Shackles and Friendship
Chapter 2 - The good stuff
Edited by Noxxels
AN: From this point on the story will be written from the main character's perspective.
"Dafuq!?"
'Sooo I'm either alive, dead, or I smoked the good shit. And considering what the other two implies, let’s go with being high.'
"Who are you? Can you understand me?" Oh god it talks.
'..........YUP, definitely high. Well there's only one way to deal with this.' I reached out to it and SLAP, right on its face. You might be wondering what prompted that decision, most people would start pinching themselves in hopes of returning to reality. But where’s the fun in that? In my mind, whenever you're lucky enough to get so high and jacked up to be seeing a talking white unicorn with a flowing multi-colored mane, I say roll with it and have as much fun possible while it lasts.
Before I could notice the odd sensation on my wrists, I was distracted by several stutters and gasps next to me. I turned to the source of the sounds only to find more horses, most of them were smaller and brightly colored. One of them even had a mane like a rainbow and wings.
'A pegasus too? Damn, I must've lucked out and got the high quality stuff. I gotta remember that dealer the nex-'
"HOW DARE THOU HARM OUR SISTER!" Holy shit, I thought something exploded next to me! I saw the black one point at me with her horn, it began glowing before a deep blue light shot from the tip and came flying straight at me. Naturally, with reflexes of a little girl, I shut my eyes and raised my arms over my face in a pitiable attempt to block the projectile. The initial surprise caused me to forget I was hallucinating, so for a moment I had expected to feel a few things, pain, pressure or force, instead I felt nothing.
'The hell?'
I opened my eyes, only to see even more light missiles coming my way. I closed my eyes again bracing for the impact, when again, nothing happened. Tentatively I opened my eyes for the third time just in time to see one fly under my outstretched arms and hit my chest dead center. I readied myself for any type of pain from impact or puncture to possible burns, yet the projectile of light simply wink out of existence once it made contact and after several tense seconds I felt nothing.
'SHIT! I nearly pissed myself! How deep in wonder-fucking-land am I?'
"WHAT ART THOU? WHY DOTH ALL OUR SPELLS NOT AFFECT THEE?"
"Luna that is enough! And control your voice, please."
"BUT SIS-but sister! That...thing has struck thee across thy face. It needs to be punished!"
"Considering the situation it could have acted out of surprise or fear. Please Luna, calm yourself." I didn’t know whether to be afraid or impressed. Her voice carried a heavy amount of authority and strength, yet still felt calm and caring.
'Definitely the motherly type, better not to mess with this one too much' I know from personal experience they’re the most unstable kind when it comes with their loved ones, that probably makes it a 'her'. 'Yea let's not screw around with any of them with her around. Otherwise shit could go really bad, really fast. Just because you're aware that you're dreaming or hallucinating doesn't mean you have it totally under control. She turned and looked straight at me.
"Let's start again shall we, can you understand me?"
"I...uh...yes?" I could tell that the smaller horses was surprised at my response as their ears perked up and their eyes widened, which by the way were huge!
"Very good, now how do you feel? Are you injured?" I doubt any hallucination can hurt me, at most I'll probably end up with a headache once the weed wears off. Still, the question made me focus on my senses for anything out of the ordinary, which made me notice that my arms, or more accurately my wrists, felt heavier. I looked and saw that both my arms were cuffed with the strangest type of metal I've ever seen, with several links of chain hanging from each cuff. The one on my left was black ebony marked by the moon and the other was shining white marked by the sun.
'Careful now, this can either go really bad or really, really, kinky bad.' Sorry, but I just don't swing that way, pain is pain in my book. I imagined waking up in some barn chained up to a wall surrounded by horses, and considering my past experiences when smoking a joint, it was a very real possibility. So yea, I was starting to get very afraid, which probably showed on my face because she then spoke in a very caring and gentle manner.
"Forgive us, but we had no choice but to use them considering the circumstances. It was the only way we could prevent total destruction while still allowing you to keep your life." Honestly, I had no idea what she was talking about, I'm getting nothing but blanks in my memory before I woke up. The last thing I remembered was returning home from after getting more weed. Looking back to the cuffs I noticed they weren't uncomfortable at all. In fact, if they were just a little lighter, I might not have registered them being there at all.
I slowly rose to my feet, the chains on my new accessories jingling from my movement. Seeing this, the white unicorn took a step back to give me room, while the smaller horses took one more out of fear. I’ve been sitting on my ass so far which made me roughly as tall as the small ones making me look less intimidating. They probably didn't expect me to stand on my legs or tower over them, my attire didn't help make me look harmless either. I was wearing mostly black with a hoodie that had a heavy-metal theme going on, complete with giant burning skull. It's not my normal clothes mind you, these were only the stuff I wore whenever I travelled about the shadier parts of the city. And with my current situation as proof, it’s the only place to get the really high quality goods.
I looked back to the white unicorn, she was still taller than me but only by one or two inches, not counting the spear like horn atop her head. 'All the more reason to play it safe.' Another thing I missed was that in addition to her horn, she also had feathered wings folded on her sides.
'The hell does that make her? A pegacorn?'
"I am Princess Celestia,"
'Great, she's royalty.'
"and what might I call you?"
"It's, eh, Rodney."
"Well, Rodney, let me introduce you to my sister, this is Princess Luna." She nudged her head towards Miss Scream-a-lot.
'Woopty-fucking-doo, another one and she’s already pissed at me.'
"Listen Rodney, I must ask you to come with us back to Canterlot."
'*snort* Canterlot?
"As leader and protector I must determine whether or not you are a threat to my little ponies." Although it was still gentle, the sense of caring from before was gone, it was entirely filled with authority. So far I just kept going with the flow, so I nodded and she led me to the rest of the group. While the smaller ones, ponies was it?, were eyeing me with a mix of fear and curiosity, especially the purple one 'is she licking her lips? Luna though was looking at me with venom in her eyes and was always walking in a way as if I was about to jump and rape someone. Now that I got a good look she was similar to Celestia having both a horn and wings. She was also wearing a tiara though this one was dark blue instead of gold like Celestia's. Now that I was being surrounded by them, I noticed they had some very peculiar marks on their ass. Celestia and Luna's were the sun and moon respectively, upon closer inspection it was the exact mark that was etched into each cuff on my arms. Each of the other ponies also had a mark which varies from stars, to thunderclouds shooting rainbow lightning, and even balloons.
'Shit I better not wake up with any of them tattooed on my ass.' I felt cold shivers run down my back when I saw one yellow pony with pink mane and a butterfly mark which made me imagine having a tramp stamp at the end of my spine.
What's starting to bug me was how everything was so clear. Even if I was just mildly high, I knew from long years of personal experience that my mind shouldn't be this lucid. I was unable to come up with any theories though as my thoughts just ended up thinking back to the situations I'll wake up to. Each one weirder and more disturbing than the last and all involving horses.
'Better end this shit early before I end up naked in a petting zoo and getting jail time for streaking and psychologically scarring little school girls.' Course how I go about doing so was the question, I'll probably try pinching myself or holding my breath like trying to wake up from a dream. Hell if nothing works I'll piss my pants, it'll be embarrassing but thinking back to all the possible situations I might end up waking to, it was worth it.
'But before I go...' I was really getting pissed how Luna had been constantly looking back and glaring at me, shooting me looks that said she wished I’d just drop dead.
'Definitely gonna have to do something about that.' So I waited until she wasn't looking, raised my hand, and slapped hard on her flank.
Imagine a heavy industry sledgehammer, place said hammer into a cannon, load it up with enough explosives to level an entire city block, and aim it straight at your balls. That would have been preferable. There was so much pain I hardly registered what I was doing, I was probably weeping like a whipped puppy from the raging inferno in between my legs. This was a pain no living male of any species should have to suffer through. It seems my brain had agreed and offered me some mercy, and so I passed out.
So there I was, crying and curled up in a fetal position on the ground with both my hands nursing my balls in front of six mares and two princesses. Not the best way to start my new life.
AN: I actually had a really hard time trying to end this chapter with the same level of humor as last one. You would think that slapping Luna on her flank would give me a hordefull of ideas but noooo I'm drawing blank. I've also started to write in Rodney's perspective because I enjoy writing his thoughts and it helps express things easier.
Again I edited this on my own so there's bound to be a lot of mistakes so which is why I welcome all C&Cs so please do so. Also, point out any words that I forgot to ponify, like somebody to somepony.
Sorry but I tried really hard looking through the web, but I still couldn't find a pic of Luna rear kicking someone in the groin. Ask Pinkie.
Pinkie: Yup! He really did, though he suddenly ended up real interested in some socks tha-
OK ENOUGH OF THAT! Let’s start writing the next chapter shall we!
Pinkie: *giggle* Oki doki loki!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebw6G6sIeHw
Vid related
THAT. WAS. AWESOME.
Dude i cant believe you slapped Celestia!! Dat shit was fucking HILARIOUS!!!
Keep up the good work
ROFL!
Rodney, the pony slapper
He has got to realize that this is real now.
Nice story you got there
Oh shit, dungeon time!
896723 The HELL did I just watch!?
896854 I don't know why either, its not like I hated Celestia but I sometimes entertain myself just messing with her a lot. I dunno maybe I got problems with royalty.
And thx for all the positive feedback, I was a bit worried since this chapter was written differently from the first so I thought some of you guys might not like it. But so far I've gottennothing but awesomeness from you people. OH and 34 favs for the first chapter in one day?*squee*
898880You just watched a true gentleman suggest that his comrades assault his posterior.
900060 The screwed up part is afterwards I imagined Luna asking Celestia to do the same in the exact same voice and manner as the spy. So thank you for that nice image.
LOL that would fucking hurt your balls
Hillarious so far, keep it up.
Look, the idea is interesting, and I liked the premise, but you really need to go back and re-edit a lot of these chapters. The spelling and grammar issues are jarring enough that it's making it hard for me to get into the story and ruins the flow. Also, I noticed that you had a number of sentence structure issues, like runs ons and incomplete thoughts. There are also a few misused words here and there, and I'm seeing a lot of repeating words and thoughts in your paragraphs, making them a clunky and difficult to read.
The idea itself is solid though, so like I said, almost all of my issues are mechanical, but still it does hurt the story as a whole from where I'm sitting. Hopefully you'll go back and clean some of these up in the future.
You're immune to magic lasers, but you still feel physical pain? I am dissapoint son . It would have looked much cooler if the guy felt minor to no pain from that and gave luna a poker face...
1106129 He spanked Woona. He deserves it
I doubt any hallucination can hurt me, at most I'll probably end up with a headache once the weed wears off.
Fool, weed doesn't do that... I believe someone may have laced ur weed with crack cocaine and pcp...
1830157
Bro, you can go ahead and try smoking crack and pcp, see how far it gets you. Though, I actually find it rather nice that people are ignorant on the subject of illegal drug use here. It implies good things.
EDIT: you have to be pretty fucking lightweight to pass out/not remember shit from smoking a joint. And jesus, this dude takes his weed seriously. Who the fuck tries to "get the good stuff" with weed? It's not like it's meth or some shit.
Why would you attack the monarch/goddess of a magical land that could easily murder you as soon as you arrived, well because,
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTSbFzmOv2xsSsj-l2WZDI9UHhH38Qxk5z-LeDW4WihqLKALd-OcA
That's why!
Yes, the writing could improve but overall I am enjoying this.
You slapped Celestia in the face and Luna on the flank?? Don't you know anything about these ponies?
It should be the other way around!!
This seem's to look like how your describing luna http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7zze6UsPM1rztoafo1_500.jpg
This is awesome haven't laughed like this since i saw henry the hoover's cocaine overdose
tee hee
:>
hmm she looks like she wants to kill me..... SLAP DAT ASS!
2357609 Hell yea you better slap dat to show who's BOSS!
after these last 2 chapters i have been laughing my ass of so much xDDD ugh damn rodney you deserved that xD
silly human. didn't you learn to never smack a girl on the ass. even she's an alicorn
I'll just imagine him screaming until the next chapter. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
1902820 yo that pic had crackin up, wat is that from
i saw this pick and had to do this encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQwrdVZ5NakA1J4guju-qi-HFF-5qv_wQLrlonOOPkLx4Qh9PYF
SIEG HEIL
ok, this is funny so far, liked and favorite.
This:
and this:
Have double-handedly elevated my opinion of you.
The first was both funny and honest with a side of humor.
And never have I seen anyone else spell that comment like I do!
Honestly, how hard is it to conform the spelling of "Oki Doki" to the spelling of Loki, the god of tricksters and stuff(which resonates with Pinkie's personality.)
Yeah, the author obviously has never smoked weed... 'cause that sounds more like Salvia.
Cant stop laughing.... Make it stop lease
3669693 Or weed laced with something, darling. People tend to forget how often dealers will try and lace their weed with other drugs.
By the gods we get it, he smokes marijuana!
He so totally deserved that kick, too...
Man, I wanna slap dat ass too!
Am I the only one who recoiled when he slapped Luna's flank?
4555554
I saved recoiling for what happened afterwards. As a proud owner of a twig and a pair of berries, all i can say is.... EEEEOWCH!
4616216 I can fell his pain....
No me gusta D:
Well, at least he could say he tapped that. Dumb move but of coarse in my dreams i do stuff like that, minus the balls. I cannot imagine what that would feel like.
4616216 amen bro
In my personal opinion, your human characterization is overdone and one-dimensional tripe. You try to make him sound hip and cool, but really he comes across as an uneducated, immature jerk.
Grammar and punctuation can be fixed. Style is a matter of personal preference and I'm afraid we likely have irreconcilable differences in that regard.
Critique for the second chapter:
This is a good thing. One thing many stories suffer from is having too many changing perspectives. (However, if a story is in 3rd person POV, then this is expected.)
The use of ' are not needed before and after inner monologue. The italic text along with the lack of quotation marks are enough to tell the reader that it is inner monologue and not actually someone speaking.
Heh.
Aside from one or two typos, this chapter didn't really have anything wrong with it in my opinion. (Aside from the inner monologue thing that was stated above.)
Imagine a heavy industry sledgehammer, place said hammer into a cannon, load it up with enough explosives to level an entire city block, and aim it straight at your balls. That would have been preferable. There was so much pain I hardly registered what I was doing, I was probably weeping like a whipped puppy from the raging inferno in between my legs. This was a pain no living male of any species should have to suffer through. It seems my brain had agreed and offered me some mercy, and so I passed out.
So there I was, crying and curled up in a fetal position on the ground with both my hands nursing my balls in front of six mares and two princesses. Not the best way to start my new life.
And at they moment every man in existence had cringed
6448311 even master chef
Qw.
This chapter is exactly why i simply cannot read past this point.
The MC's idiocy and repulsiveness is past any limits.
HAIL HYDra... I mean
HAIL PEGACORN
I skipped the paragraph les I die from laughting
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