Shackles and Friendship

by Zaibatsu

Chapter 3 - Mine does magic.

Shackles and Friendship
Chapter 3 - Mine does magic.

AN: Shout out to Furstreak , I've read a lot of fic before but his work was what finally pushed me to write. Here's the link to his story, and thanks man so far I'm having a blast doing this!

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'Ooohhh sweet baby Jesus...my balls! Uuurrrrgghhhh...' pain was the first thing that greeted me when I came to. Once my senses came back to life the first thing I registered was the smell of disinfectant, I opened my eyes and had to squint against the glaring light. Once my eyes adjusted I all I saw was white, the room I was in was completely covered in white which reflected the light to every nook. There were wires attached to my chest and other parts of my body, I had expected to see them connect to some medical equipment like a heart monitor but looking around I there was nothing, the room was completely barren except for the bed I'm resting on. I followed the wires which traveled across the room and through a door which was right next to a large mirror on the wall.

'Oh fuck me sideways I'm in an interrogation room! What the hell did I do this time!?' I started to imagine all the things my dumb ass would've done while high to get me landed in such a place. I imagined breaking into a government safe-house, witnessing the government assassinate someone or even acidently ending up in Area51, all somehow involving horses, 'maybe alien horses?' As I began moving about the bed I heard a familiar sound of metal hitting metal on my arms. Again I barely felt it, though it was clear as they and definitely made durable material. The fact that I was still wearing the same odd pair of metal cuffs on my arms from my hallucinations which was tied to the wall behind me by the chains nearly threw my into a panic attack.

'...am I still high?' that can't be, as strong as the stuff was it couldn't have lasted this long plus the constant throbbing pain of my family jewels eliminates any chances of me dreaming. 'Nah nah that can't be right, yea this is all just one big fucking fluke. Its just by chance that this this place has me bound by the same exact pair of cuffs that I dreamed about, made from the same weird metal and has the same exact marks.'

........................................................and I broke.

'FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-' let's just skip this part shall we, its embarrassing and it took me a while to get over.

'Oh god talking ponies! Oh god I slapped them! OH GOD imma get probed!!' nope still at it, keep moving.

I closed my eyes, took some very needed deep breaths and was just barely able to stop my next panic attack. While I was in my little happy place I started to feel something nudging me in the back of mind. It didn't feel like anything's physically wrong with me, except for the two smoking embers that used to be my genitals, but it also felt strangely familiar.

I started to focus more on this odd sensation fearing its my brain telling me there's something wrong with me internally, instead the sensation became more of a feeling. It was like standing by a bonfire and feeling the radiating heat, and this 'fire' was moving. Initially I felt it in front of me but then it started to move towards the left. It stopped at one point and just stood still, for a moment nothing changed but then I noticed that the 'heat' from the 'fire' was getting more intense.

'Funny, its like its getting clo....oh shit. I'm not exactly sure why I thought so but nevertheless I threw my head back to the pillow and pretended to be asleep. I continue to lay there breathing at a tempo as I continue to focus on that peculiar sense. Based on the 'heat' I was quite sure that whatever it is was right behind the glass. Then it started moving again and I heard the door open.

Although I only felt one 'fire', based on the footsteps several people had come into the room, all wearing heels or something. I had to concentrate harder to keep my breathing rhythmic and calm as the footsteps continue to approach me. It stopped right next to the bedside and I began to wonder why I'm not feeling any pain despite the intense 'heat', the 'fire' was so close I could imagine myself reaching out and touching it. Right at that moment the 'fire' suddenly lunged at me, I flinched and anyone who was looking could easily see through my deception. Instead hearing someone's voice I heard a THUD! next to me. After several intense seconds of hearing nothing I couldn't handle the tension and I slowly cracked my eyes open as small as possible, just enough to look around.

As much as I tried I couldn't spot anything different from what little I saw, seeing and hearing nobody I decided it was relatively safe slowly opened my eyes fully. I was confident nothing looked different from before, which was easy to tell considering I have a clear view and there was barely nothing in the room at all.

'So then where...' I looked over the bed expecting to see someone in a white lab coat, well at least I got the white part right. It was definitely not a human but equine, it reminded me of the six ponies from before but I've never seen this one. It 'or she I guess,' had a tail and main which was tied to a bun while wearing a nurses's cap and a coat which was as white as the floor tiles with the exception of a red cross on its ass, again with the tattoos? She was sprayed across the floor and wasn't moving, before I thought I had somehow killed it I noticed the rhythmic rise and fall of the chest which indicated that she's probably just unconscious. As I looked I can still feel the same 'fire' as before but it had been greatly diminished to a candle in comparison. And then the nature of the situation hit me, here I am chained up to a bed with wires going to god knows where, locked in a high security room with one of the staff lying on the floor next to me unconscious.

'*clap, clap, clap* WAY to go Rodney! Your balls are screaming in pain and your also strapped up by chains in some freaky ass room straight from the X-Files about to get probed! And yet you still find a way to screw it up even more! Without even opening you big ass mouth for once! How can it possibly get wo...........ah fuck my life.' during my little episode I failed to notice two more 'fires' had entered the room behind the mirror. I heard the door burst opened and there stood two more ponies dressed in armor, both scowling faces that says: Imma bout to whoop your ass boy! They looked identical from one another and they had different body proportion than the one lying next to me, it looked more built and muscular which probably made them males.

"Ok, I know this looks REALLY bad but I swear I had nothing to do with-" I was raising my arms up to show I had nothing with me, but the idiot on the right must have thought I was about to do something because he made a mad dash towards me with murder in his eyes.

"NONONONONOWAIT!" but he wasn't listening and was already next to the bed with one of his front hooves raised back, poised to strike me. Luckily this guy decided to make this a physical confrontation which I had quite a lot of experience in. By reflex I raised my left arm ready to deflect the attack and my right arm was already guarding both my body and face in case I missed. I resisted the urge to close my eyes and focused at his hoof as started to make its way to my face, or so I thought. Suddenly his body shifted and his eyes went down the bed and locked onto his target, right between my legs. For a moment I thought I could feel my dick retreating inside my body, leaving it's two companions to their fate.

'OH DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!' the thought of someone else about to murder my boys prompted a sudden urge of dread. Even though I tried to reach out with both my hands to stop him I knew the chains would prevent me from ever getting close, and the small bed I was in severely limited my movement which made dodging the the blow unlikely.

They say that in life threatening moment's things slow down because your brain tarted overclocking, taking in and processing everything from your senses. Well this must've been damn close to dying because I could see, hear and feel everything as the guillotine was slowly falling down towards my nuts.

By this point I felt my body was burning with heat all over which started to flow and gather down below where I felt it burst into the same 'fire' I had sense from the nurse. Just barely before the hoof came into contact the 'fire' exploded outwards and I saw an azure blob of light flew from my groin and hit the guard right under his chest. He flew backwards straight to the mirror which broke upon impact sending both pony and glass falling and shattering to the room behind.

And that ladies and gentleman was how I not only became the first human to use magic, but I was also the first do it from my dick.

What followed after the sound of breaking glass was dead silence as both the remaining guard and myself was trying to make sense what had just occurred. The guard being trained came to his sense before I did and like his partner suddenly made his way towards me. I though I needed to defend myself again but he suddenly dipped and slid across the floor towards the nurse and quickly dragged her back into the other room, all the while looking at me with both malice and fear. I heard some shuffling and more glass breaking before I saw the same guard running out the room carrying both the nurse and his companion on his back.

Before I could start figuring out what I had just done I heard shouting from the door the guard went through which lead to a hallway of sorts. The shouting intensified when more voices joined the fray. Trying to find some control over the situation I concentrated on my new 'sixth sense'. I felt far larger numbers of 'fire' starting to approach my room at a rapid pace, one of those 'fires' was burning stronger than the others. I began pulling on the chains in hopes of breaking them of the wall even though I knew it was probably a futile effort. All I could do was wait and face the music as the sound of footsteps and clanging metal along with the 'fires' kept coming closer and stronger.

Eventually large numbers of guards wearing the same armor began flooding into the other room, several took careful steps to avoid the broken glass. They entered the room I was in slowly and with constant vigilance, they made their way to fill the room and surrounded me in a large U shape. Through it all I had my arms up against the wall behind me with my chains wrapped around my arm which further restricted my movements and looking as intimidating as possible, hell I even threw in a smile. I thought about trying to use whatever it was I did earlier but I couldn't make that same 'fire' as before. Even if I did I doubt I could beat them all if they decided to come at me all at once. One of the stepped forward, he was a unicorn with white fur and his mane and tail was of different shades of blue. He was also wearing a different set of armor from the rest making it obvious he was had a different rank than the others.

"Monster!"

'Ouch'

"You have have not only attacked one of my men but a citizen as well! Had they suffered severe injuries or worse I would have ended you life here and now despite my orders!"

'The want me alive? Oh thank you sweet Fate, I...'

"The Princesses are on their way to determine your fate."

'...hate you so much.'

He just stood there looking at me and I at him and it eventually became a staring contest. Tried as I might this guy was tough and I gave in after my eye started to twitch in annoyance. I saw a small smirk on his face at his victory, 'bastard.' With nothing to do but wait I decided to prepare myself for the inevitable confrontation I started to formulate a plan and went through several deep breaths to calm myself. This brought back my new sixth sense as I started to feel the 'fires' around me again and noticed that the one that just spoke was the one with the larger 'fire' I sensed earlier.

'Does that mean hes tougher? Younger? Older? Maybe he has a bigger dick. Could indicate his rank but that makes no sense.' Whatever the reason he is definitely on a different level than the rest.

Finally having some time to myself, relatively speaking, I tried to wrap my head around the events that lead up to this point. I tried to remember anything from my memory before all this to see if I can remember what I did or what happened, I got nothing after smoking the joint I just got. What is this thing I've been feeling, it's like I can tell where they are by just 'feeling' them. And what happened to the nurse, why'd she fall unconscious and why did her 'fire' jumped at me like that? But the biggest brain fuck of them all was, 'Since when the hell am I able to shoot lasers out of my dick!?'

Before I could come up with any answers or theories, a flash of light appeared at the bottom of the bed in front of me followed by a small cracking sound. An instant later I saw the same two pegacorns from before, Princess Celestia and Princess Ball Breaker. My right eye began to twitch as memories of the pain came flooding back, hell I felt my balls tingle which probably meant their shaking in fear.

The tension in the air was suffocating me, everything I planned for this confrontation just went up in flames and I was starting to have another panic attack. Though Celestia was looking at me with an flat face, Luna however was clearly wishing she could kick my nether regions a second time. My began to hyperventilate and was sweating all over, when I saw Celestia about to declare my death, or worse to commence the probing, it brought down the walls.

"Sorry-I-slapped-you-and-your-sister-on-her-ass-I-thought-I-was-hallucinating-from-the-joint-I-had-smoked-so-I-thought-it-wouldn't-hurt-to-screw-around-with-what-I-thought-was-figments-of-my-imagination!" it all came out like one long word. I saw Luna's expression changed to one of surprise which quickly reverted back into anger, though I noticed a small tinge of red appear on her cheeks. A small smile spread across Celestia's face at my sudden outburst but also quickly reverted to her neutral expression.

"That is another matter to discuss at another time and without an audience. For now I wish to hear why you have decided to assault two of our subjects. Well Rodney?" it was a calm and neutral voice but it was void of anything which also reflected on her face. Luna's expression was a raging fire storm and yet I still found it to be more comforting than Celestia's.

"And do not dare to lie to us! If we detect anything remotely close to a forked tongue we will inflict upon thee pain far worse than before." I felt the tingle in between my legs grow stronger.

I decided to go through this as calm as possible, breaking down in front of those two would only create more problems. With more deep breaths and a small trip to my happy place I began telling them everything. I laid everything bare, holding nothing back. I explained how I'm just as confused and lost with no knowledge to how I ended in the forest where we first met. How I thought everything was merely my own weird hallucinations as I've never seen talking ponies. I also told them everything about the the nurse and the guard though I kept it somewhat civil, who knows how they would react if they heard I could throw a full grown pony wearing armor through fortified glass with nothing more than my reproductive organ.

"If what your telling us is true, that it would appear that you are merely a victim of circumstance. Even though you have caused fear to spread to my little ponies and nearly destroying all life. You are, nevertheless, still a victim."

"Oh thank you I...wait...I nearly did WHAT!?"

"It looks like my thoughts were correct, you were not aware of your actions, do not worry that is in all in the past. Rodney I have decided not to press charges and forgive you for everything as it would seem they were all unintentional or accidental."

'Finally someone who isn't trying to kill me.'

"However."

'Ah fuck.'

"Just because you have no intentions to harm anypony we must still determine whether or not you are dangerous to my subjects. Based on your own words you have little to no control whatsoever in handling magic."

'Wait.............................................................................what?'

"Thus until I say otherwise you are to remain here under the care and supervision of my student. She will help you in uncovering the secret behind your abilities as well as train you as well. Until she, Luna and I are convince you are able to keep your powers in check, you will remain in this castle." the tone in her voice meant this was not up for debate, and honestly as long as no one makes anymore assassination attempts to my junk its all fine and gravy. "Do you have any questions to ask us?"

"Yes, is this real?" looking at Celetia's reaction she must not have expected the question to come out so simple.

"Yes I'm afraid so. I have suspected that you came not from a remote part of the world, but from a different world entirely. I have already sent several teams of unicorns to the site where we found you but initial reports indicate it is unlikely they will find anything. With no clue to where or how you arrived in Equestria sending you back is.....impossible." I could feel the love and tenderness in her voice but I was surprised to hear pain as well.

'You actually feel sorry for me don't you?' well can't do much about it then. I was never one to cry over spilled milk, I've learned it useless to worry and be angry at something that's completely out of control. 'Shit happens, and I just stepped on the mother of them all.' Still I the thought of not returning home, not seeing my parents, and never able to punch my boss's teeth out was getting to me. I just wanted to lay down and close my eyes, but I still had one more thing bugging me.

"Princess, when the guard I knocked out attacked me, why did he aim between my legs?" thinking it over even if they've never seen a human before the face or center mass would have been logical choices. Celestia turned and looked at Luna.

"Based on our what hath occurred we discovered that although thou appear to be unaffected by our magic, physical approach however appear to be very effective to thee."

"That does not explain why he would target my genitals."

"Thou'st what!?"

"My genitals, you know, that part of a male that contains two extremely sensitive body parts. Often called one's penis, dick, junk, balls, family jewels,"

"WE KNOW WHAT THEY ARE!" her shout nearly blew my head off.

"Luna, your voice."

"Sister we...but he...sister we did not... He slapped my flank!"

"You crushed my junk!"

"Enough!" Celestia did not enjoy hearing her sister having a conversation about my dick. "Forgive us Rodney, but after seeing as how Luna's reflexes was...efficient. She informed the guard that should they meet any hostility from you, they would know how to-"

"Destroy my hopes and dreams of ever being a father?"

"Do please forgive us, we did not know that your kind have the same, eh, organ placement as ponies do."

*sigh* "It's fine, you didn't know. But please no more attempts at making me sterile."

*giggle* "You have my word Rodney. Is there anything else you wish to know?"

"No, not yet anyways. I just...I need to think."

"I understand, rest for now. I will prepare a suitable living arrangement for you in one of our guest rooms. Please feel free to inform the guard of anything you need." I nodded and both Celestia and Luna started to make their way out the room. Celestia however stopped and looked at me, "One other thing Rodney, we know what your name is but what do you call your kind?"

"I'm a homo sapien, or just human if your feeling lazy." she gave a humored smile at my response, turned and spoke something to Luna and they both looked at me.

"Well then Rodney the human," her horn as well as Luna's started to glow and I saw the chains glow in the same fashion. Slowly I saw each link of the chains start to disappearing, moving its way from the wall to my cuffs until only a few were left to dangle about. I looked at her, "welcome to Equestria."

AN: OMG I never expected to write so much about a man's groin before! Hell I was starting to run out of ideas on what to call them. This one was a bit longer than I expected but like I said before I like to get the ball rolling.

As usual I want to get as much feedback as possible so hit me with as much C&C as possible.

You ok there Pinkie?

Pinkie: I just can't wait to throw a 'Welcome to Equestria and thank you for not blowing it up' party for Rodney, its gonna be just super duper awesome! When can I see him again?

Don't worry you see him soon.

Pinkie: Ooooooh that means I get to throw your's right now. I've been dying to show you my PARTY CANNON!

WAIT PINKIE NOT IN MY BOOOOOM!

Comments

[Knighthawker]

....... I cant stop laughing!

[Zaibatsu]

907590 And that is why I do what I do

[Olivine Ellva]

ROFL!!!

That chapter title, the everything within it, you have an amazing sense of humor.

[Zaibatsu]

907776 I actually had a hard time trying to keep it lively and simple, had to re-write a few parts to keep the flow going. But I'm glad you like it

[Background Brony]

Lol, I am physically laughing, and there are not many stories that have been able to do that. Great job!

Fun Fact: This story is one of the few that I have bothered to send to my brother (Also a Brony)

[Zaibatsu]

907892 I was actually worried that there was too, well, dirty. Not clop dirty but still the entire chapter was nearly about Rodney's thing , I should've counted how many times I brought it up.

[Background Brony]

907923 Don't worry, I didn't get a dirty vibe from this. If I did, I wouldn't be reading it (Personal beliefs and all that)

Your humor is well-developed and tasteful

[dusher4]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[AcerMane]

Beautiful man, just beautiful

[jakeedge04]

WOW i loled so hard and so long keep it up!!

[LegalTroll]

[Achievement Unlocked: "Mine does magic." - 150GS]
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[Zaibatsu]

909926 As long as people love it I don't see myself stopping.

910260 Yes I admit I was quite proud of that one

[HIEfan]

Hillarious, just freaking hillarious!

[Furstreak]

interesting development

[EndGamer]

"Just barely before the hoof came into contact the 'fire' exploded outwards and I saw an azure blob of light flew from my groin and hit the guard right under his chest."
..........................
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[granitecrab]

img12.imageshack.us/img12/9255/tumblrm7p98a4xcb1qlvdzx.gif img856.imageshack.us/img856/5961/fuckitb.jpg
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[DMakkam]

Somehow I think things are going to get kinky... very kinky...

[The Well Dressed Ninja]

i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2010/10/10/07fb445d-70de-4eda-8b36-6334535d9abb.jpg

[Lucky424]

I gotta say the funniest bits about this so far are the A/N with Pinkie!!

And yeah, that's Shining Armour. Don't piss him off!!

[Hunterhd1]

" I like to get the ball rolling". Ha Ha I see what you did there

[StitchesKindaGuy]

so to see if he's hallucinating he slaps luna's ass make's sense loving the story so far

[AetherToast]

Dude, reading this it sounds like he smoked a "Jeffery" (for reference watch movie "Get Him to the Greek")

[Enmar]

really liked the chapter, exept that the part w/ celestia and luna felt a bit rushed

[Wernkle]

Error 404: Logic not found

[Shadow-Dancer]

and honestly as long as no one makes anymore assassination attempts to my junk its all fine and gravy.

I was laughing so hard due to that 5/5

[Shadow-Dancer]

"Luna, your voice."
"Sister we...but he...sister we did not... He slapped my flank!"
"You crushed my junk!"

oh God how he responds is Hilarius

[Genesis1212]

my brain is so full of fuck right now i cant think straight no doubt hilarious i think my sides hurt xDD

[Dragaen]

2478361 lol. me too. this is like an ecchi and I can't stop my sides from hurting
laser dick + argument over the family jewels = constant lol

[MrPancakeMan]

After thinking about his name for a while I somehow got the movie Robots in my head... Oh well. It was a good movie so I don't give a single fuck.

[Kuumatona]

In a way doesn't everyone's do magic ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4977558870624634&pid=1.7&w=243&h=181&c=7&rs=1

[Fawkes]

FIRIN MY LASAH! 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

[Acute Self Hatred]

Not really a fan of dick jokes.

[Taxes]

"My genitals, you know, that part of a male that contains two extremely sensitive body parts. Often called one's penis, dick, junk, balls, family jewels

WOW he just put that bluntly

[Insidiaphilia]

That picture of the achievement made me crack up so bad! Nothing really makes me laugh, but you sir, managed to make me. Congrats on ruining my 6 month streak >.>

[NightDancer]

Positive and also...it would be great for Rodney to explain that his groin shoots lasers.Maybe they can modify it to a machine gun or something.

[booman980]

I reread this story three times and it is still as funny as the first Time.

[Phenoix12]

Dick Lazers
You sir have one the game of life.

[Tome Turner]

Hell I was starting to run out of ideas on what to call them.

If you need different names for penises just listen to this song.

[ImmaGenericWriter]

And that ladies and gentleman was how I not only became the first human to use magic, but I was also the first do it from my dick.

I have read soooo many different stuff on fimfiction, but none of them come close to THIS! Then you throw in a X-Box achievment aswell? Fucking genius!!

[GordonFreebrony]

Let's see, penis names:
Adolph
Albino Cave Dweller
baby-arm
baby-maker
baloney pony
beaver basher
beef whistle
bell on a pole
bishop
Bob Dole
boomstick
braciole
bratwurst
burrito
candle
choad
chopper
chub
chubby
cock
cranny axe
cum gun
custard launcher
dagger
deep-V diver
dick
dickie
ding dong mcdork
dink
dipstick
disco stick
dog head
dong
donger
dork
dragon
drum stick
dude piston
Easy Rider
eggroll
Excalibur
fang
ferret
fire hose
flesh flute
flesh tower
froto
fuck rod
fudge sickle
fun stick
gigi
groin
hand grenade
heat-seeking moisture missile
hog
hose
jackhammer
Jimmy
John
John Thomas
Johnson
Joy Boy
joystick
junk
kickstand
king sebastian
Klingon Tease
knob
krull the warrior king
lap rocket
leaky hose
lingam
little Bob
little Elvis
lizard
longfellow
love muscle
love rod
love stick
luigi
manhood
mayo shooting hotdog gun
meat constrictor
meat injection
meat popsicle
meat stick
meat thermometer
member
meter long king kong dong
microphone
middle stump
Moisture and heat seeking venomous throbbing python of love
Mr. Knish
mushroom head
mutton
netherrod
old boy
old fellow
old man
one-eyed monster
one-eyed snake
one-eyed trouser-snake
one-eyed wonder weasel
one-eyed yogurt slinger
pecker
Pedro
peepee
Percy
peter
Pied Piper
Pig skin bus
pink oboe
piss weasle
piston
plug
pnor
poinswatter
popeye
pork sword
prick
private eye
private part
purple-headed yogurt flinger
purple-helmeted warrior of love
quiver bone
Ramburglar
rod
rod of pleasure
roundhead
sausage
schlong
schlong dongadoodle
schmeckel
schmuck, shmuck
schnitzel
schwanz
schwartz (May it be with you)
sebastianic sword
shaft
short arm
single barrelled pump action bollock yogurt shotgun
skin flute
soldier
spawn hammer
steamin’ semen truck
stick shift
surfboard
Tallywhacker
Tan Bannana
tassle
third leg
thumper
thunderbird 3
thundersword
tinker
todger
tonk
tool
trouser snake
tubesteak
twig (& berries)
twinkie
vein
Vulcan Menace
wand
wang
wang doodle
wanger
wee wee
whoopie stick
wick
wiener
Wiener Schnitzel
willy
wing dang doodle
winkie yingyang yogurt gun

[RedvsBlue327]

3380789 Man, I really started cracking up at "Excalibur" and "Fire Hose", thank you for that.

[Dawn Darkling]

OH MY LORD! That was the most hilarious thing I'VE EVER SEEN!
If this story maintains the hilarity for very much longer, I'll have to follow you before I finish reading this story.

Mine does magic.

[Dredgen]

3380789 1# Dick name: winkie yingyang yogurt gun

[Oxyaction]

3168116 i can imagine quagmire from family guy

[Aztetos]

Hate to be the boring one, but shouldn't it be "Homo Sapiens Sapiens" as there have been an Homo Sapiens Idaltu?

[DarklightArk]

170-180. That's how many terms you named, about a guys beatstick! Honestly, I just... I give up...3380789

[Epic Brony 4 Life]

And that ladies and gentleman was how I not only became the first human to use magic, but I was also the first do it from my dick.

.....What the actual fuck??????

[light snow]

Liked this chapter, but am I the only one dreading about the idea of twilight going all crazy over him?

[Skinned Rabbit]

3380789 you forgot carrot