Just a Flesh Wound
Rhythmic. Raspy. Slow. Those three words best described the first thing I heard as my eyes fluttered open, and immediately shut again to block the blinding light. With a sharp intake of air, I realized that noise was actually my breathing.
My body and mind felt numb and barely coherent as I tried to figure out what had happened. There was that horrible pain, my roughed up face impacting the ground next to a prone princess, and then nothing until waking to the sound of my own breathing.
"Saving the world sucks." A groan struggled to fight its way out of the parched desert my throat and mouth had become.
A voice full of spunk and energy called out from elsewhere in the room. "Holy shit, you're awake!"
Something toppled, and a set of hooves scrabbled across a tiled floor before there was a presence next to me. Inching my eyes open a bit more, I made out a fuzzy white and blue blob with two patches of purple.
"Vinyl?"
"The one and only. I'm so glad you're alright." A tight hug squeezed pain out of the numbness. The pressure lessened as I yelped, and Vinyl nervously chuckled. "My bad. How you feeling?"
The last couple days—at least I hoped it was still the last couple days—were mostly clear. The attack on the inn, the deceased dragon, losing Dave, taking advantage of Grue's gluttony in order to destroy it. "Bleh."
"Sounds about right. The doc didn't think you'd even be awake by now. You were messed up… bad."
"How bad?"
"You lost so much blood you were whiter than me or Rarity."
I whistled, or at least tried to. The air soundlessly passed through my parched lips. "That would explain why I feel pretty weird. Can I get some water?"
"Sure. Drink up." A cup glowing with a light blue aura pushed itself against my snout. The water was room temperature, but refreshing. "Almost forgot! The docs will want to know you're awake."
I couldn't help but chuckle as my eyes acclimated to the glare of the hospital room’s lighting. The “call nurse” button would have been a better idea, but looking around, I couldn't find it. My breath caught—the others had brought me to a hospital!
After a moment of fear, I relaxed. Every part of me was just too exhausted to be terrified. It wasn’t often I had to take a raincheck on panicking.
Vinyl soon walked back into the room with a small bounce in her step, followed by Nurse Sweetheart, whose pinkness nearly hurt my still-adjusting eyes, and a cream-caramel-colored unicorn wearing a doctor's coat. A stethoscope draped over his neck, tucked under his chestnut mane, and dangled to and fro as he trotted to my side. Of all the cutie marks to represent a medical practitioner, surely there were less odd options than having an EKG on your flank.
"Thank you, Miss Scratch. Please go to the waiting area while we check Miss Gears over." His voice was as sharp as a scalpel and as clear as the rubbing alcohol on the tray Sweetheart had pulled in. A small air of importance followed him, like he was the sort of pony you'd instantly believe if he shouted “don't worry, I'm a doctor!”
"Aww, can I please stay? She just woke up and we haven't seen each other in like a week." We’d had lunch together a couple days before the adventure, but Vinyl was too awesome to shoo away. Even though I wasn't panicking, there was still plenty of nervousness for her to de-edge.
"Oh, let her stay, Doctor Stable. Miss Gears here is likely to need a friend soon." Sweetheart was definitely the hospital's caring, patient-pleaser nurse. That meant if Redheart, whose absence from the room was the best news so far, was the hardass, then Tenderheart could only be the sassy receptionist.
The stallion sighed and rubbed at a growing migraine. "Very well."
Sweetheart's words churned in my gut. "Wait. Why am I going to need a friend soon?"
All three ponies exchanged nervous looks, silently playing a game of “no, you tell her” until Vinyl sighed and said, "Your leg's off, Gears." The other two facehoofed.
"What she means to say," Doctor stable said as he glared at Vinyl, who shrugged, "is you were brought in missing your right rear leg. Normally we could perform surgery to reattach a limb…"
"But it's trapped in a pocket half-outside reality that closed on my leg as I left." They blinked dumbly. "Well, it is."
Nurse Sweetheart was the first to speak. "Not to be rude, but you're taking this much better than expected."
"I'm quite upset, I'm just like forty percent painkiller right now." The panic squirmed in the back of my mind, but it was buried by a euphoric fog of insensitivity. It was awesome.
Vinyl was the only one who laughed, while the two medical ponies merely shook their heads and got to work. The battery of tests they performed was nothing too interesting: testing reflexes, checking vitals, you know, the stuff you usually experience during a physical, but if it came in a pony flavor. The one highlight was not having to turn my head and cough.
You'd think ponies would have perfected a medical adhesive that doesn't stick to fur. Nope. The bandages being pulled off was the closest I came to feeling anything other than a numb tingling.
A few bandages dotted my head, but I didn't think there'd be too many scars. The rest of my front side was not so lucky, and only a few sporadic patches of fur peeked out from beneath the white bandages criss-crossing my barrel and forelegs. It took freakin' forever to get everything changed. A sneeze interrupted my count at twenty wounds.
When they moved the thin, white sheet off of me, I caught the first glimpse of my leg, or rather, what remained of the unfortunate thing. The heavily bandaged stump was little more than a hoof-width long. For a good long time, I stared at the empty space my leg should have occupied. An errant twitch from the stump sent me into an inappropriate laughing fit—I was definitely still drugged and hopefully would be for a while. It wasn’t like I had a choice to not be present when it finally hit me that my leg was gone for good.
After what seemed like hours, the two ponies finished and either told me how to make a piña colada or that they needed me to remain in the hospital for a couple more days of observation. Either way I had a hankering for coconut, and Nurse Sweetheart was amazing enough to go find me some.
"You sure you're okay?" Vinyl asked while I contently munched a plate of shredded coconut after the two ponies had left. It would take a few months, but eventually I spent a couple weeks trying find out where Equestria imported its tropical fruits from.
"We'll see when these drugs wear off. Thanks for being here."
"Of course. We're pals, aren't we? Besides, with those creatures gone, Octy's been letting me go out at night again. She's all sorts of scary when she's being protective." Vinyl shuddered. Once Octavia had figured out I wasn't trying to steal Vinyl from her, she treated me with indifference, but before that it was nothing but the evil eye.
Her words reminded me why I was here in the first place. "So it's over? We won?"
Vinyl beamed at me, showing off her pearly whites. "Nopony's seen a thing since the night you all left."
"I can't believe I forgot about the others." The foreleg not attached to an IV drip draped over my eyes as I leaned back in the adjustable bed, wondering where they’d put my goggles that time. "Are they alright?"
"Sure, lemme go get them." She was out the door before I could tell her she didn't have to be a messenger again.
I rolled my head away from the door and came snout to muzzle with a wall of pink. Half a minute passed before my brain registered they hadn't suddenly redecorated the room.
"Hello, Pinkie." My words felt like slush as I slurred.
"Hello, Gears," she replied in a similar manner.
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to figure out how to best hug you for saving Twilight, getting out of there, stopping Grue, forging the beginnings of a diplomatic alliance between ponies and diamond dogs, saving the dreamscape with Princess Luna, making leaps and bounds in an underdeveloped field of research, helping establish new leadership of a diamond dog pack…" I tried to follow her, really, but there were just so many words. It was like somepony had loaded alphabet soup into a shotgun and gone on a verbose rampage.
"That's a lot," I said when she took the rare moment to breathe. Pinkie Pie's lung capacity is so high, she should have a tattoo that says, “can be used as a flotation device.” Then again, most ponies were more buoyant than a large door.
"I know! I'm going to need to borrow one of Twilight's microscopes when she wakes up if I'm going to fit it all on the cake! And don't even get me started on how much banner I'm going to need." Excited fireworks danced in her eyes, and she gasped. "Almost forgot!" She hugged me and skillfully avoided causing any pain whatsoever.
Pinkie’s words echoed in my mind. "Wait, Twilight's not up yet?"
The mood ring that was Pinkie’s mane sagged as she glumly nodded. "They say there's nothing to worry about and that she was somehow overfilled with magic, and I mean really overfilled, like a balloon with way too much air, but I don't think she'll pop, at least that's what the doctor told me before he went on break. I found him in the break room to ask if he was sure, but he fell asleep because every doc I know has loooooooooooooooooong shifts. Everypony's hoping you can tell us what happened."
“I’m sure she’s okay. She’s tougher than she looks.” Then again, you’d be surprised what could be endured.
She sighed and shook her head. "We want Twilight to say she's okay, even if it's Future Twilight. As long as she doesn't get Present Twilight all loco in the coco again." Pinkie glanced around the room and frowned. "Where's Dave? I thought he'd be waiting for you to wake up." She pulled out a cupcake and jiggled it. "It's his favorite flavor."
Instead of an explanation, all that came out was a weak sob. I hadn't been thinking about Dave for a whole ten minutes, but Pinkie's question hit home like a railroad spike tied to a sledgehammer. Failing to speak again, I shook my head at her and her rapidly sinking mood.
Mane completely listless, Pinkie hugged me again, tears of her own soaking into my pale-green hospital gown. "I'm so sorry, Gears." The comforting embrace lasted until the sound of clopping hooves and indiscernible chatter drifted through the half-ajar door.
It could only be more doctors or Vinyl with whoever she'd rounded up, so we hastily wiped our tears and waited. With the loud hoofalls masking most everything else, it was a pleasant surprise when West and Spot showed up alongside Rarity and Fluttershy.
After the enthusiastic greetings, I noticed all five of them trying—and failing—not to glance at where the contours of my leg should have been visible. At least it distracted them from our bloodshot eyes and damp cheeks.
The limb’s frequent injuries had gotten old, but there were still trying times ahead for me. Even so, the involuntary amputation played second fiddle to Dave's sacrifice.
"Don't worry about me, I'll walk it off." Predictably, Pinkie and Vinyl were the only ones to chuckle at the admittedly tasteless joke, but hey, it was my injury. The other faces were a mixture of embarrassment and discomfort, and in Spot's case, confusion. "So, what'd I miss?"
"Oh it was absolutely dreadful! We thought you and Twilight were gone forever!" Rarity looked off to the side and lifted her foreleg to her head. "Nothing we did could get that ghastly beast to release you, and it had the gall to attack us as well. It all happened so fast. One moment we were huddled together with all the light we could muster, and next thing we know, everything is flowing back to where you two vanished. Suddenly, a piercing scream cut through the dying darkness, and we rushed toward the noise to… excuse me." The squeamish unicorn disappeared down the hall, clenching her muzzle.
Turning her head away from where Rarity had disappeared, Fluttershy kicked at the floor and continued the explanation. "Your leg was severed just below the stifle, and there were multiple lacerations and bruises covering most of your body. I performed first aid the best I could, and ooh, I knew I should have brought a second deluxe kit. I'm so sorry." She shied away, returning to the safety of her mane.
Pinkie’s addition was as astute as it was informative. "It was gross."
Adorable as her shyness was, it made me roll my eyes. "Considering I'm here to say it, you don't need to apologize. A second kit wouldn’t have changed much."
"Sorry." I wasn’t getting paid enough to talk Fluttershy out of apologizing.
There wasn’t going to be an apology spiral if I could help it. "The trip back was alright though? Come to think of it, who drove the other cart?"
"Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy smiled. If anypony's mood shifts were weird, it's Fluttershy’s, not Pinkie’s. "The diamond dogs helped me take care of you on the way, especially Mr. Agate here."
West's cheeks flushed, and he dismissively waved his paw. "You give me too much credit. My rudimentary medical knowledge pales in comparison to yours." A blush war was budding.
Rarity returned, looking very much like she'd failed to find a mouthwash capable of substituting jet fuel. "Darling, do you mind telling us what happened to dear Twilight? She's been mumbling in her sleep since we found her."
I nodded and closed my eyes to string the drifting thoughts together more easily. Recent or not, it was hard to think, of anything before we’d been captured, and a nagging thought told me the painkillers couldn't be behind all of it. "I think she soaked up all the magic the baddie stole. If the doctors are right and she does wake up soon, you'll be able to get better info. What was she mumbling about?"
"Most of it sounded like garble. The only thing we could make out was something about gods and harmony."
"Only the destruction of harmony can slay a god."
Failing to figure out how somebody pieced that particular phrase out of those two words, I looked around and noticed the perturbed stares coming my way. "Do I have something on my face? Besides bandages?"
"Why'd you say such a horrid thing?" Rarity frowned with equal parts disgust and shock.
"That came from me?" They nodded, and I shrugged, completely baffled.
It hadn’t sounded like my voice. They really didn’t say that much—how did I fill in the gaps in a phrase I heard in the Between? Hell, was it even relevant to this reality? Once again, we needed to wait for Twilight to wake up for any decent answer.
"Spooky." Drawing out the word and tossing in an overtone appropriate for a ghost story, Pinkie wobbled precariously as she wiggled her forehooves for added effect.
Rarity and Fluttershy awkwardly shuffled their hooves and gained a newfound interest in the medical equipment connected to me by spindly wires. Wanting to know what was so interesting about them, Pinkie hopped over the bed and stared at the heart monitor. Soft, impeccably timed beeps emitted from her.
"What you going do now?" Spot asked. His tan head barely poked over the side of the adjustable bed. "Can ponies walk on three legs?"
There had been many stories of amputee dogs coping just fine, but I couldn't recall anything about equines. That said, there was definitely a new tinkering project in my future. "I'll manage. They might even have a prosthetic. Looks like I'll be a pirate next Nightmare Night."
It wasn’t just going to replace my leg. It was going to do things impossible for an organic limb. Extra storage was the first thing that came to mind—the ability to always have thaumite or a storage gem on hoof would be indispensable. "After that? I guess I'll do what I've been doing: juggling being a Beta with poking science and blowing stuff up."
Satisfied with my answer, Spot stepped back to where West stood tall with folded arms and an unsettled frown. Little guy probably just wanted to hear I'd be resuming my duties the moment I stepped hoof out the hospital’s front door.
"I think I'm going to go check on Twilight again. Sterling, it's good to see you are awake. Thank you… for everything you've done, thank you." Rarity's curls bobbed as she politely nodded and left.
As she passed West, who had sidestepped and given her a small bow, I called out for her to wait. "Can I commission you to make something for…" There was a painful knot in my throat as I tried to keep my voice level. "A friend of mine."
Judging by the amount of concern in Rarity's eyes, I must have started to tear up again. She noticed Pinkie Pie had stopped her beeping for a moment before losing herself again. "I will do my best. What did you wish for me to make?"
"A bowler hat. It doesn’t need to be anything special, but it would mean a lot to me."
A smile flickered on Rarity's muzzle as she nodded. "Of course. I vow to make it the best hat this side of Canterlot. However, please refrain from breaking my bell next time you visit my boutique." She sighed deeply and gently tugged the thick, bland curtains open. "I'm glad to see things have calmed down."
"Are you kidding? I'm just getting started." Surely, Rarity would know better, even with how little we'd actually conversed.
"I was referring to the foalnapping voidlings."
"I knew that." The room burst into chuckles, and I looked toward the window to hide my embarrassment. My view of Ponyville was little more than a few errant roofs jutting into a blue sky, like jagged rocks in a shallow bay.
Things would be different without Dave around, but I owed it to him to march forward and face whatever Equestria threw at me—be it a manticore, weekly ancient evil, or trio of over-rambunctious fillies. This was my home now, a second chance at living in civilization instead of scavenging in the burnt carcass of a city.
I'd already lost one home to the end of the world. This time, the apocalypse would have to get through me first.
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Not ashamed to say I have no idea what that means.
you have a good editor, I can't remember any grammar errors.
Always satisfying to see a story reach its conclusion. Congratulations. I wonder what Twilight's going to make of the whole thing when she wakes up... Knowing her, she'll probably blame herself for Gears losing her leg.
Now, about that code... I'm thinking chess for some reason...
Beautiful.....
Aw, it's done? Well. I guess I'm satisfied, sorta. Still, a little epilogue giving us a hint towards how Twilight's doing would be great. Though I suppose trying to make sense of all the magic a 'god' has absorbed during who knows how long could make anypony rather... confused.
As for the code... Hmm.
No idea. All I can think of is that there is still the epilogue to come, we still haven't seen the last of our hero, and that big changes are coming. Or something, I'm no bloody codebreaker, don't be so cryptic D:
3347447
I'm my own editor :P so thanks!
3347777
This was the epilogue more or less. Story ended, this just wraps things up, so I guess you could say this is the final chapter and epilogue rolled into one? *shrugs* As for Twilight being unconscious, everything that wasn't covered here is better mentioned in the prologue for #2.
Also, good to see you again and nice new profile pic.
One blatant mistake noticed: "to take de-edge" should probably be "to de-edge".
It's an anagram!
fon gayda qeobfu = aqua bond fey fog.
P.S. Or "aqua beg doff yon"
xD
3348079
Oops, thanks for catching that. I changed the sentence in post editing and missed a word >.>
3348486
Not an anagram, sorry :P
RIP DAVE
You were truly and completely awesome.
And the code/ prophecy/ riddle my best guess is that it means that this story isn't over.
And the title is another monty python reference.
More specifically the black knight.
3349694
How could I resist?
Really it's in a pocket?
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6680627968/hCFD90458/
So it is....
Add some dimension to that class, because...cdn.meme.li/i/jphfh.jpg
And this all because I'm having fun, loving your story.
s.funnymama.com/store/121006/111434_v0_460x.jpg
I always hated the end of great stories, it feels like having a awesome friend pass away.But we must always remember it is not the destination but the journey that matters. Remember the fond moments, the memories of joy and laughter, the excitement and thrill and also the yearning we felt while waiting for a new chapter. Those memories will be forever etched in my heart, never fading. The story may have ended, but our love for it will burn on.
Gears is probably the only pony who becomes more dangerous after losing a limb.
Bowler hat? I'm guessing this is related to Dave, but I can't place it.
3350861 Dave wore a bowler hat.
This was a very good read. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This story was awesome. Please tell me there's going to be a sequel?
So... wait a sec. We now understand all those ponies, changelings, griffons (gryphons?), minotaurs, dragons, and anything else not smart enough to run for it's life are dead. That's got to be tens of thousands of lives snuffed out. I'm just guessing but that has to be as many, if not more, wiped out when Celestia put the royal boot to Nightmare Moon's butt after the apparent war. I'd almost expect ponies across Equestria to be absolutely besides themselves with grief, the princesses especially. No day (week, month) of mourning for the loss of so many lives? Entire towns wiped out like Appleloosa and the accompanying Buffalo tribes. Seeing as how Changelings like the dark, I imagine they were obliterated swiftly as the Queen made her escape, listening to the multitudes of mental screams as her children were stripped down to nothing. Not sure how badly the gryphons fared since they could fly away from the voidling's reach-- nothing in the story hinted the soul-sucking monsters could fly as well.
Stearling Gears may want to keep her true past hidden. Yes, he/she was a vessel, used by the 'Nothing' find to Equestria, but some surviving ponies (changelings, minotaurs, gryphons, ect) might see it differently and want to exact revenge on her for their loss. Not to mention survivor's guilt eating away at her (getting away out of 7 billion, with help, only to see a large chunk of this pony paradise consumed). Luna will have her hooves full with the stuff haunting Gears and other survivors till they pass on and this all becomes the stuff of legends. I'm also curious if the nightmare eating thing Luna caught still exists or did it vanish too when the Nothing was destroyed?
The story was great but... when you stop to look back. It becomes increasingly horrific. So many dead. Sure, there's no mountain of bodies, no expanse of gore, but in a way that's even worse for the survivors since there's nothing to bury. There's no closure. It's almost too easy to deny that they're gone. They're... just on a trip somewhere and they'll be back some day.
I could be wrong but this just might qualify for the [Dark] tag when you kill off a large part of the population, albeit nearly all background characters no one really got to know.
Dude. Tht story was amazingly made and was a great read. I really hope the sequel doesn't take too long because I bet everyone wants to know how the main character will continue. Also, possible Mega Sparkle?
3970696 I'd be done polishing by now if I hadn't been sick for the past two months. I haven't given up though. I'm glad to see you're looking forward to more.
3970833 don't worry about it man. Being sick SUCKS! Had pneumonia for 3 months one time. Went through 5 different medicines before we finally killed it. If your still sick then I can say every one reading hopes you get better soon. Not just for the story but just to be supportive.
3975457 I appreciate the concern, but I should have come up with a different word. It's nothing serious, just nasty withdrawal from a med I get switched off of. They weren't kidding when they said six to eight weeks.
3975857 dayum.
This was a neat story though it does feel incomplete. Feels like there should still be an epilogueto go, or a sequal like oothers have said.
4037392 Methinks you should read the author's note at the end of the last chapter.
Still can't let go of the cryptogram.
One of my thoughts was that you buried something in the author's notes of each chapter (e.g. the last letter or something), and the "Not a hint" was totally a hint. But nope, can't spot anything.
4138667 Good to see it hasn't been solved yet. It actually isn't a hint, just something I thought to add a couple weeks ago. The other author's notes hold no information. But, I will be adding a clue that should steer people in the right direction.
This i by far one of the best fan-fictions ive ever read, and ive read A LOT of fanfictions. unfortunatley ive been looking over this website for a while and havent been able to find any good stories i havent already read. So get out a damn sequel already!!!!
seriosuly though, good story and hope you continue to write things like this.
P.S. it would be cool if dave somehow didnt die, i liked him.
4195521
Already started, but not published yet.
4195732
Nice, can already tell it will be good
Is this the end?
Make a sequel NOW
Awesome story! Looking forward to future fics by you. And the supposed sequel
.
4302753 The "extra character" in the Chapter 2 AN was something I forgot to remove from the AN when I redid the chapter the first time. It was a half-assed copout to make walking much easier on Sterling, and it had nothing to do with Dave. I am sorry for the confusion that caused and have corrected it.
It's been so long since I read this... I forgot how funny it is
And everytime Dave and Sterling are just talking to each other.... This come to mind
Some cursory examination and basic knowledge of information theory basics suggests that 15-17 characters likely does not contain enough information to correspond uniquely to a sensible plaintext in most simple codes/ciphers, let alone correspond to a simple/logical/likely cipher/plaintext pair. Therefore, there are a large number of possible fitting plaintexts per simple code (likely one of a few dozen codes which can be done by hand), though they vary from incomprehensible to unusual to possible, such as the somewhat redundant "his armor knight", which can be yielded via substitution (which was implied incorrect).
For illustration, let us assume it was a substitution cipher, rather than worrying about whether the previous character/transition was added, or whether it was a Vignere cipher, et cetera, for the purposes of significantly narrowing down the scope of possible answers (if you choose a ridiculous enough code, you can get anything out). Since you mention both a chessboard and a knight, it seems a reasonable guess that the last word is "knight" in the plaintext, assuming the spaces aren't also transformed. This would yield "hi. ..... knight". The first word would most likely be "his", but the second word would be any five word that has no letters in common with "his knight", and in which the second and last letter match (and no others). A hackish regex matching against the small and basic wordlists on my computer reveals 813 possible matches. Many of these don't make any sense, but a few dozen seem at least half-sensible. Given a larger list of words, you could easily end up with at least a few hundred half-reasonable possibilities just based on the assumptions above.
Anyway, I'm going to go out on a limb and attempt to contact my inner genre-savvy-ness and guess that the plaintext is most likely the working title of the sequel or something similar to that, and that the last word may be "knight".
Now, I'm going to go figure out a half-decent code that "decodes" your cryptogram into "help: the bees have enslaved me".
4351655 That's some good thinking right there. Some of the clues may be a bit flimsier than I think, but it's still more helpful than anything they give you in lateral thinking puzzles.
4351688
Lateral thinking puzzles... About 80% of "lateral thinking puzzles" aren't puzzles in the... conventional sense of the word. They're more like stories with only the opening paragraph where they expect you to figure out the rest of the plot and be able to give a detailed account of the metaphors throughout the story. I can recall a few "lateral thinking puzzles" from some book which I found ridiculous. I'll paraphrase them from memory because I can:
"A sculptor sells a statue. He dies two days later as a result"
Obviously, the sculptor (I'm pretty sure that's definitely not the word I'm looking for) made a statue out of the lightning rod on his house (doesn't everyone have a lightning rod on their house large enough to supply all the material for a statue?) and was struck by lightning two days later (95% sure that he was nowhere that the lightning rod would have protected, unless his house was struck and he died in a fire) and died (fun fact: most people struck by lightning survive). All of this was clearly self-evident in the opening.
"A butterfly falls down. A man later dies"
Clearly, the butterfly wasn't actually a butterfly, negating the validity of about a quarter of what we're given. It is painfully obvious that it was in fact a window sticker formerly stuck to a large sheet of glass. The "answer" heavily implied that this glass sheet was just placed directly across a walkway or sidewalk with only a single small butterfly window sticker as the warning and no one else in sight (lunch breaks are absolute, down to the second). In retrospect this should have been trivial, as this is a common and everyday situation in many environments, including but not limited to industrial facilities headed by delusional sociopaths. A man then walked straight into this sheet, as it was apparently incredibly clean, and it was dark enough to not see reflecting light on the glass. Or he was on a cell phone, in which case the butterfly sticker may not have been a factor at all. The glass then shattered realistically into giant, jagged, and sharp shards. The rapid breaking of molecular bonds in glass upon shattering obviously temporarily hyper-magnetized the edges of the glass shards, causing them to fly past his cellphone and towards his necklace, presumably made from the remnants of a lightning rod, lacerating his carotid artery, causing massive hemorrhaging and death. Honestly, how could anyone possibly have trouble with these?
I've just noticed that many of the "puzzles" from this book are much more grim with the details filled in. To compensate for this, I offer my own "lateral thinking puzzle", the answer to which I will completely not make up on the spot when asked:
"A man gets a haircut and later saves someone's life. Explain."
4351794 The two events aren't actually related and are just a sequence of events that coincidentally happened on the same day?
4351800
Well, in lateral thinking puzzles, none of the events seem related in any real way, but no, those were two separate puzzles. I just tied them together with a detail or two in the answer. The basic puzzle is the same, just I added in more detail. I don't seem to have the actual book anymore, but a slightly less... emphasized (possibly containing more detail than the original) version is as follows:
"A down-on-his-luck sculptor sells a statue. Several days later he dies."
He made the statue out of his house/shack's lightning rod and was struck by lightning.
"A butterfly falls down causing a man to die."
The butterfly was a sticker on a sheet of glass. It fell down and a man walked through it and died.
I just wanted to add details, because they seemed so unlikely and contrived. Like an incredibly specific and unlikely warning. Similar to telling someone to remember to wear their seatbelt in a car, not because it'd reduce injury in case of accident, but because it'd restrict movement and prevent sudden movements in case of a bear attack. It seems to make sense, but it's more of a non sequitur than a logical series of events.
Speaking of cars and lateral thinking puzzles, here was another "straightforward" one from the book:
"A man was arrested for wearing a T-shirt."
Apparently, the t-shirt was a white/tan shirt with two black stripes across it in the pattern of a seatbelt. It was designed to help people get away with not wearing them in a car. I can't remember whether it suggested he was arrested for wearing the t-shirt (I believe it did, which would apparently take place in a world where t-shirts with lines are a punishable offense) or for not wearing a seatbelt (in which case the prompt would be misleading, but what else is new?). Again, I'm not sure how the 99.935% of the population who have not been arrested for wearing a shirt in public would have any real answer to this.
4351853 The barber had a heart attack and the man called the ambulance/performed CPR?
Anyway, the sequel isn't far off, so another hint wouldn't hurt. The 'end' the knight missed is the letter Z; that way the chessboard is square.
It's only a coincidence both Fs represent the same letter. Both As and both Us are different.
4351871
Well, I think I'm beginning to get some parts of your algorithm. Problem is that there are a number of ways to construct the grid. If I assume it's just alphabetical, it could be left to right, top to bottom, diagonal, and it could reverse or loop around at the end of each row/column/diagonal, or the reverse directions. This is important, as you mentioned the knight goes forward and looks to the rising sun, i.e. east or "right". These are nearly useless without reference directions, especially since I don't know if it's two up, one right, then use the one to the right, or two up, one right and use that one. Also, I don't know how that one's used. I'm leaning a bit towards a polyalphabetic cipher similar to many classical ciphers, in which it's just additive. I would however still have to test dozens to hundreds of combinations to validate/invalidate this hypothesis, especially since I don't know the starting position; and you never explicitly/implicitly confirmed the last word to be knight (which would be helpful, as few ciphers are vulnerable to ciphertext-only attacks, especially when you don't know the cipher and have such a short message). I'm going to guess that there's a 35-60% chance I'm somewhat on the right track unless you state otherwise, I guess.
Also, should I assume by the U's being different you mean O's? Unless you mean that there are two U's in the plaintext, which is highly unlikely. The most common letters are roughly ETOANIRSH. In that order (depending slightly on context / who you ask / how/what you measure). I don't know the rest, because that's the only part that's really remotely pronounceable.
And for the lateral thinking puzzle, for some reason I was thinking something along the lines of the cut hair being mixed in with spaghetti and causing someone to choke, but that's probably because I've fallen asleep half a dozen times composing these. I'd accept yours, but it doesn't fit with lateral thinking puzzles. The answer must be connected in some elaborate and unforeseeable (preferably implausible, also) chain of cause and effect, such as: "The man had an allergy to dust. The dust floating around the barbershop composed primarily of small particles of hair from the electric clippers caused him to sneeze at the end, knocking the scissors out of the barber's hands and onto his foot", or vague but elaborately connected series of cause and effect. At least, that's what most of the ones I've seen have had in common.
4352011 Alphabetical left to right that continues simply in each row. My cipher isn't polyalphabetic. You raise a few good points though; cryptology isn't exactly a specialty of mine, so I guess I took a few things for granted.
I meant if the knight moves like a chesspiece and he starts on whatever's on H1, the letter you want is a knight-jump away (though another piece of the hint might change which jump to take).
This sounds like a crossover with something... Is it?
4396020 Nope. I would have tagged it as a crossover if it were.
4396020
i.gyazo.com/296de4da0c15a73605715ec9389eda78.png
I see no crossover tag, so. . .
-HB
4399185 Well, it was already in the original story. It was at the beginning of "A Brighter Day," but since this is a first person PoV story, it was out of place. However, I rather liked it, so I didn't want to get rid of it. Compromised and gave it its own chapter.
4403495 I've read it since then, but not back when I first wrote the comment. Enjoyable fic.
4409129 That one's still a bit up in the air. The owl's TCG card says Owlowiscious, but the Golden Oak Library card says Owloysius. Furthermore, Faust said on DA that it was Owlowiscious, but it probably should have been Owloysius, which is a play on Aloysius.
To be honest, I just really prefer Owloysius. Less of an eyesore.