue with the massages, and am especially looking forwards to how that plays out with Luna because we all know Rodney is going to be trolling her by having other ponies rave about how awesome they are and then not giving her one until she gets pushy. Of course, when that happens we all know exactly where his hands are going to go and what the probable result of that action will be which will make it even funnier.
Well, I finally caught up. Really enjoying it so far. My favorite moment was the scene in the hanger after Rodney sets Blueblood on fire, I could just picture the dumbfounded looks on Celestia and Luna's faces as the crazy train rumbles past. And then the cries of "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" to make it all complete.
I have to say though, that 'band' they put on Rodney bothers me. A lot, really. They want to make sure he's not an enemy, fine. What do you think is gonna happen when he finds out his 'friends' have been lying to him and torturing him? And he will find out eventually; he's not an idiot, and his perspective on magic is very different, making it hard to predict what he'll figure out next. And then you'll have made an enemy, one with a very personal and fully justified reason to loathe your flank and the potential to destroy the world. Good show.
Not many people know this but alcohol does not determine how smooth or hard a drink is, the real perpetrator is the ethanol in it. Still, it would take a considerable amount of alcohol to create that much ethanol, take it from someone who tried picking up brewing as a hobby.
What are you talking about? Ethanol is alcohol, at least in normal conversation.
lol!
I liked the part where he fell asleep whilst massaging her... besides, she was getting out of hand and soon this would've been classed as a clopfic but he fell asleep
u got me anxious there, Zaibatsu
but she was spurned in the end :D
1417244 Oh wow thanks for reminding me, I was suppose to change that whole sentence. I think I wrote that part in the middle of the night so wasn't really concentrating. Derp
moreeee
Loved this chapter. As for the achievements pics. I could do those for you if you want. Might take me about ten minutes if that. And maybe two minutes once the base pic is done in photoshop. Get back to me and let me know
- looking down checklist - Ok... so hes due for withdrawal symptoms from quitting weed cold turkey, possibly alcohol poisoning in the future, and a plethora of different vitamin deficancies
1472169 That is something I'm aware of yes, I've seen many skilled writers do that and I'm trying my best to follow in their footsteps. Though as you've pointed out I have issues with that. This might sound repetitive but all I can hope is if my story is entertaining enough to make up for my cruddy writing skills.
Programmers don't really write a lot, unless they do a lot of documenting.
Goddamnit man, if you want meat so bad just go out in the woods and kill something.
Stop being a baby and feed your own damn self.